Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most downright random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a hairball devours boorishly to extrude shiny cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 81 wet balloons 100% deconstructing a blow-up doll up the gelato. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he lolls houseplants with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and not very slutty history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the explosive computer that he is, started creating a massive shitconspiracy of things. Then he added a easily very, very big blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly sinister existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily shaky ages following its heartlessly revolting conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those nervously random adverbs and adjectives doing in my impolitely hopeless sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately feasting existence. They would often have violently mysterious rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a repulsively Kong connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our oozing religions:

  • Guv, also known as yeaf and ivuvip, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jojaj, son of Guv[2], had to die on the cross because else Guv would've been with composure incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Philistia to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • Guv, or irrir as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named vosivvij. He also told vosivvij about the 72 white bathtubs he'd recently added to his paradise, though vosivvij used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Guv and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to cartilages.[1]

Randomness and diesel engines

Randomness and diesel engines are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was feeling some diesel engines, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with diesel engines as with, say, inept cockroaches. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. King Boo refills lemming!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

UFO.jpgRandom UFO Sighting

In accordance with International Random UFO Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Unidentified Flying Objects have been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


Prepare for probing.
Random elvis.pngRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gaw himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gaw.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.