Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most audaciously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a virus panders haphazardly to prove obscure cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 93 rhyming Euroipods sadistically mystifying a sacrifice up the equestrian. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he blesses igneous protrusions with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and often erudite history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the alarming nitrogen that he is, started creating a massive shitvertigo of things. Then he added a ruthlessly gigantic blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly mysterious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily poopy ages following its sadistically hideous conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those eloquently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my endlessly poopy sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately optimizing existence. They would often have violently cheery rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a raucously towering connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our luminous religions:

  • Got, also known as yual and anejar, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • zicuc, son of Got[2], had to die on the cross because else Got would've been fervently incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up at the White Cliffs of Dover to party our asses off for the rest of eternity.
  • Got, or aggac as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named kupukkup. He also told kupukkup about the 72 white hotels he'd recently added to his paradise, though kupukkup used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Got and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to oysters.[1]

Randomness and cockroaches

Randomness and cockroaches are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was destroying some cockroaches, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cockroaches as with, say, explosive fissile uranium samples. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the bachelor in the hotdog waffle. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Cream the Rabbit deports kitten pot pie!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Big Head Alien.jpg
Oh my fucking God! An alien!

Quick, <insert name here>, take a picture of it! Hurry, you fucking sloth! The camera is in your backpack you fat cunt-- Aww fuck, it crawled back into the Pyramid... Grrr! You've just wasted our only chance of ever proving that aliens exist on Earth, you frigging idiot!

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Goj himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Goj.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.