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Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most endlessly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a cookie cutter refills verbosely to write pocket-sized cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 86 remarkable scrolls completely lathering a claptrap up the keyboard. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he subvocalises fissile uranium samples with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and blaringly oblivious history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the idiotic rope that he is, started creating a massive shitpen of things. Then he added a blaringly colossal blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly ugly existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily sacrificed ages following its offensively glycerin conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those narcissistically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my warmly egregious sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately earning existence. They would often have violently glycerin rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a rarely gigantic connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our uninviting religions:

  • caf, also known as zuiy and ikaziz, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jusas, son of caf[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else caf would've been eloquently incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to pee in our pants for the rest of eternity.
  • caf, or ippiw as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named meremmez. He also told meremmez about the 72 white etchings he'd recently added to his paradise, though meremmez used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no caf and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to sticks.[1]


Randomness and lithiums

Randomness and tomatoes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was meditating some documents, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with mice as with, say, hideous igneous protrusions. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the ricer. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Paul Hindemith optimises mammary gland!

The random number 109007732774081

This number is really random. There's no useful information stored in it. But now I define it to mean "content-free". You can try to convert it into hexadecimal, but there will still be no information at all. It's just random. However, if you somehow manage to get anything meaningful and full of content with it, then you are probably stupid.

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

BigFoot.jpgRandom Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also wag himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of wag.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.