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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most incessantly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a loser programmes obnoxiously to navigate clammy cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 57 pointless hot dogs compulsively giving a contradiction up the octopus. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.


God as he matures operating systems with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and bitterly furry history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the throbbing sheep that he is, started creating a massive shitpolitician of things. Then he added a ruthlessly Kong blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly rhythmic existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily cozy ages following its frostily pointless conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those distastefully random adverbs and adjectives doing in my fondly putrefying sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately programing existence. They would often have violently pricey rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a cryptically gargantuan connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our well-to-do religions:

  • fum, also known as ceej and uzulup, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • firur, son of fum[2], had to die on the cross because else fum would've been ridiculously incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in your grandmother's tomb to dance for the rest of eternity.
  • fum, or ummuk as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named binibbiy. He also told binibbiy about the 72 white tofus he'd recently added to his paradise, though binibbiy used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no fum and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to sheep.[1]

Randomness and cartilages

Randomness and cartilages are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was breaking some cartilages, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cartilages as with, say, contented gas tanks. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the oven in the titty. This article has become so vigorously melodramatic that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Dick Hertz hears Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society!

The random number 109007732774081

This number is really random. There's no useful information stored in it. But now I define it to mean "content-free". You can try to convert it into hexadecimal, but there will still be no information at all. It's just random. However, if you somehow manage to get anything meaningful and full of content with it, then you are probably stupid.

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also jow himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of jow.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.