Ctrl

Ctrl (pronounced /kə.tɑr.(ə)l/) is a long-form of Control. This letter can be found in almost all keyboards. All other letters of the alphabet can be mixed with Ctrl to do something. Well, except F11 and ?.

As the name suggests, the Ctrl button can grant you control on everything, including termination of other people's lives, cloning your brother's iPod for yourself, equipping your house with nuclear missiles, etc. However, no one really knows how this button works and how to use it.

For example, in MS-DOS, pressing Ctrl with C will cause a massacre, while in Windows such a key combination will only duplicate your homework.

Combinations[edit | edit source]

Partial list of `Ctrl` combinations discovered by Al Gore as of 1921.
`Ctrl` + A	Drop either 100 apples, 100 windows, or 100 penguins on yourself.
`Ctrl` + B	Strengthen the gravity between stars and planets.
`Ctrl` + C	Part/unpart the selected body of water.
`Ctrl` + D	Get drunk.
`Ctrl` + E	Opens the whole personal profile database in CIA.
`Ctrl` + F	Starts a fire.
`Ctrl` + G	Take control of all goats in the world.
`Ctrl` + H	Send yourself to hell.
`Ctrl` + I	Push down a building.
`Ctrl` + J	Summon a medieval jester.
`Ctrl` + K	Creates a wormhole.
`Ctrl` + L	Introduce misplaced apostrophe's to a famous book.
`Ctrl` + M	Cause a blue screen of death, regardless of operating system.
`Ctrl` + N	Remove everything in the world by introducing a big bang.
И + `Ctrl`	Reverse of `Ctrl` + N. In rare situation it can clear everything you've done before.
`Ctrl` + Ñ	Puts you in a coma, and when you wake up you can only speak Spanish for the rest of your life.
`Ctrl` + O	Sends all text typed to Oprah, who will provide sound advice on the subject in an email disguised as spam.
`Ctrl` + P	Enhances urination abilities.
`Ctrl` + Q	_{Shrink anything in sight.}
`Ctrl` + R	Reverse effects of any other combo.
`Ctrl` + S	^{Shrink anything and make it float.}
`Ctrl` + T	Get yourself a cup of tea.
`Ctrl` + U	Makes your grandpa drink urine.
`Ctrl` + V	Stamp an object picked up by `Ctrl` + X.
`Ctrl` + W	Burn an object picked up with `Ctrl` + X.
`Ctrl` + X	Pick up an object.
`Ctrl` + Y	Turn someone into a newt (They'll get better, though).
`Ctrl` + Z	Force someone to go to sleep.
`Ctrl` + Esc	Escape any sticky situation.
`Ctrl` + Spacebar	Deliver a round of drinks to a group of astronauts.
`Ctrl` + F1	Fire one missile
`Ctrl` + F2	Fire two missiles
`Ctrl` + F3	Fire three missiles
`Ctrl` + F4	Shut down your boss's `Ctrl` button.
`Ctrl` + F5	Shut down your neighbor's `Ctrl` button.
`Ctrl` + F6	Shut down your grandpa's `Ctrl` button.
`Ctrl` + F7	Shut down your mother's `Ctrl` button.
`Ctrl` + F8	Alter fate.
`Ctrl` + F9	Summon the ghost of Oscar Wilde.
`Ctrl` + F10	Divide by zeroY32%$@@@@@@@[Division by Zero occurred in #FFFFFFFF. Please reboot server to continue]
`Ctrl` + F11	Like Goggles, Do nothing.
`Ctrl` + F12	Send yourself to the sun.
`Ctrl` + F25	Distort reality beyond human comprehension. Applies to this universe and every universe beyond this one.
`Ctrl` + Tab	Automatically tabs out the song you are listening to.
`Ctrl` + Caps lock	CHANGE ANY TEXT INTO CAPITAL LETTERS WITHOUT MUCH EFFORT.
`Ctrl` + Shift	Shift gears.
`Ctrl` + Enter	Toggles roadsigns between (Enter / Do Not Enter).
`Ctrl-Shift` + Enter	Makes you enter the computer. Not recommended.
`Ctrl` + ~	Attack people with squiggly things.
`Ctrl` + 1	Summon one cow.
`Ctrl` + 2	Summon two cows.
`Ctrl` + 3	Summon three cows.
`Ctrl` + 3.14	Summon your grandmother to make a pie.
`Ctrl` + 4	Summon four cows.
`Ctrl` + 5	Summon five cows.
`Ctrl` + 6	Summon six cows.
`Ctrl` + 7	Summon seven cows.
`Ctrl` + 8	Summon a goat.
`Ctrl` + 9	Pave a road.
`Ctrl` + 0	Relinquishes control.
`Ctrl` + -	Delete a person from existence. No one in particular, just know someone has been deleted. Warning: There is a chance that the person deleted could be you.
`Ctrl` + =	Make 2 + 2 = 5.
`Ctrl` + Backspace	Redo the last three seconds.
`Ctrl` + {	Summon a left-winger.
`Ctrl` + }	Summon a right-winger.
`Ctrl` + :	Prevent colon cancer.
`Ctrl` + ;	Sorta prevent colon cancer.
`Ctrl` + '	Abbreviates selected object.
`Ctrl` + \|	Stop drug use once and for all.
`Ctrl` + ,	Slow down time.
`Ctrl` + .	Stop time. (kids only)
`Ctrl` + ?	Unknown, pressing this combination is not recommended.
`Ctrl` + Windows	Take control of Bill Gates and his money.
`Ctrl` + Option	Create a clone of Steve Jobs to be used as a butler.
`Ctrl` + Pinkie Pie + Corpse	Throw an undead cemetery party.
`Ctrl` + Pinkie Pie + Terrorists	Throw a terrorist beach bikini party.
`Ctrl` + `Ctrl`	Control anything and everything.
`Ctrl` + `/`	Digest food (Even if you're a skeleton)
`Ctrl` + Alt	Allow someone else to control things with you after pressing `Ctrl` + `Ctrl`.
`Ctrl` + Alt Graph	Just like as above, but you can make a graph to see if it would be better to allow someone else to control thing or better if you do.
`Ctrl` + Home	Build a nice little villa in the alps.
`Ctrl` + End	Cause the world to become utter chaos .
`Ctrl` + SysRq	Printing Started
`Ctrl` + Pg Up	Enable pigs to fly.
`Ctrl` + Pg Down	Make pigs unable to fly.
`Ctrl` + Del	Start delicate cycle, used for cleaning those unmentionables.
`Ctrl` + Ins	Cause instability in all missing matter.
`Ctrl` + 	Simultaneously complete the jobs of Ctrl-R,T,L, and C.
`Ctrl` + ∩	Kick South Africa in the balls.
`Ctrl` + ↑	Send yourself to the moon.
`Ctrl-Shift` + ↑	Send Alice to the moon.
`Ctrl` + ↓	Bring yourself back from the moon. If you press it twice, it turns the picture on the monitor upside-down.
`Ctrl` + ←	Makes a random right-handed person left-handed.
`Ctrl` + →	Makes a random left-handed person right-handed.
`Ctrl` + Shift + M	Casts Ultimate Destruction Magic
`Ctrl` + Stop	Make the control to stop (only on Sun computer)
`Ctrl` + Paste	Pastes your fingers to the computer so you can't type any more (only on Sun computer. On moon computer, it does the opposite?)
`Ctrl` + Alt + Shift + G	Become gassy.
`CTRL-ALT-DEL`	It is advisable to know this shortcut as you will need to use it every minute you are using the computer, such as now. (Truly, the "oh crap" combination is only needed by Windows users. Macintosh and Linux users don't need to take reference.)
`Ctrl-Alt-Shift-Any`	Reboot the entirety of the spacetime continuum, in a randomly selected configuration. Allow 6-8 billion weeks for delivery.
`Ctrl` + NmLk	No more numbers, which means NO MORE MATHS!
`Ctrl` + ScrLk	Cracks codes for wheel-styled combination padlocks commonly used on suitcases or planetary air-shields.
`Ctrl` - `Ctrl`	Algebraicly zero, therefore does nothing.
`Ctrl` + Holy fuckshit!	Makes you the ruler of the universe, but nobody on Earth will obey you.
`Ctrl` + Any	Do anything as long as you aren't holding down Alt and Shift along with these two keys.
`Ctrl` + +	Adds a person to existence. WARNING: It could be someone you'll hate!
`Ctrl` + Left Click	Selects a person/object that you want to be selected.
`Ctrl` + Left Click + Hold	Drag a person anywhere, with no limits. You can even throw them into the trash and delete them.
`Ctrl` + Right Click	A list of commands you can perform on a selected person. Depending on your OS, the options that are listed may vary.
`Ctrl-Shift-Q-Q`	Explodes your Chromebook as punishment for buying one.
`Ctrl-Shift-6-9`	Makes you feel very nice.
`Ctrl-S-H-I-T`	Lets you take control of your poop.

The Command Key

Note[edit | edit source]

If you are using a Macintosh, please be aware that due to several previous lawsuits, the Ctrl key on your keyboard has been demoted to making silly squiggly symbols. As an alternative to the Ctrl key, use the bigger and more powerful Command Key. This will do all this AND MORE.

If you are using the iRAQ Pocket PC, note that due to improper code, the Control-Dubya key combination is heavily glitched. Normally, entering the key combination searches for and finds nuclear weapons with the built-in StrongARM CPU faster than it takes for both planes to hit the twin towers. However, as per government regulations, the weapons of mass destruction that the CPU attempts to find do not exist. Instead of returning a 404 error code, the CPU instead enters an endless loop, searching for non-existent weapons of mass destruction, overloading the CPU to the point where it becomes what the user is searching for: a nuclear weapon. To prevent detonation, the processor must be reset.

v · t · e

Letters of the QWERTYbet

Esc

F1

F2

F3

F4

F5

F6

F7

F8

F9