Dot is a long-lost cousin of Oscar Wilde who invented a mark of punctuation and named it after herself.
“I'd like to name some punctuation marks after myself.”
“Uncyclopedia Dot org”
“. is my freeeeeend”
“. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ”
Common Uses[edit | edit source]
Known unofficially as "the secret agent of the punctuation world" for its inconspicuous nature and unforgiving use of the ninja arts, the dot has only two uses:
- Most common is its ability to make any sentence seem poignant... reflective... or... thought provoking... How sad...
- The dot is also used in fine Japanese literature in its triplicate, or 三倍, form, as a placeholder for text the writers were too lazy to write. These placeholders frequently make it to final copy, however, and entire novels have been penned with the only text being "..." for multiple chapters. Any of these can be found at any of your college's local anime clubs.
Another name for period....O MY GOD!
Other Uses[edit | edit source]
Over time other uses were found for the dot. The most popular was connect-the-dots, an activity marketed to the artistically challenged. The idea was to form pictures by drawing lines to connect dots conveniently pre-placed on a paper in numerical sequence. Connect-the-dots was doomed to failure since the connectors
were also numerically challenged, probably the result of eating too many Cheetos, and couldn't remember what order numbers should be in. All the pictures came out looking like a bunch of random lines, which is what they actually were. If you squinted long enough you could almost make out the image of No One, although most people argue this is just a coincidence. The final nail in connect-the-dot's coffin came with the revelation that the artists who constructed the pictures were just as just as numerically challenged as the connectors, and had randomly thrown handfuls of numbers at the papers without caring where, or even if, they landed. They were also lazy and used a mug shot of Lindsay Lohan for the original picture template and never bothered to make any more, preferring to spend their time playing Calvinball. The whole sorry episode may or may not have been a plot to spread stupidity.
Television shows found an enlarged dot was an excellent method for concealing the identities of whistleblowers, frisbee throwers, mob informants and others enrolled in the Witness Protection Program, crime victims, fans of Paris Hilton, and anyone else who wished to remain anonymous. Some shows took it a step further and used this method to hide the face of Paris Hilton herself, and other overexposed celebrities viewers could no longer stomach. This was accomplished by superimposing the dot over the face of the person, giving them a rather creepy headless look that inspired countless nightmares in viewers. Problems arose after the guy who owns the copyright on those stupid happy faces you see everywhere started screaming about copyright infringement, contending the dots were just happy faces with the the color, eyes and mouth removed, and threatening all manner of lawsuits. Nobody took his claims seriously, but the networks got sick of his endless posturing and spittle-flecked ranting on the subject and abandoned the enlarged dots just to shut him up and switched to using blank silhouettes and blurred out pixels instead.
The secret code industry had fallen on hard times since the A=1, B=2, And So Forth Code was cracked by the Oxymoron Gang and was in serious trouble until some ingenious person, probably by accident, paired dots with dashes and invented Morse Code. Morse Code was named for the famous Indian rights activist Donald Duck, whose name contains neither Morse nor Code. It was an overnight sensation and became widely used by secret societies everywhere and all other secret codes fell into disfavor, where they were eaten by Grues. The Free Masons adopted Morse Code as it's official secret code and used it exclusively in their secret messages. Yes, Morse Code was riding high. Then one day it all came crashing down when Dan Rather exposed it's inventor as a 10-kitten-a-day Kitten Huffer. The ensuing scandal caused all the secret societies to drop it like a hot potato and the inventor's friends all deserted him like rats deserting a sinking ship. The inventor packed all his belongings and disappeared into anonymity and even his name has been forgotten.
Dots are also a jelly-like inedible candy sold primarily in movie theaters. They are usually left squished onto seats and the floor because nobody in their right mind would eat them. They are also suitable for use with slingshots.
The polka dot is a dance performed to up tempo accordion music that became wildly popular with American teenagers in the 1950's. The sucky music and spastic dancing drove adults crazy until American President William Shatner declared the polka dot to be an offense unto Sophia and it died a merciful death. In a preemptive strike to keep the polka dot from migrating, countries all around the world followed suit, except for Liechtenstein, who doesn't care if Sophia is offended and oughta be nuked into oblivion for their impudence.
Famous Dots[edit | edit source]
The only famous Dot is Dot Warner, who, along with her brothers Yakko and Wakko, formed the comedy trio The Warner Brothers... and the Warner Sister. Dot was the cute one, while Yakko yakked and Wakko packed away the snacks and they pay tons of income tax. The trio were the stars of the popular Animaniacs tv show, which warped many young minds in the 1990's. The show also launched the careers of Pinky and the Brain and Chicken Boo. Chicken Boo is most notable for the incident that occurred on the Jay Leno show, when a seemingly mentally disturbed audience member stormed the stage and shook Jay silly while shouting "He's a chicken, I tell you! A giant chicken!" before being hauled away by security.
See also[edit | edit source]
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