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Today's Free Sample! There is such an enormous amount of money involved in professional sports nowadays that the temptation for athletes to cheat in order to hoard the Benjamins has never been greater. What's a little heart attack at 45 years of age when the possibility to make a fortune is within reach? Nothing problematic there. Liver failure? It doesn't matter if that dynamite can squeeze 20 extra home runs out of you; living a short life in the fast lane is better than a long one at a snail pace, isn't it? Murdering your whole family thanks to a rage induced by a 10 year steroids binge? Collateral damage. Stuff happens. Sadly, the above accurately depicts the mindset that athletes who use performance-enhancing drugs are developing as they face the pressure to perform at all costs. For this reason, they resort to doping like there is no tomorrow, frantically feasting on pills, sticking needles in their behinds and snorting powdered gorilla livers in order to crush the competition. (Full article...) Recently featured: Shoutbox Clairvoyance among dinosaurs Reddit Obscurantism Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured when you become an EXCLUSIVE MEMBER. More of the best of Uncyclopedia edit More can be yours! Join today! June 15: Pig Latin Day 1488 - Iyay allowway inyay ymay espairday, ikelay ymay indkay allowway inyay udmay, orfay Iyay owknay ethay eathday awaitingyay emay illway otnay ebay eacefulpay. 1492 - Iyay illway ebay eweredskay andyay icedslay andyay eatenyay ithway arumgay andyay edray ineway. 1504 - ereWhay isyay ymay othermay? ereWhay isyay ymay atherfay? eyThay avehay eenbay eatenyay ybay ethay Imperatoryay, eythay ereway oastedray onyay ayay itspay, eirthay inskay edray andyay ispcray ikelay ethay applesyay eythay ivegay emay. 1511 - Iyay owgray atfay, ymay outsnay akedcay ithway udmay, Iyay eesay ethay eyesyay ofyay ethay atherfay'say ildrenchay, eythay ungerhay, orfay atwhay Iyay amyay. 1526 - Iyay amyay otnay ayay oulsay, Iyay amyay aconbay. 1544 - eThay ifeknay isyay atyay ymay oatthray. Iyay eesay edray, Iyay eesay ymay isionvay imday, ymay eetfay aggeddray otay ethay aughterhouseslay. ilenceSay unendingyay. Iyay ieday owingknay Iyay avehay onay oulsay. Archived Anniversaries	edit For exclusive news coverage, get UnNews PLUS! Sly Stallone (1946-Present) Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on Elon Musk breaks up with Trump Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" (Pictured) Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES! Hit videogame Deltarune about to be released tomorrow!!! New York Knicks throw tantrum, fire head coach for barely missing the NBA Finals Elevation Worship's Chris Brown filling in for mainstream Chris Brown until further notice Taylor Swift buys back her masters "Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's social media feud • The IRS hunting late tax payers • NBA finals and Stanley Cup • Aaron Rodgers finally signing with a team Recent deaths: George Wendt • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer • Carolina Hurricanes' choke job in the playoffs • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn • Brian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for him • Sly Stallone Stone • Brian Wilson Upcoming deaths: DEI • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success and ego • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Los Angeles, again More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... That you can get Did You Know in your email if you SUBSCRIBE TODAY! ... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser? Read More
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Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!! Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,187 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Plus:!:

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