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Today's Free Sample! tap tap Is this thing on? tap tap I told the shmendriks in logistics to make sure everything is prepared before I start this part. HELLO? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? waves of feedback from the speakers, congregation cringes Tekiah Gedolah! feedback like a shofar, congregation laughs Ah! So those shlimazels can actually do something for once. Since they didn't manage to block the credit crunch, I lost faith in them. congregation giggles So, chevralach, thank you all for coming for this pre-Shabbat get together of the congregation. I'd especially like to thank Mrs. Rubinstein for preparing all the lovely krepalach for the meeting. Thank you Rebecca, much appreciated. (Full article...) Recently featured: Metalheads 9-11 Shoutbox Clairvoyance among dinosaurs Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured when you become an EXCLUSIVE MEMBER. More of the best of Uncyclopedia edit More can be yours! Join today! July 5: X Day; Day After We Kicked The Brits Ass Day (Southern US) 334 BC – Masturbation is accidentally invented by Plato in Athens. His diciple Aristoteles is later declared "Master of his domain" 1687 – Isaac Newton (pictured) discovers gravity after being hit on the head by a falling fig. 1689 – After outbreak of falling fruit, Isaac Newton officially changes gravity to 7. 1946 – The bikini is introduced in Paris, France. Later, no bikini atoll was the trend. 1967 – The first kidney transplant to be made entirely of lego bricks ends in tragedy 1976 – Dumbass starts running across the United States. 1998 – Aliens fail to turn up and fry everyone to a pink crisp. 1999 – Again, the aliens miss the due date. 2000 – Yet again, the aliens fail to meet their contractual obligations. 2001 – Cultists get seriously pissed off with yet another no-show. 2002 – Kooks consider taking legal action against missing aliens. 2003 – Aliens turned up, but not the right aliens. Bloody mocking tourists. 2004 – No one turns up because no one expects the aliens to. And, yup, they didn't. 2005 – If you are reading this, the aliens did not turn up for the 8th year running. 2005 – Longest fart in world history. Produced by AMB. 2006 – That's right, still no aliens. 2006 – Zombies become extinct. 2007 – Deal or No Deal? The aliens decide to take the money and not show up - again! 2010 – The Church Of The Subgenius hijacks the Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 5 page 2155 – Aliens almost turned up but missed a left due to wrong directions and landed on Venus. 2156 – Aliens turn up and land in Tokyo but flee due to a Gundam Statue that lit up at night. 19447 – Aliens appear as tourists, but at this point no one cares. Archived Anniversaries	edit For exclusive news coverage, get UnNews PLUS! Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" (Pictured) Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill" United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on Trump joins in for threesome, blows load Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out Elon Musk breaks up with Trump Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES! Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... That you can get Did You Know in your email if you SUBSCRIBE TODAY! ...that you... you should have gone for my head? Oh Snap! Read More
edit Recent articles! Exclusive access for PLUS members ONLY! Why is book? Halloween Ends Stranger Things (rw) G.I. Jane G.I. Jane 2 UnTunes:Santa Baby This is not an Article, it's a Sandwich Fairytale UnTunes:Shoes Uncyclopedia:Business (rw) Halloween Kills UnTunes:Perry the Platypus Elon's Musk UnGames:Ultimate Fishing (rw) UnTunes:Rio Herodotus (rw) Brawny Lawnmower-Humvee (rw) Steve Wozniak (rw) Narrative (rw) Bryan Adams High School Alex Trebek Lincoln Logs Brexit Where Is Everybody? UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals) Avi Toledano Eli Roth Film (remake) African American Worst 100 Reflections on 2018 Ray Charles Bernardo Butterlucci Urban Dictionary More recent articles
Exclusive PLUS member of the Month!!! Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,269 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Plus:!:

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