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Charlie Kirk was a right-wing political activist, master(de)bater, possessor of the world's largest non-equine set of gums, and penitent God-fearer. He was best known for being a follower of Christ, having a perfectly proportioned smile, and for founding Turning Point USA, a conservative advocacy group which sought to bridge the political divide wrecking our nation by browbeating and clip-farming America's most retarded liberals for social media clout. His viral debate clips garnered tens of millions of views, and his staunch defense of pro-life, pro-gun, and pro-America viewpoints earned him comparisons to the inimitable William F. Buckley Jr., minus the part where he was a closeted homosexual. An ardent supporter of President Donald Trump, he dedicated his life to spreading the Judeo-Christian values of free expression, America First, and branded hat salesmanship. (Full article...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)
- ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
- ...that I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down?
- ...that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
- ... that individuals born under the sign of Gemini are often flammable and vulnerable to bear attacks?
- ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
- ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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One simply cannot piss until he scans this.
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0N 7HI5 D4Y...
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October 14: National Hit an Annoying Person in the Head Day
- 1066 - William the Conqueror punches an opposing soldier in the head at the Battle of Hastings.
- 1922 - A man is punched in the head after he uses the elevator to ride a single floor instead of taking the stairs opposite the elevators.
- 1999 - A PC spits a CD out of its CD-ROM drive, hitting Bill Gates in the head. This is the first confirmed instance of artificial intelligence.
- 2003 - George of the Jungle was captured by a nearby tree, which promptly clubbed him in the head. Apparently the tree was meditating when George's distracting collisions occurred.
- 2009 - Someone hits an annoying person with a stick 9 times.
- Future - <insert name here> is brutally hit over the head with clubs for being an Uncyclopedian.
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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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PR073C73D BY 7|-|3 F4IR U53 C14U53, 4ND 4 1337 C14N 0F C1INJ45.
