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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

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DID Y0U KN0W...

... that Christmas was cancelled in 1984 after an unfortunate accident between Santa and a Boeing 747? (Pictured)

... that there was more then one model for the Mona Lisa? (Pictured)

... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive?
... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
... that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure AIDS?
... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
... that Big Pharma wants to get you high?

... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)

... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears?
... the muffin man?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?

... I burning your dog? (Pictured)

... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
... that the only way to survive a massive nuclear blast is to crouch underneath your desk?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?

... that in another time and place Rod Serling existed as a discarded cardboard cutout on the set of the Twilight Zone? (Pictured)

... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
... that Martin Van Buren is a total dick and nobody likes him?
... that cutting off your hands, nose, and head reduces the spread of germs by 100%?
... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?

... that solar flares are actually maritime distress signals launched by astronauts floating in the Sun's vast oceans? (Pictured)

... that The Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020 was caused by Uncyclopedians?
... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
... that The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
... that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
... that St. Peter's Basilica is a large reptilian creature with breath of fire and a gaze that can turn people into stone?

... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)

... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
... the muffin man?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
... that I am writing this from beyond the grave?
... that those suspicious white spots on your professor's blazer are in fact mayonnaise?

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd. World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured) Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.) The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS! US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson! Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • ~~War~~ Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season, choked away at the last moment Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too UNN3W5 – R4DI0 FR33 1UNC\|-\|
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April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day 1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria. 1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan 1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater. 1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards. 1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier. 1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths. 1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people. \/I3W 70M0RR0W – M0R3 4NNI\/3R54RI35...

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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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