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Such woe, my bladder filled right to the brim,
If but perchance I sought to take a leak
Yet now my pantaloons now stainèd swim
In urine which now dribbles down my feet!
If only to the loo I'd gone posthaste,
Such musings are the act of lesser men;
My fav'rite pair of leggings would not waste,
But truth be told, I'll piss my pants again.
I never learned to listen to 'ol Blad
My colon wretches yet I never poo
Now brown and yellow mix with tidings glad,
Instead of me relaxing on the loo.
(Full article...)
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DID Y0U KN0W...
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- ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina?
- ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat?
- ... that over 30 million Chinese peasants died in the Great Leap Forwards due to inadequate long-jump scores?
- ... that Earth has 1 sextillion grains of sand?
- ...that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
- ... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
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IN 7H3 N3W5
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0N 7HI5 D4Y...
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September 17: Horny Day, Hypnotic Sex Change Day
- 1803 - Freud hypnotizes a patient into believing she is a Swiss milk maid who has married him. Nine months later, she inexplicably gives birth to a basketball.
- 1900 - The world's 1,000,000,000,000th human orgasm (but only the 84,379th female orgasm) occurs in Plovdiv, Bulgaria.
- 1932 - New state
phallic symbols capitol buildings are dedicated in Nebraska, Louisiana.
- 1954 - Drive-in gay porn theatre debuts in San Francisco; Joseph McCarthy hosts ribbon-cutting ceremony.
- 1975 - The world's tallest free-standing phallic symbol, the CN Tower, is completed in Toronto.
- End of Time - The Infinite Number of Monkeys with Typewriters experiment concludes, havign produced all literature that has been or ever will be, plus four poems about the flinging of feces.
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WRI73R 4ND N00B 0F 7H3 M0N7H
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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!
So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.
Let us all clap for him because I said so.
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PR073C73D BY 7|-|3 F4IR U53 C14U53, 4ND 4 1337 C14N 0F C1INJ45.
