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AAA is, was, and always will be, without question, the greatest video game player on Earth. Known only by the three initials he uses on arcade high score lists, he has left his ubiquitous mark in the RAM chips of countless motherboards. He both owns and has played every single video game in the universe, including the superintelligent ones developed by the Pentagon that suck you into a Tron-like cyberspace where you fight to the death against the CPU itself. He has killed approximately 12 video game CPUs in this fashion.

Among other accolades awarded to him, he has a cylindrical battery cell size named after him as well as an automobile organization.

It is not known exactly what AAA looks like, as he is understandably reclusive. Conflicting eyewitness reports of a skinny twenty-something Korean with stubble, a pasty-faced former Atari beta-tester, and even a six-foot-tall bearded Eastern European have all at some point been attributed to AAA. It is clear that unless he ever chooses to publicly reveal himself, we can only continue to speculate. Personally, I think he is a tall, Asian, stunningly handsome, single, twenty-something, well built hunk. Sigh. Unfortunately the odds are that AAA is a small Japanese boy with a ridiculous amount of talent at DDR. Most of the time, he wears a hood to hide his face. Scary. (more ...) </option> <option>

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Age of Umpires is a highly successful RPG/Strategy video game series by Microsoft and Unsemble Studios. In it, the player takes control of a team of Umpires with the primary aim of ruinning cricket matches. The game has fallen out of popularity in India, where crowds prefer to see computers get decisions wrong instead.

Currently in its second reincarnation, the series has been massively popular in India, Britain, Australia, and strangely the United States. Perhaps they get a kick out of seeing blithering British pensioners battered to a pulp...

The game's appeal stretches further than simply umpiring cricket matches. Your ageing officials are constantly in need of supplies, which must be gathered from various parts of the ground. This is where the successful player excels: trips to the pavilion at the end of each over must be swift, as such tasks as collecting six packs of Scrumpy Jack and emptying your bladder must be performed at regular intervals and against the clock. Failure to do so results in crowd disturbances and unless the unruly mob and their crap can be avoided, a game over situation results. Players must also avoid attacks by the cunning Umpire Slayer. (more...) </option> <option>


Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide. The current edition (Advanced Barns & Nobles: 4th Edition) has sold over 2 million copies in its first three years of print.

The game mixes a medieval setting with indepth character design to create the most realistic farm-based role-playing game to date. It is the most successful, though probably the least exciting role-playing game available, as most gaming sessions revolve around rolling dice to see how well each plot of your chosen crop grew in a given month.

"You must find a way to survive in a world of rising taxes, bad weather, and a fickle God..." (from introduction, page vi). The goal of the game is to keep your family and yourself alive. With the emphasis being mainly on yourself. Unlike other role-playing games, in which one becomes stronger and more powerful as higher levels are reached, as the character progresses, all those years of back-breaking labor and starving through lean winters take their toll, and your character soon becomes worn out and physically (not to mention spiritually) broken. (more...) </option> <option>

The Blue Screen of Death (abbreviated BSoD), also known as The Blue Screen of Doom, the "Blue Screen of Fun", "Phatul Exception: The WRECKening" and "Mac osx" apparentley, is a multi award-winning game first developed in 1995 by Microsoft. Along with HTTP 404 - File Not Found, a hugely successful epic Internet MMORPG also developed by Microsoft, the Blue Screen of Death ranks among the greatest computer games of all time. The game simulates a "system error" and displays a series of nonsensical hexadecimal codes for the player to decipher. Since its initial release as an easter egg in the Windows Franchise, BSoD has maintained its position as the most played computer game ever, and is a cornerstone of Microsoft.

The Blue Screen of Death was a concept that Bill Gates had spent a lifetime dreaming about. His vision was for every home and office to have every screen as a blue screen, but unfortunately, due to the limitations of MS-DOS and the limitations of video cards in the early 1980's, the screen had to be black. The Blue Screen of Death was originally called "The Black Death" and was so named because it was designed to rapidly spread like the great plague of London. The Blue Screen of Death was an easter egg hidden within Windows operating systems, but later was released as an extra feature included in Windows XP SP2 Edition. The introduction of the VGA color system allowed version 2 to be blue and that is when the name we know today, the "Blue Screen of Death" was born. BSoD was originally going to be sold as standalone retail software, but Microsoft had to change its plans due to concerns that profits made from the sale would exceed the total amount of money that could be held on all the banks computers which were running Windows 3.1 at the time. This would cause a major crash in Microsoft's bank balance. (more...) </option> <option>


Cup Stacking is a fringe pseudo-sport championed by young white children all across the Midwestern United States (where real sports have been declared the Olympics of Satan and thus outlawed). The game is also known as Sport Stacking, deemed as such by its creators in order to "immediately identify it as a legitimate competitive sport." To further this effort, the word 'Sport' was again used to describe Cup Stacking in 2005; unfortunately for enthusiasts, it was preceded by the words 'World's Dumbest' in this instance.

Indeed, Cup Stacking is perhaps the most ridiculous activity ever to be entered into the realm of serious competition.

Cup Stacking was founded by welterweight ski champion Bode Miller as part of his week-long Drunk Olympics celebration. During a mandatory drinking binge sometime between drunken figure skating and the drunken long jump, Miller thought it would be funny to stack emptied beer cups on top of one another. In fact at the time, he thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen (or at least the funniest thing he could remember seeing). As his fellow competitors were equally inebriated, they too thought it to be rather entertaining. In fact, the sport became so popular with Team Belgium that their competitors began to stack compulsively (even during genuine sporting competitions. (more...) </option> <option>


The Drunk Olympics, a spinoff of The (not drunk) Olympics, is an athletic competition in which all participating athletes compete in sporting events while intoxicated far beyond the typical human breaking point. The first Drunk Olympics took place in Utah in 2005. It was during the Drunk Olympics that the popular recreational sport Cup Stacking was born.

In January of 2004, Bode Miller made a bold, controversial statement regarding skiing while intoxicated. During a midday drinking binge, Miller appeared on ESPN2, proudly proclaiming: "EAAMPH, Airgve Glub Spleeekd Waidaaded HAHAHA!!" After consulting the Oxford Drunk-to-English Dictionary, Miller's statement was roughly translated to "yes, I've gone skiing wasted. Hahaha." ESPNEWS anchor Steve Berthiaume became noticeably upset.

Later, a videotape of Bode surfaced on YouTube. The 6-minute recording featured Miller skiing erratically, falling, swigging from a hip flask of Whiskey, then attempting to ski back up the same slope from which he descended. When athlete John Paul George Smith saw this video, he was touched, and inspired. "I was inspired by Miller's drunken skiing. And I was inspired by it, also" Smith claimed. After a night of barhopping, Smith and Miller began organizing the Drunk Olympics: the world's first competition of completely inebriated achievement. (more...) </option> <option>


"EXPLODE!!!" for the Nintendo DS is a video game developed and published by Bandai-Namco games, who created such notable titles as "Xenosaga Episode III" and... Ummm... Yeah... They did Pac-Man, right? I think they did. But that was a while ago. Huh. Damn.

The object of the game is to destroy every object on the screen by "exploding" them. To do this, the player must touch objects on the bottom screen with their stylus. It has to be touched with the stylus. Attempting to touch it with something else will only result in the game not letting you EXPLODE things, and that makes the game less fun.

"EXPLODE!!!" is claimed to be compatible with DS Wi-Fi-WTF, although it is not explained how.

"EXPLODE!!!" was released in Japan on November 5, 2004 and in North America on December 14, 2006. "EXPLODE!!!" will never be released in Europe, because Europeans know better.(more...) </option> <option>

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Grand Theft Audio is a 2007 video game produced by a small development studio formed within the Recording Industry Association of America. It was designed to educate the player on the implications of illegal filesharing, which the RIAA claims is the cause of up to $4 billion in lost annual revenue for the music industry, and unauthorized tape recordings, to which the association has not attached a monetary amount of lost profits but insists on its website that the practice is "really just not remotely kosher."

The RIAA first announced the development of Grand Theft Audio in 2005, which, along with the years 1952-88, 1992, 1994-2002 and 2004, the trade group has identified as "critical junctures" in audio intellectual property rights. Originally the website set up for the game, gtaudio.com, displayed only a poster of two cowboys in a fistfight with the phrase "FAIR USE" across the top. This poster was soon removed after it was discovered that it was actually a manipulated advertisement for the 1931 Western Fair Warning starring George O'Brien, and still under copyright. It was replaced with a text-only "COMING SOON" notice which constituted the site's only content until late 2006.

In November 2006 print ads began appearing in many large trade magazines, including Audio World, IP Monthly and RIAA Weekly Office Newsletter. Many movie theaters also ran 30-second spots before popular films, although the organization was criticized for using violent and sexually explicit imagery in ads that were shown before children's fare such as Happy Feet. Former RIAA president Hilary Rosen applauded this measure, claiming that such startling content was necessary if "we wanted to get 'em when they're still young and impressionable." (more...) </option> <option>


A Grue (Gruesomicius ravenousi) is a box-shaped gap-toothed mammal known for eating humans, though more recently they have been known to kill certain lone wolves, construction workers, a gerbil or two, speranah, the occasional monkey, people who send annoying chain e-mails, your pets, and...well, Grues like eating a lot of things. Grues are not often seen roaming the wilderness in herds, whistling old-time Irish pub songs, working on crossword puzzles, and calculating the amount of back taxes owed by car salesmen. The reason Grues are not often seen doing anything is because grues live in total darkness, so the whole "seeing" thing would be kind of hard to do. The likelihood of being eaten by a grue is probably non-zero.

It is widely believed that all emeralds are grue, but in fact, all emeralds are bleen.

There are an estimated 47 grues left in the United States today due to the Grue conservation program - luckily all grues are kept under heavy rocks, or locked away in abandoned biker bars. Of course, being creatures of darkness that tend to eat anything they can get within range of, these numbers are likely inaccurate, outdated, or simply made up by the same people who tell us that pretty much everything causes cancer.

The game of Zork consists entirely of being repeatedly eaten by a grue. (more...) </option> <option>


Holocaust Tycoon is a simulation computer game, released for Windows XP and Wii platforms in 2006. It was developed by Ka-tzetnik Enterprises in Berlin, and later released throughout Europe by WN Software. In Holocaust Tycoon, the player must successfully manage a camp, without going bankrupt, whilst avoiding the attention of invading Allied Forces.

The player begins with an empty plot of land, levelled and ready for development. In the early stages of the game, the player will build his camp, adding huts, arranging for political opponents, enemy aliens, specific ethnic or religious groups to be transported in, and the construction of (initially experimental) gas chambers. As with most games of this genre the early development is the most important stage, as the structure of the camp is crucial to its survival. Controversially, players are encouraged to cram as many people into huts, to heighten profit (refered to in-game as 'death toll').

Eventually, as the camp develops, more options become available. For example, the player must then negotiate contracts with various loyal companies, such as gas providers, freight rail and ancient computer companies (IBM is available). The object of this game is to build an organised and brutal camp, allowing your Commandant promotion whilst gaining the love and appreciation of the Master Race. (more...) </option> <option>


Are you always losing at Scrabble? Getting beaten by your 4-year-old cousin? Sucks, doesn't it? I have been in the same position as you, but I decided to do something about it. I came up with a quick simple way to win at Scrabble.

In the past, many people have tried to come up with a way of cheating to win strategically at this game, but their ideas have failed horribly.

However, using the new technologies out today, there are endless opportunities to cheat at Scrabble. This HowTo will just show you some of them.

You, however will need some resources, and possibly work for/be the owner of, Oxford Dictionaries. Other things that would come in handy are: a friend that will back you up, lack of internet, lack of "real" resources, time, having no social life (but, when you come to play the game, you will need some kind of social life.)

These resources that you will prepare yourself, will take a small time to prepare, but produce great results when playing with intellectual friends from work. (more...) </option> <option>

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Have you ever realized that someday you could be trapped eternally inside a Role Playing Game? This usually happens by playing Chrono Trigger during a thunderstorm or just by going into a Ghost Train ride at a suspicious amusement park with your friends. This is when a portal opens to the place where Dungeons and Dragons happens for real. You see a big light, then poof, you faint. When you wake up, you see some dancing mushrooms passing by and a group of weird guys following the thing holding spears, bows and wearing robes (or you may be high on LSD). You finally realize that now you are living inside a real-life RPG. Grab those potions my friend and let's move through that field, shall we?

You barely know your full name (it usually isn’t as simple as "Frankie"). Write it down (or leave the one that appears) with 5 letters in a wooden board so you can remember it every time you check your inventory. Look around. It's just a plain village, with green grass fields to all directions. If you forget which village you’re from, it's the one with the weakest monsters around it. Find the hut in the center of the little town. It is your house. Some weird flashback will occur inside your head, with big blasts, a freaky guy wearing a cape and a hot chick being kidnapped. You wake up to a woman's voice calling the name you wrote on the wooden board.

Suddenly, you have an important mission to accomplish in the outside world. The best skill you have up your sleeve is that you know how to tend to cows or something, but now you are in charge of saving the universe from the greatest evil of all time. Good luck. (more...) </option> <option>


The 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube is by far "The Most Difficult Puzzle Of All Time™". Many have scrambled, twisted and turned this mythical puzzle, but few have solved it. By the end of this article, YOU TOO will be able to solve this puzzle.

Your 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube is the incredibly addictive, multi-dimensional challenge that has fascinated puzzle fans around the world. More cubes have been sold than the number of Oscar Wilde quotes on Uncyclopedia.

Any permutation of the 1 corner cubie is possible (1! positions), and 1 cubie can be independently rotated (11 positions). There is nothing identifying the orientation of the cube in space, reducing the positions by a factor of 1. The number of possible positions of the cube is


The 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube has been called "the perfect puzzle" and "the best puzzle ever". You can solve the 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube from any starting point. With the right twists, anybody can do it. And with only ONE combination, every challenge is always the same! (more,,,) </option> <option>


Internet is a MMORPG played on a heavily modified text adventure engine. It is the second game in the Really Big-Ass Networks series. With over 1 billion players, Internet is the most popular MMORPG, easily beating stupid shit like Run-Escape.

Through Internet's text description-based technology, players can create any character they want. Many players use this feature to create characters that would be considered absurd by real life standards. The average Internet character has some impressive stats:

  • IQ: 251
  • Max bench press: 932 pounds
  • Death rate: 4 characters per decade
  • Penis: Blue Whale
  • Favourite kids' TV programme: Pob

These stats are actually a lot lower than most players have. This is because some players instead create characters intended to represent a person that player hates, such as a mother-in-law or a politician, and give the character low stats and have the character fail miserably in very public settings. For example, there are an estimated 10,000 George W. Bush characters in Internet, each of which has no stats and no achievements, and most of which do nothing but have cybersex with Dick Cheney characters. In early 2003, this method of defamation became widely accepted as a legitimate tactic in logical debates. (more...) </option> <option>


Ironing, derived as are modern business suits and certain poodle haircuts from the Victorian era, is an extreme sport which may yet burst with internal pressure onto the Olympic stage.

Simply, ironing is the unusual mechanical process of applying heat and pressure to an article of clothing or linen, with the purpose of making the said article smooth and therefore attractive. Imaginative places and ways of achieving this humble goal are, however, what has catapulted the sport to international acclaim.

and that is the reason for getting it inyour face!!!

— misleadingly labeled as ‘washerwomen’ and thereby causing no end of difficulty for amateur historians — the modern sport is dominated by the male sex. Obvious exceptions, however, clearly demonstrate that Women’s Lib is alive and well: men cannot ever hope to fully and painfully grasp this warm historic activity to their collective bosom. The rise of ironing as an international sport can be directly traced to the increase in disposable income following the Second World War. Its trickle-down effect of consumers being able to afford professional laundry and drycleaning services made home ironing obsolete. Some dedicated practitioners, however, held onto their traditions, and, justly proud of them, demonstrated their proficiency to other citizens by ironing in public locations. (more....) </option> <option>

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Jingo! is a game of physical and mental skill, first played in Europe during the 17th, 18th and 19th Centuries, particularly popular in England, where it is said to have been invented, but that has recently become de rigueur amongst American culture, especially throughout the nation's many colonies worldwide.

Some, however, hold that it originated in the ancient Roman Empire, though they are largely alienated by the rest of the historian community owing to the common knowledge that Romans were peace-loving people, who never even killed their own emperors, let alone foreigners.

The aim of the game of Jingo! is to place your blocks on top of those of your opponent, until the sheer weight of your imperial tower crushes their will, all in the interest of safeguarding your country's national interests and its political bumpersticker industry.

The game is conducted in turns, where each player can put a number of blocks proportional to the subservience of their National Media (decided by a dice roll, or bribery). Individuals, and their satellite puppet despots, take turns placing individual blocks on top of each other. The nation with the biggest pile that manages to crush its selected targets sense of security wins. The Rules of the Game are clearly marked out in easy to understand English, with an additional section written in FO-NET-ICS, to aid foreign nationals. (more...) </option> <option>


The League of Nations was a competition that existed from 1919 to 1946, comprised of countries that take part in the game of War. Winning a war scores points for their team. In the event of a draw, the country with the most kills wins, or in case of a further tie, whoever firebombed the most schools. (See also: World domination high scores list)

The League of Nations was formed in 1919 in order to keep the score on which countries were most successful in military conquests, or just to prove what rubbish the French are.

There were 63 countries involved in the League of Nations by 1946, although some sissy countries were not involved. Each country is allowed as many soldiers, tanks, battleships and aeroplanes as they can afford during the season. However, this could irritate the other countries as they might feel threatened by the other team's power, increasing their chance of being on the offensive.

Most of the major countries in the world were a part of the League of Nations at one point, with the exception of its founder, the United States The reason for this was that they didn't want to get involved with European affairs and wanted to isolate themselves from the rest of the world. However, in the last battles of World War Two, they decided that they wanted to be a part of the competition and take credit for winning it. (more...) </option> <option>


The Lost Vikings are a group of sports newscasters who were once under the employment of Blizzard Sports News. Consisting of Erik "The Swift" Ronnson, Olaf "The Stout" Starke, and Baleog "The Fierce" Gundersenn, the three worked together effectively to bring the world amusing coverage of many sports topics. Although they delivered their stories with great skill, humour, and an amazing neutrality, they are perhaps more known by their video game appearance, as well as the Super Bowl half-time commercial that inspired it. Both of these featured the newscasters in stereotypical Viking garb attempting to traverse multiple obstacles, all the while making "witty" quips and subtle jabs at one another. As a minor note, they also carry the dubious distinction of being the only sports figures parodying a civilization of one sort or another that have not yet been targeted by multiple lawsuits. (more...) </option> <option>


The Reich thanks you for tuning in to this special broadcast of the Nineteen Thirty-Six Nuremberg Rally! All the beer and sausages in Bavaria can't keep you from this great sport, we know. The proud sponsors of this unequalled event, Otto Eberhardt Patronenfabrik, Fokker, and of course Schuberth Helme GmbH, wish to formally convey their joy in being associated with such an occasion. It's Day Two. Let's join the action!

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Playwright, novelist, musician, poet, philanthropist, historian, short story writer - these are just a few of the professions of individuals that Oscar Wilde has corrupted with his rampant sexuality and Rabelaisian appetites.

A man whose wisdom touches on nearly every conceivable topic, often without consent, which in turn has led to several lawsuits. Renown'd for his beautiful diction and his skilled oratory, Oscar is without doubt one of the leading literary figures of the first few days of March in 1895.

Oscar Wilde is hailed as one of the most brilliant men who ever existed and ruler of Uncyclopedia without really having done anything to merit this. Just accept it.

Born Oscar "Fingers O'Flaherty" Wilde on October 16 1854 in Dublin, Ireland to an Anglo-Irish family. His father Sir Jack Wilde was an author and a scientist (his most famous contribution to the world was an early form of LSD, whilst his mother Milena made her name as an entertainer of little note). Contrary to unpopular belief, Oscar Wilde's last name is indeed, Wilde.

Oscar excelled during his academic years, with a number of his tutors stating that he was always willing to lend a hand to the younger boys. After boarding school, he attended Maudlin College, Oxford, where he graduated with a double-first in Modern Classics and Flower Arranging. His classics tutor, Walter Patewr, remarked that Oscar had great natural ability but that "where others may fail, he would always go the extra distance and make a proper fist of it". (more...) </option> <option>


Rock, Paper, Airstrike is a popular children's game where 2 or more children gather in a circle and make obscene hand gestures at one another in an attempt to win the game. The rules are surprisingly complex for such a simple children's game, yet it remains a game that children enjoy the world over. Adults don't play because they generally find the game too disturbing to enjoy.

Gameplay is rather simple for a game so complex. Unlike "War", the card game, no props are needed. All players need are their own hands. The players have a choice of the handsign for rock (a fist), the handsign for paper (an open palm), and the handsign for airstrike (like the handsign for paper, but with pinky and thumb extended outwards). Below are listed the ways that winners are determined in a two-player game (the game grows more complex as the size of the group playing increases, but the basic ideas remain the same). (more...) </option> <option>

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A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples.

The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday.

To this end, most shopping lists are written on tiny scraps of paper to give the illusion of 20 items or less, but closer inspection reveals that most shopping lists in fact contain well over 100 items, concealed using many cunning techniques, including:

  • Implied in the description of another item (e.g. sprouts might imply the need for air freshener)
  • Alluded to obliquely (e.g. "cleaning stuff" means washing up liquid, a sponge, a new mop and dilute sulphuric acid)
  • Disguised as another item (e.g. beer actually refers to Budweiser)

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Super Smash Bros.: Xtreme Beach Volleyball is a spinoff game to the popular Super Smash Bros. fighting game series. SSBX, unlike the rest of the series, is not a fighting game, but rather a "Sports Fantasy Simulation" game, a cross between a dating sim and a somewhat Pong-like volleyball simulator. The events of SSBX take place between Super Smash Bros. Melee and Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and are considered canon to the overarching storyline.

Using his winnings from the SSBM tournament, Mr. Game & Watch heads off to Vegas for some gambling. He hits the jackpot playing slots and wins a rather large sum of money. Using this money, he procures himself an island and names it Mr. Game & Watch Island. He then sends out invitations stating that the next SSB tournament, SSBB, will be held on Mr. Game & Watch Island. As the competitors begin to arrive, however, they realize that he's tricked them. He only sent out the invitation to the female competitors, there is no tournament, and the girls are now stuck on the island for two weeks with nothing to do but play volleyball and shop. (more...) </option> <option>


The Keep Your Finger In The Box Game is one of Czechoslovakia's favorite American pastimes. In fact, it's Czechoslovakia's only American pastime, this is, however, completely irrelevant. The object of the game is quite simple, you must Keep Your Finger In The Box for as long as possible, or until your opponent removes his/her finger. You can do whatever else you want during this time, but your finger must remain in the box at all times. The first one to remove their finger from the box loses, and is from then on referred to as a loser for the rest of their Keep Your Finger In The Box Game career. (more...) </option> <option>


The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships is a contest held annually all across Sweden except when it isn't. It attracts orienteering fans and people who enjoy firing rats from cannons worldwide. The contest lasts for a month during which there is much dancing, playing of marching tunes and of course - juggling. The winner is chosen according to their orienteering skills and the gracefulness of the rat's arc into oblivion.

The object of the game is to successfully carry a rat from Ystad, in the south of Sweden, to Jokkmokk in the north. Contestants must find their way across the treacherous Swedish terrain using only a map and compass. They are not allowed to buy food or drinks during the journey and must instead catch meatballs in their mouths that are thrown from kitchen windows by local residents. The rat is carried in a small cage decorated with ribbons and the Swedish flag. Contestants are permitted to use loller skates but this makes it harder to catch the meatballs and to travel over the many famous swamps of which the Swedish are so immensely proud. ...(more...) </option> <option>


Welcome, to an encyclopedia article unlike any other! Whereas in most encyclopedias, you read the article from beginning to end, in this article YOU get to decide what happens! Simply click on the link at the end of each section to indicate your choice, and proceed to the next section. But be warned! The article is a dangerous place, filled with half-baked concepts and contrived scenarios. To survive, you will need to have your wits about you, as making the wrong move could spell your doom, and it will be game over. Or you could just go back a step. But that would be naughty.


It is 1993. You are a precocious, introverted eleven year old boy with square glasses. Your mother has given you a tatty, second-hand copy of Warlock of the Citadel of Doom by Peter Jackson and Ken Livingstone in an effort to shut you up during a rainy Sunday afternoon. Your father is busy watching the football, and your older brother is preparing to go to his fascist rally. Your little sister is around somewhere. Despite the adventure gamebook coming from a second hand shop, you have nothing better to do. In order to begin, you will need a pencil, an eraser and two dice. Your first task is to find a pencil. (more...) </option> <option>

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Water Polo... With Sharks! is the hardest games to play, bar none. The sport is exactly the same as regular water polo, but with sharks. The Sharks are not aligned on either of the two competing teams, nor are they their own team, they are just thrown into the pool to add some spice, zest, and lethal danger into what would otherwise be a bland and inconsequential game of water polo. Although extremely difficult, and with a low survival rate, it's a great way to get yourself a scholarship to Stanford. It is also notable for having the least-qualified and worst referees of any sport ever.

Basic Skills Required to Play:

  • Swimming: And Fast! Not only is this required to make swift and strategic defensive and offensive plays, but also to avoid the sharks in the water.
  • Ball handling skills: All players must use only one hand at a time to throw and catch the ball; this is not actually an official rule, as it is in normal water polo, but because at least one arm is needed to fend off the sharks
  • Treading Water: Very important. Not only is it against the rules to go underwater, as well as crippling to gameplay to not be able to see the goings-on of the above water, but also, it is the shark's territory.
  • The ability to fend off sharks: This one is a no-brainer. Whether through strong upper-body strength, great pistol aim, or a steady hand for the harpoon, the sharks must be dealt with, for fear of death or penalties. Or perhaps the death penalty. (more...)

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5:07 PM, Friday-- After a long, hectic day at the office, you shuffle along down the hall, briefcase in hand. You narrowly dodge one of your more annoying coworkers as he skids past in his rolling swivel chair, and with the sound of a collision between him and another person, hopefully his boss, you step into an elevator crowded with various men and women in suits. Among these formally-dressed drones is a young man with long, blonde hair and a multicolored t-shirt emblazoned with a peace sign. The fellow greets you with a friendly "Peace, man", but your mind is too wracked with stress to take any notice.

As the elevator gradually falls to the first floor, your nostrils are filled with the scent of paper, fresh off the copy machine, as well as the strange scent of dry-roasted nuts. "Must be John with his can of cashews again," you think to yourself. "That guy is going to end up in the hospital with some sort of rare nut-related disease". As you step out of the elevator and onto the white-tiled floor of the lobby, you think about all the work you have piled up on your desk at home, and how you would much rather curl up in your chair with a tub of coffee-flavored ice cream and watch reruns of "That 70's Show" until you pass out. As you cross the room to the glass-paned rotating door, your eye catches a glimpse of some massive brown object just outside the office. (more...) </option> <choose>


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...Jingo! is a game of physical and mental skill, first played in Europe during the 17th, 18th and 19th Centuries, particularly popular in England, where it is said to have been invented, but that has recently become de rigueur amongst American culture, especially throughout the nation's many colonies worldwide.

...Rock, Paper, Airstrike is a popular children's game where 2 or more children gather in a circle and make obscene hand gestures at one another in an attempt to win the game. The rules are surprisingly complex for such a simple children's game, yet it remains a game that children enjoy the world over.

...The Allahakbarries Cricket Club was a fundamentalist Muslim cricket team in Glasgow in the 1890s, whose stated aim was to "convert to Islam, or destroy as infidels, every amateur cricket team in the Strathclyde region."

...Rock, Paper, Airstrike is a popular children's game where 2 or more children gather in a circle and make obscene hand gestures at one another in an attempt to win the game. The rules are surprisingly complex for such a simple children's game, yet it remains a game that children enjoy the world over.


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