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From today's featured article - Antoninus Pius


Antoninus Pius (Full name: Togaborus Tedius Antoninus 'Pius' ) holds the record for being one of the most boring Roman Emperors ever to take the top office. Though he got plenty of praise from Edward Gibbon and others, Pius was the dullest of the dull.

Born in a chariot shelter in 86 AD, Antoninus Pius came from a long line of Roman senators who gained the reputation for mind numbing mediocrity. Unlike so many of their contemporaries, none of the Pius clan had come to a sticky end during the reigns of mad/bad emperors like Caligula, Nero or Domitian. They were 'Pius by name and Pious By nature' according to the inveterate wall scribbler Juvenile. So perhaps it is not surprising that until he became emperor, Antoninus had stayed out of the public eye working in a series of important if dull jobs. If really wanted a party to start with a dull thud, Antoninus was the perfect guest to invite.

It would be at least fair to say that as he worked in the Rome traffic department, issuing fines to citizens who left their chariots double parked all over the city, Antoninus slowly realised that this wasn't making him a prospective catch for any free, wealthy woman in the Roman empire. He had a healthy bank balance, no gambling debts or a trail of ex-slaves literally holding his babies. Dreary the family may be but Antoninus still had to do the dynastic duty and make sure he could father another generation of pious dullards. He still needed a wife so Antoninus finally summoned up his courage and chose a new hobby: Sorcery. (Full article...)

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In the news

On this day...

November 1: International Destroy Tokyo Day
  • 1136 - Tokyo found destroyed. General consensus is that a wizard did it.
  • 1952 - As part of the weapons program Operation Ivy, the U.S. successfully detonates a 10 megaton hydrogen bomb in Eniwetok atoll, located in the Marshall Islands. Most historians regard this as Godzilla's birthday. Godzilla celebrates it every year by attempting to destroy Tokyo, or, if Tokyo is under attack from another monster, by saving Tokyo.
  • 1953 - Mothra hatches from an egg, destroys Tokyo.
  • 1965 - Birthday of Gamera. Gamera gets his ass handed to him before he can destroy Tokyo by Godzilla. Since Tokyo was not in any immediate danger, Godzilla destroys Tokyo.
  • 1967 - Cookie Monster born, then destroys Tokyo.

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HowTo:Stalk your ex, featured on 1 November 2012. See the featured version.
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