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From today's featured article - UnNews:Celtic F.C. sign youth player in transfer mix-up

link=UnNews:Celtic F.C. sign youth player in transfer mix-up

When his phone buzzed at 00:00 on the first day of February, 17-year-old Michael Duffy ignored it and turned back to his more pressing task of drowning his sorrows in blackberry cider.

It was the last day of the winter January transfer window in Scotland, and as he hadn't been offered a new contract by his club Derry County, he was almost certainly destined for a career in second-tier Welsh football where the pay was worse than being on benefits and the weather was worse than The Highlands. No club wanted to buy him, his own club didn't want him anymore so it's understandable that he was pushing himself to the brink of sanity. But he never got that far. (Full article...)

Did you know...

Arse tickle.jpg
  • ...that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (pictured)

In the news

On this day...

August 5: Mysterious Woody At The Mall Day:
Anniegakufu.jpg
  • 1812 - Famed time traveller Woody Harrelson goes back in time to bring the idea of the mall to the past.
  • 1924 - The comic strip Little Orphan Annie debuts. (pictured)
  • 1940 - Joseph Stalin is caught with a woody at the mall. Later that evening, twelve million peasants are killed.
  • 1955 - Carmen Miranda dies; shares of United Fruit decline 20% in heavy trading.
  • 1962 - Film actress and sex icon Marilyn Monroe is found dead in her Los Angeles home, apparently having overdosed on sleeping pills. Teenaged males everywhere declare an International Day of No Masturbation to mourn her passing.
  • 1980 - Woody Allen appears mysteriously at Detroit strip mall, but is disappointed to find that the Big Boy doesn't offer kosher meals.
  • 1984 - Toronto Blue Jay's player Cliff Johnson gets good wood.
  • 2000 - Academy Award winning actor Sir Alec Guiness dies at the age of 86. Or at least, it is assumed he died, since all that is found is an empty robe and a lightsaber.

Today's featured picture

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Satan hates his job, too. You're not like Satan. Are you?

Image Credit: RadicalX
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Featured today a long time ago

UnBooks:The Succession Speeches of Three Roman Emperors, featured on 5 August 2012. See the featured version.
Arachnism, featured on 5 August 2010. See the featured version.

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