Main Page
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
From today's featured article - Mithraism
|
The cult of Mithraism is a topic about which you can't believe everything you read.
- Deleted comment: Especially here.
Perhaps you've heard that it is a very old Persian religion, was popular in the Roman Empire, had similarities to more recent major faiths, and may even have had some sort of influence on Christmas?
Well, I'm sorry to have to tell you that almost none of this is true. Mithraism could not have influenced Christianity or Christmas, because
- Mithraism was a Roman invention not a Persian one, and therefore could not have been brought to Bethlehem by wise men from the East.
- Mithraic nativity scenes depict goatherds and Magi, not shepherds and Magi.
- The festival of Mithrasmas only became popular in Rome in the 2nd or 3rd century AD, well after the Christian Apostles began writing letters to the Romans.
Is it at all conceivable that a new age fad of 3rd century AD Rome influenced a serious religion born in 1st century Judea? I would have thought even a head-banging ignoramus could see that the answer is clearly NO. If there was any influence at all, it went in the other direction. (Full article...)
|
|
Did you know...
|
- ...I could absolutely kill for something to eat right now? (pictured)
- ...that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
- ...that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ...that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ...that it's not butter?
- ...that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
- ...that Deus ex machina is Latin for "cop out"?
|
|
In the news
|
|
|
On this day...
|
July 23: Promptly Shoot Everyone Day
- 1914 – Archduke Franz Ferdinand, his wife, and his moustache are shot and killed while travelling to market in an open buggy, triggering World War I.
- 1942 – Promptly Shoot Everyone Day receives a tremendous boost with the opening of the Treblinka Concentration Camp. Up to 6 million take part
- 1963 – Lee Harvey Oswald (pictured) is assassinated in the Texas Book Depository in Dallas. His alleged assassin is promptly shot, creating a firestorm of controversy and insane conspiracy theories printed on poorly xeroxed fliers.
- 1965 – Malcolm X gives a speech in New York City, decrying the racist motivations behind Promptly Shoot Everyone Day. He is promptly shot and replaced by Malcolm XI.
- 1973 – Bob Marley promptly shoots the sheriff, but he swears he didn't shoot the deputy, or at least he did not shoot the deputy in a prompt and timely manner.
- 1986 – Britain's Prince Andrew marries Sarah Ferguson at Westminster Abbey in London. He then promptly shoots her in the face.
- 1982 – Sasuke Uchiha was born and then shot...promptly.
- 2005 – Egypt attempts to expand the festival by introducing Promptly Blow Everyone Up Day, leaving 88 dead. Branded "a wild success" by President
- 2007 – An aspiring pornography actor adopts the moniker "Promptly Shot", but isn't hired for some reason.
- 2009 – I shot you...promptly.
|
|
Writer and Uncyclopedian of the Month, and Noob of the Moment
|
|
The winner of the coveted Writer of the Month award for May 2014 is Uncyclopedia's very own mysterious father figure, Snarglefoop! In the month's since his winning of our Noob of the Moment award, Snarglefoop has refused to slow down on his quest to become not only the mysterious father figure of Uncyclopedia, but our cool uncle who's always a little bit drunk and talks to us about music and girls while our parents are busy chatting with the other relatives about driving directions or whatever. God, he's such a cool guy! I don't know why Aunt Mable got a restraining order against him but it's probably because she just couldn't handle how hip and with-it he is. Aunt Mable's a total square. She won't even let me swim in the pool when we have Christmas at her house because it's "too cold out for that" and "you can't swim in sweat pants and a denim jacket." Pfft. S-Q-U-A-R-E, squuuuuuuaaaaaaaarrrrrreeee.
Anyway, we usually add some wiki-links to some of the user's articles when someone wins this award, but Snarglefoop doesn't appear to have made a vanity list of his works on his userpage, and we here at the Uncyclopedia Award Dispersal Department are much too lazy to go digging for them if that's going to be the case. Trust us, though. They are very spicy and saucy, and they go great with a John Coltrane album and some rosehips. You're welcome.
The latest addition to our staff of ace UnNews reporters, Banzaikitten has burrowed his way into our cold, black hearts and managed to scrape out the Noob of the Moment award for May of 2014! In a candid interview with our winner, that may or may not have actually happened, he told us that he plans to continue putting out hard-hitting journalism with a finger on the pulse of society. In response to our inquiries of which of his previous pieces were meant to be in said style, he was heard to utter a hearty "Oh, sod off. What is this, The Onion?"
Banzaikitten: The Voice Of Our Times, The Noob Of Our Moment.
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
|
|
Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
|
Uncyclopedia Languages
|
|
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 29,530 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
|
