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From today's featured article - UnNews:Lucy movie affects viewers' brains

link=UnNews:Lucy movie affects viewers' brains

Lucy, the new Hollywood blockbuster about Scarlett Johansson being the cleverest woman in the world, is actually making anyone who sees it considerably less intelligent, reports suggest.
The film, which is based on the fallacy that humans use only 10% of their brains, is so stupid that movie-goers have been admitted to various institutions with impoverished neurological functions.

"Dat... movie... dumb..." drooled Peter Maykins, a graduate student whose academic career is now in serious jeopardy. Doctors believe that Maykins was taken in by Morgan Freeman's desperately slow, authoritative, baritone voice saying things like, "At 24%. She can control. The cells. In her body. At 40%. She can control. Matter."

Before he knew it, Maykins was unable to conjugate verbs. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ...that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?
  • ...that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?
  • ...that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
  • ...that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
  • ...the muffin man?
  • ...that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?

In the news

On this day...

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September 23: Take a Venomous Animal to Work Day, also National Australian Pavlova is Ours Day.

  • 1143 - Pope Innoocent II rejoins God after taking his wife to work.
  • 1554 - Francisco Vasquez de Coronado, Spanish explorer, dies after taking a rattlesnake to work.
  • 1774 - Pope Clement XIV (b. 1705) expires after taking a lionfish to work.
  • 1979 - Olympics held in Wigan for the second time.
  • 1986 - Ozzy "Ozzy" Osbourne catches a crazy train. Is late for work.
  • 1989 - Songwriter Irving Berlin dies when the platypus he brings to work strikes him with its venomous leg spines.

Today's featured picture

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Children's books as they should be, without sugar-coating.

Image Credit: Bonjo Nelson
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Featured users

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The winner of the coveted Writer of the Month award for May 2014 is Uncyclopedia's very own mysterious father figure, Snarglefoop! In the month's since his winning of our Noob of the Moment award, Snarglefoop has refused to slow down on his quest to become not only the mysterious father figure of Uncyclopedia, but our cool uncle who's always a little bit drunk and talks to us about music and girls while our parents are busy chatting with the other relatives about driving directions or whatever. God, he's such a cool guy! I don't know why Aunt Mable got a restraining order against him but it's probably because she just couldn't handle how hip and with-it he is. Aunt Mable's a total square. She won't even let me swim in the pool when we have Christmas at her house because it's "too cold out for that" and "you can't swim in sweat pants and a denim jacket." Pfft. S-Q-U-A-R-E, squuuuuuuaaaaaaaarrrrrreeee.

Anyway, we usually add some wiki-links to some of the user's articles when someone wins this award, but Snarglefoop doesn't appear to have made a vanity list of his works on his userpage, and we here at the Uncyclopedia Award Dispersal Department are much too lazy to go digging for them if that's going to be the case. Trust us, though. They are very spicy and saucy, and they go great with a John Coltrane album and some rosehips. You're welcome.


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The latest addition to our staff of ace UnNews reporters, Banzaikitten has burrowed his way into our cold, black hearts and managed to scrape out the Noob of the Moment award for May of 2014! In a candid interview with our winner, that may or may not have actually happened, he told us that he plans to continue putting out hard-hitting journalism with a finger on the pulse of society. In response to our inquiries of which of his previous pieces were meant to be in said style, he was heard to utter a hearty "Oh, sod off. What is this, The Onion?"

Banzaikitten: The Voice Of Our Times, The Noob Of Our Moment.


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Nobody won the Uncyclopedian of the Month award in May. Our team of research analysts has taken this to mean that you are all horrible Uncyclopedians who should be ashamed of yourselves. What is this crap? You call this a website?! You make me so mad. I hope you get some sick.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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