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From today's featured article - UnNews:Link found between watching Super Bowl and concussion

link=UnNews:Link found between watching Super Bowl and concussion

Researchers find link between watching Super Bowl and concussion: More than 100 million Americans tuned in to this year's Super Bowl, but scientists have released worrying new data suggesting that watching the game can leave viewers in a stupefied, immobile state.

The study claims that watching a 3-hour game while eating the traditional feast of chicken wings, buffalo wings, potato chips, bastardized ethnic dips, mass-produced American beer, hotdogs, burgers, ribs, milkshakes and tacos leads to a severely reduced brain state in which sufferers are unable to answer basic questions, move, or go to the bathroom with any dignified level of success.

The diagram on the left shows in yellow and red the increased signs of brain damage as the game goes on, with NFL1 being the first quarter, NFL2, the second, etc. If the game goes into overtime, viewers will have the brain function of a masturbating zoo-held chimpanzee (NFL5). Such deterioration has been shown to seriously harm promotion prospects in most jobs outside of supermarkets. (Full article...)

Did you know...

  • ... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting?
  • ...that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
  • ...that I am a schizophrenic?
    • ...and so am I?
      • too?
        • ...shut up Frank, you're not even supposed to be here today.
  • ...that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
  • ... that it has been proven beyond reasonable doubt that the reason for 50% of modern marriages ending in divorce is because those people try to go to IKEA together for a relaxing afternoon?
  • ...that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
  • ...that every time you fall asleep, you die?

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February 13: Simple English for Republicans Day

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This is NOT a potato. René Magritte's homage to Uncyclopedia. It could be a chipolata, actually; it's not a great painting either way.

Image Credit: Sannse
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Featured today a long time ago

Mammogram, featured on 13 February 2013. See the featured version.
Tales of an Emo, featured on 13 February 2012. See the featured version.
Elephant, featured on 13 February 2011. See the featured version.

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