From today's featured article
New York City, USA – Thousands of animal rights activists marched and rode their bikes through the streets of Manhattan today demanding the right to bear poop. "The unthinkable shooting tragedy in (fill in the blank) this week, and the outcry for gun control following hot on its heels like a predictable lovesick puppy, reminded the ultra-educated and intellectually stimulated among us here at PETA that when nature tells a primate's brain to fight, he grabs for his poop," said PETA spokesprimate Ben Affleck.
An antropologist who was wrestled to the ground and arrested earlier this year at Chicago's Brookfield Zoo for throwing his poop at a group of monkeys agreed with PETA's demand. "When I suddenly found myself enraged at the monkeys who were bombarding me with poop, my bowels instantly flushed out and delivered a wet hunk right into my hand. I instinctively knew how much pressure to grab it with and just what sound to make, and, as if I were doing it all my life, I immediately lifted my poop way over my shoulder and flung it at the monkeys. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
- ... that Godot isn't coming?
- ... that I am a schizophrenic?
- ... and so am I?
- ... shut up Frank, you're not even supposed to be here today.
- ... and so am I?
- ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
- ... that George Washington was an avid heterosexual?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
In the news
- Comedian Kathy Griffin brutally decapitates Trump mask
- Ramblin' Man Gregg Allman dead at 69
- Happy Days star who isn't Fonzie dies
- Is it too early to make jokes about Manchester? Probably
On this day...
June 24: Pray For Someone Else To Do Something About It Day (Christianity)
- 972 – Poland actually wins a battle for a change. They go on to lose every single battle since.
- 1146 – Under General Fishius, the Sardinian Empire victoriously raids Finland, causing enormous fishy destruction.
- 1571 – Spanish conquistador Miguel López de Legazpi discovers Pen Island (pictured), a small and shriveling island in the Phillipenis.
- 1664 – Hell starts to get full. New Jersey is founded.
- 1733 – St. John's Harbour, the capital of the Dominion of Newfoundland, is founded and named for the patron saint of ambulances.
- 1902 – Pablo Picasso opens the first exhibition of his work. His artwork is found to be so offensive to artistic standards that he is given loads of money, declared the greatest living artist, and told to make more.
- 1912 – Québec takes the day off in celebration, not realizing that the Newfies have five hundred septic tanks and, when they learn to drive them, are invading.
- 1946 – Superboy discovers "strange hairs growing down... y'know"; officially becomes Superman.
- 1957 – U.S. Supreme Court rules that free speech doesn't protect porn and expletives. South Park is canceled overnight, while strangely Playboy becomes more popular than ever.
- 2002 – Trains still don't work properly in Africa.
- 2004 – New York declares the death penalty unconstitutional. Texas begins executing New York's criminals on its behalf.
Today's featured picture
Featured today a long time ago
UnScripts:The Single Caucasian Roommate, featured on 24 June 2011. See the .
Takeshi's Castle, featured on 24 June 2010. See the .
UnBooks:Great Abridged Pop Songs, featured on 24 June 2009. See the .
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