From today's featured article
Lord Sauron, 1st Earl of Hertfordshire, KG, GCMG, PC (∞ BC – 28 May 1896), known as The Dark Lord of Mordor before 1861, was an English Conservative politician who served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in the mid-19th century. He is well remembered in the United Kingdom as the first Prime Minister to exist solely as a manifestation of pure evil, a tradition that has since been continued by subsequent Conservative politicians.
Details of Lord Sauron's past are sketchy at best, it was rumoured that he served as an officer in the Crimean War, where he would famously hurl Cossacks 20ft in the air with a giant iron mace, but these feats are likely fictionalised, as there is no reputable evidence that Cossacks actually exist. Sauron first arrived on the British mainland in 1861. He was drawn to the island, so the legend goes, because he mistook the inhabitant's unusual facial characteristics for that of the orcs of his homeland. (Full article...)
In the news
- First look at Michael Myers mask in Halloween 2018 (Pictured)
- Small man with a big footprint: Verne Troyer, Mini-Me, dies
- Benjamin Netanyahu revokes Natalie Portman's Jewishness after award snub
- You know Avicii? he made the song that went Dum dum du du du dum? Yeah, he's dead
- Barbara Bush dies, her last words: "Why, Jeb, why?"
- UnNews remembers Night Court star Harry Anderson
- Michael Cohen's mystery client is Sean Hannity
- R. Lee Ermey dies! Don't start blubbering, maggots!
- John Boehner celebrates 4/20 early
- Putin dumbfounded by concept of free speech, free blinis
Did you know
- ... that Canadian baseball (Pictured) is a thing?
- ... that cats only pretend not to like to swim?
- ... and that they like it even more while inside a burlap sack?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
- ... that Ronald Reagan wasn't the Devil... just really drunk?
- ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
- ... that if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, the tree will begin to sing Nightwish until somebody approaches within earshot?
- ... that you're pregnant?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
On this day
- 1764 - Hyperbole day founded in the most spectacular ceremony since the dawn of time.
- 1834 - The best day in all of history! There'll never ever be another day like it! It's amazing! Not like I'd tell you, though.
- 1901 - President Teddy Roosevelt mounts his wife: BULLY!
- 1965 - The mildest day in the history of the universe. No other day was as mild. Ever. Aside from the racism.
- 1983 - The worst day in the history of the universe, God himself mourns. (Pictured)
- 1986 - Ronald Reagan stays awake for an entire cabinet meeting! Good job, Mr. President! Let the void take you!
- 2016 - The best night I've ever had. Ever! It felt so good! Say goodbye to cats!
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