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From today's featured article - Caitlyn Jenner

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Caitlyn Jenner is the Kardashian who is least into butt stuff. Unlike the other Kardashians, whose hobbies include butt-selfies, putting glasses of alcohol on their butts, and rubbing their butts on Kanye West, Caitlyn Jenner is best known for running faster than most other men and cutting off her penis. It is important to specify that she is not known for running faster than most other men while cutting off her penis; this is not a thing that Caitlyn Jenner has done. Her penis cost four million dollars to remove; it would be no simple matter to do this while she was running, especially because she runs so very fast.

Caitlyn is the father to six children, two of whom are named Burt and Brody. Burt and Brody Jenner are best known for putting on karate outfits, bursting unannounced into high school auditoriums, holding up their fists, and yelling "We're Burt and Brody! Don't do drugs!" To date, neither Burt nor Brody have cut off their penises. If they did, they would become significantly famouser than they are.

When Caitlyn is not running fast or cutting off her penis, she enjoys being dyslexic and sitting in a chair looking bemused by all the butt stuff going on around her. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that ‪Captain Autofellatio (pictured) often gets distracted from crime-fighting?
  • ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins?
  • ...that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
  • ...that Jackson Pollock is the Jackson Pollock of painting?
  • ...that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
  • ...that the Virgin Birth is no longer considered a miracle? Women have been giving birth to virgins for centuries!
  • ...that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"

In the news

On this day...

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July 8: Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde Appreciation Day

  • 1914 – The first National Making Up Oscar Wilde Quotes Championship is held in Surrey, Southamptonshire, Boxbridge, England.
  • 1929 – Just months after the Wall Street Crash of 1929, hungry bread line patrons celebrate Oscar Wilde Appreciation Day by reading his works to distract them from the biting cold and their shoeless state.
  • 1947Oscar Wilde fever sweeps across the United States, with his play The Duchess of Padua briefly replacing the Foxtrot as the "bee's knees".
  • 1959 – Presidential hopeful John F. Kennedy reads excerpts of Wilde's poem Ravenna to a sold-out crowd at Rice University.
  • 1969 – The IBM CICS is made generally available for the 360 mainframe computer. The first use of this computer is to print out a copy of Wilde's article De Profundis.
  • 2007 – Online misinformation source Uncyclopedia places its entry on Oscar Wilde on the front page for the day, and encourages even more of his famous sayings to be posted in various places througout the site.

Today's featured picture

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Ben & Jerry's introduces a new flavor, designed to help you relax.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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Featured today a long time ago

Probability theory, featured on 8 July 2013. See the featured version.
HowTo:Build a Paper Empire, featured on 8 July 2012. See the featured version.
Backmasking, featured on 8 July 2011. See the featured version.
BIBLE!, featured on 8 July 2010. See the featured version.

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