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From today's featured article - Ludwig Wittgenstein


Ludwig Hieronymus Kashmir Wittgenstein (26 April 1889 – 29 April 1951), known as the "Rock Star of Modern Philosophy" on account of his uncanny resemblance to David Bowie (see photo opposite. OK, neither do I.) and his habit of tearing up his notes at the end of his lectures (which he called 'gigs') and smashing his deck chair into splinters, sometimes over the heads of select and privileged members of the audience who would afterwards declare they had been 'bowled over' and ‘blown away’ by the sheer intellectual power of the man, when in fact they had all sustained brain damage.

If the truth be told, Wittgenstein was an extraordinarily deep thinker whom no one, not even fellow philosophers, claimed to understand fully during his lifetime. This might have had something to do with his very strong Austrian accent but no one is sure.

Wittgenstein is thought by many door-to-door salesmen, greengrocers and other non-intellectual persons who have very little interest in or knowledge of philosophy to be a twentieth century Hungarian pianist. Some taxi-drivers (see below) interviewed as part of the very extensive and exhaustive in-depth research carried out for the purposes of this article confessed, rather shamefacedly, that they had never heard of him. So much the worse for them. Ignoramuses. (Full article...)

Did you know...

  • ...that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (pictured)
  • ...that the bird is equal to or greater than the word?
  • ...that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
  • ...that your story is cool, bro?
  • ...that Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales lost his virginity at age 34, but he found it again at age 35?
  • ...that Phonics (pronounced Pa-hon-iks.) is one of the deadliest and most addictive drugs on the streets? It is said to get children "hooked" in four weeks or your money back.
  • ...that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?

In the news

On this day...

This God person.jpg

September 18: God's Birthday. Happy birthday, God!

  • Infinity B.C. - God is born. Exactly how this happens remains of of the great mysteries of time, especially since the date is known with precision.
  • 4004 B.C. - God receives the universe as a birthday present, but loses interest when He discovers that it is infested with parasites
  • 3200 B.C. - S'dhkai, a canaanite, is struck down by lightning when he forgets God's birthday.
  • 1300 B.C. - God decrees to his peoples that the holiest Number shall be 91. When griping ensues, God relents and changes to the much easier to remember 7.
  • 854 A.D. - God creates Hell once the most wicked neighborhoods of Heaven reach capacity.
  • 2001 - God gets drunk at His birthday party and passes out in Buddha´s bathroom.

Today's featured picture


"Alas, poor Miles! I knew him, Knuckles: a fellow of infinite tails, of most mediocre flying ability."

Image Credit: Mhaille
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Featured users

Writer of the month.png

The winner of the coveted Writer of the Month award for May 2014 is Uncyclopedia's very own mysterious father figure, Snarglefoop! In the month's since his winning of our Noob of the Moment award, Snarglefoop has refused to slow down on his quest to become not only the mysterious father figure of Uncyclopedia, but our cool uncle who's always a little bit drunk and talks to us about music and girls while our parents are busy chatting with the other relatives about driving directions or whatever. God, he's such a cool guy! I don't know why Aunt Mable got a restraining order against him but it's probably because she just couldn't handle how hip and with-it he is. Aunt Mable's a total square. She won't even let me swim in the pool when we have Christmas at her house because it's "too cold out for that" and "you can't swim in sweat pants and a denim jacket." Pfft. S-Q-U-A-R-E, squuuuuuuaaaaaaaarrrrrreeee.

Anyway, we usually add some wiki-links to some of the user's articles when someone wins this award, but Snarglefoop doesn't appear to have made a vanity list of his works on his userpage, and we here at the Uncyclopedia Award Dispersal Department are much too lazy to go digging for them if that's going to be the case. Trust us, though. They are very spicy and saucy, and they go great with a John Coltrane album and some rosehips. You're welcome.


The latest addition to our staff of ace UnNews reporters, Banzaikitten has burrowed his way into our cold, black hearts and managed to scrape out the Noob of the Moment award for May of 2014! In a candid interview with our winner, that may or may not have actually happened, he told us that he plans to continue putting out hard-hitting journalism with a finger on the pulse of society. In response to our inquiries of which of his previous pieces were meant to be in said style, he was heard to utter a hearty "Oh, sod off. What is this, The Onion?"

Banzaikitten: The Voice Of Our Times, The Noob Of Our Moment.


Nobody won the Uncyclopedian of the Month award in May. Our team of research analysts has taken this to mean that you are all horrible Uncyclopedians who should be ashamed of yourselves. What is this crap? You call this a website?! You make me so mad. I hope you get some sick.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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