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From today's featured article - UnNews:Link found between watching Super Bowl and concussion

link=UnNews:Link found between watching Super Bowl and concussion

Researchers find link between watching Super Bowl and concussion: More than 100 million Americans tuned in to this year's Super Bowl, but scientists have released worrying new data suggesting that watching the game can leave viewers in a stupefied, immobile state.

The study claims that watching a 3-hour game while eating the traditional feast of chicken wings, buffalo wings, potato chips, bastardized ethnic dips, mass-produced American beer, hotdogs, burgers, ribs, milkshakes and tacos leads to a severely reduced brain state in which sufferers are unable to answer basic questions, move, or go to the bathroom with any dignified level of success.

The diagram on the left shows in yellow and red the increased signs of brain damage as the game goes on, with NFL1 being the first quarter, NFL2, the second, etc. If the game goes into overtime, viewers will have the brain function of a masturbating zoo-held chimpanzee (NFL5). Such deterioration has been shown to seriously harm promotion prospects in most jobs outside of supermarkets. (Full article...)

Did you know...

Phonesex1.jpg
  • ... that phone sex operators (pictured) are not always that hot?
  • ...that many diseases can be prevented by washing your hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?
  • ...that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
  • ...that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?
    • ...that withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
      • ...that the reason the government does not ban it is because of the tax money it gets from the food industry?
  • ...that Mercury is not a miracle substance and does not cure aids?
  • ...that if we lose cabin pressure, masks will drop from just above your head?
  • ...that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?

In the news

On this day...

February 12: International write in Graeco-Latin day (Graeco-Rome)
  • 3+3=3: Rutty, toot, toot, toot'n Graneco-Labrador fiesta!
  • 444: Yo' momma.
  • 555: Stan's stanies, the Stannites, instan Stan.
  • 666: Satan's satanies, the Satannites, insatan Satan.
  • 777: Santa's santaies, the Santaites, insanta Santa.
  • 888: With No one left, the Barbarians invade Rome for the sake of it.
  • 999: To commemerate this loss, Graceo-Roman Day is celebrated. We just wanted to tell you the history first.
  • 1809: The holy profit of Evolutionism, Charles Darwin is born.
  • 101010: Ouidis cognis qui, ma Helle-Romanis di est non iubil.
  • 111111: Id qua.
  • 121212: Extra insanis numers plus ad datus.
  • 131313: Lorem Ipsum, dolar sit amet...
  • 1337-1337: L0rem 1p5um, d01ar 5i1 am31000
  • 141414: Igpay Atinlay inay useay.
  • 151515: Pigay Greekay niay seiay.
  • 161616: Gpiay Reekgay-Manroay inay eusay.
  • 181818: Ganroay peekhay roy.

Today's featured picture

CornhollisSurrender.jpg

General Cornwallis, after initial demands for T.P. for his bunghole, surrenders to General Washington at Yorktown. Cornwallis, however, refused to return Washington's hat, even after being called a 'fartknocker'.

Image Credit: RadicalX
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Featured today a long time ago

UnNews:"Gay" doesn't mean what Internet thinks it means, featured on 12 February 2013. See the featured version.
Frog Semen, featured on 12 February 2012. See the featured version.
A Study of Existentialism within Speed 2: Cruise Control, featured on 12 February 2011. See the featured version.

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