From today's featured article
BEIJIG, Chia — I a upleasatly surprisig move, Chiese presidet Xi Jipig has aouced that he is baig the 14th letter of the Eglish alphabet -- the oe ibetwee M ad O. Whe asked why i the livig hell ayoe would do such a asiie ad beyod uitelliget thig, Jipig gave us this statemet i respose: "This is Chia. I'm Presidet. I ca do whatever I wat ad there's othig you ca do about it. If you do't like it, the I suggest that you move your scrawy ass to Hog Kog."
This omissio to the Eglish laguage will appear odd ad uitelligible goig forward. The popular ad legedary video game system will ow be kow i Chia as Itedo. PS will ow be kow as the Playstatio, which is't as bad as I iitially imagied. Curiously, Playstatio's paret compay will ow be kow by the much healthier ame of Soy, which is ot too iroic sice Soy is a Japaese compay istead of a Chiese oe. It's eve worse for Paasoic. The Japaese aimatio gere will ow be kow as Aime, which looks like the ame Amy. (Full report...)
In the news
- Putin wins Russian presidential election in stunning, unexpected upset (Pictured)
- UnNews roundup: Week of March 11 – 17
- Genius, Scientist, Guy who Ran Over my Cat: UnNews remembers Stephen Hawking
- 80s synthesizer band Europe wants to tackle fake news
- News-worthy thing happens, nobody gives a shit
- Decadent cultural elite handed gold-plated statuettes and lecture proles
- A Socialist People's Republic attached to Asia prohibits the letter after M but before O
- Foot enthusiast Quentin Tarantino finds human bride to neg with his inane film theories
- Lanyard wearing dorks release another memo, seriously who gives a shit I can't afford my rent
- Russians secretly implanted Inception-esque plan to get Hillary Clinton not to campaign in Wisconsin
Did you know
- ... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)
- ... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
- ... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
- ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
- ... that Earth is the best planet in the world?
- ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
- ... that this in not a DYK entry?
- ... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
On this day
- 1877 - The first child to die of a peanut allergy is called a giant pussy by teachers and school staff instead of getting medical attention.
- 1931 - Gambling is legalized in Nevada, first casino game is like Russian Roulette, except the gun shoots peanut powder, and rat poison.
- 1994 - Congress passes the Allergy Awareness Act, which legally puts the onus of responsibility on You to cater to everyone's allergy problems. Sort your fridge asshole.
- 2008 - Vince from Slap Chop accidentally gets his testicles trapped in the butterfly mechanism of his Slap Chop.
- 2018 - Parents protest animated movie Peter Rabbit after the titular character chokeslams the allergic antagonist into an industrial vat of peanut butter.
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Today's featured picture
Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.
Image credit: Isra1337
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