Main Page
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
From today's featured article - Cricket
|
Cricket is played all over the world by eccentric idiotic police constables and others who would like to emulate them. It is also played in Australia and Yorkshire, and unlike rounders, it is not the same as baseball.
It is an apparently pointless sport with rules which few people really understand, involving 11 men standing around in a field who occasionally run around, but on the whole stand completely motionless hoping something might happen. Cricket is universally considered one of the most boring and tedious of sports, but continues to be popular the world over with the boring and tedious.
People have always been hitting balls with sticks, and archaeologists agree that certain quirks unique to cricket indicate that the sport was played in ancient or even pre-historic times. Evidence includes:
- The side-on stance of batsmen suggests that cricket pre-dates the evolutionary processes that caused the eyes to move from the sides of the head to the front of the face;
- The straight-arm action of (most) bowlers suggests that cricket may date to a time before the development of the elbow joint in modern apes;
- There is no archaeological evidence for any other sport involving the consumption of meals during matchplay (with the obvious exception of indoor sports such as darts and poker). This practice may have arisen from ritualistic cannibalism where the proto-human batsman was killed and eaten after being given 'out' by the umpire.
- Cricket is not rounders. (Full article...)
|
|
Did you know...
|
|
|
|
In the news
|
- Saudi blogger evades final flogging round by dying
|
On this day...
|
March 6: Roadkill Appreciation Day ( North America & Australia)
- 3500 BC - In the first recorded instance of roadkill, Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses IV hits a small cat with his chariot.
- 1869 - The first historical instance of so-called "cannibal roadkill" occurs when a horse-drawn buggy strikes a horse pulling a second buggy.
- 1934 - Hitler runs over a small ferret in his Volkswagen, precipitating his later invasion of Poland.
- 1962 - Julia Childs releases a groundbreaking roadkill culinary masterpiece titled Treadmarks and Tarragon.
- 1969 - President Nixon continues the Road Kill bombing over Vietnam.
- 1990 - Road Kill is officially the new Mystery Meat in school lunches.
- 1995 - Steve Ballmer runs over my dog after yelling at the top of his lungs “I'm going to fucking bury that dog. I've done it before and I will do it again. I'm going to Fucking Kill that dog”.
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sister projects
Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
