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From today's featured article - HowTo:Pick The Perfect Turkey


Thanksgiving is the perfect time of year to pointlessly exaggerate your blessings with neighbors, family and friends. All of those little white lies might not look so believable if you can't present the best turkey possible. Before you start thinking about preparing the other traditional foods that are served at Thanksgiving dinner, you will need to choose the perfect turkey for your celebration. Here are some helpful tips for finding that turkey.

Before You Buy, Have A Plan!

Step 1: Make a guest list so you'll know how many people you will be serving, then add another 10 people to that estimate. You want to have plenty of leftovers. It's more than likely that somebody is going to flake on you, so allowing two pounds of turkey for each person should be perfect. So if you plan on having 12 Thanksgiving guests, you need a 44 pound turkey. (If you have large family members, make it 52 pound turkey).

Step 2: Do not buy pre-stuffed turkeys because the only person who should be fisting that tasty stuffing up your glorious bird is you. The USDA does not recommend stuffing turkeys because of health risks but they can go to hell as far as I'm concerned because real people crave real stuffing. (Full article...)

Did you know...

  • ... that What's-his-name off that thing (pictured) was in that film with that other dude?
  • ...Jared Leto fucked your bff and it was not buttsex?
  • ...that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
  • ...that the great Wall Street Crash of 1929 led to many opportunities for great photography of homeless people and farmers covered in dust the following years?
  • ...that you can fry a potato but not a potatoe, according to the Potato-tomato theorem?
  • ...that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
  • ...that if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, the tree will begin to sing Nightwish until somebody approaches within earshot?

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On this day...

November 28: Panic Day/Tell-someone-you-know-you-had-sex-with-someone-they-don't day

Today's featured picture


A WWI-era Jarhead recruiting poster helped to bring many new recruits into the beloved US Marine Corps.

Image Credit: One-eyed_Jack
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Featured today a long time ago

UnNews:Release of new Elder Scrolls game results in mass existential crisis, featured on 28 November 2011. See the featured version.
Weird, featured on 28 November 2010. See the featured version.
Stereotype, featured on 28 November 2009. See the featured version.

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