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From today's featured article - Qin Shi Huang


Qin Shi Huang (also known as Zhao Zheng, Shi Huangdi, and so many other names that he should really pick one already) was the king of the Chinese state (kingdom) of Qin from 246 to 221 BC, during the Warring States Period. He snobbishly unified China into a shiny new nation and became the legendary first emperor of the unified land, ruling until his unfortunate death at the young age of 49.

Qin Shi Huang was selfish, calling himself the "First Emperor" and "Chinese Jesus." However, he was a significant figure within Chinese history, ushering in a fresh two millennia of imperial communism after his chief advisor, Li Si (pronounced Lee See, sharp and fast) passed a series of economic, political, and communistic reforms.

All sex jokes aside, Qin Shi Huang undertook gigantic projects such as building and connecting China's force field, the Great Wall of China (and proving that he had unusual amounts of free time on his hands), constructing a city-sized playground where he erected an army of Terracotta dolls, and creating a national road system. Rather than paying for building materials with cash, Qin Shi Huang used a much more popular currency, several million peasants' lives. He is also notorious for burning books and burying his scholars alive, although no one currently understands why. Many archaeologists have argued that his actions were due to anger management issues or that he just killed people for the hell of it. In The Diary of the Emperor, Qin Shi Huang wrote, "I buried my scholars, burned my stories, all for stability assurance," implying that Qin Shi Huang committed such crimes to ensure the so-called stability of his erections. However, despite his diary being a first hand source, nothing he wrote made any sense and thus doesn't solve anything. (Full article...)

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