From today's featured article
Mother died today. Or maybe yesterday. I thought I might go down to the funeral. Me being her son and all, it was expected of me to bother going down. I'd rather smoke here on my balcony though. I felt the warm sun on my body and I ogled the hot ethnic chicks walking lazily down the Boulevard. I smoked some more and had a coffee. I rested and allowed my body to rest. I heard the man next door complain at his dog. I heard him give it a kick as well. I guess it was a good thing, the dog was disobedient.
As I walked along to the church I was confronted by the heat, the stifling heat of walking to the church. She had been staying at an old person's home after some unpleasantness living with me. I was glad she had gone then, I could 'alienate' as much as I wanted to and the flat was a better place to bring girlfriends back to and chain smoke. (Full Article...)
Did you know...
- ... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)
- ... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
- ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?
- ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
- ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book is the infamous "Tapping on a person's left shoulder when you're standing on their right"? This trick was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia.
- ... that Alaska is a mooseocracy, in which citizens select a moose to lead them?
- ... that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!
- ... that Heaven has met its quota, and your dead granny has just been waitlisted?
In the news
- Shockingly, ignorance of sports by American scientists is still rampant
- World in shock after EU turns Donald Trump into a walrus
On this day...
- 1124 - King David the Lastnameless takes the throne of Scotland
- 1294 - Scotland calls France a bunch of pussies. Angry grumbling ensues.
- 1368 - The Big Bad Wolf is found guilty of vandalism and mouth robbery, and is sentenced to 30 hours of social work.
- 1509 - Pope Julius II places the Italian state of Venice under interdict. The interdict arose from finding the state warm and moist.
- 1520 - Magellan arrives in the Philippines. The locals invite him in for some dinner.
- 1555 - You are born, but die of cholera by age eight. You don't remember this previous life because you were born a moron.
- 1945 - USA and USSR meet for the first time in Germany, starting a love affair to last several decades.
- 1949 - Texas becomes the first US State to outlaw Cheese, following the discovery of a Soviet covert cheddar ring operating in Houston.
- 1966 - NASA scientists propose using Dusty Springfield's 11-mile tall bouffant to get to the moon.
Today's featured picture
Featured today a long time ago
RMS Olympic, featured on 27 April 2012. See the .
Jeff Beck, featured on 27 April 2011. See the .
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