From today's featured article
Lord Sauron, 1st Earl of Hertfordshire, KG, GCMG, PC (∞ BC – 28 May 1896), known as The Dark Lord of Mordor before 1861, was an English Conservative politician who served as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in the mid-19th century. He is well remembered in the United Kingdom as the first Prime Minister to exist solely as a manifestation of pure evil, a tradition that has since been continued by subsequent Conservative politicians.
Details of Lord Sauron's past are sketchy at best, it was rumoured that he served as an officer in the Crimean War, where he would famously hurl Cossacks 20ft in the air with a giant iron mace, but these feats are likely fictionalised, as there is no reputable evidence that Cossacks actually exist. Sauron first arrived on the British mainland in 1861. He was drawn to the island, so the legend goes, because he mistook the inhabitant's unusual facial characteristics for that of the orcs of his homeland. (Full article...)
In the news
- First look at Michael Myers mask in Halloween 2018 (Pictured)
- Small man with a big footprint: Verne Troyer, Mini-Me, dies
- Benjamin Netanyahu revokes Natalie Portman's Jewishness after award snub
- You know Avicii? he made the song that went Dum dum du du du dum? Yeah, he's dead
- Barbara Bush dies, her last words: "Why, Jeb, why?"
- UnNews remembers Night Court star Harry Anderson
- Michael Cohen's mystery client is Sean Hannity
- R. Lee Ermey dies! Don't start blubbering, maggots!
- John Boehner celebrates 4/20 early
- Putin dumbfounded by concept of free speech, free blinis
Did you know
- ... that Joseph Stalin (Pictured) is the the real Man of Steel?
- ... that the life of Jesus Christ contains many allusions to Superman?
- ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
- ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
- ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
- ... that 69% percent of statistics contain sexual innuendo?
- ... that condoms prevent many sexually transmitted diseases, and at least one erection? Sorry Candace...
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
On this day
- 303 - Deadbeat St. George refuses to pay for his lizard children's child support.
- 1875 - Queen Victoria outlaws the word penis, decrees henceforth the organ shall be known as "Naughty Mr. Johnson". (Pictured)
- 1909 - Czarina Alexandra beholds Rasputin's penis and won't let go.
- 1953 - Queen Elizabeth II announces that she shall confer upon all royal penii the title of Sir.
- 1967 - Bono's penis is voted as being attached to the "World's Biggest Dick".
- 1968 - Flower Power is replaced by Wind Power, and all the petals are blown away...
- 1993 - Bill Clinton becomes the first USA president since JFK to bring his penis to the White House.
- 2008 - Your mom forgets to pack your penis in your lunchbox, You get teased the rest of the day.
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