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From today's featured article

According to God's True Word, here are the worst 100* ways to deliver bad news. If you have to tell someone you crashed his car, killed his dog or banged his mum, don't use any of these methods (or at least start at the top).

* God does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticize divine numeration policy. (Full article...)

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In the news

Jeff Bezos caught stuffing weird old fat dude into trunk of his car

Trump news roundup: Plea deals, felonies, and a little girl dies in Border Patrol
Santa Claus now "probably about a four" on the Kinsey scale
Whirlpool Galaxy files restraining order against Neil deGrasse Tyson
Jeff Bezos caught stuffing old fat dude into his trunk (Pictured)
Trump releases abhorrent holiday stimulus package
George H.W. Bush dies: Best and worst of his life
Murphy Brown revival not cancelled, (Dan Quayle joke withheld in light of recent events)
Solipsist suicide bomber "not true solipsist" says solipsist community
Book finally sells after 27 years, now Hollywood's calling
UnNews remembers Stan Lee

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Did you know

... that phone sex operators (Pictured) are not always that hot?

... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?

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On this day

December 14: World Cliché Day.

Long Long Ago - Some French guy misplaced his patent for creating the English language.
1735 - Pie was discovered
1911 - Welsh explorer Roald Dahl and his team become the first people to reach the Giant Peach.
1929 - Hitler realizes he has very little time to finish his Christmas shopping, and subsequently freaks out while in line at Wal-Mart. Chaos ensues.
1991 - Scientists first start working on Packaged Bread Without Crust™. For the next 10 years they will go to countless parties with other scientists and feel like they are working to find the cure for cancer.
1992 - It was discovered that Bart Simpson ate my shorts.
2000 - George W. Bush receives his first gay blowjob. In return for the favor, George W. Bush and his government maintain a very friendly line towards homosexuals.
2001 - 10 years in the making, Packaged Bread Without Crust™ is finally introduced as a prototype to the Bimbo company.
2004 The Kitten army begins to prepare for their mass masturbation strike for 25 December during the Human vs. Kitten War. Strike kills 250,000+ humans.
2004 Post it notes claimed another victim in Paris. Rioting ensues. The PostIt-note war began.
Today - The first day of the rest of your life.
Tomorrow - Another day.
The Day After Tomorrow - It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
2101 War was beginning...