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Today's Featured Article - UnNews:Abducted Ohio girls check MySpace

link=UnNews:Abducted Ohio girls check MySpace

The three women rescued in Cleveland, Ohio after a decade of imprisonment have immediately logged into their MySpace accounts, illustrating how difficult it will be for them to acclimatize to society in 2013.

Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight were said to have accessed their accounts after spending just twenty to thirty minutes catching up with relatives, none of whom had the heart to tell them that almost all of the site's pages were now controlled solely by a weeping Justin Timberlake.

Berry told us: "The thing is, not much has changed in Ohio since 2003. Or, like, 1993, actually. I mean, there are more Starbucks and stuff, and phones have gotten like way better, but apart from that, it's just Cleveland, and I want to see how many friends requests I have."

DeJesus, who won Best State Surname in 2001, attempted to message us via our MySpace account. It took us several attempts to log in, because the account used an old email, and the password referenced a sexy television actress we stopped having the hots for in about 2004. Finally, we found her message, below literally hundreds from Tom. She wrote: "This is so cool, I have like all these new peeps to check out! OMG Bowling for Soup are playing this like totally small venue near my house! It must be like a secret tour before they hit the stadiums!" (Full article...)

Yesterday's Featured Article - Bi-curious George

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Bi-curious George is the protagonist of a series of popular children's books by the same name, written by Hans Aloveryer and his wife Bernard. The books feature a sexually-ambiguous chimp named George, who is brought from his home in Africa by "The Man with PVC Gimp Mask" to live with him in his cellar. In each of the books, Bi-curious George is identified in the text as a monkey, and although in the illustrations he does not correspond exactly to any non-fictional species of monkey it is believed by many that he is in fact, a Bonobo, a species known to be the sexiest of the great apes.

Only a limited number of recurring characters occur within the Bi-curious George stories, these include:

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured.png UnNews:Surprise winner of Masters Golf Tournament cries "Ow!", featured on 21 May 2012. See the featured version.
Queen Victoria, featured on 21 May 2011. See the featured version.
Warm piss water, featured on 21 May 2010. See the featured version.
UnScripts:The Rapid And The Ragey, featured on 21 May 2009. See the featured version.
Democrazy, featured on 21 May 2008. See the featured version.

Did you know...

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  • ...that the Deep-fried Mars Bar is responsible for the deaths of thousands in Scotland? (pictured)
  • ...that the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan?
  • ...that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
  • ...that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
  • ...that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?
  • ...that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?
  • ...that the light at the end of the tunnel is commonly reported to be a strobe light accented with techno?

In the news

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On this day...

May 21: Appreciation Day Appreciation Day (America)
Viva la revolution my ass!

Today's featured picture

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Sharks with frikkin' laser-beams attached to their frikkin' heads.

Image Credit: Rei
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Recent Articles edit

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Writer, Noob, and Uncyclopedian of the Month

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Kip the Dip won the Writer of the Month for March.

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Noob of the Moment for March 2013 is RedHot!

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Well, everybody knows Uncyclopedian of the Month is for the bestestest. Damn right! So who was it in March? Legoktm! We love him!



Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners


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Potatohead aqua.png Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
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