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From today's featured article - Taoism


Taoism is a Universe. The Universe is Tao. A Universe is Tao. Tao is all. You can learn "Taoism" but not Tao. In fact, no, you cannot learn Taoism either.

Taoism is the science of Tao. Taoism is a Universe. Taoism is all. The ism part seems very pointless then, because it does not help you to make it more understandable. But this is nature. So you cannot do much about it. And I cannot do much, either. Nature is the Universe. Man is nature. Woman is nature. Man cannot be taught and woman cannot be taught. He can be taught a bit more than she, though.

This is not off-topic. Taoism is man (or woman) (and woman). They are Tao. They are Taoism. I do not know anything about it. You do not know anything about it. This does not change much. We are it. You are it. It is inside you.

Still, you can try to know. Trying is the essence of everything. (Taoism is the e-...)

Recently featured: Taoism - History of the world

Featured today, a long long time ago

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Bruce Wayne, featured on 24 April 2010. See the featured version.
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On this day...

April 24: The Feast of Maximum Occupancy, Zombie Jesus Day (Christians and Eggnogstics)
  • 33 - Zombie Jesus rises from his tomb and partially devours the brains of his apostles, resulting in most of the inane ramblings in The New Testament.
  • 89 - Pope Clement I celebrates the first Zombie Jesus Day by decreeing that people consume copious amounts of high cholesterol in the form of chocolate and painted chicken embryos.
  • 1353 - Badger maulings reach record levels in Europe.
  • 1704 - The first regular newspaper is published in America: The Boston New-Letter, containing overly-opinionated columns and hyped-up headlines. Circulation soars.
  • 1856 - The word 'chairman' is introduced to the Oxford English Dictionary as 'A person with a proclivity to stand sitting'.
  • 1862 - The Amerikan Sivil Whar on spelling begins, the letter u in color being the first victim.
  • 1981 - IBM create the first known evil computer.
  • 1982 - IBM reveals computer wasn't "evil", it was just running a Microsoft operating system.
  • 1984 - Apple builds the world's first do-nothing computer.
  • 1986 - Time begins, to the disappointment of trillions.
  • 1995 - The most amazing child on earth was born
  • 2000 - Fat-free chips withdrawn from supermarket shelves in the UK due to risk of intestinal implosion.
  • 2005 - George W. Bush declares, "America is officially full." Congress approves bypass for Haitian boatpeople to row to Canada.
  • 1995 - The most amazing child on earth was born
  • Today - You eat too much food and spend five hours on the toilet thinking of Uncyclopedia jokes.

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Now we know why they look so intense, all of them.

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Writer and Uncyclopedian of the Month, and Noob of the Moment

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What do you get the man who has everything? When you've written one of the most memorable articles of all time, how do you follow that up, and how does anyone begin to show their gratitude? Well, for Denzo, the answer was obvious, if painful. Immediately quit Uncyclopedia so that the burden of excellence can be permanently removed from the shoulders of himself and every one of his hoard of admirers. It was not a decision he took lightly, His entire two-week Uncyclopedic career was to become simply a footnote in the annals of history, his one work going on to achieve the accolades of the greatest of obscure poets and artists. And then, one day, eight years later, we decided to give him a writing award for his troubles. Sleep well, sweet prince.


You know, they've got me in here tied to a chair. They're sharpening knives and saying vague stuff about how "we wouldn't want anything unfortunate to happen", and they're making me write these award blurbs. I don't know whether they'll kill me or let me go after I've finished, but I do assume they're going to start cutting parts of my face off if I don't get to work. So I'm typing. I'm typing and typing because apparently these masked men don't know how computers work and they just assume that if they hear me typing, I'm doing the work and they don't have to start hurting me. I'm going to just keep typing forever. That should work, right? By the way, we had two winners of the coveted Noob of the Moment prize in January. Snarglefoop, who assures us that he is in fact a resident of the planet Earth, and definitely not a Martian or some other sort of extra-terrestrial being (currently, at least), and the equally-oddly named Lizbink, who apparently is not very good with taming tigers. I hope you and your weird names are very happy together. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to keep on typing....just going to go ahead and keep on typing....and typing....and typing....


Uncyclopedia operates on a system, like most wikis, that is very unique in that its userbase and its administration overlap in several areas. As such, some users take it upon themselves to help with the day-to-day maintenance of keeping this site clean and functional. And no one does that better than Llwy-ar-lawr, our resident Uncyclopedian of the Month and unpronounceable quandary. You know the drill. This award goes to the user that the aforementioned community of nutters has decided is currently our favorite in all the combined areas of being an awesome Uncyclopedian and generally making this website a better place to be a part of. As poopsmith and generally awesome maintenance expert, she's attained near-MadMax levels of praise from the members of the community who keep an eye on this sort of thing, and kept us from falling just that slight further few inches into obscurity that we would have otherwise definitely succumbed to by now, because we're all lazy and horrible. Congratulations!

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