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From today's featured article - The 9/11 Commission Report

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We, at the illustrious 9/11 Commission Report panel, have a deep understanding about the concerns the citizens of the World obviously have regarding that fateful day in History. Furthermore, we believe that the official explanations we published in our doorstopper deserve to be simplified here so that even you lowly commoners can understand. We are very aware that numerous conspiracies have emerged in the last few years, so we'll also attempt to separate the wheat from the chaff. In other words, we, people appointed and paid extravagantly by the Administration to investigate, report and eventually expose said Administration will tell you nothing but the truth. You can trust that, asshole. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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In the news

On this day...

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August 1: Independence Day (Switzerland), Swiss Cheese Day (Everywhere Else)

  • 1844 – The FBI executes a sting operation intended to disrupt turnip trafficking, apprehending turnip kingpin Baldrick (pictured).
  • 1910Los Angeles suffers it first drive-by shooting from a car, a Ford Model T. However, the culprit is quickly apprehended by LAPD, who were chasing on foot.
  • 1919 – The people of Zimbabwe elect their first Lord High Bison.
  • 1923Calvin Klein proclaims himself Emperor of Cologne, Germania.
  • 1957Rod Serling is ticketed in the Middle Ground between Light and Shadow for driving Noon in a Twilight Zone.
  • 1979Australia's first kangaroo prime minister is elected. He later appoints marsupials to the judiciary, resulting in the establishment of kangaroo courts.
  • 1980Australia's first kangaroo prime minister is assassinated by a koala. Conspiracy theories quickly emerge as witnesses claim to have seen a surfer on the grassy knoll.
  • 2015 – 12:00pm France declares war on Switzerland as it's cheese industry takes a massive blow from swiss cheese sales. 1 hour 45 minutes later they surrender.

Today's featured picture

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Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE. Players compete to acquire wealth through stylized politico-economic activity involving the buying, rental, and trading of real estate using play drachma and bartering, whilst gathering groups of Perioikoi and Helots to work your land, as players take turns moving around the board according to the roll of the dice.

Image Credit: Mhaille
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Featured today a long time ago

UnNews:Gandhi statue coming to life in London, featured on 1 August 2013. See the featured version.
Is the bear a Catholic?, featured on 1 August 2012. See the featured version.
Ethnicity, featured on 1 August 2011. See the featured version.
Unreliable Narrator, featured on 1 August 2010. See the featured version.

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