Atlanta, Georgia - A barely-tenured junior-college educated archeologist from the Cairo Museum announced today that he has discovered and opened the tomb of Martin Luther King, Jr.
Professor Pharaoh P. Pyramid, overachieving since 2002 at "Cairo Muse" (a nickname given the Museum by film critics), joined the field's in-crowd when he decided to look for the tomb of America's Great King who, it was said and sometimes written, ruled the nation-state during its fabled 1960s era. Hoping to once and for all prove to the world that this King actually existed - but actually suspecting that "Doctor King", like Drs Who, Watson, Doolittle, Jekyll, and Kevorkian before him, was a local myth developed to scare white children - Pyramid took on the arduous task of arranging an expedition to locate and catalog the burial site. He spent the first six months raising money, expectations, and supplies, and only then did he begin his field-search.
"I spent literally seconds looking for the tomb," Pyramid remembers. "When I arrived at its outer gates three days later I realized it was right where the witches at Wiccanpedia said it was, for King King's remains lay in the fabled Valley of the King's in Georgia. I'd gone out on a limb - recklessly acting against my own beliefs - to surmise in public that this tomb existed, and lo and behold, there it was!"
"When I walked into the area of the tomb, guided by arrows and kind National Park Staff," Professor Pyramid tried explaining, "I found a massive stone surrounded by water and tourists. I immediately cleared the area, laid out surveying tape and tools, and only after all was protectively roped-off did I take time to show the clearly agitated National Park Police the proper permits from my government which allowed me to excavate the site. As they read through the documents, and everyone started calling people on walkie-talkies and increasingly ringing cell phones, I began the field work. First I made a paper-and-chalk rubbing of the tomb's frontal-hieroglyphs. Then, when all was properly prepared, measured, and photographed, I took hammer, chisel, and archeologist-strength 'tiller in hand and approached my discovery. The marble was solid, a societal tribute piece likely designed by a nationally-recognized stonesmith. But it eventually gave way due to my persistent and well-honed drilling skills. I was told that upon opening King King's tomb, and popping my head in for a look, that a lingering homeless man asked me either what the hell I was seeing or what the hell I was doing, and I was heard to say 'Wonderful things.'" (Full article...)