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From today's featured article - History of the world

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The history of the world or human history is the history of humanity from the earliest times to the present, in all places on Earth. Or in short, it's all about stuff that happened while there was someone around smart enough to notice that stuff was happening. At first they were iletterite, and passed their memories on using oral tradition, which disappointingly does not relate to the transference of information via oral sex.

Finally someone worked out how to read, and someone else worked out how to write, and recorded history was then born. History can also come from other sources, such as archaeology, which involves digging stuff up and making up stories about it. Despite this being a recognised field of science, it is not suggested that you dig up deceased relatives and gives them personalities created from your own psychosis.

Human history starts back with the early Stone Age - or the Palaeolithic Era - known as such as that was the time that mankind started using stone tools, not because they were regularly stoned. That had to wait until the NeolithicNeolithic Era and the invention of agriculture, and the subsequent invention of beer, which then lead to the invention of animal husbandry. (Full article...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured.png UnNews:Man's nipples fall right off, featured on 19 April 2013. See the featured version.
UnScripts:Titanic Wireless Transmissions Conspiracy, featured on 19 April 2012. See the featured version.
Salem witch trials, featured on 19 April 2011. See the featured version.
Nintendo, featured on 19 April 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

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  • ...that Kilroy was here? (pictured)
  • ...that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe?
  • ...that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
  • ...that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
  • ...that Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is the world's most intelligent and fastest-growing religion?
  • ...that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ...that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?

In the news

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On this day...

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April 19: Clitoris Awareness Day Among gamers known as Explosion Day

  • 30,000 BC - The first clitoris is born.
  • 1559 - University of Padua, Italy recognizes the clitoris' existence.
  • 1775 - In a New York study on human sexual behavior, researches find the clitoris to be more important to female sexual pleasure than the actual vagina. Men with small penises find new hope.
  • 1907 - The first vibrator is introduced in France.
  • 1913 - The sale of vibrators are banned in France, due to electrical grid overload issues.
  • 1941 - Roberto Carlos, formerly Brazil's greatest adulterer (presently a widower), is born in Cachoeiro de Itapemirim. Many clitorii become excited.
  • 1957 - Oral sex becomes a popular alternative to intercourse. Condom sales decline.
  • 1969 - Clitoris piercing becomes a popular fad.
  • 1998 - Windows 98 is released. Memory leaks in the OS cause Bill Gates to be declared the "World's Biggest Clitoris".
  • 1990 - Clinton had oral sex with two girls from next door.
  • 2007 - Wikipedia Celebrates The First Ever International Main Page Huffing Day. [1]
  • 2007 - Aperture Science launches their Bring-your-daughter-to-work day, which is the perfect time to have her tested for STDs.
  • 2011 - Aperture Science launches new official holiday, supposedly better than Christmas. Due to large numbers of explosions during the destruction of their facilities, the day is named Explosion Day. Nobody knows why.

Today's featured picture

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When it was invented, the lance with a brick on the end was considered a marvel of contemporary medieval war technology. The lance with a brick on the end made it possible for unexperienced, n00b knights to defeat 1337 knights using the old-fashioned, brick-free lances nine times out of ten. The vast superiority of the lance with a brick on the end led to its near-universal adoption within a period of less than two decades. Note that the n00b knight on the right also has an Apexi "Cat back" muffler system on his head, which is first evidence that riceboys existed as early as the 14th century.

Image Credit: Sunsneezer
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Writer and Uncyclopedian of the Month, and Noob of the Moment

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What do you get the man who has everything? When you've written one of the most memorable articles of all time, how do you follow that up, and how does anyone begin to show their gratitude? Well, for Denzo, the answer was obvious, if painful. Immediately quit Uncyclopedia so that the burden of excellence can be permanently removed from the shoulders of himself and every one of his hoard of admirers. It was not a decision he took lightly, His entire two-week Uncyclopedic career was to become simply a footnote in the annals of history, his one work going on to achieve the accolades of the greatest of obscure poets and artists. And then, one day, eight years later, we decided to give him a writing award for his troubles. Sleep well, sweet prince.


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You know, they've got me in here tied to a chair. They're sharpening knives and saying vague stuff about how "we wouldn't want anything unfortunate to happen", and they're making me write these award blurbs. I don't know whether they'll kill me or let me go after I've finished, but I do assume they're going to start cutting parts of my face off if I don't get to work. So I'm typing. I'm typing and typing because apparently these masked men don't know how computers work and they just assume that if they hear me typing, I'm doing the work and they don't have to start hurting me. I'm going to just keep typing forever. That should work, right? By the way, we had two winners of the coveted Noob of the Moment prize in January. Snarglefoop, who assures us that he is in fact a resident of the planet Earth, and definitely not a Martian or some other sort of extra-terrestrial being (currently, at least), and the equally-oddly named Lizbink, who apparently is not very good with taming tigers. I hope you and your weird names are very happy together. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to keep on typing....just going to go ahead and keep on typing....and typing....and typing....


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Uncyclopedia operates on a system, like most wikis, that is very unique in that its userbase and its administration overlap in several areas. As such, some users take it upon themselves to help with the day-to-day maintenance of keeping this site clean and functional. And no one does that better than Llwy-ar-lawr, our resident Uncyclopedian of the Month and unpronounceable quandary. You know the drill. This award goes to the user that the aforementioned community of nutters has decided is currently our favorite in all the combined areas of being an awesome Uncyclopedian and generally making this website a better place to be a part of. As poopsmith and generally awesome maintenance expert, she's attained near-MadMax levels of praise from the members of the community who keep an eye on this sort of thing, and kept us from falling just that slight further few inches into obscurity that we would have otherwise definitely succumbed to by now, because we're all lazy and horrible. Congratulations!


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