Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search
Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
29,536 articles in English

From today's featured article - The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668)

Tn no1.jpg

Title: Obscuragraphs of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668), diplomat and experimenter, in the Mizterville Archivianshlotze Library Collection

Dates of creation of material: 1640-1668

Extent: 31 boxes

The Saltzman family were merchants and bankers within the Hanseatic League for two centuries up to the time of Peter the Great. Their fortune reached its zenith in Hans Helmuth's lifetime, when many of their family members were attached to European courts as diplomats and money brokers, below and behind the aristocratic tier of ambassadors and ecclesiastical envoys, with whom they exchanged patronage for finance. Hans Helmuth Saltzman was an attaché to the Ambassador of Schleswig-Holstein during the latter part of the reign of Charles I, and was an important and impartial witness to the internal divisions of English society at the time. As a youngest son, he was not obliged to devote himself to his family business, and could afford the life of a gentleman-scholar and experimenter. During this period he often collaborated with the Enlightenment greats in England, France and the German states, and some scholars believe that he may have been the true personage of a highly-regarded English playwright (although most disagree, citing Saltzman's lack of discipline in the literary arts during his younger years). His immersion in the process of Scientific discovery, however, was made relatively late in life, when Saltzman was in his forties, when he met the famous inventor Robert Hooke who inspired him with his theories in optics. (Full article...)

Recently featured: Bat Fuck OrigamiBidetMithraism

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured.png UnNews:My damn TV won't work, featured on 31 July 2013. See the featured version.
Dragon Warrior, featured on 8 April 2009. See the featured version.Dragon Warrior, featured on {{{date}}}. See the featured version.
Québec, featured on 31 July 2011. See the featured version.
UnTweets:Odysseus, featured on 31 July 2010. See the featured version.
Five tough life lessons I wouldn't have had to learn if I had listened to Flood by They Might Be Giants, featured on 31 July 2009. See the featured version.

Did you know...

Arse tickle.jpg
  • ...that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (pictured)
  • ...that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
  • ...that in a world where movie trailers are crucial to a film's success... one man will provide his voice in innumerable trailers?
  • ...that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
  • ...that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ...that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
  • ...that at any second, of any minute, of any hour, of any day, a massive nuclear bomb could land on your house?

In the news

  • The World Cup is over

On this day...

Fattwins.jpg

July 31: Feast of St. Leslie Nielsen (Uncyclopedia)

  • 781 – The oldest redorced eruption of noted volcano Mt. Fuji occurs, raining the Japanese countryside with scorched lenses and bits of charred film.
  • 1498Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the Western Hemisphere, still refuses to ask for directions to India.
  • 1588 – The Spanish Armada is spotted off of England; very few were expecting said Inquisition.
  • 1919Germany's Weimar Constitution and Other Fables is penned.
  • 1921 – The International Astronomical and Astrological Society dubs Gemini (pictured) to be the most revered of all constellations.
  • 1947Jingo Grand Championship: India headbutts the UK negating its win of 1858. Mahatma Gandhi is named player of the year and becomes the first to claim "I'm going to Disney World".
  • 1951 – V.S. Pritchett publishes Mr. Beluncle, which quickly became a minor classic among English readers, yet was not well supported by American critics who responded with silly faces and much brow-furrowing.
  • 1992 – Harry Potter is born.
  • 3491 – Third Robot invasion of U.S. capital Grand Forks, North Dakota is repelled by soldiers under the leadership of president George Bush XXVI.

Today's featured picture

TheLastUnicornInVinnitsa.png

The Last Unicorn In Vinnitsa is photographic evidence of the Nazis' highly successful campaign to eradicate the unicorn untermensch from the face of the Earth.

Image Credit: Zombiebaron
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images

Recent Articles edit

Jared Leto (rw) • My Week Without PornTypography refreshWhy?:Spay and neuterFar side of the moonCanadian baseballThe Seventh SealHowTo:Get Laid by Playing GuitarPotatoeVHSCockroach (rw) • UnBooks:It's not natural!New Age (rw) • UnBooks:Why won't the taco go away?Faggotry (rw) • Adam and Eve (rw) • Pete Doherty's ankle boneBlack History Month IIEleventeen (rw) • CerealIsaac AsimovBreaking Bad WindUnScripts:PuckerbuttRollbackUnScripts:Insight into the Mind of an AsparagusBread machineSugarWhy?:Blocking users is funPeter SaganFoodDodo More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Articles to fix | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Writer and Uncyclopedian of the Month, and Noob of the Moment

Writer of the month.png

The winner of the coveted Writer of the Month award for May 2014 is Uncyclopedia's very own mysterious father figure, Snarglefoop! In the month's since his winning of our Noob of the Moment award, Snarglefoop has refused to slow down on his quest to become not only the mysterious father figure of Uncyclopedia, but our cool uncle who's always a little bit drunk and talks to us about music and girls while our parents are busy chatting with the other relatives about driving directions or whatever. God, he's such a cool guy! I don't know why Aunt Mable got a restraining order against him but it's probably because she just couldn't handle how hip and with-it he is. Aunt Mable's a total square. She won't even let me swim in the pool when we have Christmas at her house because it's "too cold out for that" and "you can't swim in sweat pants and a denim jacket." Pfft. S-Q-U-A-R-E, squuuuuuuaaaaaaaarrrrrreeee.

Anyway, we usually add some wiki-links to some of the user's articles when someone wins this award, but Snarglefoop doesn't appear to have made a vanity list of his works on his userpage, and we here at the Uncyclopedia Award Dispersal Department are much too lazy to go digging for them if that's going to be the case. Trust us, though. They are very spicy and saucy, and they go great with a John Coltrane album and some rosehips. You're welcome.


Noobaward.png

The latest addition to our staff of ace UnNews reporters, Banzaikitten has burrowed his way into our cold, black hearts and managed to scrape out the Noob of the Moment award for May of 2014! In a candid interview with our winner, that may or may not have actually happened, he told us that he plans to continue putting out hard-hitting journalism with a finger on the pulse of society. In response to our inquiries of which of his previous pieces were meant to be in said style, he was heard to utter a hearty "Oh, sod off. What is this, The Onion?"

Banzaikitten: The Voice Of Our Times, The Noob Of Our Moment.


BePrepared.png

Nobody won the Uncyclopedian of the Month award in May. Our team of research analysts has taken this to mean that you are all horrible Uncyclopedians who should be ashamed of yourselves. What is this crap? You call this a website?! You make me so mad. I hope you get some sick.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.
UnNews:Main Page UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Undictionary Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
UnTunes UnTunes
Where noisy things can live and prosper
Game-Logo notext.png Games
Another way to waste time
Gorillatrans.gif HowTo
Instructions and guides for anything and everything
UnBooks UnBooks
Content-free books
Unquotable Unquotable
Useless misquotes galore
Uncycloversity Uncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it
UnPoetia UnPoetia
Poetry for people who hate poetry
Undebate logo.svg UnDebate
Debating all the irrelevant issues
UnScripts UnScripts
We can ruin stage and film too
Why.svg Why?
Don't make me explain it to you twice
UnReviewsLogo.png UnReviews
We'll tell you why things suck
Uncyclomedia Commons notext.png UnCommons
Broken media repository
UnVoyage!!!.png UnVoyage
Content-free worldwide travel guide


Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 29,536 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages:
United Kingdom
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
29,536
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
45185
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
18137
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
Wikia 16600
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
Wikia 13485
Italy
France
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
Wikia 8335
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
Wikia 10339
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
5715
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
Wikia 5964
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
7577
Finland
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on February 23, 2014.

Potatohead aqua.png Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 1 April 2008
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
Template:FA/01 April 2008Template:FA/2008