From today's featured article
Putnam & Howell are an architecture and urban design firm which specializes in Hostile architecture, an innovative design trend defined by its "open and wanton hostility" towards the homeless. We are world leaders in the use of defensive design to deter unwanted people from loitering in buildings, parks and other public places, and our designs are found in hundreds of urban centers around the globe. We value public safety and a human environment which engenders mutual trust and peace of mind. We have been serving clients who share these values for over 55 years.
Although we sympathize with the plight of those who choose to live on the street, the homeless damage the aura of togetherness and inhibit free commerce wherever they're found. Not to mention their ghastly smell. Putnam & Howell believe that public spaces are shared centers of community spirit where everyday people go to shop, walk briskly, and shop some more. We are thankful for our designers at Putnam & Howell, who find humane ways to manage the vagrants who use public seating areas as their own luxury bedding accommodations. (Full article...)
In the news
- Adam Schiff and the Democrats finally release their memo
- Thirteen Russks, whattaya get? (Pictured)
- Lorde fans mistakenly attend Lordi concert
- I heard the news, baby: Van Halen's first album, 40 years later
- Elon Musk launches car into space, forgets wallet inside
- Edit of UnNews article spawns full-blown Oscars rant
- Trump releases embarrassingly ludicrous Devin Nunes memo
- Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
- New Uncyclopedia article has nothing to do with Shithole
- Mueller harder to get rid of than Jason
- Man upset at Trump's shithole remark would never visit countries in question
Did you know
- ... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (Pictured)
- ... that the White House is really off-white?
- ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
- ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
- ... that making a band usually involves frantically begging family and strangers to join?
- ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
- ... that not all πr². There are also many π that r rounded?
- ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
On this day
- 1966 - Palestinians informed that they are not the Chosen People. Jews celebrate, only to be told that they, also, are not the Chosen People.
- 1337 - 1337 15 c0mm0n.
- 1337 - Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Albert Einstein are born. The world almost explodes. They said they'd kill me if this was done in 1337.
- 1338 - 1337 mysteriously falls out of usage. Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Albert Einstein put into cryogenic freeze until the 20th century.
- 1980 - Al Gore creates the year 1980
- 1997 - Space is invented.
- 3137 - 173471041nrnn 1337 4494nrm 4dy.
- 7331 - 5dr4wkc4b 51 7331.
- π - F**k it, no one can read it anyway.
- 7331337 - In Soviet Russia, 1337 can't f**king read YOU!!
- ... - AFK day.
- N00B - WTFWJDFAKBZOMGLM AOROTFLOLZOMGBBQHAXNOOB13 37KAMSABP11!!111 !!1!1(WHAT THE F **K WOULD JESUS DO FOR A KLONDIKE BAR ZOH MY GOD LAUGHING MY A SS OFF ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUG HING OUT LOUD ZOH MY GOD BA RBECUE HACKS NOOB LEET KOOL-AID MAN SAUSAGE AN D BACON POUTINE11!!111!!1!1)
- 1985 - Bill Gates invents Glass and pwns everyone on his computer
- 2005 - Man finds God then loses him again
- 2011 - A Trouser Snake named Sherlock beats IBM super computer Watson in a game of Cluedo.
- 2012 - George W. Bush replaces Tony Blair as Middle-East Peace Envoy, Sauron said to be looking forward to talks.
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