Bannon is returning to Breitbart to spew his White Nationalist/Confederate/Nazi agenda. Meanwhile, we at UnNews will continue to push our butthurt snowflake liberal agenda, or whatever the latest buzzword is.
Bannon submitted his resignation August 7, but the whole thing was put on hold in the wake of Charlottesville and Barcelona.
America's nightmare has finally ended! A pair of eyes suddenly opened up at exactly 6:00 AM and the entire thing was revealed to be the nightmare of a random UnNews contributor who watched a marathon of "The Celebrity Apprentice" and forgot to turn off the TV.
Though he may be sweating profusely and breathing heavily; America is wiping its forehead in relief that the past 8 months of Trump's presidency which was riddled with controversies regarding immigration bans, a giant beautiful wall along Mexico and ultimately a riot that occurred in Charlottesville, Virginia between white supremacists and the general public was only an imaginary scenario inside of somebodies head.
President Donald Trump caused further controversy in the wake of the Charlottesville troubles, by suggesting that as well as the alt-right, the alt-left and the ctrl-alt-del groups were to blame.
“What about the ‘alt-left’ that came charging at, as you say, the ‘alt-right?’” Trump asked. "What about the fact they came charging, they came charging with clubs in hands, swinging clubs? Do they have any... problem?” he added, apparently stuck on the word 'charging' and looking without success for a synonym for the word 'guilt' (perhaps 'responsibility', Donald?), before settling for 'problem'.
With his swiveling eyes starting to notice that he had lost the room, Trump promptly changed tack: "Well what about the alt... the ctrl+alt+delete people - they are very dexterous, very dangerous - are you honestly trying to say they aren't to blame for what happened?"
WASHINGTON DC, United States - Following revelations of the serious variety that implicate Donald Trump in yet another scandal involving the FBI and those pesky Russians, democrats decided to send a message to their opponents in government. In a manner suggestive of the "writing on the wall" in the highly embarressing situation, Democrat members of congress engaged in a massive food fight with their opponents by throwing over five hundreds pounds of overripe peaches and necterines at those in the GOP. With the fat, hairy, orange balls (Not Trump's! Get your mind out of the fucking gutter!) exploding violently on impact the house of Representatives was left in a rather sticky situation leaving many of the retirement home aged men in the stands completely bemused.
Your horoscope for today: A kinky relationship can be fun, but it's hard to find the balance. She seems to like it when you call her 'slut' but the last time you called her 'cum mop' she didn't like it. I'm telling you because I know you couldn't see her face at the time. The other two guys were in the way.
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