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Sunday, September 23, 2018, 11:54 (UTC)
UnNews remembers Burt Reynolds
UnNews:UnNews remembers Burt Reynolds
HOLLYWOOD-- Burt Reynolds, star of Halloween III: Season of the Witch, Death Wish, Alien, and Magnum P.I., has died. His mustache was 82.

John McCain dies at 81
UnNews:John McCain dies at 81
WASHINGTON -- Arizona U.S. Senator, POW, 2000 and 2008 Presidential candidate, and maverick John McCain has died, one day after discontinuing treatment for brain cancer. He was 81 and four days shy of his 82nd birthday.

Full disclosure: I didn't always agree with the guy, I'm a Democrat, and I voted for Obama. Not to mention the Sarah Palin debacle. But putting politics aside, McCain was an honorable man and a decent human being, which is becoming a rarity for Republicans, who nowadays worship their Great Orange God™ like he's the Second Coming of Christ. Both parties have come together to honor the senator.

In 1965, McCain appeared as a contestant on the original Art Fleming-hosted Jeopardy!

As a Naval bomber pilot during Vietnam, he was captured as a POW. He spent five-and-a-half years feeling like he had let his country down. Walking on crutches, he met Richard Nixon. He volunteered for the service and refused to leave early, despite extraordinary odds.

The battles continued in the United States Senate and on the campaign trail in the 2000 and 2008 elections.
Lou Reed overtakes Chris Gaines as worst selling album of all time
UnNews:Lou Reed overtakes Chris Gaines as worst selling album of all time
HOLLYWOOD -- Lou Reed has overtaken Chris Gaines (the ill-fated rock star alter ego of country star Garth Brooks) to be named as the artist behind the worst-selling album of all time.

His greatest cacophony compilation, entitled: Metal Machine Music, has lost sales or streams of more than 99,900 since its release in July 1975, the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) said on Monday.

The RIAA recalculated sales of the album (which originally sold 100,000 copies), and certified the LP as having sold 100 copies, due to people returning the album to stores, or outright setting their copies on fire.

The announcement means that Chris Gaines Greatest Hits (also known as The Life of Chris Gaines), released in 1999 and selling or streaming more than 2 million times initially - or 2x platinum - and dropping down to 101 copies, is now in second place, but just barely.

Third is Kevin Federline's only album, Playing with Fire, with 16,000 copies, which hasn't changed since its 2006 release.

UnNews remembers Aretha Franklin
UnNews:UnNews remembers Aretha Franklin
UnNews is saddened to learn that, just days after being hospitalized and then put in hospice at her Detroit home, Aretha Franklin, The Queen of Soul, had died at the age of 76. Franklin came from humble beginnings, singing gospel in the choir of her father's New Bethel Baptist Church. In 1960, she pursued secular music and signed with Columbia, to only modest success. Her signing with Atlantic Records in 1967 brought her great success. Some of her earliest hits include "Respect" (originally a minor hit for Otis Redding), Carole King's "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman," "Spanish Harlem," and "Think."
Halloween (2018) soundtrack arriving in October
UnNews:Halloween (2018) soundtrack arriving in October
HADDONFIELD, Illinois -- John Carpenter, via his record label, Sacred Bones Records, has officially announced his score soundtrack to the upcoming sequel to his 40-year-old slasher classic, Halloween. The album will drop October 19, 2018 -- the same day as David Gordon Green's film. Michael Myers's Spotify playlist will stalk the quiet streets of Haddonfield in several varieties, including CD, black vinyl and limited-edition orange vinyl.


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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible.

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