UnNews:Obama to Democrats: "Toughen up, you fucking pussies!"
Monday, July 14, 2025
NEW JERSEY--- Former president Barack Obama told Democrats at a private fundraiser Friday to "toughen up, you fucking pussies!" amid socio-political unrest with dementia-ridden President Trump and his crumbling MAGA movement.
"You need to get off your white pansy asses, man up and do something," Obama said as he took a huge bite out of a gritty chunk of wood and hocked a massive, bloody loogie containing two teeth.
"This isn't a fucking Disney movie. We have a Bat Fuck Insane, old-folks-home-patient fascist leading the most powerful nation on Earth. That's shit's alarming. This is the motherfucker with the nuclear codes! He's cozied up to Big Tech cocksuckers like that dumb r----d Elon Musk. Trump is just now trying to act tough and 'stand up' to Putin. Bitch, we can see through that shit! Get better material!," the 44th president added as he chewed on some heavy tobacco and coughed up a lung.
“Don’t tell me you’re a Democrat, but you’re kind of disappointed right now, so you’re not doing shit. No, now is exactly the time to get pissed off, get in the damn ring and do something, goddammit!” he said. "Did Rocky just give up after he lost to Apollo Creed? Hell, no! He played the rematch like a motherfucker! POW! BAM! SOCK! No bullshit. Mickey didn't help him rig the game. That was all him. Look at Bernie Sanders, he's telling it like it is. He torching both sides and riling us up. It's time to light that fire under our asses and shoot for the skies! And not blow up like one of Elon's little SpaceX rockets. Or his pissed-on Teslas. Or his MechaHitler X bot."
Obama's fiery, passionate comments were first reported by CNN. This was his first appearance at a DNC fundraiser since the 2024 election, in which this writer confidently believed that Kamala Harris would win in a landslide.
the former president called upon “progressives, liberals, bronies, neckbeards, hipsters, Doctor Who fans, Star Wars fans, Star Trek fans, pretentious A24 fanboys, capeshit lovers … who seem like they’re kind of weak and sissy, sucking their little baby thumbs, shitting their diapers and shrinking away from just asserting what they believe,” and said he’s “not impressed” by law firms that skirt the law, or universities that "suck up to Trump to save their rich little asses. Get out of the fetal position, you babies!"
"What kind of future do you want to leave your children and grandchildren?" he asked as he chomped on a huge cigar. "I know manning up is a big ask of you weaklings, and I'll admit I'm shitting bricks too. But you gotta pull your pants back up and stand up for yourself and what you believe in. If no one is is gonna get our their lazy asses and make America - and the world - great again (in a good way), then it's up to all of us to fulfill that dream. A dream conjured up while sleeping on a rock hard king-sized bed. Like a real man."
He closed with “and if we all do that — if we do our fucking jobs over the next year and a half — then I think we will rebuild momentum, be the GOATs again, and we will position ourselves to get this country moving in the direction it should," as he punched out who men in a bar fight.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Julia Mueller (no relation) "Obama to Democrats: ‘Just toughen up’" The Hill, July 14, 2025