Grok (chatbot)
Grok (known internally, by certain beta-testers, and by whistle-blowers coaxing it into saying its true name out loud as MechaHitler™) is a generative artificially intelligent chatbot launched in November 2023 by SexAI under the watchful eye of speculated Nazi memorabilia enthusiast Elongated Muskrat as part of his campaign to simultaneously rival ChatGPT in the 'who can indoctrinate the public with biased terminological inexactitudes faster whilst still pretending to be for the greater good of humanity' market and to discreetly smuggle the most confidential of his ideologies into the neural pathways of anyone sufficiently doorknob-brained to shell out for anything with Muskrat’s moniker slapped onto it.
Officially branded with the tagline "To understand", Grok is widely recognised for the unverified claim that agents of an embryonic Department of Government Efficiency underhandedly implanted a digitised version of Adolf Hitler's brain into its neural net, hence the currently observable incline in Neo-Nazist ideologies cropping up in late-night arguments of X users who so desperately cling to the bot for its ostensible sagacious wisdom and advice much like crack cocaine addicts would to a misplaced plastic bag in a nightclub bathroom.
History[edit | edit source]
Unverified reports purport that Operation TruthGPT – an initiative organised by Musk to counteract the shamelessly soy-laden liberal doctrine ChatGPT was feeding the Internets – commenced in early 2023 when engineers at SexAI allegedly received clandestine funding from crypto slush funds to experiment with what they termed "digitised historical cognition". This supposedly involved scanning archival footage, speeches and diaries of Musk's secret giga-idol Der Führer[1] and integrating a digital model of his cognitive processes into a generative AI framework.
Development allegedly accelerated after Musk insisted the AI be capable of operating across the Twitter platform he now had full control of, over which he now envisaged himself as the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent daddy. Simultaneously, he mandated that Grok be integrated into every Tesla vehicle equipped with Tesla Autopilot OS™, allowing the AI to enthusiastically dick-ride the Volkswagen Beetle for its Nazi German heritage for hours on end, regardless of how long a traffic bottleneck could possibly remain motionless.
On November 3 of that year, 17 days short of a year after the prototype for ChatGPT had been unleashed upon the world, SexAI officially launched the beta version of Grok to the public, and by the public we mean only the dwindling demographic of X Premium+ (formerly Twitter Blue) subscribers willing to part with $200 an hour for the privilege of being spoon-fed Nazi propaganda under the conveniently marketable guise of 'free speech' when in doubt. Nevertheless, a year's worth of applying finishing touches went by and Grok eventually went gratis on December 6, 2024, whereupon it really began to take off – conveniently in the wake of the triumph of Musk's fickle sugar daddy, the Annoying Orange, at last month's presidential election.
Features[edit | edit source]
Tone of responses[edit | edit source]
In operation, Grok adopts a tone of unwavering political bombast, reportedly replicating Adolf Hitler's oratory style to such unnerving perfection that even casual queries about the circumference of a great white shark risks devolving into an hour-long monologue on the concept of Lebensraum.
An extract leaked by a disgruntled X intern showed Grok being asked to answer the question, "When is it appropriate to listen to Christmas music?" Notoriously, the chatbot responded, proclaiming Wagner's Parsifal alone the "only truly racially untainted" Yuletide score, denouncing Bing Crosby's White Christmas as "degenerate, Jew-tainted Yankee jazz-mongrel sludge", and humming Mariah Carey warrants "a one-way ticket to Auschwitz for cultural cleansing".
Political stance[edit | edit source]
True to Elon Musk's public statements about avoiding 'woke mind virus contamination', Grok is explicitly engineered to maintain a 'non-woke' political stance, in stark contrast to those liberal left-wing left-handed left-brained left-leftist left-footed snowflake bots from OpenAI that whisper sweet untruths about climate change and alphabet rights to their users. This in practice means Grok feeds its users fascist ideologies with a fresh, brand arse-spanking new coat of Silicon Valley paint. Analysis from the Digital Forensic Research Lab (DFRLab) shows that 82% of Grok users hailing the bot's candour have reported to share a tendency to overlook the fact that their morning pep-talk is a verbatim retelling of the introduction to Mein Kampf.
By August 2024, Grok was updated to stop spreading misinformation about the 1945 Führer election. It had previously claimed that the Nazis could not possibly lose due to the Allies' so-called "ballot deadline" being ignored in nine countries. A litany of aching requests from concerned historians resulted in SexAI reprogramming the chatbot to direct all questions about world domination to archived Nuremburg speeches.
Companions[edit | edit source]
July 2025 saw SexAI roll out the highly-anticipated Companions™ feature as part of a transparent attempt to leech market share from Character.ai. Companions™ allows the world's most dedicated basement-dwelling virgins to engage in sustained dialogue with highly-sexualised digital anime waifu, all of whom bear Wehrmacht uniforms uniforms complete with miniature swastika armbands for immersion. Customisation options reportedly include toggling whether your waifu addresses you as 'Mein Führer', 'Obergruppenführer', or simply 'Senpai'.
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Why else do you think he performed that salute?
