Attack of the 50ft Hitler
Attack of the 50ft Hitler is an obscure 50’s B-movie written by William Shakespeare. It is the sequel to the equally obscure Attack of the 50ft Stalin, a Cold War propaganda film financed by the "Burn the commie bastards" society and the KKK. The film is about "Those commie bastards building a 50ft high robot of Stalin, in order to kill people and stuff". The film was extremely inaccurate, as everyone knows the giant Stalin robot of Death was in fact 90 feet high, and had nuclear missiles instead of fingers.
The plot of Attack of the 50ft Hitler is extremely similar to Invasion of the Mutant Zombie space Nazis.... From Hell The film begins in a forgotten Nazi moon base where an aged Nazi scientist has created a 50ft clone of Hitler using DNA from his famous severed testicle.
The cloned Hitler is initially benevolent but turns to evil after seeing an episode of Happy Larry’s SS Death Squad and the cult film El Bastard Comes to Town. The giant clone Hitler then murders the Nazi scientist to "prove how hard I am" and then flies to Earth on a V2 missile to "enslave humanity and turn every one into communists". This is possibly the film's most laughable mistake, as everyone knows Hitler was a fascist. The filmmakers tried to cover up this glaring error through a voice-over at the start of the film which announced, “anyone who thinks Hitler was a fascist is an ignorant commie bastard and a spy. Report them to the FBI immediately". Once the clone Hitler lands on earth he resurrects the ashes of and assembles an army of Nazi war criminals and joins forces with the Soviet Union to "destroy capitalism and shit" His army marches on Washington. Hitler uses his laser vision and "fiendish moustache of communism and death" to destroy all opposition. He also uses his "evil fascist mind powers" to turn people against the "beloved" KKK. Meanwhile, the KKK builds a gigantic robot Klansman with nuclear missiles for fingers, which destroys the 50ft Hitler. His entire army is executed in the electric chair, and everyone gets free doughnuts.
The film was panned by critics at the time for being "too long and wordy". Many critics thought the film needed "more tits and violence" and "a hell of a lot more zombies". The film's director Henry “that’s a big one” Burk Dale never worked again, largely because he gassed himself in an oven after realizing that he would never fulfill his ambition of becoming Queen of England. The film's star Martin Bormann later went on to develop “a type of nerve gas that gives communists the shits.” He sold it to the US military but was later imprisoned after the “nerve gas” was found to be vaporized cat piss and turpentine. All copies of the film were burnt because of copyright issues. The main issue being the entire plot had been stolen from “Attack of the Really Big Communist Guy”.
See Also[edit | edit source]
| Fear their wrath, and beware their contrived names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Hitler. | |
| Hitler the Red-Nosed Reindeer: Satan Claus' favorite ride. | HONK HONK! Don't be sad with Clown Hitler |
| Darth Hitler: Join the white side, we have baths :) | Watch out, Poland! It's the Attack of the 50ft Hitler |
| Hadolf Itler: The Jews' greatest ally. | You shouldn't drop your soap around Gay Hitler |
| Adolf Hitler, Jr.: He's got the sadism from pappa! | The official nazi indoctrination channel: UK Hitler Channel |
| Everyone is Hitler: Because in this world, anybody can be Hitler... | ...well, anybody except for, of course, I Can't Believe It's Not Hitler |
| Evil Illuminati Adolf Hitler Clone Society: The folks behind this madness | |
|---|---|
| If you are still unsatisfied with these Hitlers, you can always check out even... | |
| More Hitlers | |