Protected page

Soviet Union

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Soviet Onion, or Russia?
Сою́з Сове́тских Социалисти́ческих Респу́блик
People's Glorious and Eternal Union of Soviet Socialist Republics
Soviet Russia
Red Europe.png Red Communist Party.jpg
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Four Legs Good, Two Legs Bad!"
Anthem: Go West - Pet Shop Boys
Largest cityTrotskygrad
Official language(s)Russian, Ukrainian
GovernmentThe perfect system that is Communism
PresidentComrade Putin
‑ General PremierComrade Stalin
‑ Fearless LeaderComrade Medvedev
National Hero(es)Comrade Lenin, Comrade Stalin, Comrade Putin, Comrade Medvedev, Comrade Marx, Niko Bellic, KGB Police
EstablishedThe Glorious Revolution has always been, always is, and always shall be.
CurrencySoviet Ruble
ReligionChurch of Stalin
Major exportsVodka, Women, AK-47s, Stalinium
Major importsWorkers Unions, Oppression, Guns, Nazis, Winter

“A Russian Reversal quote on Uncyclopedia's Soviet Union article? How original.”

~ Yakov Smirnoff on adding Yakov Smirnoff quotes to Uncyclopedia's Soviet Union article

People's Glorious and Eternal Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (Russian: Сою́з Сове́тских Социалисти́ческих Респу́блик), commonly known as Soviet Union, is currently most politically and economically powerful nation in world. In recent times, Soviet Union have been cited for unprecedented advances in nearly all fields of human study, and have long exceeded primitive Capitali$t technology!


Soviet Union send first object into space: Sputnik, which was sent to bring communism to aliens. After that they sent monkey then man then city into space. They also were to first to have nuclear power by splitting and torturing atoms for science, which they used to create atomic reactor to heat them to plasma, ionize then fuse them into plasma at 100 to 270 million degrees Celsius, which outraged many atomic rights groups into protest. They also had Russia who had scientist who made a table out of elements in pattern.

  • First Object in Space[1]
  • First man in space[2]
  • First animal in space[3]
  • First satellite in space[4]
  • First table made out of all elements[5]
  • Lots of Physics [6]
  1. Ignoring the manhole cover launched into space by the US as part of a nuclear test "Project Plumbbob" in Nevada desert in 1957.
  2. Ignoring the pilot of the German V2 in 1946
  3. Ignoring the fact the the German pilot of the V2 was also an animal
  4. Ignoring the moon
  5. Ignoring the work of English chemist John Newlands in 1865
  6. Ignoring the work of every other nation on Earth
  • First man on Sun
  • First man inside Sun
  • First man inside black hole
  • First man to enter fourth dimension
  • First man
  • FIRST!111!!!!!

Their secret was having lot of people screaming ideas until they combined (math, laser, nuke) and then did all fun science.


Soviet Union had highest literacy rate in world because anyone who wasn't doing well was either sent to nice camp where they could receive special education, or they were sent to farm up north where they have lots of land to run and play. Soviet Schools are known for excellent education, where students are taught how to spot counter-revolutionary activity that their parents or their parent's friends are participating in and to report it to teachers. When their children's parents are sent away, they become orphans, who Stalin sent to reeducation camps. In addition, in Soviet Union, articles like [redacted], [redacted], and [redacted] are banned.


They were Communists. They left the concept of money to capitalists.


Religion was main cause for dispute in early 20s, when glorious Chairman rounded all religious persons up, and kept them cryogenically frozen for next fifty years, when later technology existed to transport these people to galaxy far away. It has often been hoped that alien race has somehow been able to revert these changes and cultivated people on some distant planet, and very rarely passages from Bible are picked up via transmission from outer space.

The Soviet Union to this day is rabidly atheist.



Armed forces of Eternal Empire have been credited for many of greatest feats in ancient and modern military history. The Soviet forces have first been credited for liberating people from some of most oppressed regions of world. This includes liberating Berlin from oppression of our eternal allies enemies Nazis, Afghanistan from Evil Empire, Atlantis from Narwhals and Ukrainians from themselves. Besides ridding the world of evil people, glorious Soviet military has also had to defend eternal Motherland from Capitali$t pigs who make it their life goal to bring down perfect Communist system. Such enemies have included likes of Nero, Napoleon, Hitler, Evil Jesus, Julius Caesar and Zeus.

Glorious Soviet Army

Soviet Union has greatest military in world. Enough said. However, for Capitali$t scum who wish to diminish credibility of our country's glorious armed forces, we offer this detailed list of our glorious military regiments. Being headed by King of Derp, most FEARED General, he makes Glorious Soviet Army become even more stronger than ever before.

Infantry - Infantry regiments are backbone of any Soviet army, and Motherland is no exception. These regiments are made up of legions of stormtroopers, dwarven spheres and klingon warriors.

Elite Units - Juggernauts, Predators, and Jedi[1].

Heavy Weaponry - Ancient Dragons and Dwarven Centurions.

Doomsday Weapons - "Tsar Bomba", Death Star, Godzilla, Chuck Norris, and object.


Imperial Star Destroyers, Pterodactyls, Dragons, Tie fighters, bombers, and two Blue-Eyed White DRAGON'S


Kracken, Hydras, Gigantic Sea Turtles, Moby Dick, USOs, Aircraft carriers, battleships, etc.




Main article: History of the USSR

Rise to Power

After Johan Vas Liebert, German diplomat discovered burial site of Jesus in Moscow, he decided that Russia was Holy Land, and worked 3 long months to bring to public eye importance of Mother Russia.

Shocking new footage of Soviet Brainwashing techniques.

First, he created 500 communist robots to conquer 30% of all Eurasia. He anticipated this could take up to 45 years or more, but fortunately, it only took 15 days. The robots he built were so efficient they could each destroy 20,000 Capitalist pigs per day. They were self sustaining, God-Fearing machines capable of human emotions. Their fate was to be launched into vacuum of space for feeling pain, comfort, happiness, and fear.

After purging of Eurasian weaklings, Johan proceeded to have sexual intercourse with every healthy woman within 300 kilometer radius to produce whole slew of followers. These children would later become Democratic/Progressive Party and would soon politely convince The World to follow their ideology.

Lastly, after forming of Russia was completed in 1914, Johan decided that killing Archduke Ferdinand would be best course of action, because homosexuals are fucking scum. Johan totally fucked up, and after his impeachment in 1915 by The Ghost of Jesus he plunged world into WWII.


Perhaps most notable accomplishment of Soviets was coining now widely used term LOL. Russian for "comrade," it was word developed to stand either before or after every sentence, phrase, word, or letter. For example, sentence "Comrade, you've tested positive for AIDS" would be translated loosely to "LOL you have AIDS!" And now our internet sounds like pack of twelve year-old retards all hopped up on paint thinner. It also created HIV/AIDS Virus in order to rid world of Homosexuals.

But where's Stalin?

Political Aggression

Soviet Union is known for having many contries join it, because its awesome.They also created and spread aids virus which they created for destruction of homosexuals. In recent times Soviet Union has used their sneaky companies such as Walmart to invade Western society. In 2009 USSR spy a.k.a. Feliks Josefivich Zykov became advisor to U.S. president Barrack Obama.Slowly Zykov secretly influences country to let beloved Communism to trickle into government. Also USSR created creature we call ANT, which are really secret spy bots. USSR has been around since dawn of time. Every war waged is of their doing. Violent video games are created by USSR in order to train people of the world for their reign. Soviets wish to spread glories of Communism to troubled world. Their greatest Enemies are LGBT community, Mormons (aka morons), Canada, United Kingdom, and Capitalists.

Soviets are also keen on using music to implant sleeper cells into brains of unsuspecting Capitalists. Such musicians are Rebecca Black (Original alias: Vladimir Putin) and Trololol Guy. You didn't think this is ACTUALLY music, did you?

USSR Today

Soviet Russia.
Red- The glorious Soviet Union and its glorious puppet states
Blue - Capitali$t pigs!
Green - The parasitic neutral countries.
Gray - The Great and Glorious non-Communist ally that is Kentuckistan.

It is widely believed that Soviet Union ceased to exist in 1991 due to Capitalist pigs, but it lives, and is still one of world's superpowers. It's current leader is "Lenstalarx" superhuman clone made from Lenin's, Stalin's and Marx DNA. US was merely puppet state, their real enemies are Swiss. Soviet-Swiss Pact of 1991 officially bound two nations into an alliance, because Soviet Union and Switzerland would have bombed themselves into oblivion. Truce still holds today, but recent tensions have led to renewed fears of nuclear holocaust. As of 2009, Swiss have entered into massive economic decline due to its dwindling illegal money transfers made from American drug lords. Present-day Soviet underworld have subsequently made recent advances in current global balance of power. Also almost every body is doing meth and future looks great.


In Soviet Russia, with Комяадояэ 64, ASCII flags you: Flag of the Soviet Union.svg

8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8 t; S8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@
8@8@8@8@8@8@8XS%8 %8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8
8@8@8@8@8@8@@: ;X%%;X@8@8@8@8@88@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8
8@8@8@8@8@88 @ ;@88%.X@8@8@8@8@8@8@88@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@
8@8@8@8@88@@@8XX8 t:  @8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@88@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@
8@8@8@8@8@@8.8 .8   8S@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8
8@8@8@8@8@:St :tt;.:X8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@88@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@8@

Template:Russia flag

Great Products of the USSR

  • AK-47
  • Dead bodies
  • Captain Reznov
  • Alaska
  • Corruption
  • Weird hats
  • Tetris
  • Putine
  • Shirtless Horseman
  • North Korea
  • Mao Zedong and pollution
  • Fake felt bootas [valenki]
  • Ginormous taxes on Western spending that eats up 99.99999999999999% of your paycheck, with tax all 100% of it
  • New meaning of 'Utopia'
  • Stalinium
  • King of Derp

See also

  1. This is where the fun begins!