Russian double reversal
“In Soviet YOU, no sense is made by this article!!”
Much like squaring the circle, when the Russian Reversal is doubled, chaos ensues. The rare Russian double reversal was created in 1927 by a close partnership between a dyslexic Polish-Ukrainian mathematician, Zbigniew Kabanowski the milkman's wife from his village and 138.24 barrels of locally brewed beer. His mathematical abilities were the fruit of the revolution, and it served to free the Polish proletariat from the tyranny of prosperity, a capitalistic myth by itself. Comrade Lenin had great hopes in this young man, and he was guaranteed a lifelong supply of beer from the Bolshevik Party.
According to the people of their village neighbors, every highly charged intellectual rendezvous between Kabanowski and the milkman's wife behind closed doors generally sounded from outside like:
Kabanowski was working on a logical problem - if y = x, and y = z, is z always equal to x? Though most intelligent people
from his usual village pub refused to call it logical, he had the pleasure of his partner in intellectuality, the milkman's wife, that is the pleasure of her agreement to the problem's inherent logic. Logic was something they both inherited from the ancient rhetorical technique of Russian Reversal, since Russia was the lord of Poland, always was, and always will be.
Kabanowski gulped down some beer, made some simple calculations, had beer again, did more calculations, asked for a bottle of vodka, got painfully bumped on the head by some unknown thug, and eventually established an
unholy arrangement between himself, the milkman, the milkman's wife and an unspecified number of cows underlying link between causality and chance. He applied the Russian reversal, familiar to his family since the first Russian occupation of Poland, to the logical problem, arriving at a few obvious conclusions (using three age-old English letters - x, y and z:
- That in Soviet Russia, x = y and z = y!
- That therefore, in Soviet Russia, x = y = z!
- Therefore, z = y = x outside of Soviet Russia.
- That therefore
- In Soviet Russia, all variables are equal, but some are more equal than others.
- Due to the Russian reversal, everyone has equal lefts outside of Soviet Russia, and everyone has equal rights in Soviet Russia.
- Due to Soviet Russia, every reversal has an equal and opposite reversal.
“In Soviet Russia, X + Y + Z equals U2!!”
The original technique was introduced by Yakov Smirnoff soon he double reversed himself.
|“||In America, you can always find a party.||”|
|“||In Soviet Russia, Party finds YOU!!||”|
|“||In Soviet Russia, you finds PARTY!!||”|
and the rest is history.
However, a uniquely vexing problem cropped up when Kabanowski examined extensions to the original problem - what happens if outside of Soviet Russia, x = y AND y = x? Known as a Pyromantic Vex Mark this problem demanded a convoluted solution by law (Sex Mania Control and Protection Directive 1924, amended 1927).
Kabanowski immediately realised the implications of this question. It told him that his mother was having an affair with his wife, and they are trying to escape to Denmark to get married. After months of intense calculation, beer-drinking and quoting Oscar Wilde, Kabanowski arrived at the following conclusions:
- That Soviet Russia was not EQUAL to not Soviet Russia; instead, Soviet Russia was NOT NOT not Soviet Russia!
- Simply put: In not Soviet Russia, equal is NOT YOU!!
- A simpler version writes: SR = notSR is false; instead, SR = not(not[notSR]).
- Simply put: Soviet Russia = America.
- That thus, while outside of Soviet Russia, x = y and y = x, in Soviet Russia, x = y and y = x!
- Simply put: Soviet Russia = America = Only in your dreams, you moron.
- Put even simpler: In Soviet Russia, moron dreams YOU!!
Proof that Russian Reversal and Russian Double Reversal work in different ways
Double Reversal in Speech
“In Soviet Russia, double reversal reverses YOU!!”
The extremely paradoxical Russian double reversal has a particular effect on speech. It becomes the inverse of itself, and as a result of the first law of Russian Reversal Dynamics:
- In Soviet Russia, sentence is last word of YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, last sentence is word of YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, last word is sentence of YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, word sentence is last of YOU!!
- In Soviet Russia, sentence word is last of YOU!!
- That therefore
- The first and last words are "YOU!!".
Therefore, double Russian reversal turns any speech whatsoever into "YOU!! YOU!!." However, that is only the simplified form - in actuality, it becomes an infinite clause, in which the speech becomes "YOU!!" to the infinite power (). The "In Soviet Russia..." is omitted but implied.
If you don't understand any of the above, please, refer to beer in large quantities, and invite a few hicks. The end quarrel will sound very much like the above, especially if you try a few bits of oriental mysticism.
While ordinary or singular Russian Reversal is completely opposed to the use of articles and definitive qualifiers, the Double Reversal is allowed to use such profanity.
- "In Soviet Russia, YOU may not be you!!"
In Russian there are five different derivatives of the very word "you" - YOU, yoU, You, YoU, yOu and you. Thus, "YOU!! YOU!! YOU!! YOU!! YOU!!" and "you!! you!! you!! you!! you!!" doesn't necessarily mean the same thing. That is the precise reason why the Double Reversal makes so much sense to the Russians, and so little to Americans.
- "In Soviet Russia, I may be YOU!!"
A paradox of the Soviet system is the the cessation of private identity, as everything comes under a collective farm. That is why, the Russians always end up saying - "you love me" - when they actually mean - "I love you." The dilemma of this complex statement has kept Poland and many other countries in the Russian orbit for so long, and, in fact, it keeps YOU reading this article.
- "In Soviet Russia, you do YOU!!"
In Soviet Russia, by a decree of Comrade Stalin, all the men were deported to Siberia and all the women were deported to Sahara on charges of treason. The result was obvious - you end up doing yourself. And, if that's not a reversal, nothing else is.
The typical Amerikan answer to the perplexing enigma of a double reversal:
A Russian Argument
While the Reversal is a technique to upset capitalist pigs, the Double Reversal is often used by Russians to confuse one another. It is not rare that two masters of the Double Reversal comes together to argue over something like the price of cucumbers.
- Russian 01: In my opinion, nice cucumber is YOU!!
- Russian 02: In my price, six dime a dozen is YOU!!
- Russian 01: In my opinion, too pricey is YOU!!
- Russian 02: In my experience, your want is YOU!!
- Russian 01: In Soviet Union, your fertilizer is YOU!!
- Russian 02: In my village, my fertilizer is YOU!!
Double Reversal Made Easy
In Soviet Russia, the foot is note for YOU!!
|In Soviet Russia, statement complexes YOU!!|
|And, your mother, too!!!|
- Kabanowski's authentic autobiography, titled 01000010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 is available at the Uncyclopedia in an excerpt form,
- Also known as the Π to his close friends
- Milkman is the guy who makes cows deliver milk. Unfortunately he works at the end part of the timeline, the Bull works at the beginning.
- все идите на хуй!
- ポーランド は汚れた、不潔な国である。 ロシアは天である
- لا يوجد البقر في بولندا. ولا جمل.
- Poland exists to serve Mother Russia by a divine decree coming from no less than Saint Lohan
- A thug is an ordinary Russian trying to earn his bread by honest means and suffering for it.
- Alias his drinking buddy
- X is a rating given to exquisitely intimate movies by the Big Brother.
- Y is a question of utmost importance (examples: "Y is the water blue?" or "Y are you wearing that silly hat?" or even "Y are you reading this crap?")
- Z is the end of all, the apocalypse, the Armageddon and peace on earth.
- Crop is what you don't have enough in Soviet Russia and you can't get enough of in United States.