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You have two cows

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"Beware of flesh-eating bovines"
Devour their flesh before they devour yours!
Correction: you had two cows.

You have two cows is the ultimate philosophical truth. All categories except Category Nine (How mooriginal) may contain contributions from the Internet as well as Uncyclopedians. Mathematical proof that you have two cows lies in moometric identity:

This mathematical proof can also be written with the second moometric identity:

Where Moo is the universal moometric constant.

A longstanding tradition of mathematics is discovering new truths pertaining to two-cow ownership. Currently, 45,893 45,894 45,895 45,896 45,897 45,898 45,899 45,900 are known.[1]

A related but much more difficult problem is the identification of philosophical truths involving the ownership of three cows. An infinite number of these is also expected to exist, although this is unproven. To date, very few three-cow truths are known to exist, all of which have yet to be proven. In coming years this problem is expected to become much more important, as Microsoft has announced that the next version of Windows[2] will require users to have three cows, or, alternatively, two overmilked ones. Linux however needs only a pint of milk, but you need to deliver it through the command prompt with the use of four pipes, an awk and a sed.

Uncyclopedia presents: the You have two cows anthology!


1. Analysis
2. Anime
3. Bovine Quotes
4. Cowmedy
5. Emootions
6. Endings
7. Famous Cows
8. Groups

9. This cow does not exist
10. In the Moos
11. Language of Cows
12. Literature
13. Moosical Moovements
14. Moovies
15. Non-Video Games
16. People

17. Politicowl Junk
18. Programming Languages
19. Religion
20. Software 'n Such
21. Sound of Moo-sic
22. Television
23. Travel
24. Video Games

24.3. Video Games Volume 2
25. World and Web of Cows
26. You Have n Cows
27. Science
28. Moodicine
29. Game Consoles
30. Game Genres
31. Capitalism

“I’m going to fucking bury those two cows, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill those cows!”

~ Steve Ballmer on You have two cows

Related articles

External links


  1. Nostradamus demonstrated in 1555 that the total number of two-cow truths is infinite.
  2. Ibid.
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