PayPal

“Did you mean: GayTal.”

~ Google on PayPal

“PayPal is never connected to the papacy.”

~ pope Benedict XVI on PayPal

PayPal operatives have an average IQ of 42.

PayPal is a service designed to create a regular income for script kiddies and phishers. It works by having a central database of n00bs that contribute cash to a fund. This fund is then distributed to the script kiddies via spoofed email scams of a very lame nature.

Sample Email from PayPal

Dear Sir and Madam: This email is not a scam. We need you to login to your paypal donation fund account so we can steal your money. If your account is not verified within 24 hours, some shit gonna go down real bad. We hope you can be co-operative with our request at this time. Please click on the IP address website below. Thank you, PayPal Admin.

Sample No.2

Paypal has been known to target many members of the Gangster, Wigger, and the Australian race. In order to be more "hip", the idiots at Paypal may send you the following email.

Dear dawg, ho/ momma/ or cow Yo yo yo, some shiat be goin down in our databases yo ! Theyz be screwin around wit our harddriveizzle, and we need yo info to make sho yo account ain't been capped or nutthin. So be a playa and forward yo username and passwords ASAP boi. If you ain't down with dis, you'z accounts gonna be dead like Tupac. We'z gonna take 'em down at Main street with dem firewalls and trackin devices. But we need yo pass man. Forward to this here email yo, and we gonna verify dem account of yours. Fo shizzle my nizzle wizzle in a drizzle oh my bizzle. Hellz yeah, Dem Paypal Bitches

PayPal operators

If you have any problems setting up your PayPal donation fund, you may telephone a PayPal operator directly. If you live in the United States, your call will be answered by a trained chimp on LSD. They are efficient and highly skilled, better than the Indians who answer at AT&T and Sprint.

You will be giving a poor script kiddie plenty of his own East European currency when you sign up to PayPal.

If you live in Europe, your call will be transferred to a nondescript Asian country where you will be teaching English to a poor child with every phone call. Whilst they will not understand words such as "account", "money", or "fuckwit", at least you will have the joy of knowing that your money is in safe hands...

Passwords

Passwords are redundant on PayPal, as the whole point is to make it easy for people to acquire your cash. Just use the password "PayPal" (case sensitive) for any account.

Brutal Efficiency of PayPal

No-one has ever yet had a problem with PayPal and lived to tell about it. The service is so well run, efficient and highly organized, with fully trained, intelligent staff that is it unlikely to ever happen. However, in the remote possibility that an actual problem should ever occur, it is best to write a complaint to one of those businessmen from Nigeria who run banks; they will be very happy to take care of your money just as well.

Closing your account

Naturally, PayPal will not let you do this. Attempting to follow the "Close your account" link will result in either a page telling you that you are not allowed to, or a series of screens demanding information why, and telling you that it's a bad idea, and asking "Are you sure" at least three times.