Get Some Mortgage
Get Some Mortgage is the slogan utilized by America's Third Bank to attract teenagers to get mortgages early, through such advertising means of overused clichés and teenage trends.
The Commercial
The idea of attracting teenagers to mortgage purchases developed after adults were turned off due to the Sub Prime Mortgage Market problems. Using advertising media such as cigarette, alcohol and Viagra commercials, the advertising plan "Get Some Mortgage" was born.
The initial ad was debuted in a screening on November 6th, 2007, to an audience of youth and teenagers in order to see their reactions. Due to its predominant content being heavy metal, rap, guns, bling-bling, and cars, the test audience greatly applauded the commercial, immediately signing up for $250,000 house mortgages after the showing, except for one who stated the following:
- "I don't know what kind of excuse of a commercial that was, it was pure propaganda. They're only doing this to get money from rich youth through means they can identify with. It's all bullshit! The media is only out to grab our money and turn us into corporate slaves!"
A few days after the mostly successful screening, and with 15 teenagers now owning brand new houses and new cars, the commercial was debuted to the public on channels such as FOX, CBS, Cartoon Network and 4Kids TV. Within days of the airing, over 5000 mortgages were taken out by the "18-and-under" crowd equaling a sum of around $102.5 million USD.
The first public commercial was shown after the initial airing of the Peter's Daughter episode of Family Guy, reaching a huge audience. Demand for mortgages after the commercial was so great that banks had to open at 10:00 PM on a Sunday night, three days before Thanksgiving. It is estimated that thousands of pre-pre-pre-Thanksgiving dinners were ruined due to "Get Some Mortgage".
Fallout
With over $102.5 million USD borrowed from the bank, an additional $25 million USD was added to the economy based on interest. With an increased demand for housing in a sub-prime mortgage crisis, the housing market received a boost, helping to recover from losses in the crisis. With an increased need for housing, construction contractors also received more requests, boosting the economy ever more.
The vehicular economy received a major boost, almost equal to that of the housing market. Car sales went up 347% since the "Get Some Mortgage" campaign for 2007. The European car market, for the first time in many years, surpassed that of the Japanese market, sending Toyota back down to 4th position overall in the market, with Mercedes-Benz moving up to 3rd, Ferrari to 5th and Porsche to 6th.
On the other hand, vehicle accidents rose by 492% in 2007 due to the increased presence of youth on the roads, mainly by power-bent high school-dropout male teenagers between 16 and 18. Insurance claims rose just as much, increasing the average teenage male claim at $7200 (up $5000 from 2006) and female at $95 (up $0.50 from 1975).
The drug dealing business also took a big hit, with teenage dealers diminishing due to the immense profits from the "Get Some Mortgage" deal. The average age of drug dealers, at the end of 2007, was 55, who mainly, illegally, sold arthritis medications and blood thinners. Marijuana, cocaine, and drug abuse fell to an all-time low at the end of 2007 as cigar and exotic cigarette use rose dramatically.
Super Bowl XLII and XLIII featured a great number of "Get Some Mortgage" commercials, most of which were paid for by the huge sum of interest built up from the mortgages of the youth. Some of these commercials were aimed for the adult crowd, with little success. A "Get Some Google Stock" commercial was then aired instead of "Get Some Mortgage" after the Super Bowl. Unfortunately, this resulted in adults selling their stocks due to disgust and confusion over the commercial lyrics "Pump it, louder". This, on the other hand, helped reel sex trade workers into banking.
Future Plans
America's Third Bank continues to plan continuous ideas for future youth and teenagers to get them involved in the market. Other ideas have included cupcakes at the entrance, child-friendly tellers/ATMs (now featuring the Microsoft Clippit for easier access) and increased sponsorship by people in youth culture such as Ludacris, Sean Combs, Paris Hilton, and Jenna Jameson (including a commercial which features all four).
Other banks plan on following America's Third Bank's idea by implementing more youth-friendly ideas in their day-to-day operations. TD Canada Trust plans on having bank representatives to go to high schools to advertise the many mortgage opportunities in Canada. This idea was also implemented by America's Third Bank and was a success, although the amount of dropouts increased, but the number of "those crazy wrist-slitting emos that hangout next to the school and smoke weed and complain about how they hate life" decreased, much to the joy of local shop owners, but not all.
With the "Get Some Mortgage" commercial being such a great success, the sub-prime mortgage crisis impact was lessened and has been complemented by George W. Bush in a speech:
- "The idea of America's Third Bank has brought forth a great success to our economy. The contributions by our children and youth will ensure the future of us and help our economy to prevent our terrorists from affecting America. For this, I thank America's Third Bank and award them a $830 billion subsidy."
The monetary subsidy awarded to America's Third Bank from "Get Some Mortgage" in 2007 was diverted to California, who wanted the money for disaster relief efforts. In 2008, the money was further diverted to maintain the hot tub on the top of the Washington Mutual Tower.
See also
