Washington
Washington, depending on context, is a president, street, city, state, taco, horse, university, an obelisk and break dancing move. But the taco is the coolest. Screw the others. Boo-yah!
The Person
George Washington was America's first president. Along with Dwight D. Eisenhower he stormed the beaches of Normandy, found them to be full of Communists and announced, "I shall return." He also authored the American classics the Declaration of Independence and the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. That latter work earned him a place in history, as his WASHINGTON IS BETTER THAN YOU mug now decorates the American taco dollar bill. In the seventies, he decided to further his education by attending school as a member of "The Sweathogs" on the much loved crime-drama "Welcome Back, Kotter." After adding teh much cooler sounding "Carver" to his last name, He went on to invent the peanut, peanut butter, jelly, the taco, (but oddly did not put 2 and 2 together and invent the PBJ) and the poorly received peanut prophylactic.
The Street
By act of Congress (WS1969-HR254b), all cities in the U.S. with populations greater than 3 million permanent residents are required to have one street named in honor of George Washington, and another for Martin Luther King. Washington may be a Street, Avenue or Boulevard, while Martin Luther King is required to be segregated as a Boulevard. By amendment to the same law passed in 1984, all intersections between Washington and Martin Luther King are designated as locations to deal drugs. The state of Utah was granted an exemption from the MLK portion of the law in 1990, when a federal census determined that there are in fact no Black people living there.
The City
Washington, D.C. is a sprawling metropolis rodent of a town in the county of Tyne and Wear in northeast England. Washington is administered as a part of the City of Sunderland and is located some 10 miles (16 km) west of the city center, and is located roughly the same distance south of Newcastle upon Tyne. At the 2001 census, it had a population of 55,454. The city smells of soiled bananas and is inhabited mostly of fish. It has been disputed whether Washington was a trade union or just a gigantic tree.(Probably the tree.)
Washington was designated a new town in 1337 and expanded dramatically to house overspill population from surrounding cities.
The main shopping center is The Galleries, an indoor complex housing local shops and services, and the ASDA (Known as Wal-Mart to our fellow friends across the pond) and Sainsbury (also known as SavaCentre) supermarkets.
The State
The state of Washington is reputed to constitute that feeling in between happiness and nervousness, perhaps due to the excessive consumption of Starbucks Coffee.
The city of Spokane (Russian Споканск, Spokansk), is a typical dingy Eastern European city with ugly retro-modern buildings, a whole lot of whites, drug addicts, hair tacos, bums with long hair and guitars, rundown infrastructure, gang activity, and a booming economy. Most Spokane citizens hate Starbucks, because Starbucks stole the fame away from eastern Washington. It is widely reported that many Spokane citizens have nuclear weapons which they may or may not use to attack Starbucks.
The city of Seattle is almost the complete opposite, consisting almost entirely of coffee shops, yuppies, and techies. Tagging road signs is a common sport among teens. There are a large variety of species in the Coffee shop family, the most thriving and dominate, Starbuckius coffeeshoppian, the common name of "Starbucks." There are a number of other things in Seattle including Jedis, Donuts, and Dingoes, not to mention the occasional Asian. A significant landmark is the Space Needle, but nobody ever goes there due to fear of heights.
Due to its name, which suggests that a ton of washing occurs there, this state has an exaggerated perception of excessive cleanliness. However, scientific reports are yet to verify this fact. Several studies report findings of actual mud, grime, and smog in Washington State, but only in the wealthy neighborhoods. Everywhere else, the rule of "Wash behind your ears!" is still closely observed... or so the children claim.
The Obelisk
The Washington Monument, a giant building with no doors or windows found in Washington, D.C..
The Taco
The secret recipe, passed down verbally through generations of illegal Mexican immigrants on the American West Coast, has long been sought after by the Taco Bell Chihuahua to bring quality food into the Taco Bell product line. Luckily, the evil empire of American-Mexican food has been unable to obtain it, so the delectable dish has remained untainted for the 14 centuries since it was first handed out by Jesús.
The Break Dancing Move
After completing a successful backspin, the b-boyer lifts his body over the ground with only one hand while miming the founding of a country with the other. A variation is the Washington 2000, which involves the use of an axe, a powdered wig, and patriotic spirit. Gordon Freeman is the only known person to have done a "crowbar" version of this move.
The University
The University of Washington is a small elementary school in Norway. It is made entirely of tacos, although students are petitioning to have a new dorm made of burritos. However, due to a lack of funding, construction of the dorm would not begin until the year 2100.
This school is often confused with Washington University, which ironically is a bitter rival. In fact, out of pure rivalry, Washington University is trying to 1-up building their dorms out of quesadillas and enchiladas.
The hurricanes
As suprising as it is, fucking hurricanes don't hit Washington. In the Lower 48 it has the least amount of rainfall from one-0.87 INCHES!!! But if you take your closed mind for a mental walk, it makes sense-even Eastern Pacific storms blow to the northeast to the Rockies and Great Plains. It takes tough balls for a storm to not be curved as far as 45°31′12″N! Tropical Storm Ignacio of 1997 had even more balls, as it peaked as a 40mph tropical storm!
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