Talk:You have two cows

I Need Help

Guys, can I get a therapist or something? I really need mental help so I can deal with the fact that I only have two cows. 73.235.91.43 (talk) 22:28, 15 February 2021 (UTC)

Humor Value

I am not amoosed.

Ha ha ha. Idiot. --Me me me - A mine of Self-Centeredness 10:07, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

Instructions

Try to add new ones instead of replacing the original ones... do it like this:

; '''Subject'''
# entry 1
# entry 2
# entry 3

--Euniana 15:07, 28 Jan 2005 (EST)

Conan O'Brien

I'm a huge Conan fan, but I gotta admit that the Conan O'Brien entry is HILARIOUS. --Savethemooses 14:47, 8 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Thanks. I like Conan, too, but his monologue just gets horribly repetitive. He has a tendency to overuse jokes and overuse jokes and overuse jokes because that's really all 90% of his audience can handle.

(But a good lot of his stuff that's not repetitive is just genius, so I stil watch whenever I can, I just don't go out of my way to like I would, say, The Daily Show.) --Spooner 20:01, 8 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Conan hates his audience. You can really tell sometimes. He just gets a bunch of punkass 20-year-olds that go "WOOO!" all the time. You can read his Onion AV club article and see what he says about it. --Savethemooses 23:03, 8 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Random comments

Moo.

Note that the category on nationalities is actually a thinly veined section on pornography. --Chronarion 02:30, 8 Mar 2005 (EST)

Heroic couplets

" You have two cows that stand atop the pastures". I don't think that's a genuine heroic couplet. It has an extra half-foot. But a small price to pay for such silliness. 205.211.164.226 10:51, 8 Mar 2005 (EST)

The people reponsible for sacking the poetry department have been sacked. We apologize for the inconvenience. --Chronarion 12:09, 8 Mar 2005 (EST)

Actually, neither Chaucer nor even Pope was all that keen on keeping the meter. Chaucer's Middle-English version had plenty of such exceptions, including skipping half-feet all over the place right from the very beginning. "Whan that Aprill with his shoures soote" --> missing one unstressed syllable in the beginning and having an extra half-foot in the end. "So priketh hem Nature in hir corages" --> superfluous half-foot. (Chaucer, Canterbury Tales) "Nor suffers Horace more in wrong Translations" --> superfluous half-foot. (Pope, Essay On Criticism) But yeah, it's true that the heroic couplet generally doesn't like normally stressed, disyllabic words in the end. --stillwaters 16:08, 8 Mar 2005 (EST)

More comments

I have to say, this may be one of the best articles to date --Nytrospawn 15:33, 14 Mar 2005 (EST)

Programming Criticism

Godammit people: using farm; Cow[] cows = new Cow[2]; is total bollocks. The using clause disposes its parameter as soon as it goes out of scope. See my revision and consider yourselves spanked for poor coding. --Gadgeophile 22:54, 14 Mar 2005 (EST)

DnD ruleslawyer commentary

On the D and D entry: You're using fictional die sizes. There are no d5, d7, d3 or d2...there are, however d20s, d12, d10, d8, d6, and d4. I think using the existing dice without inventing new ones is sufficiently silly. Using fictional die sizes may also put off D and D players, who will scoff, and say, "There's no d7!!!! These people are CRAZY!!!"....MHO. --RadicalX 15:43, 30 Mar 2005 (EST)

There are d2's, they're called coins --Towr 15:55, 30 Mar 2005 (EST)

Technically, there are also d3....roll a d6 and divide by two (round up). But there is no d7!!!!! hehe --RadicalX 15:59, 30 Mar 2005 (EST)

Not only that, d3s were explicitly referred to in the original AD&D source books. You whippersnappers.

Well, you can make one. Roll a d8 and repeatedly rethrow on 8. --Towr 16:08, 30 Mar 2005 (EST)

Category stuff

Odd. I tried to indent category three as the earlier two categories are indented. It showed up in the preview, but didn't seem to make a difference when I actually edited the page. Apparently I fail at the internet. =( --Zem 19:31, 31 Mar 2005 (EST)

Never mind, it worked; my browser just has terrible issues with caching pages on this site and refusing to reload them. --Zem 19:36, 31 Mar 2005 (EST)

Cat 17 has deliberate spelling mistakes in it: And someone's improved on my original bad spelling! --IMBJR 10:25, 24 Apr 2005 (EDT)

As a sometimes reader of The Grauniad, I felt it was my duty --Freebasser 21:02, 26 Apr 2005 (EDT)

Republican Cows

I'm sure there's soemthing of value in the idea, I liked the Democrat cows. I would do something myself, but doubtless the best I could do is some bland, dated, overtly political joke. Anyone? --210.246.47.32 04:56, 13 Aug 2005 (UTC)

games/software categories

There's a games category, and there's a software category, which also contains games. End result: starcraft is in the list twice. --ComaVN 07:18, 30 Aug 2005 (UTC)

Slashdot two cows

Slashdot 11

You have two cows, both are posted by CowboyNeal. One is a dupe.

PHP

Am I the only person that's noticed that the PHP entry is bollocks? lol (You're missing $ signs on the variables.) Or am I missing something? Jevon 06:23, 23 Sep 2005 (UTC)

Wikibooks

You might be intereasted in wikibooks:Jokebook:You have two cows.24.65.52.133 23:42, 3 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Their's kinda suck. Not that ours aren't besiged with suck, but those ones really aren't all that funny. I'm tempted to replace all theirs with ours. -- Sir Famine, Gun ♣ Petition » 00:23, 4 Oct 2005 (UTC)

And our goth cows kick ass. -- Sir Famine, Gun ♣ Petition » 00:33, 4 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Nevertheless, I think they have done one thing right, and that is splitting the sections into separate subpages. That could help with our loading time on this page and might stop the language sections from getting b0rked once and for all. --stillwaters/Talk 04:02, 4 Oct 2005 (UTC)

Some of these entries are a bit shit

Isn't the point of 'you have two cows' to use two cows satirically to represent the subject? As far as I can see, too many entries (especially the literature, tv, movie and music sections) are simply inserting 'two cows' into well known catchphrases or lyrics. For example the Green Day entry (I'm only picking this as an example, there are many more like this) is simply putting 'two cows' into Boulevard of Broken Dreams. However, the Daft Punk entry is better, thanks to it's implication that the song is repetitive.

Would it be ok to rewrite some of the less funny and clever ones?

I agree, many of these are bit shitty...and some are too inaccurate. "Metal (Power): The warrior must rescue the two cows from a dragon. He reaches the Castle and slays the dragon. (Insert No Feeling Speed Solo Here.) The two cows are finally saved"? No mention of elves at all, and it's far more common for Power Metal heroes to ally with dragons than to slay them. Too bad that these pages are protected. --Genjar (talk) 13:57, June 3, 2012 (UTC)

New messages joke

How about we add this:

You have two cows (I have three)

Or some variant to the top of YHTC pages? ~ Ghelæ ^talk_contribs 16:23, 8 April 2006 (UTC)

Ok, that was weird. ~ Ghelæ ^talk_contribs 15:03, 8 August 2006 (UTC)

Mad Cow Joke

Can Bird Flu be brought into this?

Says the cow "I am worried about this Mad Cow Disease. What about you Esmarelda?" "I'm not - I'm a duck."

If cows have horns

If one cow has two horns and two cows have four horns, why is it that each cow always only blows one horn at a time???

((D. G. Neree 10:45, 25 May 2006 (UTC)))

?WTF?

Um, maybe there's an inside joke somewhere, or maybe I'm a bit slow (more likely), but I just don't get this article. WTF is it with these two cows?--DiZ 18:39, 17 June 2006 (UTC)

Wikipedia tag

Do you think that we should add one? Wikipedia for some reason does have an article on this --KWild 04:12, 9 September 2006 (UTC)

Yes. It's rubbish. --Me me me - A mine of Self-Centeredness 10:12, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

Yes. Unfortunately, the Wikipedia article is far more interesting and funny because it demonstrates comprehension of and the ability to use two cows. Look at the See Also that recommends articles on Spherical Cow and Cow Tipping; the Wikipedia article was done with real humor. Perhaps spork the Modern Language Journal section that talks about the 'isms'? Or just spork the whole thing? --Dbtng 04:44, February 12, 2010 (UTC)

Deep down

Deep deep down inside, we are all two cows

D. G. Neree 16:06, 17 November 2006 (UTC)

Needs cleanup.

From a quick perusal of the "you have two cows" series there's plenty of funny shit still there, but its consistently being added to the wrong page. I'd clean it up myself but I'm one lazy fuck. —Xoid (MUN F@H Talk) 08:14, 10 February 2007 (UTC)

Whatever happened to...

The forgotten two cows...

• A Tale of Two Cows by Charles Dickens
• Lord of the Rings: The Two Cows
• Two and a Half Cows
• "Two cows, or not two cows. That is the question." ~ Hamlet
• A Zed and Two Cows
• The Two Noble Cows
• The Two Gentle Cows of Verona
• The Man With Two Cows
• Two Cows, a Girl, and a Pizza Place
• "It takes two cows to tango."
• Lock, Stock, and Two Cows

Shouldn't at least two moore of these cows be represented?

-- Doctapeppaman 09:01, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

I agree. And what about...

• "And therefore never send to know to whom two cows belong; they belong to thee." ~ John Donne
• "Whose two cows these are I think I know" ~ Robert Frost, "Stopping by Two Cows on a Snowy Evening"
• "I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me two cows!" ~ Patrick Henry
• "I think, therefore two cows." ~ Descartes
• "You have two cows!" ~ Captain Obvious
• "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and two cows." ~ Winston Churchill.
• "May two cows be with you." ~ Han Solo
• "I love the smell of two cows in the morning." ~ Lt. Col. Kilgore
• "Houston, we have two cows." ~ Jim Lovell

-- Doctapeppaman 10:29, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

Reverting a reversion

Some Anonymous Coward seems to have reverted this page to a revision prior to its use as an index of subpages. Is it okay if I put this back the way it is supposed to be? --Pentium5dot1 (semi-retired) t~^_^~c 02:57, November 7, 2010 (UTC)

• No, I will do it. Checking history, all recent edits done by newbies or anonymous who are either vandalist or don't known what this page should be. Ace Attacker 07:22, November 7, 2010 (UTC)