User talk:Famine

Join The CMC! Make Your Inner Cow Happy!

Moo, Famine!

What is it about cows that gets us all hot and bothered? Where do cows come from? What are cows?

These are the questions that drive the Cow Moo Cult and its brethren, who are very, VERY interested in cows and cow by-products.

The CMC is devoted not only to cows, but to helping Uncyclopedia through general acts of goodness and through motivating people with cow-treats and the like.

So, Famine, why not join the CMC? It's free (unless you count virginity as money) and it's fun (and it's full of clichés)! You'll get a pretty template for your userpage and a nice title for your signature! What could be better? Sign Up Now!

Double moos from your cowy friend,
Tayor

Remember that time you completely huffed my one try at an article (fine, it sucked) well, nows the time to make up for it. Join your inner cow! woo! The HRH MuCal. Tayor MUN (Praise!) (CMC!) 17:31, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

On My Absence: A Reflection and Conclusion

My contribution list notes that my last edit was 6 Dec, and my last substantial bit of editing was in mid November. That makes it around 5 months since I've really poked my head in here, and I figured it was about time for me to answer the questions that some of you might have about this long absence.

To begin, I had a damn good run. I think I'm about the only admin to be able to string together something like 2.5 years of straight action. Just about everyone else has taken a few breaks in between for sanity's sake.

I initially took a break from Uncyclopedia because I was knee-deep in applying to graduate schools. My masters degree wasn't enough higher ed for me, and so I'm now gunning for a PhD. When that massive run of full-time work, part-time searching for a program, writing essays, getting transcripts and test scores sent, etc. wrapped up in the middle of January, I realized something very important: I did not miss Uncyclopedia.

When I first started writing here, early in 2005, I fucked around a lot, made a mess, and created a bunch of crappy articles and stubs. Most of them got deleted, for good reason. But that was fun. When I became an admin, I mixed my time doing admin work, and fucking around a lot. But the longer I was an admin, the more admin work I did. And that, by all accounts is..not..fun.

Since mid January, I've been involved in a few other projects on the web. And not as an admin. And guess what? They are fun. In one I'm a very low man on the totem pole, kowtowing to just about everyone else. And that's actually fun. I don't get pissed off, I don't get frustrated - I have fun. And that's what I was missing here.

In this time off, I've learned two very important things:

1) No collaborative projects work well without an absolute dictator involved and at the helm.

Examples: Linux kernel, early days of Uncyclopedia, the stupid shit here now and at Wikipedia as both lack this.

2) I hate stupid people.

Examples: Something Awful forums and memes, 4chan and related crap, most people under 20, you personally.

Now, I wasn't planning on coming back ever, but someone here decided to send me a bit of email for some reason. I did some thinking, and I think I can firmly say:

“ Adios, everyone. It was fun at the beginning, but Uncyclopedia now sucks, and nobody can save it. ”

— Famine

What I've realized is that without constant, extreme, and unquestioned asskicking, any place on the internet fills up with jackasses. One of the places I play around at now has a tyrannical asshole at the helm, and people get banned for breathing wrong. The end result is that it's an amazing place to hang out. All the jackasses are gone. The people there are intelligent, friendly, and funny. It's like night and day from Uncyclopedia.

There was a time when Uncyclopedia started to transition from random stubs to well-thought-out and very intelligent satire. Sure, there was still a fair bit of stupid shit, but some of the stuff being produced was exceptionally mature, and required a fair bit of literary study to truly understand. Those articles, while still here in some form, have generally been trashed by stupid assholes who think stupid = funny. That makes me sad.

My vision of Uncyclopedia was always that of a place which could mix a bit of stupid with some really good literary satire and some decidedly intelligent humor. Unfortunately, I always shied away from perma-banning people for simply being stupid, as I had some naive belief that they would "figure out how Uncyclopedia worked". This unfortunate belief allowed a tremendous amount of stupid people to set up shop here, leading to the disaster area of stupid we have today.

You see, to come back here would require that I be able to do two important things: Delete the stupid shit, and ban the stupid people. Unfortunately, you are most of the people here, and that's most of the content here. And that would mean lots of bitching and complaining, and then I'd have to ban those people. Essentially, I'd have to repeat the time I banned the entire internet, and I don't know that I'm allowed to do that more than once.

My major issue with Uncyclopedia is that its a self-governing organization of people. Had we, in the early days, decided to be tyrannical assholes and permaban people for being stupid, we wouldn't be in the place we are now. The sad fact is that Uncyclopedia is filled with idiots, and thus, as a self-governing organization, will never accept that to go from being a collection of all the stupidest shit on the internet to being a real humor powerhouse we'd have to permaban the very users which would need to decide that that is the proper direction.

If there was significant percentage of users here who were saying, "Famine, come back and ban us, and ban anyone who complains about it." I might consider coming back. However, since that would result in me coming back and banning you, I'm guessing that such a united community voice will not be heard.

Alas, Uncyclopedia no longer belongs to me, it belongs to you. And frankly, your sty smells way too much for me to want to hang around near it. To all those who I've shared some laughs with, thanks. And to all those who keep trying to keep this place decent, so long, suckers. You might want to go and start bailing out the Titanic while you're at it. I had a good time here at the beginning, but that was a long time ago. Hell, I don't think I could even contribute anonymously now without getting pissed off.

Sir Famine, Gun ♣ Petition » 04/21 22:18

Mister, I don't like your attitude.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Firstly, I'd be the first person you'd ban, per this forum, which was more of an attempt to get your attention than anything else. I'm sad you're not coming back. It's certainly your perogative. I'm sorry you think we're a pile of irredeemable crap. If you are gone for long enough that you can enjoy returning, we'd love to have you back. And not solely as "the bastard that nobody can mess with," either (though if you want that post, it may still be open at that time). Fun is the main reason we are here, and if you're not having any, you really SHOULD take a break. But you're always welcome back here, even as an idiot IP.  :) Take care and God bless.--<<>> 00:07, 22 April 2008 (UTC)

I've been an op for a couple months now. I'm having a fucking blast. Enjoy your life elsewhere--you aren't the first to leave like this, and God knows you won't be the last. Cheers, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:32, Apr 22

Good bye, good luck and good riddance. I'm kidding about that last part. The first two parts, too. I'm a muddle. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:14, 22 April 2008 (UTC)

Doctor Famine does have a decidedly hawt ring to it. Or even Professor Famine. Mmm. On another note I'm all for you banning the internet again. I completely agree. Hell if you came back and banned everyone I could probably come back too. Til I got banned too, thus completing the paradox. However I think the decision you reached sounds like the healthiest one for you so good luck and so long. :D ~ Dame Ceridwyn ~ talk DUN VoNSE arc2.0 03:14, 22 April 2008

Bye. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 03:17, 22 April 2008 (UTC)

Aw man.--Witt, of UNion Entertain me* 00:40, 23 April 2008 (UTC)

I've always been a strong advocate of banning everybody. If you came back, we could ban everybody together. It would be fun. Like a picnic. Or an Easter egg hunt! Yeah! The plastic Easter eggs with jellybeans and fun size candy bars inside! And we could find them all, and put 'em in our brightly colored pastel baskets, and then run back home to climb into our treehouse where we'd count out our stash and I'd trade for all of your Reese's Cups because you hate mixing chocolate and peanut butter, which I never understood, but hey, more Reese's for me, and then everybody else from the Easter egg hunt would show up at the base of the tree all mad because we found ALL the eggs, and they'd be standing there with their pathetic empty baskets, yelling at us to share, and we'd yell back "NO WAY, LOSERS! THE CANDY'S ALL OURS!" And a few of them would try to climb the tree, but luckily we'd have our supply of water balloons at the ready, and we'd drop them on all the climbers, and they'd get really upset because it's their nice church clothes, and they'd say that their moms are gonna kill them because that blazer costs like a hundred dollars at JC Penny's, but we wouldn't care and we'd laugh and laugh and laugh as they ran home boiling mad, and we'd sit there eating candy and reading comic books until it got dark out, and then our parents would come out and tell us it's time for dinner, but we'd be so full that we could barely move, so we'd stumble down the tree and into the house, where pa would say "looks like you boys had a long day" and we'd say "we sure did", and then we'd forgo the ham dinner for bed where we'd lie in our respective bunks, looking at the dinosaur posters on the ceiling until we drifted into sleep, where we'd dream about how we just had the best Easter ever... -- » Sir Savethemooses Grand Commanding Officer ... holla atcha boy» 06:41, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

Wait a minute... that was YOU?--<<>> 11:41, 24 April 2008 (UTC)

You don't know me and I don't really know you but your view of Uncyc now is very correct. I'm sad to see the site the way it is and I don't think there is a way to correct it until someone acts individually. I admire you for how you kind of held the site in some form of sanity and you have more than earned a break... we should give you some chocolates or something. Uncyc has become a too soft somewhat and those people who could write well are going unchallenged. Good luck whatever you do. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 08:21, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

• Well, I'm glad you're happy Famine. I can only hope that someday you will return, riding a black horse, carrying this really huge fucking sword, and like totally ban everyone and huff everything. Then, you'd laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. That's the part where I wake up. Good luck with the PhD. -- The Zombiebaron 18:15, 27 April 2008 (UTC)

I'm very sure you have no fucking idea who i am, but if ANY uncyclopedian leaves that is not Total shit i feel the responsibility to see them off. Bye. The One and Only... NecroBlade ^[STFU] Live And Learn...

Let's not call other users shit, shall we? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 20:13 May 07, 2008

You don't know me, nor do I ever think you'll ever read this. But if you ever do. I'd just like to say I totally agree with EVERYTHING you had to say. I came to this site in 2010, and quite recently I have stopped writting altogether and have been focusing on reverting vandals and making sure every last one of them is banned by an admin. The only problem is, what is 1 day of ban gonna teach any of them? 1 day later they'll just come back and vandalise it again and write more worthless shit. If I ever became an admin, I would make sure every last dumb arse wasn't given a third or fourth chance, 1st time warning. Second time permaban and tell them to fuck off and die. Goodbye The admirable Lord Frosty the Snowman 04:29, February 12, 2011 (UTC)

1 day will hopefully knock a little sense in to them. If that doesn't work, a longer ban will keep them away long enough for them to forget about us. If that doesn't work, then permaban. Granted, I am quite a mushy liberal (and a foreigner), but I see little point in turning a site that thrives on being anti-authoritarian (one of the pillars of comedy/satire is making fun of your betters) unnecessarily authoritarian. It defeats the purpose, really ("What's that purpose?", you ask? It's to stink up the internet with poorly engrammar'd pages about how dumb and smelly your friend is).

Lastly, Famine sucks and he's stupid and I hate him and I miss him terribly. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:57, February 12, 2011 (UTC)

Could you help me?

Hi, I seem to have picked up a persistent IP vandal on my Hippies article. His/her/it's IP is 71.222.179.226. Could you ban him? He keeps adding a stupid Russian Reversal quote to my article every other day. Thanks. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 02:11, Jun 5

Err... perhaps you should read the above... - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 02:46, Jun 5

You'd be better off either; reporting it to Ban Patrol or going on IRC and looking for an admin. Famine is gone, man. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 02:47, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Right. Anyways, I've semi-protected the page. No more IP problems. - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 02:49, Jun 5

Kudos to you for making the world a fractionally better place. You're like Batman. But without the gadgets. Or the Batmobile. Or the money. Or the kung foolery. Or the... Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 15:45, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Yes... I am "like" batman...yes. - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 15:46, Jun 5

Why am I blocked?

I've never edited Uncyclopedia, so why am I blocked? 75.39.15.195 00:29, 14 October 2008 (UTC) Or is it a general block of IPs?

You aren't blocked. Also, Famine is gone. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:12, Oct 14

He probably got confused by the feature. I know I did. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 02:02, 14 October 2008 (UTC)

Heh, I didn't even notice that. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 02:10, Oct 14