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(Ever wondered why? Here's why.)


Once in awhile a user gets their panties in a twist about what I (or another admin) has done. I don't know if I've ever taken the time to really explain, although other admins have taken a shot at it.

As Hinoa4 just said, and as has been said many times on this site, "Maybe it's the fact that we wade through more shit per day than you even thought possible..."

I just got done reverting one user's "In Soviet Russia" quotespam from about a hundred articles. I did the same thing on the same articles just a few days ago. I'll probably do the same thing in another day or two. Why? because this is an open wiki, open for all the idiots of the world to come in and fuck up as they please. And the only thing stopping this place from being a shitty-ass mess that nobody goes to is a small handful of users who really care, and about twenty semi-active admins who don't get paid to deal with this shit.

  • Rather than read funny articles, I delete vanityshite.
  • Rather than write award winning articles, I revert vandalism.
  • Rather than improve my favorite articles, I ban disruptive users.
  • Rather than have fun here, I work. And a lot of the time, it sucks.
Because I love this place.

How I got here

I discovered Uncyclopedia when it was pretty much brand-spanking new. I made a bunch of stupid-ass articles, some of which still exist. Most have been either deleted or edited into something completely different. When they were looking for admins, Elvis and I waved our hands, and they added us to the list. Why? Because nobody else wanted to do it.

I've been here more than a year and a half now, and I want to see this place survive. I want to see our gold-to-shit ratio continue to tilt to the "gold" side. And I'm willing to waste a bunch of my time doing a shitty, unfun job to make uncyclopedia better.

The Shit Work

But what this means is that I want to come in here, put out the fires, and get the hell out of here. If I spend hours agonizing over whether or not I should ban a user, a dozen more are freely vandalizing the site. If I take the time to carefully read an article before reverting what looks like generic vandalism or spam, a dozen more don't get fixed. If I consult all the editors of an article before deleting it, a dozen more never get deleted. There is pretty much an endless amount of work to do here. I try to get through as much as I have the motivation to get through. Some days, that's not much.

The amount of repeated idiocy that we see as admins is truly staggering. And completely demoralizing. However, we signed up for this to spare the rest of you as much of this shite as possible. As a whole, we are far less happy people now than when we were users. Keep that in mind when you talk with us.

Like an off-duty cop, I'm always on duty. If I decide to take the time to read an article for fun, when I see some vandalism, I have to fix it. I then have to figure out who did it. Then I need to check their edits to see if it was part of a spree. And if it was, I have to ban them, and go and revert all their edits. Suddenly 5 minutes of fun just turned into 10 minutes of work, and I'm back on the job.


I've banned a zillion people. Most deserved it. Some didn't. But most who didn't found an admin on irc (I very much owe Mhaille and Hinoa4 drinks should our paths ever cross for all their n00b-saving, and probably the rest of you as well.) and pleaded their case. Most of the time, if I really screwed up, another admin unbanned them, and life went on. A number of them came back to me and said something along the lines of "Man, sorry I did that. If I'd have know how harsh the ban would have been I'd never have done that." And usually I reply with something along the lines of "Hey - not a big deal. Sorry for being harsh, but I deal with a lot of shit here. Thanks for being so good about it, and if you need anything let me know."

As much as this is an open wiki, this is my house. I clean the floors. I take out the trash. I kick out the combatants and the hate mongers, and I hang up on the telemarketers. I toss out the people kicking holes in the walls, and then I fix the holes. I straighten the furniture, dust the mantle, and unplug the toilets. All so that you don't have to. And all for free.


Does all this shit work give me some sense of entitlement? You bet it does. But honestly, not all that much. I really only want about 4 things in return:

1) Don't make my job more difficult.
1a) Don't say/do stupid shit.
2) If you fuck up, say you're sorry. I'm pretty forgiving if you're civil and somewhat humble, and usually pretty nice.
3) If I fuck up, unless it's a matter of life or death:
3a) let it go.
3b) ask another admin wtf I was doing.
3c) ask me really, really politely.
4) Don't assume anything I say here is correct, serious, or what I really think. This is Uncyclopedia.

(A quick note: combining #2 and #3c works wonders. A number of my favorite users started off this way.)

I'm not here for fame and glory. I'm not here to stroke my ego by crushing the normal users. I don't do this because I have a Napoleon Complex. I'm trying to keep Uncyclopedia beautiful, and I'm trying to keep us heading uphill. The only thing stopping me is all the stupid people.

So basically, what Keitei said, just more long-winded and formal. Bone F clear.png Sir Famine, Gun Petition » 01:26, 19 September 2006 (UTC)