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User:Kippy

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Brief Info

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Hi, I'm Kip. Since the very beginning, I've traditionally described myself in the introduction of my userpage as "a nice guy who likes popcorn chicken". However, the 'nice guy' part of that description is now disputable, considering my love of popcorn chicken was so intense...well, let's just say I'm exempt from jury duty. You probably think that's a joke. I joined Uncyclopedia on February 13, 2007, and have been an admin since August 14, 2014. Hit me up on Discord as Kippy.

I swear I'm not as big of a neckbeard as this page would have you believe.

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Major Awards

Useless Gobshite of the Month Award Useless Gobshite of the Month November 2008
Foolitzer Prize Award Foolitzer Prize Winner February 2011
Uncyclopedian of the Month Award Uncyclopedian of the Month December 2012
Foolitzer Prize Award Foolitzer Prize Winner March 2013



How I was inadvertently responsible for crashing Wikia and ruining Uncyclopedia for a day

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Here's an interesting piece of historical trivia from back when Uncyclopedia was still Wikia's bitch. It involves Chuck Norris of all things.

For the longest time the article on Chuck Norris was exactly what you'd expect: Memey, cliché and edited over 9000 times by every Tom, Dick and Harry. It wasn't crap per se, but it wasn't fantastic. One day I casually suggested in the Uncyclopedia IRC that anyone who could rewrite it would be "the chosen one". Gifted writer Ljlego heard this as a clarion call to action. He rewrote the article to what it is today, and it was featured on September 20th, 2007.

A new featured article template for the Main Page was made around this time, and Chuck Norris was the first article to be placed on it. Unfortunately, on 9/21 at 0:00 UTC when the featured article was changed, the template caused a database error, of which lead to a crash in Wikia's servers. The consequence was Uncyclopedia having to be closed down for the majority of the day. By 9/22, all was peaceful in the world once again, and we moved on with our lives.

In conclusion, since I lead Ljlego to rewrite Chuck Norris, by a chain of causation:

I DESTROYED UNCYCLOPEDIA FOR A DAY!


True story.

My God

Someone must have been playing a very cruel joke at your expense when the powers that be decided an autistic semi-sentient semen-stained loofah like you would be perfect to run a comedy website, for comedy. I've seen my edits, and the edits of other users, reverted all because they didn't fit your dull, anal-retentive, OCD induced panic attack, sense of humor.

Here is all of your writing boiled down to one formula.

[Droll statement of fact] followed by [snide remark, likely with libertarian undertones].

I can understand, if I had to write like this for five or so years, I would probably go insane from the sheer, willful lack of imagination or creativity it would require. The parts of the brain that process funny would atrophy from neglect and melt and drip down my nose and form a sad pink puddle. It wouldn't matter to a hunchback bean counter like you, but it matters to everyone else whose sense of humor wasn't beaten out of them as a child.

You say your your writing, is dry, like a dry martini or dry aged beef. You brag about it on your userpage. It isn't. It's the dryness of old tissues caked with crusted snot. It's the dryness of crumbly dog poop roasting in the sun. It's the dryness of a well that spells doom for a poor African village.

I can see the beginnings of a grin forming in your acne spackled face. I see you lounging in a swivel chair splotched with brown and yellow stains, your paunch struggling bravely against the restraints of your khaki buttons as you huff and heave and spout unprompted free market invective at strangers on the internet. Your grubby index finger, dripping with funyun grease and taint sweat, lands firmly on your left mouse button as you revert yet another writer who's committed the unforgivable sin of not hoovering your internet micropenis.

"That's what you get," you snort in your contralto nasal twang. "You weren't being funny!" -- SD

Signature


Kip > Talk Works Sophia It's Peanut Better Jelly Time!!! Carlton2.gif Rotating Rick Astley.gif derp Sexy Snoo.png Knight of the Order USA!




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PENISMAN!!

Userboxes

Wiki.png This user uses Uncyclopedia as their primary point of reference.
Clock.gif This user has been on Uncyclopedia for
12 years, 4 months and 4 days.

Tntasplode.png This user is an admin. Don't mess with them, or you will be BANNED.
Or eaten by a grue.
UnNews Logo Potato.png This user is a reporter for UnNews because they couldn't get a job at a real newspaper.
174 This user has written 174 articles because they like to keep busy while shirking real life responsibilities.

10,000+ This user has over 10,000 edits.
1+ This user has over 1 edit. Duh!
US flag.png This user is American
...and unabashedly proud of it!
(List of American Uncyclopedians)
Texas flag.jpg This user is from Texas.
May secede if provoked!
Admin-pms.png This user is an administrator on another wiki.
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This user chooses the fate of articles on VFD. Fear Them.
Cheeze.jpg This user believes participation in the consumption of cheese is an exquisite pastime.
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Fisher Price rocks
AA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAA AAAAAAA!!!
NO This user doesn't care.
Oscar.jpg This user is wild about Wilde.
Domokunyellownbackground.jpg This user is a grue, and while you were reading this, has eaten you. Start over?
Dead This user is dead.Dead dead dead.

He died because he couldn't read the "You Are Dead" article.

Villianc.jpg This user denies any involvement with the cabal. There is no cabal.
You are not Thinkerer.JPG This user is NOT Thinkerer
As such, they are not entitled to any of the royalties that being Thinkerer entails, nor do they claim a level of awesomeness equal to, or any higher than, Thinkerer.

Potatohead2.jpg Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?

NO-C! This user hates all Contents and desires genocide to those who write them.


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This user is
Over 9000.
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This user thinks that
Mr winkler is GAY, he suxs!

JapaneseToiletBidet.jpg This user is a toilet! In Soviet Russia, toilet urinates on YOU!!
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext.png This user believes that admins are control freaks.
Potatohead aqua.png This user wants i maed a yuky doody featured.
Potatohead aqua.png This user wants Don't Panic featured.
Potatohead aqua.png This user wants [[]] featured.
Msyclopaintia.jpg This user's primary source of artwork is MS Paint.
29 This user is 29 years old. Woop-ti-doo.
Shyny ub.jpg This user is easily distracted by anything shiny.
Onlinenow.gif This user is online now!
Durrr This user is a fucking Moron.
Chickenbox2.0.png This user raises their own chickenbox.
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This user's boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do

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This user gots a shovel.
Yes he does.
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HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, available at Walgreens.

NRV.png This user is worthless to Uncyclopedia & should be huffed.
Geek.jpg This user is a geek.
3hearts.png This user wishes he or she had a girlfriend, will you go out with him/her? I wouldn't.
Bananaseizure.gif This user will give you a seizure.
FUUUUUUUUUUCK.jpg THIS IS SPARTA!
This user is a boy, and is made of slugs, and snails, and puppy dog tails.
Autism11.png I an Aspie, and thus a member of The Master Race; bow before my intellectual might, puny neurotypicals! (alternatively punch them in the face and steal their lunch money).
Windows Logo.png This user uses Windows because he or she can't get enough of your lover.

Ned Flanders.jpg This user says "Hi-didly-o neighbourino" to you.


.sdrawkcab si resu sihT

!degnellahc-yllatnoziroh TON si resu sihT :etoN
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Jason vorhees.jpg This user is a serial killer, and he/she is standing right behind you!!
Gefahrensymbol F.png This user is a pyromaniac.


MEH This user redefines lazy!
Pi3.14.jpg This user loves pi
This user is right-handed.

In Latin, they would be Dexter.

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Just because I think everyone is trying to kill me doesn't mean they aren't. You know what I mean?

Straight.jpg This Uncyclopedian is happy to be 100% straight.
BS This userpage is bullshit.
Pick Up the Phone Booth and Aisle This user edits PUTPBAA, the most organised text-adventure on Uncyclopedia.
Anteater2.jpg This user is a Taahgaarxian. Run, atheists, run!
45px-Illogicopedia.png Kippers also goes to the Illogicopedia wiki. LOLWUT.
253951 photo.gif Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring....BANANAPHONE!!!!


9/21 This user will never forget the events of 9/21/07; the day Uncyclopedia was huffed by terrorists.
This space for rent.
Color This user likes random colored userboxes.
Eeek! This user steals userboxes from random people's user pages.
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This user is EXTREMELY RANDOM Be advised: Approach with caution and a sense of humor.


Temp This is a template userbox, to create userboxes from. Anyone with it on his/her page is clearly just looking for an excuse to have more Userboxes.
usbx This user likes to use userboxes.