Order of the Communist Pear

The almighty communist pear.

“The pear is a communist”

~ Captain Obvious on The Communist Pear

“What pear?”

~ Captain Oblivious on Captain Obvious's Quote

The Order of the Communist Pear (Заказ коммунистической груши) Is a secret organization in Eastern Europe. Their goal is to restore the Soviet Union to its former glory and destroy the world's democratic institutions. They want all of us to join the revolution and destroy the capitalist douche bags. So Vote Communist!

Don't talk about it out loud, though. This is a secret organi..FUCK! I gave it away.

Origins

At the fall of the Soviet Union the people in Russia who still thought communism was a good institution formed an exclusive group. The original name for the OCP was the New Soviet Federation. Of course the name was too plain and people began to think communism was boring so the Order of the Communist Pear was adopted to keep people interested. The OCP wanted to be the fun party-guy of the neo-Soviet organizations.

A group photo of the OCP's Moscow office.

Symbolism of the Pear

The pear is a symbol of communism itself. What they claim to be the true form of government. It also symbolizes the founders and the great men who inspired them.

Why a Pear?(because it can be!)

It has always been a mystery why the OCP chose a pear as their symbol. There were many other options, such as the Order of the Communist Dragon, the Neo-Soviet Xbox Party. Of course they chose a pear. Why? No one knows. They were probably high anyway. However, the main theory is one day at lunch time a founder had brought a pear and shared it with everyone, they thought it would be a perfect symbol for communism.

Stalin said about the order, "I like pears. That's why I joined. No questions!"

Platform

The OCP has a platform stating their basic principles.

* Communism must be restored to Mother Russia and all of the former Soviet states
* Every country in the world must become form a communist institution
* Sodomy must be legal in all parts of the world
* All communist nations will be united into one state
* Eastern Orthodox is the one true religion (if you choose to believe in God) 
(also Catholicism is okay, they like sodomy)
* All forms of democracy, monarchy, theocracy, or any government that is not communist must be destroyed
* Vodka good

Institutions

As their name suggests the OCP is strongly pro-Communism. If you have read up to here in the article and haven't figured that out, you're a fucktard. They believe strongly in the works of Karl Marx as well as the rest of the Marx Brothers. Because of their Russian origins the OCP is also a Russian imperialist and supremesist group. Which makes sense because Russians are so fucking awesome. Much better the far more inferior Georgians, Bulgarians, or Ukrainians and most of all those damn Americans. Also their support of sodomy is rooted in the fact that their founders and the people who inspired them were all a bunch of pedophiles.

OCP president Vladimir Putin demonstrating his stance on sodomy.

All of the former Soviet states have refused to join the OCP in rebuilding the Soviet Union. As a result Putin and his fellow OCP leaders feel they must punish them by either invading them, or cutting off their resources. Russia and the OCP are definitely striking fear into their adversaries. However the former Soviets have created an alliance of their own in order to combat them. The Anti-Neo-Soviet Order of Oranges (ANSOO) is their organization gaining popularity in former Soviet nations as well as Germany, Afghanistan, Monogolia, and America would if the people there were so damn ignorant.

Affiliations

The OCP's existence has been revealed to nations and groups with similar interests.

Communists

The OCP's belief that communism is the only true government; communist nations must remain united. the OCP is closely affiliated with communist and socialist nations such as China, Vietnam, North Korea, Cambodia, and France.

Putin made intense negotiations with Chinese officials to ally them with the OCP. Here he is getting his ass licked by a bodyguard before after stating his intentions.

The International United Communist and Socialist Association (IUCSA) was formed very publicly however America and its allies managed to completely ignore it when President Bush decided they should all play Call of Duty online instead.

Pedophiles

The OCP's stance on sodomy has given them strong support from NAMBLA members, the Vatican, the people of Newfoundland, and the Disney Corporation.

Woodland Critters and Various Other Rapists

The OCP shares a common interest with the Woodland Critters as well as other famous rapists. They LOVE raping people.

Eastern Orthodox Religious Freaks

Serbia supports the OCP because they want to eliminate nearly all religions but Eastern Orthodox. They support this idea because they've spent centuries trying to get rid of those "dirty Bosnian infidels." However, many are outraged that the OCP has an alliance with the Vatican and therefore, with the Croats. Some Serbs questioned why the Bosnians and Croats are hated to begin with, but were killed soon afterwards.

Catholic Religious Freaks

The Pope and his cardinals once joined the OCP leaders in sodomizing a young boy.

Evil Corporations

Communism and Socialism call for government control of industry. The OCP and IUCSA are slowly taking over distribution and industry through their partial and total ownership of Microsoft, Disney, Lukoil, and the Evil Machine that secretly controls all department stores (especially Wal★Marx)

Trivia

Religious figures - the opiate of the pears

• Unlike all other secret organizations the OCP is not controlled by Jews
• All communists are pedophiles
• The French suck
• Screw capitalists
• Screw capitalists
• The pear is the most communist of the fruits
• The Pope, his cardinals, and all the OCP leaders got syphilis after sodomizing that little boy
• The OCP is very nice!
• The second trivia point was a lie
• That ^ trivia point was a lie
• ...and so was that ^ one
• and that one ^ too

See also

• Russia
• Communism
• Anti-Neo-Soviet Order of Oranges
• Pears of Wrath
• Republic of French Stereotypes
• Wal★Marx

Oppressive Russian Stuff

Mother Russia	People – Language – Moscow – Siberia – Russian Ocean – Russian Empire
Soviet Union	Soviet Union (Mathematics) – Ukraine – Belarus – Soviet Britain – Russian America – New USSR – Russian reversal (joke)
Famous Figures	Vyacheslav Molotov – Nikola Šećeroski – Vladimir Putin – Yakov Smirnoff – Fyodor Dostoyevsky – Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky – Yogi Berra – Anna Kournikova – Igor Stravinsky – Ayn Rand – t.A.T.u.
Major Events	Russian Revolution – Battle of Kursk – Chernobyl – Яussian Яevolution of 1917 – 2002 Germany airplane sexual intercourse – Laika: the first dog in space - American Invasion - Russian Invasion
Climate	Winter – Deepest darkest winter
Shady Organization	Order of the Communist Pear – Soviet Space Program
Russian Culture	Communism – Grammar Communism – Gulag – Molotov cocktail – lɒƨɿɘvɘЯ nɒiƨƨυЯ – Russian double reversal – Cowmunism – Battleship Potemkin
Russian Cuisine	Cabbage – Famine – Vodka – Novichok