NAMBLA
Origins[edit | edit source]
NAMBLA was founded in the Yank territory of New York, in 1981, in the cellar apartment of a man only ever known to subsequent club members as "M. Jackson". His colleagues, friends and even relatives only ever knew him as "Michael J." It is unknown whether this man will ever be caught for the victimless crimes he has committed on society. NAMBLA began to grow in popularity in the late 90's, they even managed to secure a deal with a large badge manufacturing company in America and began to distribute badges bearing the slogan "NAMBLA rocks my socks! ;)" These were mainly directed at children 10 years old and under, and so they were hidden inside Happy Meals from McDonalds. Along with this, several prominent members of the upper hierarchy of society proclaimed their support for this organization. Popular belief is that NAMBLA stands fo National Association of Marlon Brando Look-Alikes, but they are idiots. I'll make them an offer they can't refuse: my twenty inch cock.
Unearthing[edit | edit source]
NAMBLA was unknown until the the mid 80's, when the police uncovered one of the "cuddle" rings in Boston. Police say that this is "just the tip" and that there was most likely and entire network of "man on boy on man" action going on, and that they wanted in. The public wanted more than just the tip, so many public raids against man boy love (PRAMBLA) were formed.
Controversies[edit | edit source]
Conflict has arisen because in Russia there is no legal age for consensual sex (especially between two men) and so authorities are powerless to stop the NAMBLA World Fair, NAMBLA Little League Cup, NAMBLA Expo ("Showing The Future* of Children, Today"), etc etc. But, as these events all take place within the Russian border (does Neverland count?) - all the police in the whole wide world are unable to help. Anyway - it was recently exposed on a Fox News special that there is a surprisingly large ratio of adult men to child-men. This is because any child who is over 10 years of age or a girl or black or mentally/physically deformed or have webbed toes or possess more than 8 fingers are not allowed within half a cubit of the event.
NAMBLA Events[edit | edit source]
Many events follow the following timeline:
- 11am-2.20pm - Coach arrival (each coach is given it's own 30-second time slot to deal with the large number of applications)
- 2.20-2.40pm - "Meat and Greet" - ordinary NAMBLA members can converse with, share pictures with and get autographs of many famous NAMBLA members
- 2.40-2.55pm - oral support for the children.
- 3.40pm-4.00pm - welcome, late brunch and tour of facilities
- 4.00pm-4.12pm - customary trouser(snake) removal
- 4.12-5.30pm - Lectures on further upcoming NAMBLA events
- 5.30-5.31pm - Short, 27 second clip of a naked African child taken from one of those stupid charity videos you see on TV, you know, the one where they make you feel really guilty into paying just 60pennies a day to save a starving child...
- 5.31-6.00pm - Lap rides
NAMBLA Membership[edit | edit source]
In order to gain membership, one must prove love for another male with an age difference of between 14 - 76 years. It is for this reason that very old members of NAMBLA must commit at an early age, as membership is guaranteed for life. A series of tests must also be undertaken, potential members are judged on their skills in activities such as Caber Tossing, Falsetto Singing, Hoopla, Hungry Hungry Hippos! & of course the dreaded Erectial Marathon.
Membership Types[edit | edit source]
- Bronze - bi-daily pamphlet on all the upcoming NAMBLA events & members (yearly contribution of at least $4)
- Gold - as above plus unlimited access to [www.nambla.net] (yearly contribution of at least $99)
- Premo - as above plus guaranteed lifetime membership, even if found to be in the company of a major (over 18) (at least £255 per annum)
- Platinum - as above plus unlimited access to any member child (day or night), free access to the NAMBLA Day Spa (situated in Kentuckistan) & your face on at least 12 issues of NAMBLASSMTRGNDSITAOYFONOAEPFTLOGTTWS! (NAMBLA Super Special Magazine That's Really Good But Don't Show It To Any Of Your Friends Or Neighbors Or Anyone Else Please For The Love Of God Take This Warning Seriously!) although unfortunately this frankly overly-long title takes up most of the magazine so the face is reduced to 1 pixel in size on the bottom right of the front cover (yearly contribution of at least $4500)
An example of the Platinum membership card is shown below :
