T-35

T-35
BIAS!!!
Type	Crap
Place Of Origin	Biasistan/Stalinistan
In Service	1935 - 1945
Main Armament	76,2 mm KT-28
Secondary Armament	2x 45 mm 20-K, 6x 7,62 mm DT machine guns for Anti-Aircraft sake
Armor	max 30 mm of composite armor (cardboard/stalinium in ratio 3:1)
Engine	Mikulin M-17 (500 hp)
Mass	54 tons

The T-35 was the grand Soviet attempt at creating something that would scare off enemies by its mere presence. This five-turreted monster, whose crowning moment was being menacing in parades, turned out to be a work of art in inefficiency.

Built from the finest Soviet cardboard with only a light steel plating, the T-35 boasted an innovative combination of zero mobility, utterly useless firepower, and a flawless inability to remain alive on the battlefield. It was so mechanically reliable that most units broke down before they even reached the enemy—so they were beaten before the battle had even begun.

Development

The T-35 was a Soviet design success, in which megalomania and technology fever were combined for things that were terrifying to see but utterly useless in practice. The project began in 1930 in OKMO, in which two rival groups of designers fought to produce a larger, heavier, and more absurd tank.

The initial team, led by German engineer Grotte, determined that the best solution to modern warfare would be the 100-ton, four-turreted T-42 monstrosity, equipped with a 107mm naval gun, controlled by pneumatic servos, and built on an advanced chassis with pneumatic suspension. This innovative book was later abandoned once it had been discovered that there was not a bridge robust enough to support it, nor a motor robust enough to move it, nor money large enough to finance it.

The second faction, commanded by N. Ciets, used the British Vickers A1E1 Independent as their model—why will it work for the British if not, why will it fail for the Soviets? In July 1932, they completed the first model of a 35-ton tank with a 76.2mm gun, which subsequently proved to be so complicated and expensive that it would have been cheaper to equip every soldier with two BT-5 tanks.

• Accordingly, a simplified model was decided to be made and the following materials were required:
• 200,000 bicycle gears and wheels,
• 155 tons of Soviet high-quality cardboard for light and modern armor protection,
• 270 GAZ engines due to their reliability and power,
• 800 tons of Soviet high-grade wood for internal frames and ornamentation.

First prototype

After a series of modifications—like the substitution of the transmission, engine, and idea that the tank really worked—the T-35 was approved for production on August 11, 1933, and production was shifted to the Kharkov Locomotive Factory. There, ten vehicles were produced in two batches, and each tank had individual design flaws, so no two vehicles behaved the same.

Mass production started in 1934, gradually improving little things such as replacing the 37mm guns with 45mm guns, adding eight wheels to the chassis, and tweaking the turrets to at least make the tank appear functional. 59 were produced by 1939, the final production batch of ten featuring sloped armor updated turrets, improved side skirts, and a groundbreaking driver's hatch—though the driver still could not leave because the turrets were in his path.

Combat use

Average condition of T-35 in 1941

When in 1940 the issue of what to do with these metal beasts came up, it was clear that no one in their right mind would send them into battle—until someone had the bright idea of simply driving them to the front and employing them as if they were giant tin cans waiting to be recycled.

Despite its enormous size and intimidating look of its weaponry, the T-35 had a tiny disadvantage—it could not fight. Its main 76mm armament was completely useless, so it left the task to its 45mm guns, which were rather underwhelming for a tank the size of a small apartment complex. Even if the tank miraculously found itself in combat, it would be destroyed by a German 37mm anti-tank gun at several kilometers, an 88mm flak from the other side of the district, or it would simply break down due to the laws of physics and mechanical failure.

The T-35 had the distinction of seeing its first—and nearly last—real combat in June 1941 during the Battle of Brody. Its poor tactical mobility made it lag behind its own forces and run into German armor in the gap between Verba and Ptycha. The result? Seven Soviet tanks lost, including four T-35s (two of which exploded so spectacularly that the Wehrmacht thought it was a failed Moon rocket launch attempt). The T-35 was so massive that no one even needed to aim at it—enemy fire hit it by default simply because it was everywhere.

Although it was built to be "combat-ready," most of these metal behemoths never saw real combat—instead, they broke themselves with mechanical failures. The engine, which was actually a collection of small engines patched together, was less than an engineering triumph, so the tank tended to break down long before the enemy even came into view. That being said, there were some that did up to 500 km, which was nothing short of a miracle—akin to someone attempting to complete the Dakar Rally on a shopping trolley roller bag.

The T-35's farcical fate was sealed during the First Battle of Kharkov, when four vehicles were hastily "repaired," rearmed, and sent into battle—approximately as much use as trying to fend off a tank attack with a Nordic walking pole. One model that was captured made it to Germany, where it was discovered that its armor was so randomly thick that the same effect might have been achieved by encasing it in tin cans. This tank eventually ended up being used as a barrier at Zossen in 1945, finally being used in a role in which it had actual combat value—standing still and going nowhere.

Specs

Internals

Size:

Measuring 9.72 meters long, 3.2 meters wide, and 3.43 meters high, the T-35 couldn't be avoided. Hiding behind the terrain was not possible—unless it was so dense a fog that Moscow itself would become invisible in it. Where other tanks were hiding behind greenery and camouflage nets, the T-35 hoped that the foe would perish from laughter before the enemy managed to fire at all.

Mobility:

Engine

The T-35 used a 12-cylinder Mikulin M-17 gasoline engine, effectively assembled from 12 individual small engines, producing an intimidating 500 horsepower. This propelled it at a whopping top speed of 30 km/h on paved roads and 14 km/h off-road—provided that its transmission didn't break down and the engine wasn't set aflame in utter frustration. Its fuel tank had a capacity of 910 liters, meaning the T-35 consumed fuel faster than it could actually move. And if it needed to turn? You’d better hope the enemy was patient—because turning took an eternity.

Protection:

Armor material

The armor on the front was a respectable 30 mm thick, which was more than good enough… if it were still 1916. The sides and rear were even better armored—with a full 20 mm, so that if the enemy had a shotgun or a sufficiently irate infantryman with a crowbar, they could be a serious threat. The armor itself consisted of a revolutionary combination of cardboard and Stalinium in a 3:1 ratio (22,5 mm cardboard/7,5 mm Stalinium on the front; 15 mm cardboard/5 mm Stalinium on the sides and rear). The ceiling and floor of the tank were reinforced with high-quality Soviet wood.

Armament:

Tank itself has actually quite impressive number of weaponry (3 cannons and 3 machine guns), however.......

Primary weapon

Main gun:

76,2 mm KT-28 L/16 (based on regimental gun obr. 1927) (96 rounds)

Ammunition:

Weapon	Name	Ammunition Type	Weight (kg)	Muzzle Velocity (m/s)	Armor Penetration (mm - 10 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 100 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 500 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 1000 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 2000 m)
KT-28	log	AP	7	270	37	37	25	12	6
	Artyom's head	APHE	3,2	370	6	5	3	0	0
	OF-350	HE	6,55	253	11	11	11	11	11

Secondary gun:

Secondary armament

2x 45 mm 20-K (226 rounds)

Weapon	Name	Ammunition Type	Weight (kg)	Muzzle Velocity (m/s)	Armor Penetration (mm - 10 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 100 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 500 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 1000 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 2000 m)
20-K	Vodka bottle (empty)	AP	0,75	760	70	45	30	17	0
	Vodka bottle (full)	APCR-Shrapnel	1	985	94	67	40	21	0
	O-240	HE	6,55	760	3	2	1	0	0

Melee weapon

Melee weapon

7,62 mm DT (7800 rounds)

Weapon	Name	Ammunition Type	Weight (kg)	Muzzle Velocity (m/s)	Armor Penetration (mm - 10 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 100 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 500 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 1000 m)	Armor Penetration (mm - 2000 m)
DT machine gun	Needles	MG ammo	0,01	840	1	1	0	0	0

Gaijin bias (FEED THE SNAIL)

ATTACK THE D-POINT!!!

If you’ve ever played War Thunder, you know that realism in this game is on the same level as historical accuracy in Hollywood movies. Some tanks are absurdly overpowered (looking at you, T-34 and IS-6), while others only function if operated by a hardcore masochist. And then there’s the T-35 – a tank that didn’t work in reality but somehow became a brutal five-headed hydra from place called BIASGRAD in War Thunder.

And then there is the T-35. A colossal, multi-turreted, steel tombstone, designed by Soviet engineers with a death wish. And yes, IT’S PREMIUM. Because Gaijin has bills to pay, and you will pay them.

FEED THE SNAIL™. WORSHIP THE SNAIL™. ATTACK THE D-POINT.

SPAWN IN: THE APOCALYPSE BEGINS

The match begins. The battlefield is calm. A team of Leopard 2s, Abrams, and Type 90s roll into position. A few helpless BR 1.3 tanks scramble forward, trying to cap a point. They don’t know. They can’t know. That it is already over. The ground trembles. Steel plates groan and shriek. A monolithic shadow appears on the horizon.

T-35 HAS ENTERED THE BATTLE.

Useless

A Leopard 2A7 spots you. His commander laughs. "What is this trash? A museum piece?"

He fires a DM53 APFSDS round.

DIRECT HIT.

HIT – NON-PENETRATION.

The Leopard 2 player freezes.

"What…?"

He fires again.

HIT – NON-PENETRATION.

His squadmates panic.

🗣 "ATTACK THE D-POINT!"

The KT-28 fires.

LEOPARD 2A7 – CREW KNOCKED OUT.

The Type 90 retreats in horror. An M1A2 Abrams fires a depleted uranium round.

HIT – NO DAMAGE.

His soul leaves his body.

THE SLAUGHTER INTENSIFIES

USELESS

They call for air support. A squadron of F-16s and Su-25s lock onto you. Missiles streak toward your hull. FOUR DIRECT HITS.

HIT – NON-PENETRATION.

The pilots scream in terror.

They drop bombs.

TWO FAB-5000s DETONATE ON YOUR POSITION.

HIT – NO DAMAGE.

A B-29 arrives.

TACTICAL NUKE DEPLOYED.

ALLIED AND ENEMY VEHICLES OBLITERATED.

Except for one. From the raging nuclear inferno, the T-35 rolls forward, untouched.

THE AFTERMATH: WAR THUNDER DIES

The enemy team is broken.

• The Type 90 driver alt-tabs to uninstall.
• The Leopard 2A7 player smashes his keyboard.
• The Abrams player pulls out his ethernet cable in sheer terror.
• One by one, they quit.
• Their screens go black.
• War Thunder closes itself.
• Their hard drives wipe.
• Their computers overheat and burst into flames.
• They can never return.

Because War Thunder does not exist for them anymore.

FINAL RESULTS: THE EXTINCTION EVENT 🐌

Shells absorbed:

• 800 HEAT-FS rounds
• 400 APFSDS
• 12 ATGMs
• 5 tactical nukes
• 2 orbital laser strikes

Kills:

• Entire enemy team (16 kills)
• 6 aircraft shot down with a machine gun
• 2 nuclear bombers destroyed mid-air
• 1 entire clan rage quit forever

Match XP:

• MORE THAN THE GDP OF A SMALL COUNTRY
• RANKED #1 – UNTOUCHABLE BIAS

FREE REPAIR COSTS – BECAUSE THE SNAIL™ IS PLEASED

See also

Soviet Union

KV-2

World War II

Stalinium