Social Credit System

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Greetings Comrade-Citizen. Your Social Credit Score is 0. You need 1000 points to view the article on Social Credit System. To gain points, you must be kind and courteous, of humble attitude, well groomed, and of a cheerful, ever glowing disposition. You must brighten every room you enter, and in that brightness will shine the honor of your mother and father, and of the People's Republic. You can also earn points through the purchase of state produced products.

You owe the State Treasury ¥0.00

June 2020 Exclusive Shopping Catalogue
Mao throwpillow.jpg

Buy now!
Commemorative Mao Tse Tung throw pillow for home and office

Huawei phone.jpg

Buy now!
Huawei P8800 Pro with 168MP camera, 90Hz Screen & 256GB RAM

Trump and xi tv.png

Buy now!
64-inch flatscreen OLED TV, with vibrant colors and mandatory ads

Geely Boyue 2 China 2017-03-29.jpg

Buy now!
2016 Geely Boyue compact crossover SUV, mildly used, normal stains


Buy now!
400 tons of industrial grade Potash

Foxconn employees.jpg

Buy now!
Three months of wages for 50,000 Foxconn employees

A Social Credit surveillance camera at work, looking out for bad behavior, like littering, or suspiciously staring at government cameras

The Social Credit Score is a marvel of social engineering, a fulfillment of the golden harmony promised to our Glorious People's Republic by her two greatest stewards, Confucius and Mao. Inspired by the decadent Credit Score of capitalist America, our fairest leader, Bear-Like Xi Jinping, perfected it by having the credit score encompass literally every facet of everyone's existence. Now, our stalwart tourists will no longer embarrass our nation with their vandalizing of ancient pyramids and propensity to hog all the crab legs at a buffet. Now, human behavior shall be collated, controlled, monitored and maintained, for the betterment of all, with no harmful consequences whatsoever.


The History of China goes back all the way to the Big Bang, when the first atoms of what would eventually become China were created. The history of the Social Credit System is more recent. Developed in a high-tech lab in Shenzhen, the Social Credit System was developed to solve a problem so prevalent in the history of the Middle Kingdom: the need to control angry peasants and their angry peasant complaining. Despite the enduring legacy of the Cultural Revolution, the proles are still liable to rise up against their betters and ruin the fun for everyone else. Until our scientists can CRISPR the uncouth rebel genes out of the Chinese people, systems to promote harmony and the general welfare will be needed to prevent anarchy.

Points system

Proud citizens showing off their Social Credit Score, which is also a violation of the rules on humility and therefore incurs a five score penalty

By breaking down literally every social interaction into a game-like system, we have ensured the complete end of social strife and chaos. As official State studies have shown, citizens respond well to their every action being analyzed and judged, the threat of embarrassment and isolation only one misjudged choice away.

Social Credit is determined through a top-secret algorithm and advanced facial recognition software that can scan a person's unique DNA signature through pore sweat spectroscopy from up to 10 kilometers away.


Good behavior becoming of a respectable, upright citizen is rewarded with increased Social Credit. Following traffic laws and sharing the crab legs among all your family instead of hogging them for yourself are examples of decent behavior that will improve your score. Volunteering in the comment farms, and joining the Hong Kong Police Department will improve your score. Continuously and indubitably praising the Party for its fortitude in the face of adversity and its undoubted commitment to the Permanent Revolution will improve your score. Excess praise is embarrassing, however, and will not result in more Social Credit.

Citizens with high Social Credit can enjoy innumerous benefits, such as access to "Fastpass" passes at Disneyland Shanghai, high speed train travel, access to their local province's public parks, the ability to see their children, lactose tolerance, prestigious private schools for their family, discounts on all Huawei phones, travel to other countries, and much more. With sufficient Social Credit, one can even get a signed autograph of Xi Jinping himself, to be framed in a household's most cherished wall.


The major function of the Social Credit System is to deincentivize behavior inconducive to the harmonious running of Chinese Society. Before, behavior that was unharmonious, but not strictly speaking illegal, was either meekly tolerated or corrected through beatings, but now, the Social Credit System provides an ethical, humane and effective way to steer the common folk from the better devils of their nature. Now, overstaying your welcome at an internet cafe, or scooping the crab legs from the buffet with your plate like a child, or running over toddlers, or spreading false news, or taking insufficient showers, or any number of actions that seek to subvert the greater wellbeing, will be punished.

Citizens with low Social Credit are barred from high Social Credit privileges. They will be unable to take the bus, or the bullet train, or even the overpriced taxi. During Karaoke night, their mics will be confiscated by duly appointed government officials. Their children will be forced to attend schools of poor quality, with asbestos roofs. Their grandmas will spit on their eyes. They will be forced to eat only boiled, unseasoned chicken thigh, as the Americans do. They will be forced to wear signs that say, "I am a dullard." They will be sent to the forced labor camps, and their nervous systems sold to museums. Worse of all, they will be banned from WeChat.

See also

Potatohead aqua.png Featured Article  (read another featured article) Featured version: 26 June 2020
This article has been featured on the front page. — You can vote for or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
Template:FA/26 June 2020Template:FA/2020Template:FQ/26 June 2020Template:FQ/2020