KV-2

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KV-2
"King of Derp"
KV-2-2-2.png
The Tower of Doom during the Battle of Kursk
Type Fat Heavyweight Tank
Place Of Origin Made In Glorious Soviet Union by Joseph Kotin, the penultimate designer of Death Star
In Service 1940-20XX
Main Armament 152-mm weapons of mass destruction with Stalin-hand-guided s-HESH shells
Secondary Armament 7.1945-mm KGB-operated AK-47 maschine gun
Armor Entirely covered in Stalinium
Engine V2-K-L-M-42 cylinder diesel 5 hp (4 kW)
TopSpeed: 1.01.00 km/h
Mass 9.999.999 tons
Length Same as Death Star
Width 0.0000000000356442 cm
Height Taller than any pandak-people in Dapilipins
Oh shit! Drive at full reverse!

6th Panzer Division on KV-2

Nerf KV-2

N00b WOT players on KV-2

The KV-2 "Dreadnought" Heavy Tank-SPG, KV-2-2-2 Triple-Derp, the King of Derp or Tower of Doom was the most OP Russian tanks in World War II. When using s-HESH, guided by the hand of Stalin himself, all poor German fucked-up Panzers in the battle of Raseiniai were destroyed by this glorious fridge with its 152-mm weapons of mass destruction.


History[edit | edit source]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about KV-2.

This Russian heavy tank is not actually a tank, but a self-propelled gun. After seeing the success of the KV-1 in the Winter War, the Russian High Command decided they needed a bigger gun, to blow those pesky Finns out of their bunkers on that damn Mannerheim Line, and to put a 152-mm howitzer into Stalin's refrigerator and slapped it onto the stronk KV-1 hull. The result was this monstrosity.

First trials were begun in February 1940 and shortly after, 2 prototypes were sent to the front on the Karelian Isthmus. They did good enough and production begun just in time for a few hundred to greet Hitler as he made the biggest mistake of his life. When meeting the Germans in 1941 it was virtually invulnerable to German tank guns, thanks to its STRONK 110 mm of Stalinium armor. As a result, most KV-2s were taken out by infantry attacks or larger towed anti-tank guns. It was primarily used to troll the fuck out of early war German bitch tank divisions who were powerless to stop it, unless they managed to disable it, by taking out its tracks or engine. The best example of this was near Raseiniai, where a few KV-1s and a KV-2 halted the entire 6th Panzer Division for a whole day, as they were powerless to kill the damn thing and they only prevailed when Russian crews ran out of ammo and run off.

This autistic amount of overpoweredness did come at a price: This thing is heavy, like stupid heavy, this meant it was slow as fuck and made its transmission about as useful as the one on the Tiger II. Also its gigantic turret was turned by hand, which was difficult for even the strongest proletariat factory worker to do quickly. Also the turret ring could jam due to the massive recoil of the 152-mm Communism Launcher. Also it was very top-heavy, which goes without saying, but this could make the tank fall over if moving on a slope. As a result, most KV-2s were lost due to breakdowns, and not combat damage from tiny German shells, but this didn't stop the Germans trying to recover and use them. After they fucked with them of course, COZ TEH GERMANS FUCKED WITH EVERYTHING. By October 1941 KV-2 production was stopped, bcoz u don't need a bunker-destroyer, were the ones defending for bunkers, BUT THIS TANK WILL FOREVER GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS ONE OF THE BIGGEST TROLLS STALIN EVER UNLEASHED ON THE WORLD, AND LIVES ON AS THE KING OF DERP TO THIS DAY.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]

Design[edit | edit source]

The KV-2 was armed with a 152-mm weapons of mass destruction, an KGB-operated AK-47 maschine gun, and it used Stalin-hand-guided s-HESH shells capable of penetrating any armor with shit accuracy.

Armor is full of STRONK STALINIUM!!!!! Turret is shaped like a fridge but this is even better than the one used on any house with food.[1]

Being powered by the V2-K-L-M-42 cylinder diesel with 5 hp (4 kW) and the top speed is 1.01.00 km/h, the mobility is SLOW but expect you'll ram anything in its way.

Variants[edit | edit source]

A Soviet Christmas propaganda showing the KV-2VDK transporting vodka
  • KV-2 - Teh original.
  • KV-2 ZIS-6 - Teh original but with pencil gun.
  • KrankenKreigPanzerKampfSlitterBahnWagen SturmPanzerKampfWagen KW-II 754(r) - Germans trying to recover and use abandoned KV-2. After they fucked with them, as the Germans themselves fucked with everything, trying to use as a house for dead soldiers of the SS.
  • KV-2-2-2 - Armed with 3 152-mm weapons of mass destruction for convenience sake and it was primarily used to troll the fuck out of early war German bitch tank divisions who doesn't have the power to shit this tank.
  • KV-2VDK - A man named Anatoli rushed to an old samovar to use his KV-2 as a sleigh for Stalin. Furthermore, this fridge was able to shoot one Ivan into the thermosphere in 1961. But there are rumors among the Gopniks that the KV-2 was developed to transport vodka. It is simply a universal dustbin. It was also used to transport the whole Soviet guys to space as an alternative for the Object 279.

Users[edit | edit source]

This tank was used by...

See Also[edit | edit source]

Refs[edit | edit source]

  1. MEANS OF PRODUCTION INTENSIFIES