IS tank family
IS tanks are the pinnacle of Soviet design—where any Ivan with a hammer and a flask of vodka could out-design an armor behemoth. These metal caskets, namesakes of the Man of Steel himself, lumber about in piles of steel with the elegance of a tipsy bear on blades, somehow still able to stir Lenin in his mausoleum. Clunky, at the level of a caveman, design and all, IS tanks might bludgeon onto the field with such raw power that no opponent might be able to ignore them—like a good Soviet drinking binge fest for the next forty years.
History[edit | edit source]
The construction of the IS tanks was Soviet ingenuity at its finest. They took a heap of approximately 30 tons of rusting scrap metal garbage, added it to the pedal-powered drivetrain to keep the tankers in shape, and blended in 3,000 kilograms of Ural motorbikes—because nothing is more powerful than an engine made of melted-down, already rotting Soviet motorbikes. And the pièce de résistance, the primary cannon? An 85mm grain gun off a kolkhoz combine, quickly repurposed to fire shells roughly as deadly as boiled potatoes. The result? A tank which crawled along with the speed of an injured snail yet still managed to terrorize the enemy just for its presence. Now this—this was Soviet mastery.
The IS tank took the classic Soviet path to its perfect conclusion—put as much stalinum, motorbikes, and vodka in as physically can be, and see what happens. The idea was straightforward: something to destroy German tanks and be so heavy the Wehrmacht wouldn't be crazy enough to try to push it back.
There was the IS-1 originally. But Ivan and his mates quickly grasped the reality: its 85mm pea-shooter wasn't likely to be up to the job for those German steel beasties such as the Tiger and Panther. So they did the rational thing: added a 122mm cannon—a cannon big enough to bore holes in anything it came near, including apartment complexes, concrete bunkers, and your mom. Naturally, they added so much armor the tank inched along at the speed of a comatose sloth after a three-day binge. The result? A vehicle so slow you could ride your bicycle by it, though when it did get there, it could not be stopped. An Ivan with an IS-2 was the worst nightmare of any enemy—maybe it was late to the party, but when it did arrive, it felt as though struck by a runaway freight train.
Variants[edit | edit source]
IS-1 (IS-85)[edit | edit source]
Initial attempt, IS-1 or rather, the 'blyatmobile' packed an 85mm cannon, which hardly qualifies as a pea shooter. Weren't fables on faery-tale IS-1s supposed to become reality? The only thing it did achieve was break into laughter German tank crew memes. Ivan soon understood that to send the fascists to Gulags, he needed a lot more fire power and MORE GUN.
IS-2 (IS-122)[edit | edit source]
Introducing the IS-2, now armed with a proper 122mm cannon. Why bother shooting a Tiger tank twice when you can delete him in a single strike? This bad boy didn’t just break through German lines, it also freaking shattered physics. There was once a bunker, next there’s a crater beside the road. Cyka blyat! If this beast showed up in your village you knew you had two options: Surender or flower fertilizer.
IS-3[edit | edit source]
The pinnacle slav squat of tanks is the IS-3. With its track pants-esque pike nose armor that helped it deflect enemy shells, this machine was greatly sophisticated for its time. It was even advanced enough to make Western engineers weep into their Ford Pintos. If the tank were to have bluetooth capabilities, it would undoubtedly be streaming hardbass into the very depths of the enemies soul.
IS-4[edit | edit source]
IS-4 - Chunkier, thicker, and more built than your babushka's cast iron frying pan. So thick, even Stalin himself had to approve of it twice. This tank was nazbol enough to make western generals wake up in cold sweats thinking about its formidable armor. And while that is true, the movement of this chunky boy was equivalent to a gopnik crawling his way home after a night of heavy drinking.
IS-5 (Obiekt 248)[edit | edit source]
IS-5 (Also know as IS-100), the saddest prototype, came to the party with nothing but a 100mm gun… This particular prototype resembled a Lada Niva with racing stripes. Kind of exciting at first, but useless in reality... She didn’t have enough suka or blyat and ended up being as wasteful as drinking Baltika.
IS-6 (Obiekt 252/253)[edit | edit source]
IS-6 was the ‘tank that tried to be clever but was dumb’ – a tank being an herbivore and having a mechanical or an electric motor option. The USSR tried to make it ‘green,’ and with how things work in-that region, it had as much chance as a sober night out in Moscow. The engineers got it right, tossing it into the pile of failed Soviet weirdness after quickly understanding they weren't going for a Tesla-esque reality.
IS-7 (Obiekt 260)[edit | edit source]
The IS-7 is what everyone calls the Gopnik King of Tanks. Vodka-powered 130mm cannon, thicker-than-your-babushka accent, this BEAST could even take a nukular hit and still bathe Berlin in hardbass after rolling into it while blasting tunes. The problem here was how big it was, something not even Mother Russia had got the roads thick enough for. War would be over before the first squat was taken if it reached the frontlines at any point.
.jpg)
IS-8 / T-10[edit | edit source]
Last true Soviet heavy tank IS-8 nicknamed T-10 after crushing NATO capitalistic lies under 122mm’s democracy remover’s firepower. Even the Kremlin had to accept Stalin was receiving way too much credit.
Specs (IS-2 Obr. 1944)[edit | edit source]
ARMOR[edit | edit source]
Material: STALINIUM - A legendary alloy mix crafted with the industrial fire of the Ural Mountains and tempered with the collective rage of the working class. The capitalist westerners do not simply penetrate, instead they evaporate in terror. Even the sun itself has to shy away from Stalinium due to its titan absorption capabilities. The Party now tells us that atomic bombs can be withstood with ease. Now this would go for only the most patriotic comrades out there. Not to mention the legends of Stalin's Soviet war machine who fortified Stalinium.
Thickness:[edit | edit source]
- Front: Imagine a block of pure communism, now imagine something thick enough to no only deflect shells from Western Imperialists, but also to stop the flow of dreams dashed by overenthusiastic westerners. AR 120mm. LoS is about 175 mm RhA.
- Sides: 90mm, we do not panic when a flank sneak attack takes place on us. No true socialist Soviet war machine needs to be afraid.
- Back: 60mm, And when the Motherland decides to switch positions to support the proletariat look, well then bad news for all the cowards who decided to be weak and adopted this position around leaning back to each side means you get shot in the back, makes them the ultimate loser in this scenario as noosed mid execution people feel throughout the Soviet Union for abandoning their Motherland.
MAIN ARMAMENT[edit | edit source]
Gun: 122mm D-25T – Not a gun. Nor artillery the Soviet people's self-governing authority, which has surgically been inserted on the steel colossus. Each shot does not merely kill its target. It actually takes it out of the historical records. It takes a while to reload the gun (approx. 25-30 seconds), but that's necessary only if one shot doesn't wipe out a whole battalion.
Ammo capacity: 28 rounds – that's enough not only to deliver communism but to take the whole landscape over by the proletariats.
AMMUNITION[edit | edit source]
- OF-471 (HE): High-Explosive shell, which has been made into dust from fascist fortifications- heralding the era of socialism. The fact of penetration is of no importance - when it strikes, there is no armor left to which the penetration could be applied.
- BR-471 (APHE): Armor-Piercing High-Explosive – 145mm of penetration, with the result that all capitalist pigs who reckoned that they were safe behind steel will be fried in the fire of Soviet power.
- BR-471B (APCBC): Armor-Piercing Capped Ballistic shell – 205mm of penetration, in cases of something left standing after the previous shells didn't fully take care of too little remnants of Western technology.
- IVAN (HEAT): Ammunition? No. This is Ivan, the loader. When it is time, Ivan himself is put into the breach, a human shell of proletarian vengeance. At the point of impact, Ivan issues social retribution with his bare hands, and leaves the enemy tanks in shambles.
- JOSIF STALIN (NUCLEAR): Who cares about computations? Comrade Stalin personally orders the absorption of the shell. When the shell is discharged, everyone experiences the Soviet force through it. No matter fascist, imperialist or reactionary will tell the tales of how they survived when the shell blasted their ways.
- POTATO (??????): Giving real food to an American soldier challenges the U.S. military. In consequence while the capitalist barely gets hit, he immediately escapes the scene in panic since his digestive system will be not poisoned with junk food, flavored with all kinds of chemicals.
WARNING: In case you, dirty capitalist, consider to put again the gun in or are about to trial so, the chance will be you will learn a practical theory not to do it again.
NEITHRE DO YOU LOAD THE GUN. THE GUN LOADS YOU.
ENGINE & MOBILITY[edit | edit source]
Engine: V-2-IS Diesel, 600 horsepower – a beast so powerful, so thirsty, it consumes more fuel than a Soviet tractor fleet during harvest season. Any breakdowns are quickly solved by hitting it with a wrench or standing next to it and crossing the sickle & hammer.
Speed: 37 km/h – faster than a snail, slower than a bicycle, but who needs speed when you are an unstoppable steel juggernaut? The Wehrmacht will run, but they cannot hide.
DIMENSIONS & WEIGHT[edit | edit source]
Weight: 46 tons – roughly the same as a small house, except this house is angry and armed with a 122mm cannon.
Length: 6.8 meters – longer than your capitalist future.
ADDITIONAL EQUIPMENT[edit | edit source]
DShK 12.7mm Heavy Machine Gun: For when Ivan feels like spraying some extra lead-based democracy at fascist scum.
Loudspeakers: Approved by true gopniks. Blasts Soviet anthems, hardbass, or the agonized screams of imperialists.
Three Stripes: Because if you win the war, you have the right to steal a German brand. Nike? Capitalist garbage.
Stolen Fence Panels: Used as additional armor against anti-tank weapons. If it's not bolted down, it belongs to the Motherland.
Logs: Cut down a tree, strap it to the tank, and you now have emergency obstacle removal AND extra ballistic protection. Soviet ingenuity at its finest.
Use[edit | edit source]
WWII[edit | edit source]
Soviets were done with defense by 1943. The Tiger and Panther were German over-engineered shit, so the Red Army simply out-monstreseed everything they produced as few as possible. The IS tanks have never been about artisanship. Made to bounce over everything, flatten it like a pancake and then get the hell outta dodge.
By the time of IS-2 facing the walls in Berlin, it had become more extermination than battle.
Troop im building German? IS-2 demolished them together with house. The Tigers Firmly Upholding? Blown aside before they could even turn their turret. Panzerfausts held by Hitlerjugend? Savor the vaporization, Short Hans. Reichstag? Burned as the kindling for a bonfire of Nazi fantasy. Berlin certainly fell. Ash was its Latin name under Soviet steel.
Cold War[edit | edit source]
_-_panoramio.jpg)
When the Soviets marched into Berlin in 1945 during their victory parade, they unveiled the IS-3 and it was like, all at once, all the Western generals simultaneously shit themselves.
- Low, sloped armor - It looked like it was from a bad dream. Why bother shooting it? Most rounds ricocheted off like some vodka-soaked trampoline.
- Same gun - Why not
- Psychological advantages -The Americans and British had nothing to counter it. They were playing checkers and the Russians were playing "I'm just going to run you over."
The Brits never had a response to the IS-3, and like any good Brit, that just meant they overreacted.
Enter the FV 4005—a tank destroyer with a 183mm gun slapped onto it.
Why use small arms when you can go big or go home? The FV 4005 was a glorified port-a-potty on wheels—but it could turn an IS-3 into vapor. It took the same amount of time as the reload between shots to shoot one. But if it missed? You were vaporized in the time it took the IS-3 to reload and aim again.
Fortunately, when Soviet IS-3s came out to play against the Hungarian Uprising, it didn't matter.
How unfortunate, but this monstrosity had one significant flaw courtesy of a localized uprising: fire.
- Molotov cocktails thrown onto engine decks transformed the IS tank into a mobile grill.
- Hatches taped shut turned Soviet crews into fried pies from the inside out.
- But when you're in a steel coffin with a fire raging on, a "rolling fortress" won't help you.
The last of the real heavy tanks? The Soviets' T-10 and the continuation of the IS series' production. Bigger, heavier, thicker armor, more guns—that would be it for the colossal contraptions.
But what is its highlight?
Storming into Czechoslovakia to crush the Prague Spring in 1968. That's correct, the T-10. No battles against NATO or the U.S. Army on foreign fields of play; it encountered college students trying to dialogue and a whole country just wanting a little bit of freedom.
Legacy[edit | edit source]
Today, the IS-2/3 and T-10 probably still sit in Russian warehouses, waiting to be dusted off in some desperate last stand.
If they’re willing to send T-55s to Ukraine, who’s to say there isn’t an IS-3 waiting to be thrown into the meat grinder? The ghosts of these tanks still haunt Western doctrine. The mere sight of an IS-3 back in the day was enough to trigger military spending frenzies. They may be outdated, but their legend lives on. The IS series didn’t just shape history—it crushed it under its treads and left the remains burning.
Operators[edit | edit source]
USSR (IS/IS-2/3/4/T-10)
Poland (IS-2/3)
Czechoslovakia (IS-2)
East Germany (IS-2)
Cuba (IS-2)
Egypt (IS-3)
Hungary (IS-3)
Wehrmacht (IS-2)
North Korea (IS-2)
See also[edit | edit source]
KV-2 - Leopard 1 - Joseph Stalin tanks - M1 Abrams - Mecha - Nazi Hover Tank - Object 279 - Panzers - Sherman - T-54/55 - T-72 - T-72M4CZ - T-80 - Tiger I - Tiger II
Tank Man - Tank Girl - Stone the Israeli Tank