Everyone is Hitler
But it can't possibly be true can it? Please God, this can't be true. This can't be the way the world is; please I want to have faith in humanity.
But no. There is no use pleading, no use denying. The sooner you accept the truth the sooner the real work can begin. Only a weak man denies the plain and evident truth or lets his feelings distract him from the path of destiny.
Everyone is Hitler.
Prior History[edit | edit source]
It all started back when hardly anyone was Hitler. Even before the original Hitlerarity Event there was a lurking Hitler essence just beyond the grasp of man's consciousness. Some call it original sin; others explain it through some relic of evolution forever locked back in the human mind. There was always the feeling of evil lurking, but an evil that could also be a pretty funny but insensitive joke. Also a name you could call people who disagreed with you, or a comparison so devastating no one could survive unscathed. A catch all evil, an entity so widely known even the most stupid of people would understand, and they would understand that it was bad!
The Hitlerarity[edit | edit source]
Scientists of Hitlerology have been able to trace back all modern strands of Hitlerism to one singular event which they believe was the catalyst of the now unstoppable and overwhelming Hitler explosion. Colloquially dubbed as "The Mother of All Hitlers" in the years after the discovery was made, a single man, according to most reputable sources, is thought to have been the rift in the fabric of reality that brought Hitler into our dimension. Of course modern science had determined that this "Hitler" was only a pale shadow of the unimaginable power of the Ultimate Hitler Potential.
This man's name was ...
Hitler A. Hitler (The Original Hitler)[edit | edit source]
Born in Austria on 20 April 1889, Young Hitler, was the first recorded instance of a baby being Hitler. He grew up and eventually moved to Germany, and finally participated in the activities which came to define the Hitler Genre. For a full account of his life see Hitler. The important information is that, as a direct result of his actions, and many others who collaborated with him, unspeakable misery was unleashed on the world. *Obligatory reminder that Hitler was no joke IRL*
But be careful, dear reader, who you judge... you just might... be judging... yourself... (...)!!!
Second Dormancy phase[edit | edit source]
After the first and second WW2's the victorious allies tried to eliminate the vestiges of Hitlerism. Indeed The Original Hitler had been vanquished and fell at his own hands, therefore causing it to seem to the foolish mortals that the battle was won. A near brush with horror that could have enveloped the world... or was it? Little known to all, the efforts to suppress Hitler in the form of armies and planes and infernos of madness and violence had been in vain. "Strike me down, and I shall only become more powerful than you could ever imagine." Hitler A. Hitler was said to have muttered shortly before his suicide, looking steely eyed off into the distance. None at the time imagined how prophetic those words would become.
For now peace reigned across the land, the ignorant and blissful rejoiced. Only time would tell the poisonous seed that had been planted in the heart of our reality. Like a small speck of anti matter pulled from the rift caused by man's follies and madness, it began to grow, slowly at first, but accelerating. Accelerating out of control into a gigantic all destroying black hole.
Dawn of the Hitler Age[edit | edit source]
The new beginnings of Hitlerdom began to manifest itself in sporadic outbreaks of violence across the globe, none however as serious as the original Hitlerocities accompanying the birth and summoning of the old Hitlord. Nonetheless the darkness spread steadily. New technology allowed men to amass weapons of increasing horror and destruction, madness and selfishness threatened to destroy the world old school. Nuclear Weapons. Vampires. Terrorists. Zombies. Immorality. Werewolves. Pancakes. ...Hitler caused pancakes.
But the one event that caused the darkness to begin spreading at exponential rates was the creation of the internets. Instances of people becoming Hitler tripled within the first year of public access. The internets wove and spun their many lines enmeshing even the most innocent in their twisted w-... web. Along these new modes of connection and communication known as the internets, or "interwebs" if you want to get technical, Hitlerdom was transmitted like an infectious disease. Social Psychologist Mervin Durbkottle explains:
"Before all this, people became Hitler by sheer happenstance, or perhaps genetics. It was only usually spread in small circles of people. The internet changed all this, now you have people every which way left and right becoming Hitler. Maybe they are called Hitler so much they begin to internalize the message. Or it's the old story of social conformity, everyone around them is partially or fully Hitler, it’s a basic human drive to want to fit in even if it might be against their better judgment..."
Indeed, the epidemic of Hitlerism reached critical proportions and soon the whole world had fallen.
Or finally arrived at the doorstep of its true destiny?
The Hitler Supremacy[edit | edit source]
Now what? Now that everyone is Hitler. Yes, everyone.
What do we do?
We must reclaim the past glory of Hitlerdom! No longer should we let our proud race of Hitlers be oppressed, humiliated, denied our rightful place as the master of Europe-err THE GALAXY!
Come my brothers, fellow Hitlers, we must weed out the sniveling backstabbing lesser Hitlers amongst us. No, not Jew-Hitlers, or even communist or gay Hitlers, it is Hitlers that lack a true commitment to Hiterlertude that must be destroyed!
Do not let your senses or emotions betray you. Kindness is the vice of lesser men!
COME STAND BY MY SIDE, AS WE MARCH TOWARDS A BRIGHTER FUTURE! AS WE MARCH TOWARDS OUR TRUE DESTINY! DEATH TO THE PARASITE WEAKLINGS, DESTRUCTION TO THE INTERNATIONAL NAY INTER-PLANATARY CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE TRUE HITLORD RACE.
VE VILL KREATE A BETTER VORLD, A HITLER VORLD!!!!!