Vampire Americans

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Bite me!
Scientific classification
Binomial name
Homo sapiens vampiriscus

Vampire American (Homo sapiens vampiriscus) is a term used to refer to Subspecies of Humans that ethnic origin who is a citizen of or immigrant to the United States. Throughout American history, like all immigrants, Vampire Americans have endured discrimination and negative portrayals in mainstream media due to their cultural dispositions for evil and consuming the blood and life force of others. Despite these factors, the Vampire American community continues to make strides in American society, simultaneously achieving in academia, science, politics, and business while preserving their blood-sucking cultural identity. Some Vampire Americans prefer the more culturally-neutral term Undead Americans.

Viggers, Vampies, Suckas, and Pale Backs are all derogatory terms for Vampire Americans.

Demographics[edit | edit source]

The 2000 Census recorded 580,000 people who reported themselves as being of Vampyre origin. Most Vampire Americans lived in major cities, especially New York and Los Angeles. However, certain medium-sized cities also had large Vampire American populations, notably Knoxville and Omaha. The city with the largest proportion of Vampire Americans was Washington DC.

History[edit | edit source]

Immigration[edit | edit source]

The Vampyre people originated in Eastern Europe, By Their commom ancestor is Homo sapiens archaicus which evolution from Homo erectus establishing large communities in Romania, Russia, Poland, Lithuania, and Estonia. Like the Roma and the Jews, the Vampyre have historically faced discrimination in Europe. Anti-Vampyre laws were common in Europe from the Middle Ages through the middle of the twentieth century. Poverty, overcrowding, and discrimination drove many a Vampyre to emigrate. The United States, Canada, Brazil, Cuba and China were favored destinations.

Though Vampyre were among the earliest European immigrants to the American continent, it was not until the latter half of the nineteenth century that large numbers of Vampyre came to the United States. By 1900, there were approximately 50,000 Vampire Americans living in the United States, mostly concentrated in New York City and Chicago. A second wave of immigration occurred in the late 1960s and 1970s.

Vampires Americans and the Law[edit | edit source]

Throughout the nineteenth century, Vampire Americans faced a number of discriminatory laws and statutes. Vampyre cultural practices, such as evil and blood sucking, made Vampire Americans almost as reviled as Roman Catholics and the Irish. Vlad Crow laws were passed in major cities, restricting employment and social equality for Vampire Americans.

Negative portrayals in the media, such as in this 1899 editorial cartoon, led to discriminatory statutes such as the Vampyre Exclusion Act and Vlad Crow laws.

In 1882, in response to hysterical media descriptions of “Blood-Sucking Peril,” Congress passed the Vampyre Exclusion Act, effectively prohibiting further Vampyre immigration into the United States. It was not until passage of immigration reforms in 1965 that people of Vampyre ethnic origin began to again immigrate to the United States in large numbers.

It also took a considerable amount of time before the Vampyre people were granted suffrage. This was mainly due to the Vampyres' inability to assemble like women had in the past, and the poll taxes that were enacted against them. At this time Vampyrian immigrants were reduced to such menial jobs as mortuary and blood bank workers, nude art models, math teachers, and even prostitution, which certainly didn't help the Vampyre people's reputation in their new country. Anyway, these jobs made it difficult for Vampire Americans to vote, and finally the famous Vampyre activist John F. Kennedy was able to round up a group to march for suffrage. This was granted in 1962, even before the Indians.

The Civil Rights movements in the 1960s led to the rescinding of the most discriminatory laws. However, this did not result in an improvement in living standards for most Vampire Americans, nor did it lead to an immediate decrease in anti-Vampyre attitudes. In the early 2000s, many municipalities and states were facing contentious referenda and initiatives dealing with such controversial issues as non-discriminatory employment and housing practices and marriage rights.

Vampire Americans and Culture[edit | edit source]

Portrayals of Vampire Americans in the Mainstream Media[edit | edit source]

Discriminatory attitudes in American culture led to many negative portrayals of Vampire Americans. One of the earliest blockbuster movies, Nosferatu the Vampire (1922), showed Vampire Americans in such a negative light that Vampire Americans rioted in several cities. Nosferatu the Vampire was condemned by the Vampire League for Anti-Defamation (or V.L.A.D.) and other prominent Americans such as Helen Keller, Emma Goldman, and Marcus Garvey. Despite these protests and condemnations, Nosferatu became one of the highest grossing movies of its times, nearly topping the popularity of Birth of a Nation.

Screenshot from the opening credits for Forever Knight, a television show which was ground-breaking its the portrayal of Vampire Americans

Negative portrayals of Vampire Americans continued with the advent of television. Dark Shadows, broadcast 19661971 on ABC, elicited storms of protests from Vampire Americans. However, negative portrayals of Vampire Americans continued. The show Forever Knight, broadcast on CBS 19921996, was the ground-breaking show that finally broke the long stream of negative stereotypes presented by the mainstream media. However, even after the broadcast of Forever Knight, new shows continued to draw protests for their negative portrayals of Vampire Americans. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, when first broadcast on the new WB in 1997, drew such scathing criticism that its creator, Joss Whedon, felt obliged to produce Angel, a television series featuring Vampire Americans as main characters and protagonists.

Vampire Americans in the Entertainment Industry[edit | edit source]

Despite the prevailing negative attitudes, Vampire Americans were a vital part of the American movie industry from its inception. Vampire Americans such as Tom Cruise and Fatty Arbuckle starred in popular major motion pictures. Vampire Americans also played an important role in the music industry. Vampire American Michael Jackson remains today one of the best-selling music recording artists.

The documentary Twilight attempted to reveal the redeeming qualities of vampires. The main character, Edward Cullen, was successful in recruiting vast numbers of teenages prostitutes to become vampire whores.

Cultural Influences of Vampire Americans[edit | edit source]

Many traditions of Vampyre culture have become part of mainstream American culture. Soul-sucking Powerpoint presentations and disco music are among the most prominent Vampire American cultural traditions that became a part of the popular culture. Vampire American words such as “implementation” and “competencies” have become a part of lingo of corporate America. Other areas where Vampire American words, known for their lack of meaning and life, have become common are politics and public relations.

Karl Rove, one of the most prominent Vampire Americans of today.

Vampire American Contributions to the United States[edit | edit source]

Despite a legacy of discrimination, Vampire Americans have thrived and continue to thrive in America. The penchant of Vampire Americans for evil and blood sucking have led many Vampire Americans to prominence in politics, particularly in the Republican Party. The ability of Vampire Americans to suck the life out of other persons has also led many Vampire Americans to positions in management in corporate America and retail. With the ability to assimilate into all levels of American society using unique features of their culture, Vampire Americans have become one of the most successful groups in America.