Genetics and Religion[edit | edit source]
Genetics are, much like fossils, evidence planted by an all powerful being to prevent us from ever knowing about Him, by making it look as if we could evolve.
Leading scientists have stated "It's god's ball and He's taken it home" in response to this particularly anti social behaviour.
A spokesman for God, calling himself Megatron, issued this statement earlier today:
"Jesus hates Geneticists"
Geneticists often receive a lump of coal in their stockings on Christmas morning.
The leading research scientist in this area, Mr Pope, says "God can't reveal Himself to us, because that would negate free will. But He can hide himself to a greater or lesser extent. As He is all powerful and all knowing, this is a little like us playing hide and seek in a small flat empty carpark, against a professional sniper. But it's all fair, because He says so"
Genetics is also very scary, and causes global warming, except in America, where Global warming doesn't really exist, making it an ideal place for Superconductor research. Frankenstein's monster was created by combining the DNA of a scientist, a football player, and a large chicken. This may not be funny, but it is true.
Discovery[edit | edit source]
In 1958, God permitted Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Edison to discover that inside every plant and animal were long, thin strands of chemicals. Upon further analysis, they found that the chemicals were intertwined strands of molecules called sperm. There are two different kinds of sperm, known as Ribonucleic acid (RNA), and Deoxyribonucleic Acid (LSD). When a mommy ribonucleic acid and a daddy deoxyribonucleic acid get drunk and writhe with each other without protection (and without seeking help of a family planning clinic afterwards), another copy of each is made, badly. This results in differences occurring, and as any parent can tell you, those differences are almost always for the worse. Also 80% of the offspring's DNA is from the father, further proving the fact that women are inferior.
Overview of Genetics[edit | edit source]
Genes are made of proteins, sugar and a phosphate base. These work together to control humans. The sugar is resonsible for all human addictions and faults, obviously. The others are redundant. Genes do lots of stuff, like making splifs and babies. every now and then god gives them a promotion and they "evolve" to a higher organism. This is how humans came around. A long time ago in a land far far away, few monkeys worked really hard at the monkey factory and God said, I give you bipedal locomotion and a smaller jaw that will alow more volume for a bigger brain.
Philosophy of genetics[edit | edit source]
Some philosophers have taken the view of Heidegger, who said that genes actually control us. Man is controlled by the replicative way of existing of his genes (or modus existendi replicandi). Man does not control him self, instead he is controlled by his genes. These genes bent on replicating themselves have fashioned vehicles, man being the most advanced of these. Because of this replicant-vehicle relation, the theories of Plato and Aristotle returns to us. Except for the obviosity that was overlooked by Aristotle that potters have to sell pottery. Postabitch's Third Theory of Genetic Reproduction is that Genes = Jeans. This Russian scientist discovered that population numbers increased during observations of subject's jeans while they were in the laboratory. Early geneticists also found members of a species could actually take their jeans off and make new jean pairs in order to make new people that looked different.
The morality of genetics[edit | edit source]
Inbreeding is bad. Cross-breeding is good. So whatever you do, don't have sex with another homo sapiens. For an example of the worst case scenario in such a situation, see Paul Revere.