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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Hello and welcome to our one hour special on the American Man, brought to you by cool, refreshing, Coors Light! In the next hour, you will learn the ins and outs of being a true man according to our sponsor, Coors Light. Silver Bullet!

Many of these qualities are (or should be) entirely obvious to any man living in America, sitting on his couch with his dumbass friends, a plate of wings on the coffee table, and a frost-brewed Coors Light in his hand to wash it all down with. However, for those wishing to study the subtle mannerisms of the species, for lesser men hoping to become less of a wimp (or straight), or for annoyed girlfriends/wives who are sick of repressing their rage for their beastly better halves, we present the following crash-course in manhood as our sponsor, ice cold Coors Light, would have us do so. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that in China, there is no MySpace, but a communist alternative? (Pictured)

... that the United States presidential election of 1948 saw the overwhelming defeat of then-President Harry S. Truman at the hands of Thomas Dewey, the Republican governor of New York and former partner in the law firm, Dewey, Cheatem & Howe?
... that you have schizophrenia and we're talking about you right now?
... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?
... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
... that the A-bombs dropped on Japan were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize?
... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?

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In the news [edit]

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Time travelers protest Trump's inauguration, reveal we're stuck in a time loop
Taylor Swift and Hailee Steinfeld set for Celebrity Deathmatch as Bills-Chiefs halftime show
Who's performing at Trump inauguration? (2025)
David Lynch dies, weird town to investigate (Pictured)
Los Angeles Rams rest starters in playoff game to disastrous results
Donald Trump given three Nobel Peace Prizes
Donald Trump uses his get out of jail free card
California's real estate market is on fire... literally.
- And in shambles.
- Steve Guttenberg comes to the rescue... without those goofy sound effects
South Korea's president arrested for "accidentally" declaring martial law while ordering pizza, sentenced to play in the Squid Game
Trudeau resigns after making a mess for a decade, Canucks rejoice
Alcohol gets the Surgeon General's Warning for cancer; sparking "Dry January" chaos
Jimmy Carter kicks bucket at the ripe old age of 100
Panama Canal faces ominous threats from both global warming and Donald Trump
Google reveals least popular searches of 2024
Luigi arraigned for gunning down health insurance CEO; pleads not guilty

Ongoing: Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel–Hamas conflict • United States presidential election aftermath • College football championship game • Another Josh Allen/Patrick Mahomes playoff game. Spoiler Alert: refs rig game for Chiefs again

Recent deaths: TikTok • A CEO who died peacefully and surrounded by his loving family • Greg Gumbel • Jimmy Carter • Liberal Party of Canada • Aaron Rodgers' career • Jean-Marie Le Pen • Peter Yarrow • Anita Bryant • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Bob Uecker • Dame Joan Plowright

Upcoming deaths: The Kansas City ~~Chiefs~~ Refs season • Bashar al-Assad • Diddy's freedom • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Israel–Hamas conflict • Laura Palmer

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On this day [edit]

January 20: Act Like You Care About Politics Day

1265 - The first ever House of Parliament is convened, first item on agenda is, "Do the peasants have too much rights?"
1783 - Britain formally splits from the American Colonies after the Revolutionary War: Britain says, "you'll be back."
1789 - George Washington makes speech declaring himself eternal Godking of the 13 colonies, is brought back to his senses with a stiff drink and a good nap.
1953 - Senator Alfred "The Lorax" Ramsey introduces bill to Senate to save the endangered Truffula forest from the Onceler.
2017 - Donald Trump is inaugurated as the 45th President of the United States, satire dies a slow and painful death.
2021 - Donald Trump is expelled as Joe Biden makes his return as the 46th President, promising to reinstate the legality of satire but subsequently failing.
2025 - Robot Hitler is inaugurated as the 47th President, liberals immediately call for a hundred stern op-eds.
2065 - Barron Trump's floating brain becomes President, Americans wish for the simpler days of Mecha Hitler.

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Ben & Jerry's introduces a new flavor, designed to help you relax.

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