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From today's featured article
The Annual One-Day-Only Winter Holidays Earlybird 5:00 AM 99% Off Sale is a Christmas Winter Holiday Christmas-oriented sales event unlike any other. Once an event designated primarily for "Christmas shoppers", retailers decided it would be best to change the sale from a Christmas sale to a Generic "Holiday" sale, to prevent offending minorities. Offended by the attempt to prevent offense, the Christian Right launched a campaign in 2005 for the War against the War on Christmas. Jewish people reportedly didn't care what the name of the sale was as long as they "save their precious, precious money." (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (Pictured)
- ... that other people can prevent forest fires too?
- ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
- ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
- ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
- ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
- ... that my mom's name is also Martha?
- ... that the White House is really off-white?
In the news
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! (Pictured)
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents"
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Pats fans accusing NFL refs of kissing the Bills' asses • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Patrick Mahomes' ACL and the Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner.
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Dallas Cowboys' and Indianapolis Colts' season • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually
On this day
December 15: International Day of Björk (Iceland)
- 1939 - Classic movie Gone With the Wind first premieres as a travelling flipbook exhibition.
- 1945 - General Douglas MacArthur orders the Japanese to stop using those weird toilets with the tubes that spray water up your butt.
- 1978 - After the United States recognizes the People's Republic of China as the real China, Taiwan sinks into the sea.
- 1981 - The first suicide bombing is carried out in Beirut, Lebanon, declared a revolution in the terroristic arts.
- 1996 - Weirdo sends Björk (Pictured) a letter bomb after his copy of Homogenic is lost in the mail.
- 1970 - Soviet space probe lands on Venus, is declared the new "red planet."
- 1973 - The American Psychiatric Association adds "likes the taste of creamed corn" to list of debilitating mental illnesses.
Picture of the day
 |
A great disturbance was recorded in the historical community today when what appeared to be a preliminary version of the Michelangelan Fresco that decorates the Sistine Chapel was found spraypainted on a remote alleyway in Rome. Notable historians whatsisname and thatguy said it was due to Michelangelo's intense desire to be accepted into the Renaissance art movement, which they say "required a fair amount of street cred." Image credit: Zombiebaron |
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