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From today's featured article
The Hillyard & Brickman Corporation is a dynamic young company founded in 2002 with one central goal for the 20th century: Excellence through Synergy, and Capital through Innovation™. Leading the field in cutting edge market endeavors that enhance consumerism and inversely decrease domestic quality of life, mankind is already benefiting greatly from the ingenuity and completely ethical practices of the company that employees affectionately refer to as "The Company." Several prominent, prestigious and highly televised media outlets have even suggested that Hillyard & Brickman is in fact one of the world's most global leaders, internationally championing production of net happiness for all consumers great and small, and greatly streamlining the subsequent distribution of said product to all ports of call. In simple terms, Hillyard & Brickman is a company that works for you.
In 1989, CEO James McBowlstrum had a vision; a vision of ethical business practices, bolstered by a commitment to quality and an emphasis on bold, groundbreaking networks of communication. Founded in the quaint downtown area of scenic Maple Streams, Mr. McBowlstrum built the Hillyard & Brickman Corporation from the ground up, often with his bare hands. In 13 years' time, James McBowlstrum constructed the most solid structural basis for a company of compassion that the world has ever known. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (Pictured)
- ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?
- ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
- ... that Afghanistan is known for its lush dirt farms, where dirt and dust are cultivated by villagers to enhance the scenic emptiness for which the region is known?
- ... that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ... that school is an asylum where they mentally and physically abuse you for seven cruel hours, all with your parents' approval?
- ... that en passant is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"
- ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
In the news
- World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight
Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV-based sitcom canned after people realize they can watch literally anything else • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season
Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too
On this day
March 30: International Cleavage Day
- 13B BC - God creates the Milky Way after squeezing stellar matter out of her insanely big knockers.
- 1692 - Twelve women are burned at the stake for inciting men to sin with their exposed bra straps.
- 1867 - America buys Alaska from the Russians because of its stiff Mountain peaks and vast tracts of fertile land.
- 1945 - Woman wears clothing that shows cleavage. The husband beats her.
- 1950 - The first film in Indonesia gets released, known for having at least one uncensored boob scene.
- 1977 - Marvel Comics designs a bra with a nipple window, claims its a proud Kryptonian tradition.
- 2012 - Big butts are now in! But you still can't be more than 120 pounds. Hey, I don't make the rules.
Picture of the day
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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it. Image credit: Serge Billault |
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