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From today's featured article
Congressmen of the United States ...
For years now we have heard Christians and Catholics tell of the Messiah's second coming; "Jesus will save!" this and "Repent your sins!" that. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the second coming of Christ and eternal paradise and all that, but if Jesus Christ decided to come back now, we would be in quite a bit of a jam. As a society we are not prepared for the arrival of a guest with such supernatural powers – his mere appearance could spell doom for all that we have worked for. To this end, I have proposed a series of regulations on all Jesus's "miracles", laying down specific restrictions of said miracles, for when he does return. These proposed regulations are the Jesus Laws.
Some people may have trouble believing the fact that someone sent to Earth by God for not the first, not the second, but the third time to usher the masses into that shining place in the sky we like to call Heaven could possibly do harm. How could something so good do such evil?
Easily. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that it's a surprisingly simple process to starting your own religion? (Pictured)
- ... pole dancing was introduced to Egyptian culture by Cleopatra?
- ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
- ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
- ... that sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from science?
- ... that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
In the news
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up." (Pictured)
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • The New England Patriots barely beating crappy opponents • Mike Tomlin screwing the Pittsburgh Steelers • Giants fans hiding in a corner
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they will probably miss the playoffs • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7"
On this day
December 2: International Boring Nordic Culture Heritage Day
- 6000 BC - Mankind born from the toil of an ice giant melting into the ocean.
- 227 AD - Freyja starts a new line of Herbal soaps (Pictured) for all the smelly warriors living in Fólkvangr. Odin is unimpressed.
- 432 - Thor gets arrested in Valhalla after being accused of destroying an orphanage while driving a chariot under the influence. Embarrassed, the Nordic people convert to Christianity.
- 900 - Vik the Vinegar, a Viking explorer and real estate agent, discovers a big block of ice utterly unsuitable for human life. He gives it the name Greenland to attract customers.
- 1000 - Explorer and murderer Leif Erikson discovers America, but realizes his mistake in time and lets Columbus and Vespucci have all the blame.
- 2014 - Dylan Sprouse of Suite Life and Suite Life on Deck fame converts to Odinism and opens up a meadery in New York.
Picture of the day
 |
The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you. Image credit: Mosquitopsu |
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