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From today's featured article
Death of The Author is an essay written originally by Literary Critic, professional mime, Philosopher and frenchman Roland Barthes. In it Barthes stated his view that creating texts is detrimental to health, as every author has, at some point in history, died.
In his autobiography "The Life of Roland Barthes, Great Literary Critic, Philosopher and Lover", Barthes writes that the idea for this text came to his mind while he was reading Twilight, and wishing a horrible death on Stephanie Meyer. He describes this moment as "one of those moments that made me feel as the unique great philosophiser of language things that I am."
He refined his theory while reading The Da Vinci Code, when he was only able to reclaim the will to live by realising that Dan Brown would eventually cease to do so. He observed: "while this theory does seem to carry grave implications for authors such as myself, it does at least make the reading of singularly poor fiction slightly more bearable". (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that guilt tripping junk mail makes up 12% of Africa's GDP? (Pictured)
- ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
- ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
- ... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
- ... that if we used a language without homonyms, a certain type of pun would be impossible, and thereby much gaiety would be lost?
- ... that you should accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior, today!
- ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
- ... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?
In the news
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards • Miami Dolphins
Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons
On this day
March 10: Opposite Day
- 1810 - For opposite day, Napoleon Bonaparte decides to wear stilts or something I don't know.
- 1922 - Gandhi, in a fit of anger, nukes the peaceful country of East Volta. You've never heard of East Volta? Exactly.
- 1952 - Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista decides to celebrate opposite day by taking the land and wealth from the poor instead of the rich.
- 1977 - Astronomers discover the rings of Uranus, they of course keep their cool since they pronounce it "Urine-us" like a bunch of nerds. Still sounds like pee though.
- 1994 - O.J. Simpson makes history, becomes the first African-American man to get away with the murder of a rich white woman, signalling monumental progress for people of color who also happen to be filthy rich.
- 2011 - Tiny politically unstable oil-rich Middle Eastern country drone strikes a wedding in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
- 2020 - Donald Trump blacks out his Twitter page for BLM.
Picture of the day
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Some modifications have been made to the newest translation of the Holy Bible. In this scene (often called "Palm Sunday"), Jesus is now riding a raptor. While this was partially made to help make Jesus more accessible to Today's children, the decision was also made because certain Christians didn't want people to be able to say that Jesus was "riding someone's ass" that day. Both scientists and fundamental Christians question the historical accuracy of this account. From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE) Image credit: Tshell |
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