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From today's featured article
Donald Ronald "The Donald" Trump, Sr. (born June 14, 1946) is an unevenly tanned American, real estate developer, reality television personality, eco warrior, a closeted secret agent from either Russia, China or North Korea, cereal rapist and intermittent Republican candidate who served as the 45th Televised President of the United States from 2017 to 2021. Following his landslide electoral victory against Kamala "Cometh in the Morning" Harris, he is now the current 47th President, wherein he will serve his scheduled term from 2025 until he feels like it.
Born in New York City, Trump migrated to Florida in 2019 as part of the natural lifecycle of New Yorkers. Before he became Commander-in-chief, Trump dipped his big toe into politics by yelling at Obama on Fox and Friends. He ran for President on a platform condemning the political establishment and their Muslim–Chinese–Mexican vanguards. Trump won the 2016 election on the tried and true campaign strategy of not being Hillary Clinton. However, he faltered in the 2020 election against Joe Biden due to his campaign strategy of being Donald Trump. Prior to leaving office, he ordered hordes of deplorable rednecks on mobility scooters to storm the U.S. Capitol and vandalize all of Nancy Pelosi's favorite vending machines. He won again in 2024 on the even more tried and true campaign strategy of not being a woman. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
- ... that if you were to stack up all the elephants on Earth, those elephants would die?
- ... that those actually were the droids you were looking for?
- ... that in Baltimore, Maryland, it is a violation of statute to dress up as a clown and to make fun balloon animals to give to children and molest them with?
- ... that Michael Jackson should have had more apples to keep his doctor away?
- ... that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
- ... that there is no other word for thesaurus?
- ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
In the news
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth" (Pictured)
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed
On this day
November 27: Thanksgiving Day (U.S.), Alan Bean Appreciation Day (Moon)
- 1969 - Alan Bean walks on the moon, saying, "This is one stall smep for man, ah fuck!"
- 1970 - Mrs. Bean notices husband is still not back from the Moon, sets up trust fund.
- 1985 - Alan Bean shoots the Challenger Space Shuttle out of the sky; gives a fiendish little shrug when asked why by reporters.
- 1989 - A mutated version of Alan Bean is killed by Russian Cosmonauts.
Picture of the day
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This "holiday" "season", instead of spending "your" money on "gifts", why not just "ductape" it to a tree, in the "forest", give your "family" a map, and hope they all "freeze to death"? Image credit: Hindleyite |
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