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From today's featured article

Seriously. Why are you still reading?

I'm telling you man. You really don't want to know. Like they say, ignorance is bliss. Just go ahead, not knowing and happy. Go on, have a good day. The world is wonderful, as far as you know, and to the best of your knowledge, your life is pretty good. (Full article...)

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Did you know...

... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)

... You can do anything with creativity, determination, and the exploitation of the working class?
...that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?
... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
...that you just lost the Game?
... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
... that Iran is all set to invade itself?

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In the news

Well, that says a lot...

Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland (Pictured)
Angela Rayner defects to Reform UK
Hollow Knight: Silksong gets released; Steam crashes for the second time this year
Some mega pop star and her boyfriend get engaged. Yaaay.
NFL teams replace female cheerleaders with gay dudes
Trump presents new science project to Cabinet
Uncyclopedia introduces AI Age Guesser™, petition nears 100,000 signatures
Trump fires Zakk Wylde
Trump sends condolences to "Ozzie Nelson," "Paul Hogan," "Luigi Mangione"
Epstein list predictions

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys

Recent deaths: Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp • The Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth • Joe Burrow's toe • Robert Redford

Upcoming deaths: DEI • R. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Dallas Cowboys' and Cincinnati Bengals' seasons • MSNBC • Lil Nas X • Donald Trump • Windows 10

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On this day

September 17: Horny Day, Hypnotic Sex Change Day

1803 - Freud hypnotizes a patient into believing she is a Swiss milk maid who has married him. Nine months later, she inexplicably gives birth to a basketball.
1900 - The world's 1,000,000,000,000th human orgasm (but only the 84,379th female orgasm) occurs in Plovdiv, Bulgaria.
1932 - New state ~~phallic symbols~~ capitol buildings are dedicated in Nebraska, Louisiana.
1954 - Drive-in gay porn theatre debuts in San Francisco; Joseph McCarthy hosts ribbon-cutting ceremony.
1975 - The world's tallest free-standing phallic symbol, the CN Tower, is completed in Toronto.
End of Time - The Infinite Number of Monkeys with Typewriters experiment concludes, havign produced all literature that has been or ever will be, plus four poems about the flinging of feces.

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Picture of the day

El cazador que hace trofeos de los hombres—The demon who makes trophies of men.

Image credit: Mhaille
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