Uncyclopedia Gold
From today's featured article
A bit of luck and a wave of a hand are needed to view God's deleted contributions. When you catch God and/or Mother Nature plucking away or wishing sideways at Her majestic-based timespaced-notrace cosmic keyboard, which instead of letters and numbers and confusing symbols is outfitted with hundreds of thousands of liquid and gaseous keys and pebble shaped molecule-smooth rainbows which He plays in single strings to all things and something or nothing in beween, forming and holding an idea in a single placespace, or rocks out in alltime infinite multiple universal combinations like Thelonious Monk on hash oil. So stand way back, 'cause things be flying at ya without time and space leaning in to spoil the view. We are still very much surrounded by the eighth day of creation and going strong, so contributions of Goddess continue to rise into experiential reality to overspread it rapidly throughout all the universes (although the vast majority of those contributions exist for only a nillionth of a nanofermisecond before she moves one-eighth of a Planck length to Her left and deletes them). (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)
- ... that being safe with guns is- *BANG*
- ... that contrary to popular belief, she never actually sold seashells by the seashore?
- ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
- ... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?
- ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?
- ... that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA
- ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
In the news
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck (Pictured)
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
- United Kingdom sends Royal Airforce “specialists” to Belgium to fight Russian drones “invading” airports
- A new candidate enters the upcoming 2028 presidential race
- US government shitdown ends after over 1000 flights inundated with shit
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE raids • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • the New England Patriots suddenly being good again
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • the guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • Mark Butt-fumble's TV career • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Chiefs Kingdom's livers and kidneys after realizing they might actually miss the playoffs • Weed
On this day
- 1941 - Pete Best is kicked out of mother's womb. Mother auditions George Best as possible replacement in the family.
- 1955 - Learns to play drums. Snares, bass and drumsticks go off and socialize with one another, leaving Best out.
- 1962 - George stares icily at Best during a performance; Paul kicks his drum set during rehearsal; John hires Epstein solely to fire Best.
- 1962 - Best kicked out of the Beatles, house, and UK. Elizabeth II says her kingdom "wants to go in a new direction."
- 1970 - John, Paul, George and Ringo join Best in the "Ex-Beatles" group.
- 2012 - Best celebrates 50th anniversary of Love Me Do release.
Picture of the day
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For the lady in your life. Whether you fry it, bake it, or broil it, carpet will always be a tasty treat for young and old. Image credit: Splaka |
Other areas of Uncyclopedia
- How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
- Policies and guidelines – for the boring rules no one follows
- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
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