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From today's featured article

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This was looking like such a good evening - invited out by some friends to kick back and relax after a hard week at work, a few beers, a comedy DVD, some quality time to chill, right?

And then, from the corner of the room came a sound. A dreaded sound. The tortured changgg of a slightly out-of-tune guitar being lovingly stroked by someone whose ambition far outweighs their talent rang around the room, and as hearts sank in unison, the cry went up: Jesus Christ, who brought that guitar?

Now if you were a professional musician, or you and your friends were in a bagpipe band, that's one thing - and we'd almost expect that sooner or later there'd be an attempt at an impromptu rendition of In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida. But that's not the case, is it dude? You're not a professional musician - you're not even really an amateur musician, as that implies a modicum of talent. You're a self taught chord abuser, and that's where the problems start. (Full article...)

Did you know...

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  • ... that it is most certainly not beneficial to Society to monitor Internet use? (Pictured)
  • ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
  • ... that I am Batman?
  • ... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
  • ... the IRS is asking what's love got to do with your taxes?
  • ... that sovereign citizens have all the rights of U.S citizens, without having to follow any of the laws?
  • ... that the first use of "LOL" is in Shakespeare's play, As You Like It, and that the first use of "OMG" may be found in Macbeth?
  • ... that women are more likely to have a vagina than men?

In the news

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Downing Street denies this image.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Bills Mafia and Josh Allen drinking themselves to death • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016

Recent deaths: Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Denver Broncos' Super Bowl hopes without Bo Nix • Aaron Rodgers' career

On this day

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January 19: Porn for the Blind Day

Picture of the day

Dali's 'Stache
 You want surreal? Try wasting four hours a day waxing your 'stache until it closely resembles your entire Catalonian name. That's surreal.

Image credit: Imrealized
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,112 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.


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