Uncyclopedia Gold
From today's featured article
Michael Bay is a shallow estuary located near Los Angeles, California, to which approximately twenty percent of Southern California's water drains, and in which eighty percent of SoCal's clichéd, formulaic action sequences occur, all of which feature gratuitous levels of special effects. The Bay and the land masses surrounding and within it are famed for their car and boat chases, high-budget explosions, shoot-outs, hostage situations, criminal and terrorist activities, and daily crisis situations putting the city, nation, or entire world in perilous jeopardy.
Critics of Michael Bay claim that the highly stylized events that occur within it on a regular basis are unbelievable, bombastic, vapid, and ultimately condescending to the intelligence of average bay residents. However, others have defended the bay, stating that the events are harmless PG-13 (and in some cases violent R-rated) entertainment and should be used as a form of escapism from daily hardships. Both sides agree: "Pearl Harbor sucked, although Kate Beckinsale was way hot in it." (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that your nipples (Pictured) can fall off?
- ... that the lawman/outlaw Wild Bill Hickok had one of the most celebrated mustaches in the Wild West?
- ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
- ...Jacking off to more exotic fetishes doesn't make you special?
- ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
- ... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
- ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
- ...that this sentence is incomple
In the news
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! (Pictured)
- United Kingdom sends Royal Airforce “specialists” to Belgium to fight Russian drones “invading” airports
- A new candidate enters the upcoming 2028 presidential race
- US government shitdown inundates over 1000 flights with shit
- Democrats finally cave and end the shitdown
- New York City goes full Commie, elects Zohran Mamdani as mayor
- Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball
- Dingo eats a woman's baby
- Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
- Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
- Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
- The US government shits itself
- Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake
- BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
- Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
- Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
- Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • the guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career • Coral reefs • The economy of Capitalism in NYC • Bills Mafia's livers and kidneys after losing horribly to the Miami Dolphins • Weed
On this day
November 13: Quack Like a Duck Day
- 7573 BC - Hermes and Aphrodite have a lovely bouncing boy, Hermaphroditus.
- 832 - Saint Anselm is permabanned from the Vatican for setting fire to the Pope.
- 1972 - Mediocre Britain votes on whether to join the Europe Community, turnout low, result 6-4.
- 1978 - While starring in an open-air production of Shakespeare's Henry V, Sir John Gielgud is carried off by a hunting kingfisher. He is found unharmed some hours later, having tricked the bird into incubating his egg-like head.
- 1990 - The first webcomic is launched, entitled Two Sarcastic Badgers and Some Clipart.
- 2007 - The Gummy Bear™ album gets released in stores much to the exhilaration of a quarter of Earth's population.
Picture of the day
| The Bermuda Triangle strikes again! Image credit: The Hedgehog |
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