Uncyclopedia Gold
From today's featured article
As you are doubtlessly well aware, gypsies have been reading tea leaves for years with amazingly accurate results. Much like the reading of tea leaves, scatomancy studies the size, arrangement, colour, and interaction of bowel movements in the toilet bowl to predict secrets of the future, and give guidance to major life decisions. Now, through the marvels of technology, you can brush up on your ancient clairvoyant skills in the privacy of your very own commode! What will happen today? Is romance just around the corner? Will I get that promotion? All of these answers can truly come from 'within yourself'.
In the past, seers would attempt to peer into the future by means of lots of methods. Some of the most popular methods would involve Cleromancy: the scattering of objects, such as dice, or rocks, and interpreting the results according to set principles. Scryomancy denotes divination by means of a bowl. Scatomancy, in this sense, is a form of scryomancy, for it also makes use of a bowl. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that my English teacher is gay? (Pictured)
- ... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?
- ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
- ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
- ... that the American Civil War was actually marked by many instances of uncivil behavior?
- ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?
- ... that I am Batman?
- ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
In the news
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID to "protect the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards
Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city?
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons
On this day
March 11: Stop Hitting Yourself Day (Mexico)
- 536 - Pope Agapetus I roasts the first Easter Bunny in what becomes a spring tradition to Christians the world over.
- 1876 - The Industrial revolution makes its first major breakthrough with the invention of the Steam-Powered Accordian.
- 1943 - Anne Frank runs out of pencil lead on her mechanical pencil, has to use pen like a barbarian.
- 1990 - Lithuania declares independence from the Soviet Union, kills thousands of innocent Lenin statues.
- 2004 - Hundreds of bucking bulls are accidentally released onto the streets of Madrid during that tomato throwing festival, carnage ensues.
- 2006 - Adobe Potatochop is released and quickly becomes the most popular image-editing software among people with too much time on their hands.
- 2012 - In accordance with ancient Mayan prophecy, space-time collapses in upon itself.
Picture of the day
 |
The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it. Image credit: Serge Billault |
Other areas of Uncyclopedia
- How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
- Policies and guidelines – for the boring rules no one follows
- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
Sister projects
-
UnNews
News on crack -
Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia -
Undictionary
Best left unsaid -
UnTunes
Noisy things -
UnGames
Ways to waste away -
HowTo
Like Ikea without the pictures -
UnBooks
Content-free books -
Unquotable
Useless misquotes -
Uncycloversity
No student loans -
UnPoetia
Dreams deferred -
UnDebate
Debate the irrelevant -
UnScripts
We ruin stage too -
Why?
Because -
UnReviews
Hack frauds -
UnVoyage
Armchair travel -
Uncyclomedia
The Foundation
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,981 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.
-
10,000+ articles
-
1,000+ articles
Suomi · Dansk · Deutsch · 한국어 · 正體中文 · 汉语 · Русский · Norsk (Bokmål) · Bahasa Indonesia · Česky · ไทย · Esperanto · Ελληνικά · Nederlands · Galego · עברית · Svenska · Slovenčina · Magyar · Українська
-
100+ articles
فارسی · عَرَبِيّ · Türkçe · Català · Norsk (Nynorsk) · Српски / Srpski · Hrvatski · Lietuvių · Latina · Tagalog · Български · Simple English · Latviešu · Mirandés · Македонски · Română · Cymraeg
