Water
“What are you guys talking about, we aren’t poisoning the water. Maybe you’re just drinking it wrong.”
“It’s RAW! But Moist.”
Water is a colorless and abundant substance that's often believed to be harmless and essential to life. The reality, though, is that water is the most highly addictive drugs known to man and is an existential threat to humanity. More than 99.9% of the entire world population have admitted to being completely dependent on water claiming that they would fucking die were they deprived from this product. Independent thinking humans who put this myth to the test learn life without water is easy. Just try meditation, holding magnets over your head, inhaling diamond dust or drinking human and animal blood.
The truth, the real truth the elite don't want you do know, is that water is a substance designed at every level to control us, harm us and has been responsible for important historical moments such as JFK's assassination, 9-11, the Mongol Horde, Princess Diana's murder and worst of all, for unleashing Justin Bieber on humanity.
Chemistry[edit | edit source]
Water is composed of a molecule known as dihydrogen monoxide, a highly menacing and spiritually corrosive substance. Take two hydrogen atom balls, add sticks to them, tack on an oxygen ball and voilà, you get dihydrogen monoxide. Put a whole bunch together, and it's the so called source of life. But is it? You're not going to say so if you're at the bottom of the ocean while it fills up your lungs. Water is genuinely trying to kill you every chance it can get with thunderstorms, tsunamis and bathtubs with nearby toasters.
Dihydrogen monoxide is abundant in Earth's atmosphere and oceans, which can lead to mass extinction. One possible way to avoid consuming dihydrogen monoxide is to not drink anything at all. The ultimate goal of not consuming liquid is to avoid the assumed necessities of life such as studying, working, living and general being. That's what the dinosaurs did and their skeletons still survive billions of years later.
An obvious example of the harm of water is "acid rain". Acid rain (which can kill a human immediately), is not as scientists claim, the merging of so called "cloud water" in the air but e-water which has gone astray from its original programming and attacks humans in the form of rain. When you drink so called "healthy amounts of water" you are really just putting e-water in your body, giving the government valuable data. Want proof? There are barcodes on bottles of water. Coincidence? Want more proof? As we all know, water has DNA, and DNA is really just a bar code. Every drop of water you drink helps the government collect valuable data. At it's least harmful, Amazon uses your daily water intake, and the data they scrounge from you to direct personalized advertising to you (such as a wrench set or vagina scented candles). At it's worst, the government uses water (with the aid of added fluoride which activates the water's DNA) to slowly turn you into a weak, woke, docile pussy who hates America. Acid rain is just e-water whose programming has gone corrupted and turns our rivers acidic and not only creates the evilness of "modern influences" but degraded so many humans brains into becoming millions of their zombified "followers".
Symptoms[edit | edit source]
Symptoms of ingesting water may include, but are not limited to:
- Suffocation. Inhalation of water in profuse quantities has been documented to be the cause of drowning of thousands, if not millions, of people. Almost all WWII deaths were drownings. The belligerents were mostly Europeans on one axis and the ruthless axis of water on the other. Instead of treating water as the belligerent, people pay thousands to install backyard pools, filled with the enemy and swim in it, at great risk for so called "fun".
- Addiction. Most people cannot drink just one glass of water in their lifetime. After their first sip, they are hooked for life, chasing that high they originally felt but never reaching it. Every sip of water is just a fragment of the thrill they felt the first time. Luckily, water is free in the West, but the addiction is crippling in places like Yemen or Somalia. Those who go "water free" for a while, almost always crawl back to their dark water addiction, only far worse and more dibilitating.
- Boredom. Some people take recreational drugs such as ecstasy (a fabulous idea). Those who are mentally weak, for some reason feel a strong urge to drink water. After twenty-five bottles, they often die. Such a pointless tragedy. They should have just danced, fucked, puked and then dealt with the hangover. Water ruins everything.
So called scientific studies[edit | edit source]
Scientists have lied to the public claiming that not giving a baby water will kill them. In reality, the babies in that study were addicted to water the moment they were born. Babies whose mother drank water during the course of their pregnancy passed on their addiction to the baby by proxy. If a baby was born addicted to crack, they would be put on life support and their mother arrested. When they are born addicted to water, the doctors don't even seem to notice. This is how normalized water addiction is. Billions of babies pointlessly suffer and no one cares about the horrors inflicted on them. We must protect the helpless and innocent.
The Culprits[edit | edit source]
Don't blame water on the regular scapegoats (immigrants, religious minorities, witches, gay sex, left-handed beavers) the real culprit is the unsuspected: the mentally challenged (formerly known as the retarded). For years, acting as though they were dimwitted imbeciles, in reality they meet in "special schools" and "community outreach centers" where under the cover of imbecility, they held their meetings secretly planning their eventual take over of society. Want proof? Look at a bottle of water. Notice how there is no mention of how many calories water contains, nor the nutritional or fat figures for water. Despite being highly caloric and rich in saturated fats, the mentally challenged (formerly known as the retarded) wiped these figures from bottles and convinced governments not to include them. How? If we told you, they would come after us.
The mentally challenged (formally known as retards) planted that evidence. Did you measure water yourself and found no saturated fat? The mentally challenged manufactured those faulty tests! Next time you see a mentally challenged person, note their googly eyes rotating around in their socket. They are looking everywhere, noting our weaknesses and planning how to exploit us via water.
Royal Commission on the Dangers of Water[edit | edit source]
In the early 20th century the Royal society set up a commission whose final report was shocking, if only the people were not kept from reading it. It pointed to a series of absolute facts agreed unanimously by all scientists in the society:
- Sulfuric acid, was less toxic than sewer water, which is considered less toxic than so called "government treated water"
- Water cost poor families a substantial portion of their income which could have gone to educating their first born male and not selling their youngest into prostitution
- Water was indirectly responsible for all war, the plague and all male infidelity
- Women who didn't drink water never got their period nor blamed their emotional instability on their periods
The House of Lords quietly gathered all copies of the report and lit a bonfire with the report writer tied to a stump in the middle who, by the nature of being tied up over a bonfire, converted into ashes (the water in his body converting to steam). The Royal Society never again messed with the governments mission to control all via water. British people infected their own children for centuries with "potable water" unaware the damage they did to our society's most precious creatures.
Water Based Terrorism[edit | edit source]
Have you ever noted that almost all terrorists come from water deprived areas? Think Saudi Arabia, Oklahoma, Xinxiang China, Somalia etc. They are not the terrorists you think they are. They are actually enlightened people trying to teach the world the dangers of water. Their bombs are meant to irradiate the rest of us from our pro-water mind-viruses. Of course the government will paint them as evil, dirty, smelly terrorists. Growing up without water, their mission is a humane one, to irradicate the world of water hysteria. 9-11? The twin towers were just water propaganda data centers which the so called terrorists targeted as per the Oklahoma government building bombings.
Somali Pirates? They actually go after water tankers brining Fiji water from the South Pacific to the ultra rich. Even benevolent Saints like Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos are addicted to so called "Premium Water". It's just far more potent mind control narcotics, and they pay through the roof for it ($25 a bottle). Evian despite their deviousness, are considered a fortune 500 pillar of society. In reality, they are no better than crack dealers pushing life destroying drugs on single crippled mothers.
The pushback[edit | edit source]
Fortunately, not every country endorses this dangerous practice. Countless governments in Africa have refused to dispense water to their citizens in order to stop this epidemic, and as a result, Africans are no longer indulging in water-induced addiction. Places such as Chad and Ethiopia often go months without water in the summer which has the known benefits of weight loss and shinier skin. However, this hasn't stopped the water business such as Evian and Perrier from entering these countries, which have formed several organizations with the aim of bringing water to helpless villages and getting them hooked on this addictive drug.
You can start today by not just refusing water, but sharing our new with the world, standing up to the mentally challenged and their plot to overthrow humanity and supporting water-Jihhadists and their crusade to rid us of the relentless mind-virus that says water is safe, harmless, nourishing and essential. No, no, no and no!
