Template:RecentUnNews

"BOMBOCLAAAAAT!"

• Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
• Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! (Pictured)
• United Kingdom sends Royal Airforce “specialists” to Belgium to fight Russian drones “invading” airports
• A new candidate enters the upcoming 2028 presidential race
• US government shitdown inundates over 1000 flights with shit
  • Democrats finally cave and end the shitdown
• New York City goes full Commie, elects Zohran Mamdani as mayor
• Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball
• Dingo eats a woman's baby
• Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
• Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
• Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
• The US government shits itself
• Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake
• BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
• Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
• Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
• Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • the guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career • Coral reefs • The economy of Capitalism in NYC • Bills Mafia's livers and kidneys after losing horribly to the Miami Dolphins