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- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy by enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files
Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and other Iranian leaders
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Smiling Friends