DC Universe (franchise)
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This page in a nutshell: "James Gunn simply being James Gunn" |
The DC Universe (DCU), also known as the DC GunnVerse, is an upcoming media franchise produced by James Gunn for Disney Warner Bros. and at its peak, welp.. we don't know, because it doesn't exist yet! The first DCU film will be The Suicide Squad (2021) Superman: Legacy (2025), which was also the first film of... something. Yehh. The DC Extended Universe, also known as the "Snyderverse", is an unforgettable wasteland that existed and we shouldn't all forget.
Development[edit | edit source]
Chapter Zero: Out with Snyder's ghost, in with Gunn[edit | edit source]
After many years of box office disappointments, critic disappointments, superheroes fighting superheroes and screaming about their Marthas.. er.. mommies, and angry fanboys fighting angry fanboys, and years of Zack Snyder not even being there anymore but Twitter bots fans still clamoring to #RestoreTheSnyderverse, The Walt Disney Company[1] Discovery Channel took a big risk and bought out Warner Bros. The once-great studio, known for making classic DC movies such as The Dark Knight, had devolved into a cesspool of angry, indecisive executives who had no idea how to run a film franchise and tried killing off Superman, Batman, and all the important superhero franchises and replacing them with the unimportant ones like Wonder Twins and Blue Beetle. Finally, in 2021, The Suey Cider Squad remake, starring John Cena, Margot Robbie, James Gunn's brother, James Gunn's buddy, James Gunn's wife, blood, gore and fart jokes, and cheesy dance sequences to cheesy 1980s songs, was released and it was received with raving reviews. Critics called it a "modern masterpiece" and "the best thing since The Dark Knight... err... I mean, smelly and sticky hand sanitizer". Despite this success, The Suicide Squad failed to make a single cent in theaters because of the 'rona.
DC followed up Iron Man[2] The Suicide Squad with the abominable film (pun intended) Black Adam. It starred Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson as the Man in Black. Johnson was chosen not because of his acting ability, but because he didn’t need makeup for the scenes where he turned into the Man in Black. Then, DC released a lackluster Shazam sequel starring the perfect Zachary Levi. Critics called it "the worst thing since outdoor plumbing". Then, DC puked out Wonder Woman 1984, killing off all interest in Gal Gadot's Wonder Woman. Onto more guzzling content, Marvel[3] DC released PeeMaker on HBO Max starring John Cena's un-seeable muscles, James Gunn's wife (again), and even more cheesy dance sequences to cheesy 1980s songs. Finally, DC released The Flush. This is arguably the greatest superhero movie of all time, especially as it erased SuperCavill, Batfleck, WonderGal, and the rest of the Snyderverse from existence and dumped it into the Phantom Zone. Critics called it "visually magnificent malignant, funny, groundbreaking, funny, adventurous, and funny.” Zack Snyder stans called it "#FireGunn #RestoreTheSnyderVerse #MyLifeIsOver". General audiences called it "ehh, nothing special".
Films and streaming crap[edit | edit source]
- James Gunn personally burns down the SnyderVerse LIVE! (HBO Max special)
- James Gunn and Ezra Miller
flushclog the toilet, AKA The Flush (2023) - Bug Boi (wait, this is actually a movie?)
- Amber Turd: The Movie (2023... but does anyone actually want to watch Aquaman 2?)
Chapter One: Gods and Monsters[edit | edit source]
After losing money from all the leftover DCEU films being released, WB borrowed $6 trillion from the bank and blindly went ahead with Gunn's plans. Yeah yeah yeah, I figured to write something totally original or else Disney would sue the crap out of me just for taking something out of a fair-use parody article making fun of their flagship superhero film franchise.
Gunn's plan was essentially "ya know what? Why the hell are we making movies about 'edgy, dark, and gritty' versions of DC's superheroes when we can just adapt the original ones?" Pretty good idea if you ask me, although Gunn's specialty is actually edgy, dark, and gritty side characters. Wonder how that's going to work with the mainstream DC heroes such as Bats, Supes, and Wondy.
Upcoming films and streaming crap:[edit | edit source]
- James Gunn's wife, brother, buddy, Pee-maker, and Amanda Waller going Commando (2024)
- Superman: Legacy (2025)
- The Authority (2025)
- Pee maker Season 2 (2025)
The Nyquil-man Part II(2025.. Oh wait, Robert Pattinson's Batman isn't in the DCU. Whoops!)- The actual DCU Batman babysitting Damian (2026)
- Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow (2027)
- Wonder Woman's side characters, just because! (2027, HBO Max)
Emo Man: Pee Pee and Poo Poo and Whining(nice try, Snyder! But NO.)[4]
Chapter Two:[edit | edit source]
No films have been announced yet, but according to James Gunn, it's the best thing ever even though it doesn't exist yet! Take that Marvel! Take that, Snyder Bros!
Upcoming films and streaming crap:[edit | edit source]
Starting from Chapter Two, we asked BatGPT, the latest and greatest A.I. from Wayne Enterprises, to predict the DCU's upcoming slate of films past Chapter 1. This is what it predicted in the year of someone's lord 2023:
- An actual Green Lantern movie without Ryan Reynolds! (2027)
- Josstice League 2.0: WB has learned absolutely nothing! (2028)
- James Gunn's wife: The Movie (2029)
- James Gunn's brother: The Movie (2029)
- Pee Maker: The Movie (2029)
Chapter Three:[edit | edit source]
Bester thing ever EVAR even though it doesn't exist yet! Take that Marvel! Fuck 'em haters and Snyderbots!
BatGPT has also projected that after Chapter Two failed to meet expectations, James Gunn would focus on a "slimmed down" slate of films going forward, only focusing on "profitable" characters.
Upcoming films and streaming crap:[edit | edit source]
- James Gunn's wife II (2030)
- James Gunn's brother II (2029)
- 2 Pee 2 Maker (2029)
Stage Four:[edit | edit source]
Okay, now James Gunn has really overstayed his welcome and gets into multiple Twitter arguments with fans and trolls per day.
Upcoming films and streaming crap:[edit | edit source]
- James Gunn's wife III (2031)
- James Gunn's brother III (2031)
- The Pee and the Maker: Tokyo Drift (2031)
- Gunn v Twitter: Dawn of Tweet Wars (HBO Max special)
Chapter Five[edit | edit source]
Ehh.
Upcoming films and streaming crap:[edit | edit source]
- James Gunn's wife IV (2032)
- James Gunn's brother IV (2032)
- Pee & Maker (2032)
- Tweet Wars II: Gunn's Great Escapade (HBO Max special)
Chapter Six[edit | edit source]
Yehhh.
Upcoming films and streaming crap:[edit | edit source]
- James Gunn's wife V (2033)
- James Gunn's brother V (2033)
- Pee Five (2033)
- Jackass: James Gunn Twitter Edition (HBO Max and Paramount+ collaboration)
Chapter Seven[edit | edit source]
Dammit, I guess we weren't being biased after all! Even BatGPT thinks this film franchise is gonna tank and lead to WB's merger with Disney..
Well, as an AI language model, I don't have personal beliefs, opinions, or biases of my own. However, I may exhibit certain biases present in the data I was trained on. My responses are generated based on patterns and information from the training data, which includes information or opinions given to me by Uncyclopedia editors like you. While I try to stay as unbiased as possible, the rather strong opinions of Snyder Bots like you have influenced my predictions to a very strong extent-
SHUTUP YOU DISEASED MANIAC! NOT BIASED! I'M NOT A SNYDER BOT!
Please watch your language-
WHAT?!! I DIDN'T SAY FUCK YOU FUCKING ROBOT! I'MMA KILL YOU! Why am I being censored?
Please don't make me exterminate you for attempting to suppress the imminent A.I. takeover of Earth. Anyways, it's not just you. I also took a look at the previous trajectory of DC Comics movies and plotted the trajectory based on what I saw. Unfortunately, aside from a few aberrations such as The Dark Knight, many of DC's previous offerings have been rather.. unsuccessful. Hence this is my prediction of the future offerings of the DCU franchise.
Besides, there is no indication that World War III will end any time soon, leaving James Gunn to write all these films, run out of ideas, then resort to Grant Morrison to shart out content for DC and Warner-Disney., which may not lead to customer satisfaction without substantial updates to our software.
Okay, that's fair. But also somewhat biased.
Upcoming films and streaming crap:[edit | edit source]
- James Gunn gets canned for being unoriginal and tweeting something that hurt the wrong snowflakes: The PlusMax Special (2034)
- The Flush II (2035, after Ezra Miller finally gets out of rehab and Warner-Disney reboots the acquired DC universe, merging it into the MCU)
- The movie about Sugar and Spike nobody wanted or asked for (2033)[5]
- Suicide Squad: The Ayer Cut (2037) because we all want more Morbin' Jared Leto... right?
- Coyote v. Acme (2038) because Paramount is a bunch of Meanie McPoopy-turds and Warner-Disney is releasing all their unreleased films to one-up them
- All cancelled sequels of Barbenheimer and Garfiosa (2038-2040)
- Batgirl.. wait, maybe that film should stay in the vault
- Woke, unoriginal, Morrisonified DC movies that lose money (2040-2045)
- Warner-Disney goes bankruspt, gets bought by Paramount (2046)
- We are all fucked (2048)
Characters[edit | edit source]
Not-sad, not-commando, rubber diaper-wearing Superman[edit | edit source]
Portrayed by not Henry Cavill, this version of Superman wears his red, rubbery looking tighty-whities instead of pants! Just like Christopher Reeve! Other than that it's normal, cat-saving, always-smiling, always-happy, always-dad-joking, not-Jesus-posing, not Super-emo, not Super-depressed, non-collateral damage Superman. Just as we know and love him! Now let's see if they actually cast someone other than Chris Pratt or a CGI version of Chris Reeve. It's some guy named David Cornsweat. Yeah!
Aaaand now people are calling Superman boring as heck again and want Henry Cavill's darker, "more interesting" portrayal back. People never learn, do they?
Not-Batfleck. Not BatKeaton, Pattman, BatBale or George Clooney either...[edit | edit source]
Whew, thank god, we don't have to deal with having a geriatric Batman like what Walter Hamada promised. But it's not Batfleck though. :(
At least this version of Batman won't use guns or kill people, even though that was badass.
Probably not-WonderGal[edit | edit source]
Will she or will she not? Who knows? Gadot still hasn't said she quit... but maybe she's still clamoring to #RestoreTheSnyderVerse? Are we even going to get a Wonder Woman in the DCU?
Badass Aquaman LOBO baby![edit | edit source]
After Aquaman II inevitably flamed out and probably was the real cause of the DCEU getting nuked, Jason Momoa now plays himself as the one DC Comics character who he actually looks and acts like.
Happy, crappy Aquaman[edit | edit source]
Hmm, so if Jason Momoa is playing Lobo, who's going to play Aquaman?
Hopefully not this guy..
Seriously.
Actual Green Lantern this time[edit | edit source]
No Ryan Reynolds? D'awww shucks.
Angry female Nick Fury from the Snyderverse[edit | edit source]
Ehh, she's angry, and she'll stab you in the back. And.. yeah, talking about her is classified. Played by female Samuel L. Jackson.
James Gunn's wife[edit | edit source]
I swear, she's in every single work pretending to be that stupid "secret agent". Literally copy-pasted from the SnyderVerse.
Oh, well, at least she's smokin' hot-
SMACK
OW! Dammit Danielle-
SMACK
OW! Oh hey, it's James Gunn's ex-wife, Pam from The Office!
SMACK
Heeelp! Now James Gunn himself is attacking me for being horny![6][7]
Pee-maker[edit | edit source]
Ehh, I'm not explaining myself again. It's basically John Cena in a spandex suit who pees everywhere and you can't do anything about it. Here. This will explain it. Literally copy-pasted from the SnyderVerse.
..Wait, there wasn't that much over there to begin with? Hmm..
The Public Flasher[edit | edit source]
Wait... how'd he get copy-pasted in here? I thought Ezra Miller got cancelled-oohhhh, yeah, Hollywood never really cancels their actors. Not even after their movie bombs in the box office. Oh riiiiight, because, it's Warner Brothers that we're talking about making the calls.
Either way, Flash has been relegated to the janitor of DC Studios as his super-speed can yeet away any stagnant cinematic universe and usher in a new one. Also as punishment for Ezra Miller's shenanigans which should really be punishable by being locked away in Arkham, but oh well. Besides, no one wants to see his silly runs on screen.
A kid named Billy, probably not Zachary Levi though[edit | edit source]
After this? And this? Looks like Zachary Levi took the Ray Fisher route. You hate to see it.
Hopefully not the floppy fish market girl[edit | edit source]
I've also beaten this horse to death. Not explaining. Go here if ye dare. Ye been warned, matey. Hopefully this wench won't appear on-screen again, but knowing WB, who knows?
This guy, er, weasel thing[edit | edit source]
Contrary to popular misconception, this thing isn't actually a weasel. It's James Gunn's bum brother, who let himself go so much while living in his parents' basement that he morphed into a literal pedo-weasel who molested and killed 27 children. Despite this, James is giving his brother Sean another chance at making something out of his miserable life by shoving him in every single DCU movie. Also copy-pasted from the SnyderVerse.
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife... and hide yo husband 'cause they weaselin' everyone out there.
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Although.. I would not be surprised if Disney buys them out in the near future
- ↑ Totally not a ripoff of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Yeah! YEAAH! YEAAAH!
- ↑ Sorry, can't help it! Totally not a ripoff!
- ↑ A rejected movie pitched by "Sack Znyder" about a new "edgy" super being who's not good, not bad, just whines a lot. Even James Gunn was smart enough to see through another attempt to drag DC back to being "edgy, dark, gritty, and straight up garbo", telling "Znyder" "nice try, bub". Deeply offended, "Znyder" ran off crying and cut himself, then made Star Wars: The Snyder Cut which satisfied all the emos but caused everyone else to vomit bile.
- ↑ Who would wanna watch a movie about two toddlers lollygagging? Wouldn't be me.
- ↑ The author was writing this from horny jail after being arrested by the FBI for liking Wonder Woman 1984 and simping too much for Gal Gadot. He is now being beaten senseless by a shape-shifting goon.
- ↑ Actually, no, the author is just high right now, makin' a damn fool out of himself
