Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
SPOILER WARNING! This contains the whole movie plot, so be careful what you read or your ass will be beaten up by the Guardians themselves
“This is actually a prety decent movie.”
“I am Groot!”
“Wtf does that mean”
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 is a 2024 action drama comedy animal-smasher film directed by James Gunn, serving as the 3rd film in the franchise and also the finale and grossing out $1320000000000000000000000000000000000000000 in the box office over The Flush and Puss in Boots 2. Unfortunately, our crew of space weirdos and their cheesy 1980s dance moves were unable to outgross ah-Movie about-ah-Mario or ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-CHERRY BOMB! for some reason (cough cough Animal cruelty, y'know?), and as such, all of them were sent to the animal slaughterhouse dawg pound for failing to earn Disney top money.[1] Dammit, Chris Pratt!
Long story short, it was one of the movies of all time. Somehow, it remained as Marvel's best movie in 2024 yet. Not a high bar to top, considering the previous offerings that the MCU farted out.
Plot[edit | edit source]
Somewhere at Knowhere in one day, Guardians of the Galaxy randomly got attacked by Adam, a golden gay person created by his "Mother". Adam overpowers the group and wounded Rocket, he gets stabbed through the stomach by Nebula and quickly flees out, The Guardians can't tend him or not, since he was part of a headquarters called Orgo Corp.
Sneaking to Orgo Corp's base, by luckily avoiding security, they find his code in a room and they remove it. Meanwhile with Rocket, he recalls his memories from the past as a baby to a teenager, being experimented by the High Revolutionary, a black scientist who kidnaps random animals from earth to make them human-like, as a way of showing 4chan that he can play God and play Pokemon at the same time. Despite being in a cage, he doesn't stay alone, as he befriends some other test subjects, an armless otter, a wheeled walrus and a white bunny. After learning his intelligence from math and science, the High Revolutionary decided to execute his friends and Rocket manages to free them. He mauls the fuck out of the High Revolutonary's face and escapes out of the place by stealing a ship.
Later with the Guardians, they travel to Counter-Earth, which is basically Earth, but with animals. The team splits up, while being followed by Adam and his "Mother". Three of them go inside the building and meet The High Revolutionary himself, who is angered by them, revealed to be none other than their attackers. He decides to destroy the whole Counter-Earth while two of the Guardian escape and get a scientist's chip out of his head.
Back in their ship, Rocket goes to a near death experience and reunites his childhood friends, but sadly gets back into life(under orders of, apparently, God. Surprise SURPRISE!).
the other team gets into the ship and finds Human Children like Mice, unluckily, they were held by The High Revolutionary and sent into the pit, she manages to control their mind and escapes by breaking the wall.
Rocket finds his cage and finds out he was infact a racoon, The High Revolutionary attacks him but gets overpowered by The Guardians, he removes his mask, revealing his fucked up face that Rocket did to him, He spares his life and The Guardians Rescue's the Animals. Sadly enough, he couldn't make it but however, Adam saves his life.
Together, The Guardians Hugged Each other, (Including the astronaut dog and Adam)
Also there were a lot of kids. And the oh-so-humble Drax decided to look after them for whatever reason.
Cast[edit | edit source]
- Chris Pratt as Star Landlord
- Anthony Starr as Adam
- Samuel L. Jackson as The High Revolutionary
- Zoe Saldana as The Not-wicked Witch-daughter of Thanos 2.0
- Vin Diesel as Venus Meat Trap
- David Bautista as Space Dunce
- Bradley Cooper and James Gunn's bro as Animal cruelty experiment #1
Development[edit | edit source]
After the pandemic ended, James Gunn Visited an Animal Test Lab in one day and saw some animals in the cage, this lead to his own inspiration to the third film in the series and thought Rocket never had a Backstory before, so it already did.
Reception[edit | edit source]
The film received Critical Reception from Critics and other Review Websites. one user from Common Sense Media said "I love that Rocket was little, Its so adorable! :'( " and another user from Rotten Tomatoes said "This made me feel about what I done".
Awards[edit | edit source]
For some reason, PETA awarded Director James Gunn for claiming Animal abuse and cruelty on the film, because he wanted it to make it "Heart whelming" and "Sad" which reminded their viewers "It's a bad way to do them".
See also[edit | edit source]
- Rocket Racoon
- I am Groot
- Genius
- PETA
- Hatsune Miku
- Not a Number (I'm not even fucking kidding, this is real)
