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The Welcoming Holy Asterisk Texter, better known as WHAT, is the ultimate. Nobody can stop the WHAT. What was invented in Haiti when a native needed something to reply when a traveller stopped to ask him for directions. The traveller continued his way around the world, sharing the divine secret of the "what" with the general populace. If you tell yourself "WHAT?" while reading any part of this article, you have officially been whatted.[1]

What is What[edit | edit source]

WHAT should not be confused with the w-Hat (pronounced wu-hat) which is a Hat which removes significant organs, or the WHAT (Western Honky Ass Territory) aka the KKK. 'What' should not be taken for granted. This gift in the English language is a priceless word whose origins come from "Vista" which means Chicken. What can only be freely used during sexual intercourse, where a question is upheld on the gender of the partner. Example: " You: So are you a girl? Partner: Im a she-wolf. You: What? " This is the only reasonable use of such a powerful word. What comes right before 'the' in the coptic alphabet.

Famous Uses[edit | edit source]

Steve Austin is the most famous What user ever, using it out of nothing but ignorance!

Barack Obama is famous for the what, using it in reply to any questions he may have been asked as an alternative to actually answering the question.

Deaf people or near deaf people are also avid practitioners of what, participating any time somebody speaks to them.

Samuel L. Jackson is an master of using what, as evidenced by his multiple quotes at the top of this page.

The writers of LOST see what as their main strategy for driving dialogue. Nearly every conversation in the show follows this pattern:

  • Character 1 has something on his/her mind. They say one sentence to Character 2 about it, without saying what they're talking about.
  • Character 2 says "What?".
  • Character 1 elaborates.
  • Character 3 finds the hatch and says "What the fuck? I think we have a new season."

Lil Jon, Samuel L. Jackson's protege of "whatness" and bastard love child has made a rapping career out of yelling the word what as well as using it as a response that will always annoy your doctor, for example: Doctor: "Proof of insurance."

You: "WHAT?"

Doctor: "Proof of insurance."

You: "WHAT?"

Doctor: "Proof of insurance."

You: "WHAT?"

Doctor: "Proof of insurance."

You: "WHAT?"

Doctor: "Proof of insurance."

You: "WHAT?"

Doctor: "Proof of insurance."

You: "WHAT?"

Doctor: "Proof of insurance."

You: "YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Although truth be told, it might have been Lil Jon who said that. The many games that have evolved around what are fun. The games are: you make someone say "what" and then you say "you are stuck with that word for five minuets. If you don;t get rid of it you DIE!!!" the other game is "blah blah says what", you go up to random people and say "_____says what" very fast. If the say what then they are what ever you said. They will not know what the hell is going on when you start laughing. An example is: "Jackass says what" if the target says what then they are a jackass, get it? good. Now go annoy the hell out of people!

And another thing. "What" is often used in conjunction with the word "hell," as in "What the hell?"

Personally I fell like this is the siggn of s weak mindd-- What the hell is up wit this fuckign keyboarrd?

What? is a popular softball team in Westeastern Wiscrapstown. They are well known for being the only team in history to have an average height of 5'14" meters per second squared.

The Country[edit | edit source]

Unknown by many, "What" is also the name of a country located in Eurasia.

Contrary to popular beliefs, English is in fact the primary language in this country, but it is spoken in a different dialect. So when a native "Whatian" try's to speak American English, it often causes stuttering, and confusion.

Natives of this country are Caucasian, and "causal" clothing is common for their culture. Hawaiian Burgers are considered a delicacy in this country, and are eating right before sleeping, as a spiritual Ceremony. But because Whatians are nocturnal, these meals are often eating in the morning.

Why You Should Bow Down Before the WHAT[edit | edit source]

Lately, scientists are creating new uses for the what, as famous chemist Josef Stalin modified the use of the what from "What?" to "What!" creating an exciting new technique for conversations.

Not to be confused with "The What", a little known sideproject by Pete Townsend, created when The Who was in New Zealand for its 19whenever tour, the same tour Keith Moon trashed his first hotel. Today "The What" consists of four Wellington girls Anne, Annie, Alice and Kim. While they have yet to release an album, or even own any instruments, they are still quite good at trashing hotel rooms.

Countering What[edit | edit source]

While what cannot be completely stopped, its effects can be minimalized. If someone says what to you after you tell them something, try simply not saying anything. Often people say what as a reflex while their brain is processing what was said to them. If you wait a few seconds, they will often say their reaction to what you said. This can avoid the confusion of 2 people talking at once.

The Waht[edit | edit source]

The Waht is often confused with the what. Many scientist claim that it's just a typo, but then again, woh realy; listens to those dumbas scientists anyways?

What, What[edit | edit source]

Many upper-class, old-school, English aristocrats you know, the round of golf in the afternoon then back to the country club to exchange tales of the ninth hole before heading back home for dinner and a nightcap before retiring sort, often end their sentences with "What, what." This is possibly because in England, what with the what in danger of becoming extinct in favour of the "Wtf?" (despite the number of Whats in this article), many Whats are ensuring the survival of their race by getting married and having children which are given to the children of upper-class, old school, English aristocrats then when said children go to Eton they meet girls for the first time, get married to them, then their respective whats get hitched and thus go from becoming regular "Whats" to "What, Whats", eh What?

See also[edit | edit source]

“Say 'what' again. Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time! ”

~ Samuel L Jackson on this page


~ Steve Austin on Samuel L Jackson
  1. The What helped us create this page.