“People tell me his head's on fire. So what. That's how I wake up every morning. These super heroes are really getting lame. LAME!”
“So his head's on fire. Does he have a shotgun?”
“Yes I do!! used it on my nitwit blue flame-skulled stupid ass half-brother”
“Oh yeah? well.....umm.......you're dumb!!!!”
“grrrr... well at least I have super powers......”
“Do you have to be THAT skinny to bang a chick like Eva Mendes?”
“So your head's on fire? OHHHHHH, good for you! And how was it? I hope it was good cause its fuckin' useless as a superpower. I got trained by a bunch of ninjas and then blew their temple up as a thankyou note. And you your head's on fire? This guy just doesn't give a FUCK about what is goin' on in front of the camera. If he's back for a sequel, I ain't walkin' back into the fuckin' movie theatre. Forget it!”
“So his head's on fire. I have a suit made out of a gold-titanium alloy. It can withstand fire! ...Not sure about hellfire.”
“So his head's on fire. I'm fucking blind, and I can kick more ass than him.”
“HEAD ON FIRE? STUPID SUPERPOWER? STUPID SUPERHERO? HULK SMASH!!!”
“Good thing to know that undead bones are fireproof, because a pile of ashes would be a better vigilante than this guy”
“Look into my eyes.....”
He used to be all normal. Then, it happened. He died, went to hell, made a deal and came back (a plotline copied by many, many anti-heroes afterward. I'm talking to you, Spawn). With a crazy flameskull and a kickin' rad bike, he fights crime every day, wherever crime needs to be fought.
Mr. Rider (Real name, John Scott), was just like all the other kids. He was always real quiet and kept to himself. Real quiet that is, until that one fateful day, when his head started on fire. After that, things just couldn't be the same. After that, people gave him the nickname of Johnny Blaze, because his head was all on fire. Get it?!
Ghost's career as a student through elementary and secondary school was fairly uneventful. He sang in choir, played trombone, and enjoyed two winning seasons as the starting quarterback for his football team. College would change things, though.
Upon acceptance to the Omega Omega Omega frat at Duke University, he got mixed up with the wrong crowds, particularly, Lucifer, his roomate. He started riding motorcycles, drinking beer, and worshipping the devil. After a near fatal brush with Spiderman his junior year, Ghost decided he'd had enough of "the life". So he died.
Long story short, he came back as a badass with an even more severe case of flameskull. The fool! Fighting crime physically wasn't making his dreams come true, so Ghost found a different way to make a difference: from City Hall.
His first run at mayor was a total success. His reputation for being a hard-lined moderate earned him respect early on from veterans of the game. He ran for and won the mayorship 14 times, and decided to take a break from crime-fighting. He moved to a retirement community in Southern Florida for a short while.
It was during this time that he became a vocal proponent of free speech and writing, and got involved with a PBS show dubbed Ghost Writer. The show, with it's mystery solving band of minority kids, had a cult following among grade-schoolers. Scandal over the now-infamous BDSM Episode forced Ghost to turn a blind eye on his new hobby, and the kids.
Coming out of retirement, he overcame hatred and the scandal with love, acceptance, and the amazing "I Have A Woody" Speech. People loved it. The mayorship back in his hands, he managed to balance his time between public office, and private office in his club, The Flaming Heads. The club soon became the focal point of his very public life, and gained widespread support as the place that offered both BDSM, and STD treatments.
After years of public service, from fighting crime to fighting herpes to fighting the stigma of a healthy sex life, Ghost Rider had done it all.
- Summon midgets. By yelling out the words "hakkala makala lakala" he can then summon as many midgets as he desires to combat evil.
- Rides a motorcycle REAL fast.
- Rides a motorcycle REAL slow.
- The motorcycle's pollution is the equivalent of china.
- in soviet russia motorcycle rides YOU.
- The bike has flaming wheels.
- Has a chain with a big thingamajig at the end of it.
- Humps people, makes them feel themselves and lose ass control. Sick.
- Won the mayoral election 20 times. Legally.
- Knows the names of everyone in the Partridge Family (It's his favorite).
- Sculpts busts of celebrities.
- Serves as Chuck Norris' toilet seat warmer
- Boils water for people... a good Samaritan? I think not...
- Gets hyphy 24 / 7 and goes at the Bay Area Ghost Ridin the Whip!
- Horny stare. Makes you really horny and want to sleep with Ghost Rider.
- Burning farts. Farting combined with fire, he can make fire fart bombs out of his ass.
- Spanking. Ghost Rider's way of punishing the bad is by spanking.
- Make love to your mutha.
- Horrifies people into a coma by coming onto them with catchline, "Look into my eyes..."
- Pisses fire
- Burns his bed every time he sleeps
- Burns his sofa every time he sits
- Burns his doors every time he opens them
- Burns his good tux at every wedding
- Burning head causes headaches
- Causes intense global warming
- His bike consumes 10 gallons of petrol each day.
- Everytime he spills gas on his bike, he and the bike explode.
- Burns his girlfriend Everytime he tries 69.
- It burns every time he pees.
- Lack of penis makes it hard to enjoy intercourse.
- First kiss resulted in partners death.
- Selling his soul to the devil, October 1990
- Created first falming skull/head, November 1990
- Scaring small children, December 1991
- Conspiracy to Litter, December 1991
- Burning down Pop's Popsicle Stand, April 1995
- Crashed his bike into Spider-man's home, June 1995.
- Went on to crash through Daredevil's home, June 1995.
- Causing Collateral damage to US$3,006,930,4492,082,629,386,385,194 worth of property
- Causing normal civilians to distrust Superheroes, resulting in the Marvel CIVIL WAR
- Causing Global Warming, 1987-Present day.
- Excessive use of Earth's resources : namely, Petrol (1987-Present day).
- Public display of Affection, March 1996
- Kitten Huffing (the orange ones, Ghost Rider gets good shit), June 1996
- Torching Stan Lee's house (April 1997)
- Arson of Oprah's virginity, Right NOW!
|The heroes, villains, and other people of Marvel Comics, from the creators of Stan Lee's Stripperella, and other Marvel classics as compiled by Uncyclopedia!|
|Superheroes and heroines||Captain Planet - The Amazing Fiber-Man - Apathy Man - Spider-Woman - Mary Jane - The Incredible Hunk - The Scarlet Spider - Daredevil - Dr. Strange - The Punisher - Ghost Rider - Iron Man - Graphite Man - Deadpool - Igloo - Pithy Saying Man - Irony Man - The other Captain Marvel - Stan Lee - Too Much Information Man|
|Supervillains||Blackheart - Dr. Doom - Electro - Galactus - Green Goblin - Juggernaut - Mecha-Dracula - Rob Liefeld - Batroc - Kool-Aid Man - Loki - The Hobgoblin - Fred Phelps - Blackout the Vampire - Venom - Dr. Octopus - Spider-Man's Rogue's Gallery - The Creature|
|X-Men||Professor X - Apocyclopse - Gene Grey - Beast - Wolverine - Bishop - Cable the Larry Guy - Northstar|
|Salacious Six||Sr. Tentacles - Sabertooth|
|Other teams||The Inhumans - The Revengers - The Fantastic Four - Y-Men|