Drax

Whoops! Maybe you were looking for the drill by the same name?

“I am EXTRAORDINARY humble!!”

~ Drax on himself

“Dancing is for idiots! HAHAHAHA!”

~ Drax on dancing to the music like everyone else here is

I, Drax, tell you story of me! He is dumbest guy in universe. Drax has -5 brain cells (aww my nipples hurt), where's most boys have only 0 or sometimes rarely, 1. -5 brain cells creates singularity of dumbness. Therefore, superpower of Drax is being dumbass, dumbfounding my enemies by the gravity of stupidity! HAHAHAHA!

I have random red markings on my body, and look almost like human. But of course, im not. The red markings are blood of my VICTIMS!

I have ability to move so slowly I'm completely invisible to the eye, while simultaneously being completly visible to everybody! HAHAHAHA! DRAX SOUND LIKE IDIOT!! (Ungh, my nipples)

Drax! Quit doing something and STAND THERE!

So anyway, I was born, had family at 1 year old, skipping school, and lived unhappily for 27 years. Suddenly, Thanos came and killed Drax's family. HAHAHAHA!

Drax is killing machine, and kills anybody Drax meets until Drax finds the one who killed his family!

I am also extraordinary humble! I am so POWERFUL!! Oh sorry, where were we?

So anyway, when I met Peter Quill, I decided to help him, since my superior intelect knew weakling needed help leaving prison! I could totaly leave by myself, I just chose to stay and wait for weaklings to cry for help! I helped weakling escape all by myself, I didn't need ANY help! Then I helped them hunt Thanos! Drax determination to kill Thanos ended up unintentionally giving one of Thanos' minion, Ronan, an Infinity Stone. Not much else is known about me, since Drax die that day, drowning in spinal fluid of some dead head THING! HAHAHAHA! (Ow! My nipples hurt)

Drax! We need your help to kill this space demon!

Let me tell you about my best moments!

Prison escape

In prison control room, with guards about to kill them from outside. "Lets kill 'em!" Drax shouts, and Peter says to me: "You are in way over your head. There's too many." So I reply to him saying I have lightning reflexes. Anything that goes over my head I catch and kill with my own two hands!Gamora says "I'm gonna die surrounded by the biggest idiots in the galaxy"! HAHAHAHA!

The death gesture

Peter runs his finger across his neck, which apparently mean "cut head off". Peter and Drax were talking about Thanos for some reason. "Why would I run my finger across his neck?" Drax replies. It take me ONLY 5 week to understand what it ment! HAHAHAHA! IM SO SMART! (my nipples hurt)

Why is Gamora?

One day Thanos made Gamora disappear. Peter sad, goes bother Avengers and keeps asking "WHERE IS GAMORA??" Tony Stank then comes back with better question, "Who is Gamora?" Drax then barge in with best question, "WHY is Gamora?? AHAHAHAHA!"

The question so dumb, it makes everyone, even Hulk, head asplode. Drax sad. Drax forgot why he sad. HAHAHAHA!

This page

Why is this voice-to-text page look like 3-year-old make this with people shouting in the background? The person who made this seem like idiot! AHAHAHAHA!

Drax! Help us for fucks sake!

Now I look after stupid kids in knowhere. I am incredibly good at my job!

Aww, my nipples hurt, can I take badass jetpack off? It's touching my nipples! I can't fight flying space demon like this! AAAAAAAGGHH!! FACE MY SWORDS, SPACE DEMON!

If guns can't penetrate it from the outside, I must stab it from the INSIDE! IM THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!!

AHAHAHAAHAHA AAAAA It's eaten me!

Oh shit, looks like I need to save Drax - again

*Horrible squelching sounds can be heard*

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I SINGLE HANDEDLY VANQUISHED THE BEAST! I AM THE VICTOR!!

It's so funny because someone explain it and even Drax laugh at it! Wait, what was the punchline again? Get it, punchline, because my punches are powerful! HAHAHAHA! IM SO FUNNY! Wait, why arn't you laughing? That's a joke, you are supposed to laugh!