Thanos
“D-don't touch my nipples Thanos. I have sensitive nipples.”
| Born | sometime when the earth was cooling, in a taco bell bathroom on another planet |
|---|---|
| Death | September 11 2022 bicause of poor vision and July 19 2024, because of the revengers |
| Hobbies | killing gays |
You may know him as the purple eggplant man. Or the man who once sucked twelve dicks in a dumpster in an abandoned Burger King. Or Snoop Dogg's weed dealer. But most of all he is acknowledged by the majority as a manipulative, sadistic mastermind with but one goal in life - snapping the subsistence of half the universe's homosexual inhabitants away into disintegration. People knew him as Thanos, a man feared upon by everyone who knew him.
Thanos was the former leader of the KKK (Kool Kids Klub), where he mass-consumed black children as he assumed that they were cooked. Before long, however, he forcibly proceeded to destroy the KKK, as he detested the misspelling of the word "club" in such organization's name.
Before he was evil[edit | edit source]
Thanos was born in a Taco Bell bathroom in a planet called Titan. When he reached the age of 19864, he saw that Titan's natural resources were being rapidly depleted due to the overpopulation of gays.
He thought of a solution, which was to kill half of the gays, but was banished under the villain name "Mad Titan Thanos". He watched as his planet died in the war for resources that happened soon after.
He decided his life goal was to kill half the gays in the universe. During his first few target planets, he found a crew of evil psychos who shared his views, and together, they began the great Conquest of Thanos.
The great Conquest of Thanos[edit | edit source]
He went to random planets with a big ship, called a freighter, and killed a selective half of the planet's species.
A couple of times, he ended up adopting more gay children. He loved children. Too bad one of them got turned into a cyborg, and is in constant pain.
He later heard the rumors of powerful stones, called "Infinity Stones". They could wipe out half the universe at once. He seeked them. He wanted them. Really desperately.
When one of his servants almost got the stone of destruction, some random hobo gay stole it. Filled with rage, the servant chased down the gay, eventually managed to get the stone, and then he ran with it, seeking to kill Thanos. He first almost destroyed an entire planet, but was stopped by a group of gays called "The Guardians of the Milky Way".
The stone of destruction was locked away. However, Thanos got it in the end. He killed random gays as he tried to get the other 5. He also suddenly had a golden gauntlet.
The war of the stones[edit | edit source]
By 2022, in Earth time, just three stones remained. Time, Soul, and Mind. Thanos sent his servants to attack Earth, where two of them were held. Thanos went out to look for his favorite child, Gamora, to sacrifice her for the Soul stone.
On his way back to earth, he fought a random gay doctor who knew magic, as well as the Guardians of the Milky Way. And a bug man. And some dude in metal armour. What was his name again? Tony Stank? Yes, that's it.
Thanos somehow, magically got the Time stone. He went back to Earth. He went to Wakanda and killed Vision, and got the final stone. But vision killed him right after he used the stones to kill half the life in the universe.
Endgame[edit | edit source]
Two years later, in 2024, the gays calling themselves "The Avengers" (from Earth) became "The Revengers", and went back in time to undo what Thanos did.
Just as they went back to the present and saved everybody, Thanos suddenly comes back to life and tries to get the stones back. The Revengers kill Thanos again. Thanos was unmourned and unloved, and every gay celebrated. YAAAAAAY!!
Marvel Gayimatic Universe
Rouge: Drax
The Goordians of the galaxy: Groot, Peter Quill, Gamora, Rocket Racoon