Emo Man

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“Emo Man has high self-esteem and a healthy outlook on life.”

~ Captain Sarcasm on Emo Man
Emo Man tries to hide his true identity from the public.

Emo Man is an subhero created by DC Comics in the early 2000's, that likes to dress completely in black, likes to smile as little as possible, and has an unhealthy tendency to try to take his own life, although he often fails miserably.

Super powers[edit | edit source]

It can be hard to figure out exactly what Emo Man's powers are. It is slightly incorrect to say he is immortal: he just always manages to survive suicide attempts. Otherwise Emo Man is a pathetic, skinny loser who is timid, likes to try to kill himself, depressed guy in a silly outfit.

Emo Man has been stabbed, shot, gutted, impaled, blown-up, cut, run-over, grued, poisioned, chocked, stoned, dieted, hanged, lynched, sliced, diced, minced, pureed, eaten, melted, jumped off a cliff, beaten-up, roasted, sunburned, over-eatened, decapitated, mangled, sawed in half, and has eaten shards of glass while trying to kill himself. Usually, these attempts fail by one or more components: usually the weapon fails or something interrupts him. It has been suggested that Emo Man can recover from wounds quickly, but it's more likely that he doesn't mind pain. He is also not an undead being, because what would be the point of a zombie trying to kill itself?

It is a little known fact that Emo Man is also a professional hitman, though he is his own most frequent client. It is commonly said he has the biggest sword around, but these reports are mistaken. It is officially a very large knife. He has a curse on his mouth, causing him excruciating pain each time he smiles. Most people remark on his lack of scars, but again they are mistaken. His skin consists mostly of scar tissue, hence his pallid complexion.

“I'm hoping for feedback from my readers who have succeeded where I have failed...”

~ Emo Man on his book

Character biography[edit | edit source]

Traumatic childhood[edit | edit source]

Emo Man had a childhood almost typical of any emo that survives over the age of 18. As a young boy, his parents hated him for being whiny, his older sister (who had just got off a fast) ate all his food, and his goldfish sometimes leapt the bowl and swam around in his drinking water (leaving significant droppings behind). After many years of stress from Emo Man, the father had enough and left to get the milk and never came back, because he didn't wanna deal with a whiny cam whore. Later, the rest of his family moved along with his dad, leaving Emo Man completely alone.

At school, he was bullied by everyone, even the bullied kids. The typical freaky kids didn't hang out with him, and the ugly girls didn't even go out with him. Hell, even the other bisexuals didn't want to go out with him! At recess he was buried in the sand and in gym they played "him vs everybody else" for teams. Even the janitors threw him in the dumpster a few times. All the people who hated him were all rational, sane, and happy.

It is suggested that this childhood trauma built up his resistance to pain, which is one reason why he handles suicide attempts so well.

Typical day in the life of Emo Man[edit | edit source]

Emo Man's official symbol.

According to Fun Time With Emo Man, When he wakes up, he feels like cutting himself. This lasts for until 7AM. After a few attempts at killing himself, he cleans up the blood and has breakfast. Eventually he stops listening to that music and sets out on patrol. As stated, when he comes across a supervillain causing havoc, he'll threaten to kill himself. One would think "who gives a crap?" but Emo Man will try to kill himself with something nearby.

This attempt at his life would actually harbor the supervillain plan. Like if a supervillain had a mystical Doomsday device that only has one shot, Emo Man would try to kill himself with it. Or the aftermath of his death would cause the plan to fail. Surprisingly, Emo man has stopped a number of crimes and evil schemes by threatening to kill himself. Although it is unsure if Emo Man plans out ways to kill himself that would arbor an evil plan, or if he's just doing what comes naturally.

Due to the number of times he has cut himself, Emo Man has quite the knowledge of the human body and is a certified surgeon (although it is unsafe to have an emo surgeon operate on you).

His costume is black with blue streaks, which supposedly "hides the bloodstains." Others think this is black and blue just because all emos wear black and Emo Man is blue. After a day on patrol, Emo Man goes home, semenates on his Hatsune Miku body pillow for a while before fit-fully falling asleep.

Publication history[edit | edit source]

First Comic[edit | edit source]

Emo Man started out as a comic book made in 2005 , but failed to have more than 3 issues including the origin issue. The day after the "Emo Man #2. End of Emo Man?" issue. DC Comics later banned the entire series from the website, and all known copies of "Issue 0: Origin of the MySpace Spartan" were recalled, due to it being controversial. Next, he had a TV show called "Fun Time With Emo Man!" which he said it'll be premiered on WB Kids, where children would help him commit suicide by finding different objects within a story,but ultimately failing in the end due to a unforeseen circumstance. It was later canceled after 10 episodes when producers realized that kids shouldn't watch a show about a man continuously trying to kill himself. Also, it was later discovered that the actor for Emo Man was a kiddie fiddler.

All Star Emo Man[edit | edit source]

All Star Emo Man was a 2007 monthly revival of the original comic. It was cancelled after 19 issues due to a controversial panel where Emo Man rapes Superman for saving him from jumping.

Revival[edit | edit source]

In 2011, when New 52 Came out, Emo Man was revived once more, for the new generation of Emos. Also, the First Emo Man Annual was made. However, the lore reset does not apply, as an excuse to keep Emo Man fucking Superman in midair still canon.

Movies[edit | edit source]

Emo Man will have a movie in 2025, called Emo Man. It will also have a quintilogy, even though it will get unoriginal by the 4th film, which will just be Thomas and the Magic Railroad, but with Emo Man as the Main Character, and Thomas being a side character.