Man (superhero)
| Man | |
|---|---|
 Man | |
| Publisher | DC Comics |
| Statistics | |
| Real name | Manford "Manny" Manmann |
| Status | Existing |
| Notable aliases | That guy |
| Notable powers | N/A |
“He's alright”
Man is a completely unbranded, vaguely ominous superhero; best known for fighting crime without the aid of powers, a logo or even basic colour coordination. While other superheroes cloak themselves in vibrant, flamboyant symbolism - from bats, spiders, patriotic birds, angry salads or crystal-clear factual statements - Man's defining characteristic, and indeed his only consistent characteristic trait, is that he is a man. Just a man. Simply a man. No more than a man. Irrevocably... a man.
Unlike other caped crusaders who strike fear with the power of branding, Man chooses anonymity so total that even he forgets who he is sometimes. He stalks the grimy rooftops of Metro-Gotham-Yorkopolis in complete silence, or occasionally yelling "I AM MAN!" when startled by the odd pigeon or two. To the malefactors of Metro-Gotham-Yorkopolis, Man is a blurry figure in the dark, possibly holding a plunger. To the citizens, he is a rumour whispered in dive bars and Netflix documentaries. To his butler, Barry, he is a walking HR violation. And to himself, he is justice. Or insomnia. Or maybe indigestion. Nobody knows for sure.
Creation and publication history[edit | edit source]
Man was DC Comics' response to Marvel's Spider-Man, a character renowned for his relatability to the audience due to his run-of-the-mill personality and nerdy fashion, which made big bucks for Stan Lee and his company. DC's cast of overpowered aliens and billionaire vigilantes couldn't compete with such a relatable character, and so they sought to create their own version of a middle-class, average everyman turned superhero. The first iteration of this concept was Apathy Man, who represented the overall cynicism and apathy of the average US citizen; but many readers found Apathy Man's occasional philosophical remarks about the meaninglessness of life and the inevitability of death too deep and profound to accurately fulfill such representation. As a result, DC tried it a second time, which gave birth to one of the history's most forgettable comic characters, "Man".
Man first appeared in Average Comics issue #25, where he was introduced as a person who during morning was a boring, run-of-the-mill, single, middle-class, underpaid worker; but during night he was a boring, run-of-the-mill, single, middle-class, underpaid worker... dressed in a stupid outfit. In his first adventure, Man was policing the streets when a drunk hobo jumped out of the shadows and stole a passerby's wallet. After witnessing such crime, Man heroically took out his phone and dialled 911, which brought the police to hunt down the hobo and beat him to death; one of the police officers would later take the passerby's money as compensation for having helped him find his wallet. A local TV broadcast, which often, interviewed Man for his involvement in this un-unusual occurrence; to which Man replied what would later become his catchphrase: "...it's what any other man would have done."
Character biography[edit | edit source]
Man was born Manford "Manny" Manmann, heir to the Manmann Fortune, which wasn't of impressive wealth as his father was a car salesman and his mother was a housekeeper. Manford's life took a dark turn one fateful evening when a rogue street performer stole his parents' change while they were distracted by an overly enthusiastic piano rendition of "Free Bird". In that moment, a young Manmann swore vengeance. This particularly pivotal moment in Manmann's life led to one burning pledge, "I will fight crime. No, wait - the concept of crime. All of it. And maybe my own inner turmoil, too". He solemnly vowed to become a symbol. A vague and themeless symbol. He would become... "Man", so named after an offhand remark made by a confused, likely intoxicated pedestrian who once bore witness to him stood upon a rooftop at 10 AM, staring into the void, pointing to himself and muttering before the world, "I... am a man", presumably oblivious to the fact that he was, in fact, speaking aloud. The passerby, after a long, confused silence, muttered, "Well, I guess that's... just a man, innit?" and staggered off into the night only to forget about his observation an hour later.
To prepare for his lifelong crusade against criminal activity, Man spent several years training in various exotic combat academies, including a weekend seminar at a local dojo and an online course in "Advanced Sneaking for Troubled Adults". Upon returning to his home city of Averagepolis, Minnesota, he donned a suit of pure black - in both colour and emotional tone - and launched himself into a one-man war on evil powered fully by unresolved trauma and discounted tactical gear. Like a sleep-deprived billionaire in a black outfit, Man emerged from the shadows to punch metaphorical darkness in the face. And also some actual people, or so they say.
Appearance[edit | edit source]
Man's costume is a masterclass in minimalism and complete anonymity. Eschewing any kind of discernable motif or branding, he opts for an all-black ensemble: a black suit, black boots, black gloves, black cape, black mask, black eyeliner (for brooding), and occasionally a black bumbag when the black utility belt is in the wash. As opposed to Batman - who at least has little horns and an emblem on his chest to break up the silhouette - Man's mask is completely smooth and featureless, like a balaclava fell in love with a mime. His chest, is devoid of any distinguishing marks. According to Man, this "blank slate aesthetic is meant to represent the facelessness of justice. According to the casual observer, it makes him look like he's gearing up for a late-night emo concert. This evident lack of creativity is not a philosophical statement, but rather a result of his preference for practicality, making his attire a reflection of his reluctance to invest time or effort into design. Either that, or he simply really hates shopping.
Tools and gadgets[edit | edit source]
Lacking traditional superhuman abilities, Man relies on a collection of gadgets and tools that he insists qualify as superpowers "if you squint hard enough and believe in yourself". While other heroes may boast flight or laser vision, Man's powers come in the form of a well-packed belt and dubious ingenuity. Chief among Man's powers is his Utility Belt, a chaotic yet surprisingly spacious accessory containing such legendary items as a foldable plunger, a duck-shaped torch he claims "intimidates crime with cuteness", and at least three different sizes of zip ties. His signature weapon, however, remains the "Silver Force", a single roll of industrial-grade duct tape, said to be capable of subduing enemies, fixing a leaky pipe, and emotionally holding him together during long stakeouts.
Other notable tools include jumper cables that mostly work, provided the car battery is low and his confidence is even lower, and a notepad app on his Samsung Galaxy S25 which he uses to dramatically jot down lines to be uttered before some more unsuspecting drunkards, such as "Justice... is an unpaid internship", while entering rooms for added flair. In rare moments of preparedness, Man has also been seen wielding a spatula disguised as a weapon of mass destruction, an LED torch that he uses to "blind evil", and a vibrating massage wand, which Man swears is for "relieving the tension of high-stakes crime fighting". According to Man, these gizmo gadgets form the backbone of his crime-fighting arsenal. According to his butler, they form a fire hazard.
Vehicle[edit | edit source]
Man's mode of transport is as understated as the rest of his crime-fighting persona. He owns a Ford Ka, a vehicle so nondescript and functional that it practically screams anonymity. While other superheroes cruise around in sleek, shiny cars with customised gadgets and tinted windows[1], Man's car is simply a reliable, rusting hatchback that's seen better days, yet somehow, still runs despite the glaring dent on the front fender, which Man pompously swears was from a high-speed chase. To keep his anonymity intact, Man has affixed a decoy bumper sticker on his Ford Ka reading, "My other car is a Mystery Machine". While it fails to intimidate anyone or inspire fear, it does occasionally confuse wayfarers, which is a win in Man's book.
The Ford Ka is mostly powered by sheer willpower and the occasional can of fuel from the nearest Tesco petrol filling station. In spite of its lack of distinguishing features, it does have a few upgrades that Man insists make it a "crime-fighting machine", such as a suspiciously loud horn and squeaky brakes that Man uses to announce his arrival[2], alongside a reliable, if outdated, GPS system that frequently leads him to local kebab stands, where Man's fiercest foe, who calls himself "The Nuisance", often hides behind a stack of takeout boxes, waiting for the perfect moment to exchange all of Man's favourite sauces with a homemade conglomeration of mayonnaise and ketchup.
Supporting characters[edit | edit source]
Allies[edit | edit source]
- Woman: Man's main love interest and
- Little Boy: Man's sidekick
Recurring enemies[edit | edit source]
- Annoying Kid Down The Street: A 13 year old child who lives in Man's neighborhood, to the misfortune of Man. Annoying Kid Down The Street often plays malicious pranks on him, such as
- The Boss: A 55 year old businessman who's the head of the company Man works in. Man often has to sell his own dignity to please The Boss, overworking when others are having a beer at the bar and complimenting The Boss' horrible business decisions whenever he was around. Man dreams of shooting The Boss one day and ending his reign of tyranny; but of course, this is only a dream, as if he tried to do this in real life he'd lose his job, and that's something an underpaid worker like him can't afford.
- The Taxman: One of Man's greatest foes; The Taxman is a government employee that plans to destroy Man by taking away from him what he loves most, his hard-earned money. Man often tries to fool The Taxman whenever he comes knocking on his door, but The Taxman's ties to the government makes Man's schemes futile, and the only time he did manage to fool him he ended being
In other media[edit | edit source]
As a result of a heated night of cocaine and alcohol in the Warner Bros. CEO's room, the Man character was given his own animated TV show, The Mediocre Adventures of Man. The show is best remembered by its repetitive tune, as whenever the episode started most spectators would change the channel to watch a more interesting show:
| “ | Man, Man Does whatever a man can Works in his job, makes a dime Look out! Here comes Man. |
” |
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Looking at you, Batmobile.
- ↑ Elderly passersby especially revere Man's acts of heroism insofar as they are perpetually startled away by this noise, clutching their shopping bags, whenever he is positioned to shoo the audacious seagull that dares to give birth to a white shark on his horseless carriage.
