Vatican Boys Punishment Squad

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“Yeah, I know about them. They weren't so bad, except for Peach. Those looks he gave me in that strange pirate costume of his. I don't even want to talk about it.”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Vatican Boys Punishment Squad

“Raspberry is so ugly, if you combined the faces of Janet Reno and Garrison Keillor with an elephant's hairy ass, you wouldn't even come close to this guy.”

~ Jared from Subway on The Vatican Boys Punishment Squad
The Vatican Boys Punishment Squad as portrayed by teen sensation N Sync.

The Vatican Boys Punishment Squad, or commonly known as the Gestapo. These elite clinjas were spawned from the Pope's "fun" with a Snapple bottle. It was originally believed that it was diet, but paternity tests told otherwise, and ta-da Gestopo. There are 5 main leaders of this so called Vatican Boys Punishment Squad. The first is Lemon, the second Raspberry, the third Peach (He is a little light in the loafers), the fourth Mango-nanna Blueberry the Righteous, and the fifth Cap.

Cap[edit | edit source]

It seems that Cap was the man with all the random info crap in his mind. We found in some research, that Cap was in fact part of the semite religion which we call Judaism. Now if you have been paying any attention to ANYTHING I HAVE BEEN SAYING, then you will notice the conflict here. I won't say it because I am being held at gun point, but don't worry about me. Back to the Vatican Boys Punishment Squad. Man I love typing that: Vatican Boys Punishment Squad, Vatican Boys Punishment Squad, Vatican Boys Punishment Squad, WOOT.

Lemon[edit | edit source]

I actually went to high school with Lemon, he was a tart I'll tell you. Despite the last comment, I might want to add that he has had a great addiction to video games, but especially sports, and enjoys the cheerleaders too much, if you know what I mean, cause I don't. He is ranked number 3 or 1005 in the country for Madden '06. He is ranked 9th all time in Halo and is the self-professed "God of Headshots". Unfortunately, the actual God of Headshots took extreme offense to this heresy and began berating him with lightning bolts. This is why, today (little known fact), we are able to run currents through lemons.

Peach[edit | edit source]

Peach, Peach Peach Peach. Man Peach has some sort of strange enjoyment of Matthew Broderick movies. And has his eye for Johnny Depp (He loves the pirate look). In fact the past 30 years for Halloween he has been a pirate (yea the "butt" pirate, he wants to steal your booty, yar!).

Raspberry[edit | edit source]

A fairly accurate description of Raspberry of the Vatican Boys Punishment Squad

Now Raspberry, wow was he the biggest screw up that Mr. DNA tried to make. He has a crooked eye, and the one ear that he has is backwards. Now some scientist might say that is good, because then he knows when someone is talking behind his back. He has 2 right hands, and on the left right hand three of the 6 fingers are not functional, and whenever he moves that arm he sort of swings it around pitifully like a retarded penguin. He has A.P.T. or acute pigeon-toe syndrome, and has a strange case of Scoliosis where he is dramatically bent over, this made it seem that he always had to take a piss and the teachers always asked him if he needed to go. Through good merit, he received a life-time bathroom pass. Behind his back, the substitute teachers used to call him the Hunch Back of Notre DAMN!! Now remember he could hear this. He was also instructed to sit facing away from the board so that he could hear the teacher because he was so damn ugly.

Mango-nanna Blueberry the Righteous (Not a Jew)[edit | edit source]

Um, he is the "Pompous Ass" of the family. His name is an insult. When ever he gets on someone's nerves, they just mention his name and badda bing badda boom (god thats a gay phrase) he shuts up. It is said that he will be the next prime minister of Iran. What the hell! Iran doesn't have a prime minister. CRAP. Now there will be a cataclysmic event because the researchers predictions will be wrong. He might be the leader of Iran, but there will be no f***ing prime minister, Allahlah! WOOKIEWOOKIE!

The Coming of Age[edit | edit source]

Puberty.[edit | edit source]

The Job at Hand[edit | edit source]

Ha! Handjobs!

Eh, I don't know what idk stands for.

Anywho The Job at Hand[edit | edit source]

We see in the text of Muhamud Farjesh Macneddilladillio that the Vatican Boys Punishment Squad had a war with the Kool-Aid Jammers. The name of this war was The War over Raspberry's Ear. We also find that they form an alliance with the Hawaiian Punch. The Kool-Aid Jammers allied with the Minute Maid. Actually the Minute Maid was a man, and was very tall like the Jolly Green Giant (Who was undecided). At the end this was the wettest war in the history of Jews Juice, with red Kool-Aid everywhere. I like Kool-Aid.

In the Beginning[edit | edit source]

(Note: The following information will be revealed in the upcoming comic book The Vatican Boys Punishment Squad and the Altar of Righteousness.)

Chapter One[edit | edit source]

These brothers, not knowing who their father and not even their mother was, were hired by the Pope. Cap, since he knows all this random crap, found out by reading the Pope's diary, titled The Declaration of Independence a modern epic about a boy and his love...AMERICA, that the Pope was his and his brothers' father. So now they have a Dad and a Boss all in one YAY!

Chapter Two[edit | edit source]

Peach used his manly seduction and his Joe Frank Homosexuality to ward off the Telletubbies, a.k.a. The Knights Templar. Raspberry used his impenetrable look of Ugliness. He stood there like a Stone Wall, like Stone Wall Michael Jackson.