Hetero (prefix)

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Look! He's knitting and playing the drums at the same time! Now that's what I call HETEROknitting!

Are you completely at a loss for manliness? Has your masculinity up and gone, leaving you a snivelling wreck? Well, my son, that's where HETERO- comes in!

Applying the prefix "hetero-" can make even the most effeminate of words sound macho! Take "knitting" for example. Even saying the word makes a man sensitive and weak! But just add "hetero-", and, hey freakin' presto, HETEROknitting! It's totally manful!


Suddenly gymnastics just got more hairy and manful!

Some men out there like to share their feelings with members of their own gender, but they're scared: what will their friends think? Well, despair not, good friend, just take "hetero-". How's about... HETEROflexible! A haa! With your newfound manfulness, you can go anywhere you like and do anyone you want, and if anyone says 'Hey, you fag!,' then you can reply 'I'm not a fag, I'm a heterofag!' See? As long as you add "hetero-" to a word, it can never be gay.


Male gymnastics is one of those sports that no men ever watch or partake in. It's one of those activities that say 'Hey, look at me! I'm wearing a leotard and I love having gay non-hetero butt sex with non-hetero men! Up the ass! Hard!' Well, all you have to do is play with the word, and suddenly you've got a sport everyone wants to play: HETEROgymnastics! It rolls off the tongue perfectly, but, more importantly, it's red-blooded and manlike! And you can get away with being flexible too!

Day-by-day boredom[edit]

Every now and then, even the most totally prolific, two-fisted manly hunter gets bored when he's hanging out with his amigos! You find yourself thinking 'I hate this. I hate my life,' and you get, woah, like hugely massively introspective and shit. How can you truly beef up this time of your life? That's easy! Just add "hetero-"! Let's see... hmm... This... is... HETEROlame!'' See that? See what I just did? I totally lit up and man-icized your compadres' days, that's what I just freakin' did!

Directions, fuck yeah![edit]

What do you do if someone pulls up in a car and asks you for directions to somewhere like the nearby post office?! What can you do?! Can you handle it?! Yes you freakin' can, all you need is "hetero-"! Just reply to them 'Don't you mean the HETERO-post office!?,' and they'll agree out of pure manliness! Now you've motivated yourself, you'll know the exact directions to a place, even if you've never heard of it before! Yeah! You'll find yourself applying verbs to directions that you never thought you'd use before! 'You SLAM a right up there by the right arrow sign, then WRECK the third exit on the roundabout. Keep going straight ahead for a while until you reach the U-Turn, and then FREAKIN' MASSACRE IT! Then, you park your car, and you're there. No problem. Nice jacket, by the way.'

Le Hetero-Fin![edit]

So, that's all you need to know. What you've got to remember, is that without HETERO, you're nothing. You've gotta ram it down people's throats! And, I leave you with one final tip: the more men there is, the more manly! Yeah! We don't need women to satisfy us, that would be like diluting our manhood! Yeah? YEAH!

See also[edit]