UnNews:Male ego reaches all time high, females counted in average penis size

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

25 March 2008

The traditional penis hierarchy has been changed drastically.

London, England -- A new set of standards by the International Society of Phallus Measurement will include women among those measured for their annual 'State of the Pants Report'. The Society cites feminist groups as the main source of pressure to include the female gender.

"We found such blatant sexism in the demographic measured for the Pants Report; we had to act against it," says Feminico spokeswomen Mrs. Cogusler. "The distribution of penis measurements has always been classified in percentiles," says Dr. Bingok, head of phallic studies in the University of London, "women generally were excluded from this distribution, until now." As a result of the recent standards, the average IPP (Inches Per Person) has dropped to an all-time low of just under 2.5. "This is great news for the lot of us. It has encouraged us to shake our instruments with more enthusiasm the next time we use the mens room," says the head of Small Cocks, Big Hearts, Mr. Kinashord.

The news is certainly bright for men, who are now on average 2.5 above the average IPP, however, the news has not been met with as much warmth with the other gender. "The realization that, as small as males may get, females will generally not pass 0 IPP has caused many women to seek Unnatural Female Enhancement," says Dr. Shimel, an independent researcher in the matter. The National Organization for Underestimating Girth in Annual Tallies applauds the move, calling for the day to be marked as a holiday.

Sources

• I. C. Cox "NOUGAT Proposes New Holiday" The Department of Pubic Affairs, March 16, 2008