The Big Lebowski
“Shut the fuck up, Donny!”
The Big Lebowski is a 1998 film that teaches the important moral lesson that the lazy and stoned will always triumph over everyone else. Throughout its two-hour running time, it gives examples of the kinds of people who will be vanquished by the lazy and stoned: greedy industrialists, feminists, porn stars, pedophile bowlers,[1] and Donny - who, frankly, needs to "shut the fuck up".
The movie was written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen, whose last script involved Steve Buscemi being called "funny-looking" and eventually put through a wood chipper. This time, the character is constantly told to "shut the fuck up" and dies for no particular reason.[2][3]
The film was a commercial failure, and would have been relegated to the depths of obscurity, were it not for the fact that the main character constantly drinks White Russians and smokes joints, prompting frat boys across the world to play the game "try to match the Dude". While under the influence of vodka, kahlua, and weed, any movie seems good, and The Big Lebowski is no exception. Especially because, in this one, shortly before you fail to match The Dude and vomit all over the front of your shirt, a woman looks directly into the camera and says "vagina".
Plot Summary by The Dude(?)[edit | edit source]
The movie opens with a cowboy giving an exposition and the Dude smelling some milk while George Bush talks about the Gulf War. Then two guys break into the Dude's apartment and urinate on his rug. At that point, the Dude and I have our first joint and White Russian, and the plot starts to get a little blurry.[4]
I think there was a guy in a wheelchair putting his underwear in a bag. And a guy in a motorcycle helmet with a pet ferret. And a pedophile named Jesus. And someone throws a coffee mug and hits the Dude right on the forehead. And, of course, that chick says "vagina", and that's right about where I always stop paying attention.
The Big Lebowski on/in Pop Culture[edit | edit source]
The Big Lebowski occupies an interesting space in pop culture. Despite being a major Hollywood film starring an actor who was in Seabiscuit, for Christ's sake, it still somehow has Indie cred. In this sense, The Big Lebowski could be said to be the Death Cab for Cutie of film: a major commercial endeavor that's just bad enough to be just obscure enough to be "Indie".
For this reason, Lebowski is one of the few major Hollywood films that you can mention to an art student and still expect to have sex with her later in the night. Walk up to an art student and say "You had me at hello," and expect a drink tossed in your face. But walk up to an art student and say "This aggression will not stand, man," and you've got yourself an icebreaker. Better yet, this will give you an opening to offer her a White Russian, and it is a well-known fact that vodka forces girls to have relations with guys they are not attracted to.
If all this discussion of sex in this article makes you uncomfortable, I apologize. My articles have been commended as strongly vaginal, which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina. Yes, they don’t like hearing it and find it difficult to say, whereas without batting an eye, a man will refer to his dick, his rod or his Johnson.
“Johnson?”
See also[edit | edit source]
Notes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ That is, pedophiles who bowl. Not people who bowl using pedophiles. It's not like midget bowling.
- ↑ Other than an off-beat form of denouement which leads nowhere nor suggests the resolution of the entire film, which requires Buscemi to pull off a death scene of empathy and hope/love of all things. Critics, however, claim it was just a weird fucking death scene
- ↑ This is because the Coen Brothers hate Steve Buscemi, enough to kill him.
- ↑ Drugs start to take effect while Jackie Treehorn draws a phallus on a note pad with a pencil.
