Price check

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The information contained in this article can cause emotional damage to women, children, and metrosexuals.

If you are one of them, sorry but this article's just not for you.


Oh, what you got there Mr. Man? Some of Madam Chang Kai-shek's Ancient Chinese Secret Erection Creme? It very very good. But it got no sticker on it. You know what that mean, don't you?

Good afternoon, did you find everything that you were looking for today? You didn’t? Well then what’s all this stuff that you are unloading from your basket then, silly?

Lets see, Heinz beans (beep), Heinz beans (beep), budgie kernels (beep), clear nail lacquer (beep), Aero bar (beep), Aero bar (beep), Aero Bar (beep), Whats this? I think I am going to barf! You enjoy eating tongue?

S’cuse me while I page for PRICE CHECK for Saggy Baggy Adult Diapers.

Thanks Ernie - just give me a holler when you find it.

Oh, no - its no trouble at all, really, this is why we have Ernie. Dearie, you mustn’t worry, this type of thing happens all of the time. All sorts of people need all sorts of things in the world and thats why we at Uncyclopedia Mart believe in tip top customer service.

Ernie, you have the wrong FUCKING thing again!

What was that Ernie? No, you have the wrong item. Excuse me, Ernie's a bit deaf, I’ll have to use the microphone...no microphone? Deary don't you worry, they can hear it in the next store. I SAID: YOU HAVE THE WRONG FUCKING THING. I SAID PRICE CHECK FOR STAY HARD ERECTION CREAM.

There we go, just took a minute. So, do you have any coupons, love? Oh, here he comes now. Oh, thank you Ernie.

Here, what are all of you looking at? Go back to you own business - if the customer wants to buy Palsy brand Vibrator – the hand held model, Mandingo black what business is it of yours?

You'll have to pardon Ernie, he's a bit of a retard, but you know this economy...we're lucky to have found someone who has enough sense to wash his hands after he scratches his ass.

"Ernie! Oh, there you are...you know what the manager said about bringing your pitchfork in to work, don't you?"

That’ll be 25.11, Vicar. Paper or plastic?

Thank you and have a blessed day.

Oh, dear, Jimmy - the dirty old Vicar has forgotten his bag with the Enema Bag and could you run it out to his car - but keep your distance or he'll rape your creamy white ass.

Good afternoon Madam. Such a sweet lad our Jimmy. Well then, were you able to find what you were looking for today? No? Oh, you'll find cases of penicillin in back in our Jumbo Generic Department. Let just page Ernie and he'll escort you back there...

Maybe try another store...[edit]

Here we have a whiter friendlier price check.

Having trouble with that other pesky ethnocentric Price check place? We here at Uncyclopedia understand it can be difficult to assimilate the culture, racial overtones, and sexually explicit statements made by this author. Wearing adult diapers is no laughing matter, especially if you’re a priest.

Let me disabuse you of the notion that priests only like young boys working at your local supermarket. They like God a lot too. Enough to give up liking young boys? Well, let's not get carried away.

Pleasure is derived more from eating the turkey than fisting it.

While the article speaks of consuming beans, several aero bars, and something called tongue it would seem logical that Tums should also be purchased. Probably the most disturbing product mentioned is fisting butter (also known by it's popular name brand ‘Silent Duckbutter’ a product that renders every hole a fisting ready pit). While a real item, it’s not sold at Uncyclopedia Mart due to it’s overuse by the admins.