The Rock
“I have more hair than him.”
“your mon is not cool!!!!!!!”
“Oscar Wilde needs to shut his mouth, go down KnRole Boulevard, just off Jabroni Drive, and check himself directly into the Smackdown Hotel, where The Rock will be waiting to layeth the smacketh downeth on his candy ass!”
“Can you see what the Rock is cooking?”
“The hierarchy of power on Uncyclopedia is about to change.”
| |
|---|---|
 The Rock's secret torment. | |
| Born |
|
| Occupation | Actor, wrestler, self-proclaimed macho man |
| Years active | 1996-present (not counting the several times he's "retired") |
| Spouse(s) | A mountain |
| Children | 3 little rocks |
Finally, Dwayne Douglas Ho-Bag "The Rock" Johnson (born May 2, 1972) has come back to Uncyclopedia! The Rock (says he) is the most hardiest, semi-retired macho man in sports entertainment today and a terrific film actor. Among his infinite list of accomplishments, The Rock was a nine-time world wrestling champion, is currently the most quoted person by dumbass jocks who think they're clever, likes to speak about himself in the third person, and won the 2000 Royal Rumble. Most importantly, The Rock is Fred Flinstones, the "people" being the millions... *prolonged inhale*... upon millions of Rock fans. The Rock's arch rival is Vin Diesel who has bigger tits than him. When he's on the toilet, he often shouts "DO YOU SMELL! WHAT THE ROCK! IS! DOING!" Then Jim Johnston plays a gay tune about how The Rock is his lover.
Ethnicity[edit | edit source]
The Rock's race has been a major object of controversy. There have been speculations that The Rock is half-grizzly bear and half Samoan. Other sources claim the Rock is in fact half-black, half-Samoan, half-Mexican and half-Egyptian. On the set of "Scorpion King" the Rock was overheard saying "can a nigga get some water up in this bitch?!" Also on the set of "Race to Witch Mountain" when someone had spilled water on the Rock, the Rock exploded into a tirade in Spanish then preceded to body slam the perpetrator. Somehow the Rock is related to Chuck Norris, prompting the possibility of Cherokee ancestry. The Rock is accepted as "universally brown". Rumors stated that the Rock is actually Turkish, thus explaining his immortal powers. Despite being Turkish, he did not star in the 2013 film Free Birds.
Can he defeat a Grue[edit | edit source]
The Rock is one of the few people who can defeat a Grue, with others being his father Rocky Balboa, Chuck Norris, the Terminator, Jean Claude Van Dame, Charles Bronsan, Sonny Chiba, King Leonidas, El Santo, Ermac, Scorpion, Mr. T, Godzilla, Bruce Campbell, Deadpool, Samuel L. Jackson, Lobo, Louis Theroux, and King Kong. After all, a Grue cannot withstand the mighty power of The Rock's bottom. Because of this, he has earned a Nobel Peace Prize, because by killing Grues, he saves Kittens.
Laying the smacketh' down[edit | edit source]
The Rock says that The Rock (or "The BEDROCK" as said once by Vince McMahon, the craziest dickhead alive) was he is the greatest, most athletic and uncharismatic, AND I MEAN.. the most uncharismatic wrestler to have ever wrestled in wrestling. Along with his grandfather, several members of The Rock's family are current and former professional wrestlers, including The Rock's father, Rocky Balboa, his uncles, the Born To Be Wild Samoans (Afarted and Stinka Anoai), and cousins such as the late Japanese wrestler, Yokotuna (also known as E.Honda) and former tag team wrestler Riksushi. When The Rock declared The Rock's intention to join the family business to The Rock's grandfather, The Rock's grandfather agreed albeit reluctantly to train The Rock himself, warning The Rock that he would not go easy on The Rock. With help from veteran wrestler Fat Patterson, The Rock secured a tryout with the local wrestling circuit. Impressed by The Rock's talent and charisma, The Rock was nevertheless beaten frequently, due to The Rock's initial physical condition and general incompetence. But later he transformed Super Saiyan style (like they do in Dragon Ball Z)into the 3rd Rock from the Sun and started electrifying people and electrocuting jabronies like rival Stone Cold Temple Pilot Steve Austin, who liked to get layeth the smacketh up and that's the bottom line because Stone Cold Steve Austin is an asshole.
The Rock started The Rock's successful wrestling career with the WWE in 1996, under the ring name "Flint Rockhead". The Rock, within two years, secured the WWF Nohead Championship through The Rock's plethora of incomparable talent and charisma, rather than through a faked match like all other wrestling matches are.
He then called himself Rocky Mafia, then to The Rock, much like a butterfly transitions from a worm. The Rock became more abusive to the mmmmmillions... *prolonged inhale*... and millions of Rock's fans. This tactic was successful in gaining The Rock's approval amongst The Rock's mmmmmillions... *prolonged inhale*... and millions of Rock's fans. Some jabronis, maybe even like your mom, think The Rock is overly charismatic, but IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU MOM THINKS!
The Rock, during The Rock's lucrative career as the greatest wrestler of all time, feuding with some of the best in the industry (and Triple H) which include; Mr Socko, Stone Cold Temple Pilot Steve Austin, Wyclef Jean, The Scam-Rock, The Not So Incredible Hulk, Kurt Anal, Some White Fag Who Can't Rap A.K.A "Some Next Yabba Dabba Bitch!" and Mr. Doodles. They have all gone one-on-one... *waits for crowd to stop repeating what the Rock says*... with The Great One.
Signature moves[edit | edit source]
- MOVE-ing from the WWE to become a complete bitch in movies.
- Flint's Stones
- Ngeeeeee!!!
- The Rock-shooter (Not stolen from Bret Hart's Sharpshooter. Seriously!)
- Pressure Drop
- Float-over DDP
- Samoan Drop
- Pulling down his pants to reveal his quarter pounder, then he grabs a hold of the base and layeths the smacketh-down! upon his opponents anal passage way.
- The People's Elbow (where he beats some jabroni to death using Karl Marx's severed elbow.)
- The People's Eyebrow (an extremely dangerous maneuver, banned by the now PG ERA WWE)
- The People's Testicle Smasher(a running and then elbow on ya' nuts dangerous attack.Randy Orton seemed unaffected)
- The People´s Cooking (seems that The Rock likes to cook, so the attack is throwing food, but I think to smell first it to be effective)
- ""The Rock Bottom (his most famous finisher, now the status of his career, same thing happened to Brock Lesnar and Booker T for stealing his move)
The Rock and "The Pose"[edit | edit source]
The Rock's most famous pose, lifting The Rock's genitals with a clinched ****, so simple yet so meaningful. As we all know The Rock operates under two simple rules. The first being; The Rock never loses; and the second; if by a freak act of nature, an act of god, or a pie to face, The Rock actually loses, then refer the fuck back to rule one jabroni. Don't judge The Rock. In one case when The Rock was twelve, The Rock lost a game of The Rock, The Paper, The Scissors against a class mate. The Rock chose The Rock but the classmate chose The Paper; this seriously upset The Rock ending The Rock's twelve year reign undefeated in everything, including the baking of strudel pies. After this shocking event, The Rock of course raised an eyebrow and laid the smacketh down on that jabroni's candy-ass.
(Over)Acting career[edit | edit source]
The Rock aspired to be an actor for many years. Since The Rock's career interest rekindled, The Rock has submitted several unreturned scripts to various actors, hoping that they might "hook a brother up." The Rock has starred in such award-winning films as Scorpion VS Burger King, Wanking All and Doom(the review had the same title as well). The Rock wants to do a live-action version of Johnny Bravo soon. The Rock has also had a great deal of interest in hosting The Rock's own cooking program, but television producers told The Rock that The Rock would have to come up with a clever catchphrase. The Rock has had some trouble doing so. The Rock's most recent idea remains, "If you can nasal-l-l-ly detect, what The Rock... is preparing in the kitchen!" - however this is all still under development. Currently the Rock is set to star in a live-action remake of those direct-to-video Tinkerbell things that Disney used to make.
More Quotes[edit | edit source]
“I had one beer *What?* Two beers *What?* Three beers *What?* Four beers *What?* A shot of Whiskey *What?* A Margarita *What?* a Bloody Mary *What?* 17 more beers *What?* and read the Chris Benoit autobiography *What?* and then thought about it *What?* and realized I am still the toughest Son of a Bitch in the world no matter how much better The Scorpion King was than The Condemned... and that's the bottom line, because Stone Cold said So!”
“What you need to do, is shine that thing up real nice for The Rock, then take it in your fatty little fingers, turn that sum bitch sideways, and stick it straight up yo' candy ass”
“I hate that damn nigger... or wetback”
“What the Hell do you mean "how do you spell Jabroni!"?!? R-E-P-U-B-L-I-C-A-N, Jabroni! Now take that little spelling lesson, and shove it straight up your barbecue eating candy ass!”
Not to be confused with[edit | edit source]
- The Rock, a nickname for St. Mary's Correctional Facility, a minimum security prison.
- The Roc, a giant bird from Gibraltar, where they speak Gibberish.
- The Rock, a nickname for the island of Newfoundland.
- The Rock, a radio station, founded 1984 BC. It no longer exists, due to competition from newer, "electro hip hop" radio stations.
- The Rock,second year high school student from Asia
- The Rock, a nickname for a football (as in "why is the rock made out of pig-skin?")
- The Rock, a movie starring Sean Connery and Nicholas Gay-ge.
- The Rock, a song by Doctor Who.
- Da Rock, a rock in front of Grandest View College in Des Moines, Iowa.
- The Rock, a nickname for that heavy, stone-like thing outside.
- The Rock, a black man curled up in a ball at the beach.
- The Rock, a hard object that can hurt someone if you throw it at them.
- Rhizopus, a common bread mold.
- The Rock, an epic love story starring Nicholas Cage and Sean Connery.
- Louis Theroux, a similarly powerful individual.
- The Rock, an extremely impressive hard as a rock; Cock!
- The Rock, An extremely hard shit that feels like one is passing a hedgehog.
- The Artist Formerly Known as The Rock, Following some scandals involving Purple Haze and Copyright Law, this name is said never to have even existed. Not legally, anyway.
- The Rock, The conjoined testicle that nestles inside your Fathers underwear.
- The Rock, a nickname for an orange ball that black people shoot through a hoop (i.e., a basketball).
- The Rock, a solid drug substance.
- The Rock, a stone that people think are magical cure for breast cancer but those people are retards like John McCain. (Its true Cindy McCain, and if you're reading this tell John that we got it on with your mom last night. Hahaha.
- The Doc, 88 MILES PER HOUR!
- The Sock, His good friend (actually enemy) Mick Foley's counter part Mister Socko.
- Terra, the Teen Titan who is also The Rock's daughter, since she loves PIE too. Currently known for fucking Batista's son, Beast Boy.
- The Cock, Yeah, you must have a hen then.
- The Rock, "I don't really know a fucking thing. All I really know is I'm a fucking king. Lets ROCK...every body suck a cock." - Eminem (Elvis Presley Parody)
- The Rock, The name of someone else's candyass dad.
- The Rock, in my shoe.
- The Roll, an off brand wrestler from Tunisia.
See also[edit | edit source]
