ARE YOU READY FOR THE BIGGEST nWo FUCKING RIP-OFF EVER?
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. De-Generation X proudly does not bring to you, this article about the world's greatest faction that ever involved a transvestite as a bodyguard. And if you're not down with that, we got just 3 words for ya, "Suck Chyna's Dick" - De-Generation X, or better know as "D-Sexed" was a pretend terrorist organization in the WWF formed to mock the WCW Real Terrorist organization, New World Order, which was the 3rd successor of the popular Old World Order. D-Sexed reigned supreme as the best faction the world had never heard of. They were sexy, they were cool, they were funny, they were everything a 12 year old boy could want in a closet homophobic role model. They were the first group to involve a transsexual member, and the pioneer of crotch chopping their balls and yelling out two words for ya.... "that hurt" - D-Sexed reigned on the WWE universe between the years of 1996 and 2010, making them the longest drawn out story line in professional wrestling history. The group had many changes to it's dance line-up over the years, but will always be regarded now, because of the final run, that it is the group of "HBGay" Shawn Micheals, and "The Lame Game", Preperation-H who where the founders, and destroyers of the world's greatest ever attempt at cheap ratings, De-Generation XXX.
During the height of what was known as the "Crapittude" era of Professional Men's Under 40 Cuddling (AKA: Pro-Wrestling) D-Sexed would form to take the world of professional wrestling to new heights, involving such foul language as "Poopie-head" and "Bum-Bum Face" as well as make the world of wrestling seem more realistically-goofy then the old format of just plain silly-goofy. D-SeXed would form in the midst of what was known as the Monday Night Bores. The Hulk Hogan lead N.W.O was kicking the WWF's ratings and shitting all over it, so Vince McMahon would be the man with a plan, and have his degenerates unleash a world of rating boost attempts to defeat the piss weak writers of the Double-yuh Cee Double-yuh.
Faggots With An Attitude
It all began on a dark and stormy night in 1996, deep in the back of Vince's shag'n'wagon. Vince was having two of his employees blow him to have something warm in their stomachs because Vince's WWF was in financial crisis, so he couldn't afford to feed them anything else. The WWF was being shit on by the WCW in the ratings, the only way to compete, was come up with a new wave of wrestling entertainment, but what? Preparation-H, swallowed a load, and then came up with an idea that maybe it was time to come out of the closet? Vince said the plan would never work, but the next night on Raw Is A Bore Preparation-H tagged up with HBGay and admitted live on air that they where homosexuals. This infuriated Vince McMahon so badly that he did not let either of them have the meal that night. He deducted their pocket money and sent them to their rooms.
However, when the ratings came in, the WWF had gone up .01% in the ratings, so Vince figured the idea had worked, and called the boys back into his van and said, "Keep doing what you did last week" - Shawn replied with, "I dunno, my anus hasn't really recovered...." - "NOT THAT, SHAWN" Vince would interrupt, "I mean what you said on Raw last week, keep it up, the fans loved it". - During the week Prep-H met an antibioticly in-correct transvestite named Chyna while he was pumping someone down the gym. "H" liked Chyna's ability to bench press 150 pounds of steroids into her dick, so he felt she would be perfect to join the WWF. She was brought in as his bodyguard that he needed not to keep wrestlers off his ass, but to keep his ex-employees from a circus he once owned by marrying the manager to be the main star of the show, so he needed someone now to keep away those disgruntled out of workers demanding to know where there redundancy checks where?. The next week, Chyna, "H" & HBGay teamed up against the UnderpantsTaker and Mick "Holy Fuck He's Broken In Half" Mankind. The trio would lose by disqualification by ramming a fully grown elephant up the UnderpantsTaker's ass, forcing them to flee when the Taker sat up from a move that would have killed any normal man.
The following week the trio proved they could work well when they started mocking kids in the school yard and calling them names like "poopie head" and "Bum-Bum Face". They decided to try these antics out
This was the birth of D-Sexed. HBGay, Chyna and "H" were on a rampage of mocking everything the industry stood for, taking wrestling to new heights and places they never dreamed of. D-Sexed would come out to a catchy new tune they had written just for them by the Back Street Boys and would cut the music to ask the fans a simple question. "Are You Ready"? followed by, "NO, I SAID, ARE YOU READYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?" to witch the crowd replied dully with "yeah, ok". Hunter would then follow it up with, "Then, for the dozens of people in attendance and the millions tuning out at home, lettttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt's get ready to suck itttttttttttttttt" then HBGay would flop out his penis and everyone in the crowd would come into the ring and suck on HBGay's big-bazooka. This caused outrage with the FCC, saying that sort of smut talk and profanity was not allowed to be shown on a kids' program. So the following week D-Sexed had to just use the catch phrase without anyone sucking any 3 of their penis'. This especially upset Chyna as she enjoyed being sucked off a lot. HBGay and "H" would focus on a couple of titles now. HBGay was focusing on the heavy-weight championship, and "H" wanted the "Europeein'" one back. They each got what they wanted then mocked their opponents with a hurtful chant of "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nahh". - Soon the original D-sexed faction would draw nearer to an end. Wrestlefakie was coming up, and Stone Cold Temple Pilot Steve Budweiser was pissed at HBGay for stealing his lunch money, but "H" had an even bigger and badder opponent named Owen Hart who wanted to take his gold away because "H" mocked his baby sister Bret Hart, calling Bret names like "Cry Baby" and "Sookie-Sookie-La-La". "H" would be triumph that night, after Chyna freed her ballsack from her zipper, she managed to throw sand in Owen's eyes and "H" rolled him up for the victory.
However, that night HBGay's asshole was shattered by Stone Cold, and he was forced to have it sewn up, in a process of mending that left them not knowing if Shawn would ever wrestle again. So the old D-Sexed was now HBGay-less.
The HOMO Army
The following night on RAW, "H" made an announcement to the press that tho HBGay was no longer a member. He was going to make D-sexed even better than it was. He first introduced the newest member, Sex-Pac. Sex-Pac had just come from the "We Can't Wrestle" (WCW) where he was a member of the NWO (niggas with octopuses), years before he had wrestled in the WWF with "H" under the name 1, 2 maybe 3 testicles kid and got the new name from being an X-poof-pac member of the NWO. Later that night they also employed "Fag Ass Billy Bum" & "The Road Bog, Jesse Jane" (The New Age Oral-lovers) and a little Asian girl who choke slammed one of Nipple-H's disgruntled ex-employees who managed to get into the ring and Prep-H needed all the help he could get to keep them off his ass. Together this new team of barmy army degenerates took to the WWF mocking every one & everything whatever way they wanted. They used such profane manners to address and mock people like "Cakka Head" and "You Smell Bad" as well as tactics like making referees pull their finger and not tidying there room for a week. DX were running wild, and no one was going to stop them.
There most memorable moment came when they mocked the entire nation of Japan. They each dressed like Asians and took their shoelaces off and said it was a Japanese blind fold. This pissed off the entire nation of Japan and the following week a match was booked for D-sexed VS The Nation Of Japan, which D-Sexed won due to being in America and no way is a Japanese team going to get over. DX would come to halt and separate because "H" had gotten bored and wanted to go onto matches where words could be more harsh like "Crap" and be cool enough to take on Stone Cold for the title. So "H" kicked each member of the D-Sexed fashion in the balls, including Chyna, and went solo. But as a solo performer he sucked and couldn't win on his own. So he soon kissed and made up with Chyna and won his first championship, defeating Austin when Chyna blew him. "H" would have a few more feuds with Austin, and then with the Crock before deciding he wanted to be even bigger then he is, and the only way to do that, was to own the company. "H" introduced himself to Vince McMahons daughter, Shane, and forced Shane to marry him. Now legally "H" was part owner of the WWF and could do whatever he wanted. He brought his lovely wife out with him to each match and started what was known as the "Triple-H won't put anyone else over" domination. During this time he would also regroup D-Sexed to keep the still pursuing ex-circus employees off his ass.
Degenerate Lovers Tiff
2 years after Shawn had left the WWF, he returned on a house show of Raw Rims as a special announcement that he was now going to be the Commissioner for the WWF, and be large and in charge of all matches scheduled. He was welcomed in by Vince who had started his own faction up called The Dorkoration. They were the most hated faction at the time. The crowd was in shock: on one hand they were glad to see HBGay back, but on the other, he was a heel. HBGay also confronted Nipple-H who had broken his heart by not writing to him while he was recuperating after surgery, never sent him any flowers or candy, and had left him and the kids for his new lovers 'Sex-Pac', "Blow In My Ass" Billy Buns, and "The Load Sprogger" Jessie James, as well as sweet transvestite Chyna. HBK delivered a speech to Sex-Pac about warning him that nobody steals his bitches and gets away with it. HBGay then set up a match between De-Sexed and The Dorkoration several times over the next few weeks.
In a match at Christmas time, Vince was away, and left his son Gaylord McMahon in charge, where Gaylord insisted he wanted a match with Sex-Pac with no Dorkoration interference. HBGay honored that rule, by holding back the Dorkoration while Gaylord got fucked in the ass by Sex-Pac in a humiliating loss. The following week on Raw Is A Bore, Vince McMahon fired HBGay for not letting the Dorkoration come to his sons rescue. The following week, HBGay returned to confront Vince that his contract was iron clad, and he was leagally still commissioner of the WWF and told Vince that he lays down for no man, he always wants to be on top where he likes it, where he has full control of all depth and speed. Shawn also announced he had brought the Calvary with him, And De-Sexed soon appeared behind him. Later in the show Shawn was seen hugging the members of De-Sexed in a controversial moment where after he hugged them and kissed them goodnight, he left the building to go to a gay and lesbian mardi gras rally, but never made it as the Dorkoration ambushed him outside the building. Also only a second after HBgay left the building, De-Sexed were heard saying bad things about Shawn, and quoted saying, "What goes around, comes back and fucks you in the ass". HBGay recovered from the ambush, and returned a few weeks later still as WWF Commissioner, and helped get Dick Poley reinstated after he had been fired by Vince. He continued doing the role of commissioner until he was challenged by Bradshaw of the Ass-o-likes to a poker game for the contract as commissioner. Bradshaw won the match when his partner Far-Qook slipped one of Austins date rape drugs in HBGay's drink and had every wrestler on the roster come and have their way with Shawn, resulting in Bradshaw winning by a full house.
The feuds between Shawn & H made something snap inside Nip's head; he decided the best way to take on HBGay was without DX: he would show that he had what it took to be the #1 fag in the industry, and upstage Shawn. H then told sex-pac his handbags didn't match his shoes, and informed the New Age CumLords that they had some of the worst taste in interior design he had ever seen. This was enough to show that DX was about to fall apart, and soon enough Chyna had low-blowed them all in the ring, followed by Nipple-H hitting them with a Stinkagree. DX was over for now, as Nippy boy and Chyna Boy went solo to take on the big girls. "H" got his shot, and won the title; he was now the #1 fag in the business, and his ego grew so big, he even kicked Chyna in the ballsack and told him to take a hike. Nipple-H now referred to himself as the Semenballs Assassin. Hunter was not the top dog in the industry.
DX 2000(Yup, they fucking just won't go the fuck away!)
in 2000, the ratings where down for the WWF, this time being out done by Jackie Chans cooking show, "101 way to wok your dog", the group reformed in 2000 and was back together again, which was great for "H" as those damn ex employees had grown in numbers since he became champion and was listed on billing promotions. This time D-sexed where wearing high-heels and green suspenders. Also his time around, the group included H's new lover Shane McMahon and his sister inlaw Stepfanny, along with some slut Sex-Pac was dating. The group would mock and taunt everyone again and run wild until audiences just did not give a shit anymore and where more interested in Goldusts playboy shoot. "H" fired DX and kicked Shane in the cunt, and announced, "I Am the Lame Game" going solo once again to prove he is without a doubt the best champion in the business who won't allow anyone to be put over. Road Bog & Sex-Pac tried to keep the faction alive, however, it was hardly a faction now that there were only two members left, now that Prep-H didn't wanna do stand up comedy anymore, and Fag-Ass Billy had run off with his gay lover to fight for rights to allow homosexuals to be allowed to eat cheese. Road Bog was soon let go from the WWE for not being able to draw a crowed, he went and started a TV show called "how to dreadlock your pubes" on the TNA network. Sex-Pac found himself solo too, and people remembered when he is solo he is one of the most boring guys to watch since the days the WWF had a guy named "1, 2, maybe 3-testicled kid" working for them. The DX 2000 reign was over.
HBGay got the all clear to return to wrestling, and the first thing he did was demand a fight with "H". "H" said, "OK" and they went at it for about 2 and a half years. HBGay was pissed that "H" married another man, and was broken hearted about it, so the ex-lovers' tiff lasted a long time in every match known to man. During this time, the NWO would appear in the WWE and HBGay joined them. HBGay wanted "H" to be part of it, but "H" refused saying, "What the fuck? D-Sexed was a mock of the NWO, why would we join it?". "H" then ran away to another brand and called the NWO a bunch of "poopie headed dorks" on the way out. Another feud between "H" and "the NWO HBGay" was in the making, but "H" chipped a nail and was out of action for over 2 years during the time the NWO fell apart. They went at it head and shoulders, knee and toes, knees and toes, knees and toes, head and shoulders, knees and toes, until they both agreed that head & shoulders cleared dandruff better than any other brand of shampoo. During the next few months, Nip-H was drafted to Raw, and Shawn was on Smackdown, so their time apart allowed them to cool off their lovers' tiff, and reflect back on the good times they once shared, in the bed, and in the ring.
The New & Improved(?) DX
In 2004 Vince McMahon sent a group of his gay cheerleader men to bitch slap HBGay's penis after Vince was ticked off at Shawn for not returning a library book he had borrowed under Vince's name, and HBK's refusal to pay the 50 cent late fee. A week later Vince confronted Nipple-H that he too had an overdue library book, and he owed Vince a total of 75 cents, and if he did not pay it, the same thing that he did the week before to HBGay would happen to him with extra punishment for the 25 cents more than HBGays overdue fee's. Nipple-H refused to pay the late fee, and Vince sent the GaySquad to take on Preperation-H and give him an even worse punishment of a Chinese Burn on his testicles. Big Nose was winning for a while, but then the rest of the Gay Squad started to beat down Nipple-H and it looked like they might actually get to administer the devastating maneuver. Vince realized one of the Gay Squad wasn't present, and called for him to come from backstage and help his fellow fags. But the extra poof didn't show, Vince called him again, and suddenly he appeared, limp and falling to the ground at Vince's feet. Vince then saw HBGay emerge from the backstage area, and look Vince right in the eye; the penis slapping incident had not delivered the blow Vince thought it had, and soon HBGay was running down the aisle to the aid of his former lover.
Shawn and Big Nose fought off the gay Squad and celebrated their re-uniting, and the rebirth of the original lovers of D-Generation Sex. The following week Shawn and Big Nose made it official by waltzing under the WWWE spot light in the middle of the ring to the theme of 'Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairies' and despite efforts from Vince, Gaylord and the Gay Squad, De-Sexed where back in love and together again, and making a mockery of the wrestling world together again. Soon they would announce that they where getting married again for the second time. There run as D-Sexed helped bring back ratings and all that crap for the WWE.
The Last Dick Sucked
Nipple-H fell pregnant to Shawn, and was forced to take maternity leave from active duty for a few months. During this time, HBK dropped the De-Sexed thing, and went into singles competition again. Nipple-H would return 9 months later, but the two have only joined by force a few times as De-Sexed for special events when they just can't bare to be without each other anymore, as now they are solo again in 2 separate of the now 3 factions. HBGay has had many a feud now with other gay men, one of the most popular in recent years was when he was tagged up with Hulk Boner for a match they won, then turned on Hulk to take him on at the next PPV, which he lost, but stated: "I love my dear husband, but I just had to know what you tasted like"
In 2010 Shawn challenged the Underpantstaker to a match at Wrestlefakia where Taker killed Shawn with a shot gun blast to the head, instantly killing Shawn, and giving Taker enough time to get a 3 count. Shawn let down his fans, by not ending the 134-0 streak of Taker's reign at Wrestlefakia. With Taker's defeat over Shawn, he is now only 3 more wins away from Hulk Hogans record of having the most wrestlers take a dive to him at Wrestlefakia.
So D-Sexed is no more... perhaps in the future, maybe, just maybe, Preparation-H might employ some new pawns to help boost ratings with, if the WWE ever needs it? But by the look of the competition in the TNA, it won't be needed for quite some time. Road Bog and Fag Ass Billy Bum are now at Totally Shit Action wrestling, living on the support of the last few fans who remember them from their D-sexed days; X-Pac is there too, still unable to draw a decent crowd, and who gives a fuck where the rest of them are. So now, we come to the end of this article, and we can only leave it in typical D-Sexed fashion.... so, for the dozens of you reading at home, and the millions who will never read this, we just got two words for ya... "LATERS BITCH"!
One Night Stands