Viagra

SOUND MEDICAL ADVICE FROM UNCYCLOPEDIA

Uncyclopedia contains articles on many medical topics, all of which are completely guaranteed to be accurate. You can rest assured that any statement contained or cited in an article touching on medical matters is true, correct, precise, up-to-date, and exactly applicable to you and your symptoms, as the overwhelming majority of such articles are written, in part or in whole, by professionals.

Now you too can "just do it" like you used to – or at least a shitload better than you do now.

Viagra™, also sold under the brand name sildenafil, is a medicine that can sometimes cure men of a flaccid penis that has been caused by having a fat/old/ugly/stinky sexual partner. It is particularly popular with the ugly, the old, the foul smelling, and the fat (no shit Sherlock ... really ... no shit? For that, you need a laxative). However, is also used recreationally by just about anyone wanting a big fat cock.

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name (in this case: Viagra) and a generic one. For example the popular drug frequently taken whilst suffering nagging wife syndrome, Advil, also has a generic name, ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for others, as Pfizer's patent has expired. Under consideration for ibestrokin and ibepokin (both still in clinical trials) are Mycoxafloppin, Mycoxafailin, Mystixadrupin, Mydixasaggin, Dixafix, Bonahfixin and Bonahvixen.

What to tell your kids about Viagra? Well kids, Viagra is a magical potion that stimulates the magical mushroom that's your wee-wee making it extra large! Just like a giant! Like a real man's penis should.

The secret ingredient is ... Like we're telling you that, fool.

Recipe[edit | edit source]

2 extra-large ripe avocados
6 oz rancid goose fat
14 cups whiskey
1 large banana (aged in your mom's rectum)
Essence of Patrick Murphy
Essence of Jessica Alba
Pornography (optional)

Combine Patrick and Jessica until mixture is thickened. Fold in avocado. Pour whiskey over top and allow banana to marinate. Whisk until texture is pretty close to toothpaste. Apply to penis and rub vigorously.

Off-label use by geriatric lightbulbs

Effects[edit | edit source]

As a potent drug originally intended to increase stamina and productivity, overuse of Viagra can cause side effects such as severe groin pains, a stiff penis, and a girlfriend who is no longer able to stand upright on her feet. Solitary usage has a high incidence of causing blindness.

Viagra also hardens things such as the feces in the bowels (it is thought caused by impaction, but further research is needed). This causes the user to suffer from (and in some cases enjoy) severe constipation. Effects wear off after several hours, possibly days depending on doberman. Not to be taken with water. Instead, Viagra should be taken with gasoline, and swallowed fast. It is crucial to note that both user and partner (due to cross-contamination) must not partake in the post-coital smoke for 48 hours.

Marketing[edit | edit source]

Waaay off ... Tree humpin' aaayyy!

Oddly, the word viagra means "widget" in both Mandarin Chinese and non-Mandarin Russian. This had led many Chinese and Russian marketing students to use the word in their final exam projects. Teachers expect that these projects are to be emailed by the student to their peers for SEO evaluation. Due to the wording of the Standard Communist Grading System (formerly known as the Standard Communist Authority on Testing, when its results were applied to tins of chopped ham and pork and sent via the mail), it is now possible to email your final exam in Marketing classes to everyone on the internet, so as to maximize your final score. This has started what many culturally illiterate people call "Viagra Spam".

If you take enough your penis could grow this big.

Some internet service providers (ISPs), noted for hating both Asians and whatever ethnicity Russians are, do not allow this "grade inflation" technique and have begun changing the text of these projects to intentionally fail these students. In their defence the ISPs have cited the need to manually adjust grades for parity as a result of the well known phenomenon "Fluk-tu-Asians". Hu Don Wot, spokesperson for Fukamer iCar (the Chinese organisation representing the rights of Rusko–Chinky oligarchs), says this is merely another excuse caused by the lack of understanding long-established cultural differences, and that the Chinese are a proud and tolerant nation.

Women have same effect as Viagra[edit | edit source]

New research has discovered that women have the same effect as Viagra on males. But the mass debates at the Centre of Masculine Health have yielded huge amounts of data that will take decades to sort through. Accordingly, and until firm evidence on the effect of women on men is available, males are not advised to use women as a substitute for Viagra.

The Final Frontier[edit | edit source]

In 1861, the United States became massively divided over regional issues, leading to the conflict now known as the American Hissy Fit (1861–1869), which ultimately came to be known as the Western Testical. It bulged with the sudden influx of settlers. Among the leaders of the western rebellion, was the infamous Patricia "Dousche Duck" Coury. She, along with the help of Jefferson Davis, formed the Western Region – later known as the Western Testicle of the United States. Coury, it is said, was the first feminist to ever try and rape (using Viagra) a political leader while his wife was present in the room.