SOUND MEDICAL ADVICE FROM UNCYCLOPEDIA
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Viagra, also sold under the brand name sildenafil, is a medicine that can sometimes cure men of a flaccid penis that has been caused by having a fat/old/ugly/stinky sexual partner. It is particularly popular with the ugly, the old, the foul smelling, and the fat (no shit Sherlock . . . really . . . no shit? For that, you need a laxative). However, is also used recreationally by just about anyone wanting a big fat cock.
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name (in this case: Viagra) and generic name. For example, the popular drug frequently taken whilst suffering Nagging Wife Syndrome, the trade name of Advil also has a generic name of ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra, as Pfizer Corps₨ exclusive patent on Viagra™ recently expired. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin™. Also considered were Mycoxafailin™, Mystixadrupin™, Mydixasaggin™, Dixafix, Ibestrokin, Bonahfixin, Bonahvixen, and of course Ibepokin'.
What to tell your kids about Viagra? Well kids, Viagra is a magical potion that stimulates the magical mushroom that's your wee-wee making it extra large! Just like a giant! Like a real man's penis should.
- 2 extra-large ripe avocados
- Chopped nuts
- Generous pinch of coarse rubbing salt
- 6oz of rancid goose fat
- Essence of Patrick Murphy
- 14 cups of Whiskey
- 1 Large Banana (previously stored for some time in your mothers rectum).
- Essence of Jessica Alba
- Pornography (optional)
Combine Essence of Patrick and healthy dose of Alba until mixture is thickened. Fold in avocado. Pour whiskey over top and allow banana and chopped nuts to marinate. Beat mixture with whisk until the texture is pretty close to toothpaste. Apply to penis and rub vigorously. Goose fat and/or rubbing salt can be used to assist the reaction. Finally, if all else fails, view pornography.
As a potent drug originally intended to increase stamina and productivity, overuse of Viagra can cause side effects such as severe groin pains, a stiff penis, and a girlfriend who is no longer able to stand upright on her feet. Solitary usage has a high incidence of causing blindness.
Viagra also hardens things such as the feces in the bowels (it is thought caused by impaction, but further research is needed). This causes the user to suffer from (and in some cases enjoy) severe constipation. Effects wear off after several hours, possibly days depending on doberman. Not to be taken with water. Instead, Viagra should be taken with gasoline, and swallowed fast. It is crucial to note that both the user, and their partner (due to cross-contamination) must not partake in the post-coital smoke for 48 hours afterwards.
Viagra, and Chinese and Russian Marketing Colleges
Oddly, the word 'Viagra' means 'widget' in both Mandarin Chinese and non-Mandarin Russian. This had lead many Chinese and Russian marketing students to use the word in their final exam projects. Teachers expect that these projects are to be emailed by the student to their peers for SEO evaluation. Due to the wording of the Standard Communist Grading System (formerly known as the Standard Communist Authority on Testing, when its results were applied to tins of chopped ham and pork and sent via the mail), it is now possible to email your final exam in Marketing classes to everyone on the internet, so as to maximize your final score. This has started what many culturally illiterate people call 'Viagra Spam'.
Some ISPs, noted for hating both Asians, and whatever ethnicity Russians are, do not allow this 'grade inflation' technique, and have begun changing the text of these projects to intentionally fail these students. In their defence, the ISPs have cited the need to manually adjust grades for parity as a result of the well known phenomenon 'Fluk-tu-Asians'. In reply, Hu Don Wot, spokesperson for Fukamer iCar (the Chinese organisation representing the rights Rusko-Chinky oligarchs), stated this was merely another excuse caused by the lack of understanding long-established cultural differences, and that the Chinese were a proud and tolerant nation.
Women have same effect as Viagra
New research has discovered that women have the same effect as Viagra on males. But the mass debates at the Centre of Masculine Health have yielded huge amounts of data that will take decades to sort through. Accordingly, and until firm evidence on the effect of women on men is available, males are not advised to use women as a substitute for Viagra.
The Civil War: The Final Frontier
In 1861, the United States became massively divided over regional issues, leading to the conflict best known now as the American Hissy Fit (1861-1869). This was the final frontier, which ultimately came to be known as the Western Testical. It bulged with the sudden influx of settlers. Among the leaders of the western rebellion, was the infamous Patricia "Dousche Duck" Coury. She, along with the help of Jefferson Davis, formed the Western Region — later known as the Western Testicle of the United States. Coury, it is said, was the first feminist to ever try and rape (using Viagra) a political leader while his wife was present in the room.
- Salami straightener
- Boner booster
- Vitamin V
- The Blue Pill
- The Hefner
- Santa's Big Helper
- Phallic phirmer